Demoralising Day
I've thought twice about posting this but it will give a little bit of insight into my mindset and hopefully help someone.
When I woke about 5 this morning I had a very sharp intense burning sensation at the base of my neck and left shoulder. I knew instantly I needed to call our health service number for an emergency room referral. I was perfection calm, no panic at all a knew it was a blood clot that I'm prone to but past advice has always been never to take any chances and to be checked. Calling in advance, at least means I'm fast tracked through avoiding delays queuing at triage. The ultra scan confirmed it was a clot in a superficial vein very close to the surface of my skin, a ventilation vein and there was virtually no risk of it breaking away, travelling to significant organs and therefore no substantial risk. I didn't take my morning anticoagulants so they could put me on a LDL Heparin drop, which is more effective in reducing Thrombosis so that my immune system can break down and reabsorb the clot.
This isn't a pity post, and far from my first rodeo even on anticoagulants. I'm fine, just finished my gym session albeit reduced to an inclined walk rather than run and some residual soreness.
I've posted more as an example of why I"m struggling feeling stuck and fearful of the future, incidenta like this are likely to be more common with reduced mobility as I age. I'm hoping that talking openly about it might help others and obviously I'd love to hear from anyone that is facing similar issues.
Apologies for my typos, sent from my phone over a cappuccino 🤪🤪. Life isn't all bad 😁😁
@RunningMachine
Glad you're doing ok. Keep that sense of humor. I'll eat some chocolate now. 😉
@bindugirl
Thank you, some residual soreness, I'll live and keep being my cheeky self 😄
@RunningMachine
As I read this, I thought to myself “heck yes, what a win” and it’s because you listened to your body, you knew the signs and symptoms, no panic, did the appropriate steps and got yourself the treatment!!
I don’t know what you’re going through personally but you handled it like a rockstar. It’s a step forward
proud of you!!!!! 👏 🏆 ⭐️ 💛
@peachThinker662
My point exactly, radical acceptance in action, since joining cups I've got a name for it now 😉
@RunningMachine
yesssss 🙌
@RunningMachine
you're a warrior 😣🙌
Hi
@Isa3728
HI, welcome, happy to talk if you would like to.
@RunningMachine
Even if it were a pity post, I'm here for it.
Feel exactly as you need to.
Honesty is key.
I care and I'm sorry you had such a tough day.
I hope the pain has cleared up and you are comfortable now.
Sending you my best wishes 🩷
@Amanda84
Still some residual discomfort but not too much, Enjoing a cortado after a 2nd treadmill walk.
I posted mainly as it is my reality and they can happen at anytime. As I get older and possibly less able to manage it then the risk will just increase which is why I feel stuck and dread retirement.
@Amanda84
I did say thank you, when phone froze and had to restart message, I didn't 2nd time around 🙂
@RunningMachine
Totally fine and you are welcome 🩷
@RunningMachine
I'm getting emotional 😭🤧 that's to much go through😭💔
i wish i could hug u now 🙁
@RunningMachine
I'm so happy that you're okay and admire you for staying so calm about it! Blood clots should never be taken lightly but be examined. Glad you're taking good care of yourself!
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
@Jesusredeemedme2425
@LadyInSilence
@Amanda84
@SlappyMcGee
I'll remember to tag you all next time, my post from yesterday.
Slappy, in short to reduce risk of Thrombosis from dehydration I have to drink 2.5 -3 Ltrs of water a day, rising to 3 - 4 in the warmer summer months. Not great for sleeping !!!
My brain is exhausted and not working super well tonight… lol.
That’s a good thing, right??? It sounds scary tho :( Forgive my ignorance. It’s been a long, tiring few days…
@jesusredeemedme2425
Early on I was petrified, any muscle ache or spasm was a potential clot, and to be fair could of been. Yesterday was the 7th occasion in the past 8 years that I have had a confirmed clot but the first in 2.5 years. I've reduced the in intensity of my runs and increased my general movement levels so by in large found a balance that seems to work. I get a lot less disconfort than I did.
Psychologically I'm fine most days but can have an anxious wobble if life makes too many changes to my daily routine.
I have noticed you've been quieter than I've become used to, missed responding to your messages, gets sone rest 😁😁
Time fir me ti get up and start moving 😁😁
Wow :(
People notice when I’m gone? <3
It’s been a busy, tiring week…
@jesusredeemedme2425
Hope it isn't anything too serious and be good to see you back :)
Nothing particularly exciting. I’m just exhausted and burned out…
@RunningMachine
Hey????? no wayyy😭💔 what is even going on??? r u okay fr??? 😭
I swear when I read that my chest dropped… I literally had tears in my eyes, I'm crying 😭. I'm sry u that u had to go through something like that 😔.
but The way u described waking up at 5am with that sharp burning pain… that moment of just knowing something wasn’t right… that’s terrifying. And yet u were calm 😭 you're amazing!!
