Weekly Prompt #34: How do you conquer fear and the "All-Eyes-On-Me" feeling?
Hello all and welcome back to another discussion,
A couple of weeks ago we discussed: How open do you feel about talking about your anxiety with others? Thank you to all who participated and shared your thoughts with us. I appreciate you all. I hope all who may read it find it relatable too. If anyone hasn't shared yet, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you. Thank you to @Michelh1996 for suggesting the topic of Conquering Fear and the "All-Eyes-On-Me" Feeling and that is what I look forward to discussing and hearing you all in this discussion.
I know we have all been wrestling with that feeling of being stuck - wanting to do something new, and put ourselves out there, but being held back by a swarm of anxieties. The fear of judgment, the "all-eyes-on-me" jitters, even though we somewhere know it's probably not true. We all experience moments of feeling judged, fearful, or like everyone's watching.
This week's prompt: How do these anxieties manifest for you, and what situations trigger them most?
I would love to hear your experiences and what strategies you've used to overcome these fears. Maybe we can brainstorm some positive affirmations or ways to reframe that negative self-talk that holds us back. Please also share some success stories! Have you ever pushed through the fear and taken initiative? What did you do, and how did it feel afterward? I believe there's power in being proactive, and not letting anxieties dictate our choices. So, let's discuss and share some ways to move past and take those first steps, even when it's scary. I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences!
@ASilentObserver ooo this is a tough one. Well I still can't look people in the eyes. Mostly I think in embarrassment, of looking different. So that solves that issue😁 I never see people looking at me, so I don't get that feeling😎
@Tinywhisper11 I am sorry to hear that you have had some difficult experiences that have contributed to your anxiety. Feeling embarrassed about how others might perceive you can be really tough. It is understandable that avoiding eye contact helps you feel less anxious, but it also keeps you from connecting with others. What other ways might you feel comfortable connecting with people?
@ASilentObserver This is so hard to do, usually I try to ignore or don't pay attention to it. But it is hard not to notice the difference between me feeling comfortable in a social situation or not, and I think about that in those moments a lot as well. If I feel judged or something I get more silent, zone out and stuff like that. Or ponder on how outgoing I can be if I felt comfortable. Because when I do, I am always joking around and can be myself. I have not figured out how to get to that mindset of not caring what others think and just do my thing at all times.
@Michelh1996 I am sorry to hear you struggle with social anxiety and self-consciousness in social situations. Feeling judged and trying to meet others' expectations can cause you to become quiet and lose your sense of self. It is understandable that you long for a sense of comfort and freedom to be yourself. These challenges can be difficult to face alone. What thoughts or feelings come up for you when you experience these situations?
@ASilentObserver I often get hyper-aware of peoples words, tone of voice and non-verbal communication and jump to conclusions about it. Like are they genuine, do they care, what will they think etc...
It can cause ideas surrounding thinking that things don't matter. Like it doesn't matter if I say something or contribute to something because nobody cares or it is stupid.
Usually then it just goes downhill and to snap out of it, the situation/event has to end, so going home kinda resets it. Then I can still be a little frustrated or try to get it out, eat or try to get my mind off it some way.
@Michelh1996 I can relate and understand that you have difficulty trusting others and rely on specific behaviors to cope with difficult feelings. These coping mechanisms may or may not always work, leading to increased stress and frustration. If i can ask, how do you feel when you are unable to trust others?
@ASilentObserver Mostly alone, and dissappointed, because I feel like others do have this connection with people so I feel like I am doing something wrong. Like why can't I have that with him/her. While in reality they might be facing the same thoughts. So I guess, misunderstood might also be a good word to sum so of it up.
I can relate to that, as well. It’s very hard for me to take any interaction at face value.
@ASilentObserver
Hi, ASO,
It happens to me when I have to speak and my voice gives out on me. It makes me very self-conscious. People give me a quick look when that happens. Honestly, right now I am trying to tell myself to just do my best. These people have faults, too. They aren't perfect, and when I see their weaknesses, I can choose to be empathetic towards them.
@purpleTree4652 Thank you for sharing this insight. I appreciate it and you :)
@purpleTree4652 That sounds quite frustrating for you, purple. You are experiencing anxiety about speaking in front of others due to your voice giving out. It is understandable to feel self-conscious in those situations. But please know you trying your best and everyone has imperfections, and it's important to treat others with kindness and understanding, just as we would want them to treat us. You gt this and not alone in this.
@ASilentObserver This is a tough question:
How do these anxieties manifest for you, and what situations trigger them most?
I've had anxiety since I was 4 years old so for me I can be triggered by the smallest things: new adventures, driving somewhere new, being around new people, public speaking.
I used alcohol as a coping mechanism but after years of abuse it backfired with a DUI.
So, recently I have begun taking small steps...literally. Going outside for walks has helped. I'm not usually around people but if I am I notice that they are polite and just say hello and go on about their day. It helps reaffirm that it's all in my head.
@reservedTangerine9348 I hear you, Tangerine. Thank you for opening up and sharing with us. Anxiety can be difficult to deal with, especially when it's been present for such a long time. It is good that you're taking small steps like going for walks to help manage your anxiety. What other ways have you found to help cope with your anxiety over the years?
@ASilentObserverJournaling has also helped me over the years. To be able to take those intrusive thoughts and put them on paper helps to sort my thoughts and I can go back and see what happened in the past and see the progress I've made.