That kind of composure? that’s rare. yourrrr awesome, literally inspired me, now i can even jump from any cliff n survive 😤😣🤧
like how???? i would spiral at this point TBH but u didn’t. u picked up the phone. u handled it. u made sure u were fast-tracked. u made smart medical decisions. 😣
And what really got me… is knowing this isn’t new for u. Living with constant health risks, being prone to clots, always having that quiet "what if" in the back of ur mind… that’s exhausting. The fear abt aging, reduced mobility, incidents becoming more frequent… that’s a heavy thought to carry:(
And then… u still managed to go gym???? 😭 even if it was just an incline walk?? who does that??? That’s discipline. That’s refusing to surrender to fear.. hey????? I'm going crazy 🤧
I told u before I was gonna give u a name (you remember 😮 )… so I’m calling u WARRIOR 😭 n it fits perfectly.
U don’t post for pity. u post for perspective. u turn something scary into insight for others. That’s inspiring in the quietest, strongest way. especially for meeee 😣
I’m so proud of u. fr. lemme be ur DECIPLE master 🙌
oh please, I can't stop crying idk why 😭😭💔💔.
Shower you with my Love n Embrace 😭🤧🌸 Hug u closer to my heart..! ❤️ please take care 😭
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
If I could bottle your responses for rainy day I would, if my post has made you cry, it wasn't meant to. I'll take that tough, you may certainly call me Warrior I'll wear that name with pride and gratitude for your very presence here on Cups ia valued by so many ❤️❤️
I've grown significantly over the past 10 years and what has helped me is by initially monitoring post by other people on the Thrombosis UK forums and a couple of other related bookface groups. Countering negative stories and experiences by sharing my own experience, positivity and acquired knowledge has helped others, forming a handful of friendship I treasure. I've taken the same approach to Cups and equally feel I'm being rewarded the same way.
I might not be as flowery or have as a lighter manner full of humour but obvious compassion as @SlappyMcGee but I am sincere and simply delighted if I inspiring others by simply being myself.
@RunningMachine 😊🙌
Hey..!!! like it sounds like someone saying, i survived n im using my scars as light for others. ❤️ I mean wow 😃!!!!
Aww <3 means a lot to me. If anything I’ve shared has helped even a little, then that alone makes being here worthwhile. 🤗💕 Thank youu (◕ᴗ◕✿).
What you’ve built over the last decade is powerful:) (◠‿・)—☆ Choosing to counter fear with knowledge, negativity with balance, and isolation with connection isn’t accidental TBH, like it’s intentional growth. Not everyone has the discipline or heart to do that. You did. that's inspiring (✷‿✷) tyy for sharing this with me 💗😊.
n sincerity will always outweigh "flowery" Compassion doesn’t need decoration when it’s real ( ˘ ³˘)♥ The fact that you show up as yourself, consistently, and lift others simply by sharing your lived experience that’s impact honestly. like that’s leadership in its quietest, strongest form. (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤
If anyone deserves the title Warrior, it’s someone who turns hardship into guidance for others n it fits u (づ￣ ³￣)づ....!!!!!! ty 😊
I’m sooo grateful you’re here. Truly ❤️
Hugs u closer to my heart 🤗💕
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Thank you, I struggled a little like you in my early twenties, i had to learn letbgonoff a promising future as a professional cyclist due to the initially insidious pain in my back and hips. I struggled but did gradually accept it. It was suspected to be inherited inflammatory arthritis and it was nearly ten years later in my late twenties that an MRI scan confirmed it. Some damage has been done but I only rarely feel discomfort from it now. I was able to continue cycling and racing but on a far reduced scale, just locally soni could still a least enjoy it. I used my brief experience as a neo pro, qualified a cycling coach and then spent 20 very rewarding years coaching others. I loved seeing riders taking notice and improving.
These experiences have shaped my character and thrombosis die shake me to the core. On admission to hospital with my first pulmonary embolism I was asked i the ambulance if students could attend on arrival, there were 10 of them, it made me feel like a superstar. I had discovered mindfulness and had practised breath practices throughout my sporting life with our having a name for it, but it was mindfulness if breath that kept me alive, waiting for the ambulance, in the ambulance and until the injected anticoagulants started to ease my clot burden and breath. In a way reflecting back i was essentially practicing radical acceptance then, hence why finding it through Cups has resonated so deeply.
All my health issues are potentially linked but everday since joining cups and starting a daily gratitude exercise, first on my list is breathing. I know how valuable it is from struggling so much to do so. Talking with you, even typing this has brought tears to my ears, your warmth and loving nature shines like a star, I truly value the connection and hope I inspire you.
I'm going to get out if bed today, I'm going with my friend Emma to her psychiatrist check in with her this afternoon, a little like talking with you I feel equally honoured and just hope my friendship helps her a little.
@RunningMachine
Wow… reading ur story honestly moved me deeply. You’ve been through so much:( losing ur professional cycling dream, living with chronic illness, facing something as terrifying as a pulmonary embolism n yet u never let it harden u. U adapted. U rebuilt. U turned ur experience into purpose by coaching others n helping them grow. That takes immense strength n humility:) i don't think that ease for someone like me... ur beyond level ✨
What really touched me was how u described using ur breath to stay alive. That kind of presence in such a critical moment says so much abt ur character. like there's lot to look into it TBH like The way u’ve found meaning through mindfulness n gratitude 💗
I need to say something honestly, though. Hearing ur story inspired me in a way in never expect it to be, because it reminded me that it’s possible to keep going even when life shifts in ways we never expected. I’ve been feeling very numb with severe health issue, Chronic pain, exhaustion, insomnia n kinda tons of issues… being in an environment where I’m pushed even when I’m unwell has worn me down. Sometimes it feels like I have to survive everything alone. That’s been heavy. like no matter how much pain I'm going through or bleeding... they yell at me for those symptoms occurs 😕... bur what do i do? when nothing is on my control:(
But ur resilience made something shift in me. It reminded me that strength doesn’t mean the absence of pain but it means finding a way to move with it, even if the pace changes. U did that. U found another path when one closed. That gives me hope that maybe I can find mine too.
Ty for ur warmth n for sharing something so personal. It means more than I can explain. I truly value this connection, n I hope u know that ur story matters, it reaches people in ways u may not even realize:) ｡◕‿◕｡ n they u described me 😭 no words to express the way i felt, tysm for that ❤️
Hug u even closer to my heart 🤗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
I'm just chuffed to read this 😊
I've bookmarked the thread to remind myself when i'm feeling down, that I can inspire and make a difference 😄😄
@RunningMachine
I'm terrible with word's 😂 yet, you like it xD...!!! I'm happyy to know make u feel good 🤧😭.
Love youuuuuu 😃🌸
Millions of hugs ur way 🤗 
@RunningMachine
I’m so sorry this happened and very happy to know you are doing ok now. Wow, I love the fact you shared this. It definitely will be of benefit to many including myself. I have a high tendency of ignoring pain than to take action to make it better. It was one of the issues I had to live with pain (tolerance). I remember I fell once while cycling and my knee was hurting and bleeding. Wouldn’t want to go to have it taken carr of or looked at, thinking I might be wasting their time in the expense of other with severe cases. Had to handle it myself and bear the pain not to let others realize and be worried. Thinking about it now, all I needed to do is just have the sense of letting others support. I just never had that in life.
I actually had to read some of your lines several times to understand what you were talking about. It wasn’t just typo :p
Thank you for sharing this. It certainly means alot to me. Its not just a day. Its how it went, how you managed it and how great you were in handling it.
Don’t talk about age please. How much collagen do I need to take?!
Love you all :)
@LadyInSilence
I'm smiling reading that it helps you.
Hello ! Thanks for eventually posting it and next time don’t think twice 😉 I know how things like that can lower your mood and motivation in a second. I have different issue, we all have something and that is what makes us unique!
When we have sudden issues with health our brain acts like a fish thrown out of water, where it felt safe and content, and now feels scared and desperate surrounded by air. For me images like that work perfectly. Any time I think of things I could also have, like others, I quickly realize - it’s the air. And when I picture that endless stretch of water, something in me settles. I remember what I still have and feel grateful again.
I also have fearful thoughts about future but then realize, those thoughts are rarely true. Why not simply observe silently and with curiosity what life plans for us. Besides you do you best already
@pieceWarrior
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I'm not particularly spiritually minded although i have started softening, if you asked me a few months ago I'd never of thought I'd be doing gratitude and self compassion exercises daily so I am making progress. My health concerns for the future area reality,my intention is to work on lessening the fear factor but without loosing the healthy degree of anxiety that empowers me to mange the condition.
Great intention! Btw fear can even worsen disease by shaking nervous system and micro circulation , and yes - ideally we should turn it into light alertness) This is a big art but life is a best teacher! Glad to hear you do self compassion exercises. The irony of life - would you ever do it if not your medical condition ð¤·
@pieceWarrior
The irony of life - would you ever do it if not your medical condition ?
That's an insightful question, and impossible to answer with any degree of certainty but I fear not.