@reservedTangerine9348 I am glad journaling is helpful for you, tangerine. It makes sense that it allows you to process difficult feelings and track your progress. Keep taking your small steps and know you are not alone in this
I do a bit of a mental checklist to let myself know I've said or done nothing improper,y appearance is fine... Then I just make myself think they are waiting for me to say something like I always do that relieved the room and stimulates some thinking. Or go by what my mom says and don't personalize things and people aren't really looking at you. A former therapist would challenge my thinking by pointing out in public nobody really looks at one another more than a barely registered glance. They are looking at their phones mostly.
@ThoughtLight I hear you and understand you have anxiety about social interactions. but you seem to have developed strategies to calm yourself down, but it must still be difficult to feel worried all the time. Please know you have all of us here with you light and all your steps are counting.
@ASilentObserver thank you very much. One of the best things to do sometimes is also to just step out of the room and get some fresh air. Have some moments to yourself.
Years ago as part of my career I was occasionally interviewed on camera. It was difficult but I managed to do it until one day I had to do a piece where I was to be interviewed by puppets. This sounded like fun but when the interview started I froze solid. I could not move or speak. After 30 minutes we tried again. There was nothing usable. Ever since then I can't stand being the center of attention. My mind shuts down any time a am asked to speak even if it is in a game, lets say you get scored on how many words starting with D you can think up in 30 seconds. I might get 2.
@Gettingbettertoday That sounds really tough, gettingbetter. Being on camera and having all eyes on you must feel overwhelming. Was there something about the puppets or the setting that made you feel especially anxious?
@ASilentObserver It was not the puppets themselves that were the problem.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uIQ7eRqni8
I think it was the importance of it all. This was done for marketing which makes it worse that I could not do it. There were three puppeteers, audio and video crew that had to payed and in the end it was a waste of money and a lost opportunity.
Upside: I met Stacy Gordon the puppeteer behind Julia the autistic character on sesame street.
@Gettingbettertoday That must have been frustrating, gettingbetter. However, meeting Stacy Gordon seems like a nice upside though. How did meeting her go?
@ASilentObserver
Stacie is a real nice person. I enjoyed speaking with her.
@ASilentObserver
How do these anxieties manifest for you, and what situations trigger them most?
My anxieties mostly revolves around ppl and crowds. Many ppl (even if I know most of them) sets off my anxiety like crazy. Just the thought of talking to strangers stresses me out like ***, and gives me anxiety too. Also I get very anxious when in a bus and traveling generally.
@TheMadHatterWasHere it seems like being around people and crowds can really trigger your anxiety, themad. Also you mentioned feeling stressed about talking to strangers and that even familiar people can set off your anxiety. Would you like to share more about how this shows up for you?
@ASilentObserver Panic attacks mostly. Shaking, thoughts racing, not being able to concentrate and so on.
@TheMadHatterWasHere I am sorry to hear that, themad. That is frightening.
How do these anxieties manifest for you, and what situations trigger them most?
i have had testanxieti that as gootton worse as i get older since like idk and any test at all even one that is not technecly pass or fail i panic and espesly in math i freeze and i frget everything. my case manager(i am a sped teen) told me to try a figit toy so i will be trying that
@alysianna I totally understand how anxiety can be overwhelming and debilitating, aly. It sounds like you experience anxiety especially during tests and exams, which can be stressful. The feeling of frozen and forgetting everything seems even more challenging. Your case manager's idea of using a fidget toy might be helpful. What do you think?
@ASilentObserver Hi there - this is a complicated one!
I think that the way I deal with the 'all-eyes-on-me' feeling is that I usually like to talk to the people who I think are observing me.... this helps eliminate the feeling that I am being watched and gives me a better sense of understanding and communication so that I can relate to where my feelings are coming from. Otherwise, if there is nothing I can do about it, I will usually avoid the situation, which I know is bad, but I do not know any other way to get rid of the feeling other than grounding techniques. It always goes back to my privacy and if people are respecting it.
Ethan
@sincerePlane4053 Thank you for sharing E. I totally understand how those feelings can be overwhelming. It is understandable that talking to people helps alleviate some of that discomfort. Grounding techniques can also be helpful. Have you found any specific grounding techniques that work best for you in those moments?
@ASilentObserver i think some grounding techniques include squared breathing... which i do really like, but others includes finding things like colors in the periphery, objects, letters, or numbers. Literature is usually pretty good, but it also depends on how you think about it.
E
@sincerePlane4053 I am glad you have found some comfort in squared breathing, E.
How do these anxieties manifest for you, and what situations trigger them most?
It's been awhile but...I think my anxiety came back since I have developed agoraphobia and since I have quit smoking MJ/eating edibles. Pretty much, I avoid big crowds, I also don't go to places where I know certain people who have been abusive towards me in the past (which is the cause of my agoraphobia...someone nearly deleted my existence from this world, someone I trusted and used to love), and lastly, when I go to places alone, I'm usually playing music in my ears to stay calm or sometimes I have my (long distance) partner on the phone so it's more comforting whenever I go to places. It helps with my anxiety.
I think my anxiety will go away once I move away from this city tbh. I'm on edge a lot and fear I will get hurt or nearly deleted again. Been dealing with stalkers too who won't leave me alone...I think once I move out and live with my partner, I'll feel safer and more OK. I won't have to worry about my little one nor my safety as much with him around. I will feel more at ease, as he is my safe person.
It took me YEARS to "get over" anxiety or really...to cope with it, and I thought I was doing fine until those trauma events happened and I have reset back to square one, in constant fear and worry...
@ImpudentIncognito Thank you for sharing, impudent I understand feeling on edge and fearing potential harm can be overwhelming. The return of anxiety after quitting smoking is understandable, given the changes in your routine and I guess increased stress.
Please know it is okay to take time to cope and rebuild your sense of security after difficult experiences. We are all here with you in this and you are not alone.