@pieceWarrior
I've recently read The Body Keeps The Core and currently reading When The Body Says No, both books have resonated with the full body/mind connection. I have an inherited autoimmune condition, Anklyosing Spondylitis. The medics have stated they don't understand the mechanism but statistically excess thrombosis is 60% higher for inflammatory arthritis patients. I'm prone to GI issues too but that could also be down to NSAIDS to help with the AS.
The body keeps the Score , nice, I also scratched the surface. Also read some books on psychosomatics and at least realized it’s not my case. Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. People live with it while close controlling of inflammation and gastric protection if taking NSAIDS. Btw stress management becomes critical for you. Stress increases inflammation. You have motivation to live in stress free zone and it’s a positive side of a coin 🙏🏽
Effortless breath and slow motion like Thai Chi is what can help
@pieceWarrior
My arthritis pain is minimal now, thrombosis risk minimised by high activity including predominantly Zone 2 running for body fat controls, run often include breath and body scans, let airbon through nose for 2, exhale through mouth for 4.
All my breath sessions are 2/4 to empathetise the parasympathetic rather than sympathetic.
You are managing it impressively well🙌 Keep going ! I also should exercise till death and it’s long stopped bothering my head. I love motion , my body and mind feels great in it. Experiment with activities- it should be playful for brain . When I’m just too lazy I stand up straight and observe my breath and body until I start feeling every joint and my contact with the ground. Then the body suggests what it wants to do.
@pieceWarrior
NSAIDS are no longer an option due to bleed risk on anticoagulants but the damage to the lining of my GI system already done, occasionally Gi, IBS like issues for past 30 years, root cause is likely to be the arthritis.
@RunningMachine. I’m having some health issues with my heart and reduced mobilty. It can be challenging at times for sure.
@adventurousBranch3786
Reduced mobility as I age is really the crux on anxiety, fitness and movement has been my life, my risk of thrombosis will rise exponentially and my peace of mind will suffer from it.
I hope you are being as proactive as you can whilst taking note of medical guidance.
@RunningMachine. Although I can’t exercise as was recommended I can follow the diet and take medications as ordered. I’m also working on learning to accept my own mortality (not easy) but trying.
@adventurousBranch3786
Now i really wants to hug u 😭 come heree ｡:ﾟ(;´∩`;)ﾟ:｡ You're not alone, we walking besides u 🌸
@adventurousBranch3786
I'm interested to know what you have tried and if it has helped at all ?
@RunningMachine I tell myself that death is a natural part of life. When I feel scared I remind myself that these feelings will pass. I had a friend who was very religious who said it helped her but that doesn’t work for me. I asked this question in 50+ . Maybe I’ll find some good ideas from others.
@adventurousBranch3786
I'm not young, but young and healthy enough not to be worried in that way yet. I hope your post triggers something that will be a comfort for you, I'm pleased to talk whenever you want to.
For me, exercise and movement is like a crutch that empowers me physically and psychologically to battle Thrombosis, my fear is losing the crutch due to loss of mobility as I age, it's why I feel stuck.
At least the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and it is talking through Cupa and the awesome responses plus increasing belief that committing to DBT therapy might be a way forward for me.
Thank you fie your response and trusting me to respond, it can't be easy for you.
@RunningMachine
how young are you?!
Ok I have nothing else to say, just that :)
@LadyInSilence
If this keeps up, and I'll be delighted if it does, you might want to consider changing your name 😁😁😁
I turned 59 in January, but I am much younger at heart. It is the reality of Thrombosis that worries me, not ages itself.
Thank you for your concern 👍👍👍
@RunningMachine
What do you think suits me best as a username?!
Young at heart! ok I hear you. You don’t have to convince me :p
I’m 45 and surley age worries me. Still moving though :)
@RunningMachine
oh I forgot to mention I turned 45 in Jan too.
@LadyInSilence
I'll reserve judgement on the name but it's a pleasure to chat with you and I'm sure @SlappyMcGee in particular won't be short of ideas ð¤ªð¤ªð¤ª
My treadmill is calling me again, I always use the same one if it's free, the regulars laugh about it ð¤ªð¤ªð¤ª
@RunningMachine
Well the regulars by now should know you are not regular in doing stuff :)
Kepp moving, enjoy the treadmill.
@adventurousBranch3786
I'm so sry to hear that 😔, hope things will soon ease up for ya (o´･_･)っ.
Warm Hugs ❤️
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9. Thank you for you kind words. I’m working on acceptance as well.
@adventurousBranch3786 🌸❤️
My pleasure ｡◕‿◕｡
That must've taken too much strength... I'm so proud u, sweetie ❤️
I wish i could hug now (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ
@adventurousBranch3786
I'm considering DBT therapy for them reasons, you have my sympathy. I'm dreading retirement, not that i want to work particularl but the active nature of my job is as good as medicine.
