I Often Wonder…
I wonder how many people would still be my friends if I stopped texting them… How many would reach out to me, remember I exist.
Not just the whole “would they reach out to me”, but who’s a friend of convenience? How many just talk to me because I’m just… there? How many would disappear into the shadows if unpursued?
How many people on 7Cups would still be my friend if I didn’t constantly serve, post, pursue?
How many friends would I have at work if I left? Maybe one?
How long must I feel alone, even at church? Unwelcome? Having people in a YA group I tried looking at me like I grew horns every time they see me in the room?
@jesusredeemedme2425 you deserve love and real ones... I know friends won't stay forever... Maybe they'll forget us, our words but the way you made them feel in difficult time matters and you've done so much to make others feel better, it's not out of friendship but the love you gave should serve its way back to you! You're an lovely person. Kiara❤️ don't ever feel ur alone someone out there felt the love you gave and maybe is living because of you and how u made them feel... through ur posts and forums... while I don't know if I should say so much because I don't really have much to say about life i haven't felt... But atleast you've made me feel like I matter when I thought I don't. it holds so much value that I think it surpases just friendship... You're a saviour 🙏🏼
sorry if I wrote something wrong I'm not in my right mind rn...
Aww you ok? <3
no...🙁
What’s wrong?
I have ptsd,complex trauma and self hatred because of the things I've seen...online and done with myself... it's not easy to explain and yesterday somethings I read here triggered me when I tried to go in depth about my feelings and past what caused it... why I did what I did... I felt horrible and confused... I didn't made the post and deleted my story... Before posting bcus something came up i tried to get them back but it made me feel even more bad... I've wrote it all down many times but yesterday when I thought of something's more clearly... It's not as simple as I thought it is... And I feel afraid to face myself in the mirror when I look back at the harm I've done... To my self and the trust of my love ones they don't know it... But I know what I've did and I'm trying to improve myself but can't help but feel sh*t.
**T.W**
Sorry if I made someone feel bad ❤️🙁
I’m here for you <3 Those emotions sound complicated and messy. I will love you through them <3
TW
they're messed up and I have promised myself to never go back to doing the worst it's been long since then... and I really want to change atleast in mentality and thoughts... but those conversations and dark media which i consumed for so long since childhood has been challenging... Specially when I'm lonely, and see triggers I'm learning to control my mind, actions and emotions but then when I again think about it... And reflect I see a psychotic teenager spreading harm and hurting himself and others... I'm trying to do better and I will because I see how much impact those harm actually has to others who've actually been through it and the trauma they suffered because of this mentality and abusive people hurts... I feel sad for the victims but looking back to the things I did back then online makes me feel like a cause to it. And I don't wanna be a psychotic adult because I reuined my teenage and childhood because of this and lost my innocence through the dark media exposure... I'm feeling sorry for everyone who's been through those and I realise now how unimaginably hard it must've been living with it. :(
I see the beauty and love you exude… Not your failures. See yourself through my eyes <3
It's not your job to keep people in your life by chasing them. If they disappear when you stop giving, that's not love, that’s convenience. You’re not the problem. You’re just surrounded by people who don’t deserve the depth you bring. Let them go. Make space. The people who truly see you, value you, and love you for you, they exist. You just haven’t met them yet. But they can’t find you if you’re still holding on to the wrong ones. Don’t settle for being tolerated when you were born to be treasured. Walk away from the "halfhearted", and you’ll make room for the "wholehearted".
And one more thing, if you’re already asking these questions, already feeling this unseen, it’s because the people around you are making you doubt your worth. That alone tells you everything. The right ones would never make you question if you matter. Therefore, better is coming, but you have to release what’s not real first.
@intellectualCherry8631 this is a fantastic response, cherry - I'm very thankful that you've said this, as it's something we all could benefit from hearimg.
@jesusredeemedme2425 I only just joined and "met" you. You are very likeable, and I am sure I would remember you. I really appreciate you making the effort. It seems like you enjoy it also, so I hope you aren't considering withdrawing.
From my perspective so many people I know get busy in life and we lose touch except for some social media connections. Honestly I don't contact a lot of people because I feel like I am bothering them, and maybe I'm not a very thoughtful person in general and introverted/shy. Much of the time they don't contact me either, but I feel that in the future it's possible that we will be able to catch back up and possibly reconnect one day when the time is right.
@jesusredeemedme2425
We love you Kiara. Sorry I haven't been responding to things I was at a camp all last week that had a no phones policy. You're my sister I have been praying for you, and I'll try to keep talking to you and do a better job 🩵
I kinda hate my life rn
same.
I’m here <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 I'd still be your friend, and I'd worry if I saw you went quiet. Sometimes my friends do that too, if I don't message them they never message me.
@jesusredeemedme2425 I would still be your friend, Kiara.
I can relate alot to this. couple months ago stop reaching out to the people in life and on cups kinda too, and nobody reach back out. and that can really feel like nobody cares, or that those friendships are fake, or not matter to them. it hurts. makes feel like a burden.
but when think about it at least for you, I dont think it means that those friendships and connections are meaningless, or that we dont care about those people, becuase when you do connect, you laugh, have good time, share good convos.
people get busy, have their own anxieties and not wanting to bother or be the one that initiates, I dont think that makes it any less of a relationship just a reflection on who that person is, if you know them well enough, our relationships are also often built on common ground, and it can be a transition that not every relationship can make if you remove that common ground of work, support, family, church, shared interests.
know that we always care about you, and have place in heart for you. people talk to you becuase care about you, becuase you are a good friend to us, and hopefully people show that support and love back to you, I think you have made such a difference in your life, and the connections that you have made matter, they have made a difference in peoples lifes and probably your own, and while those relationships might not be forever, they do matter. people are going to remember you just like you remember the people that have touched you and supported in times of need, and in times of laughter,
sending love beams your way we are here for you and hope you okie <3 reach out if need anything at all, you are not alone through any of it <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
I'd say we all do. We're all scared about not being enough, about just being a name in a list.
That's when the saying 'Quality over quantity' comes to mind to me. Having a friend doesn't just mean having someone to talk to, but someone you can trust, someone who'll be there for you, and you'll do the same for them.
And not just friends, but family as well. I've always believed that the most important family is not the one related to us by blood, but the one we choose. The people we want to be closer to.
Sometimes it's difficult to see, but there are people who care about us. And sometimes, those are the ones we think about the least.
That's why we should value them more, and be glad that there's someone who we truly matter to.
Hope you'll get better.
@jesusredeemedme2425 im sorry i havent been around. Account was deactivated cuz of some issues- but im back now
I get how you feel. Friendship is definitely a two way street but sometimes we feel like we're putting in all the effort. But the others are right- you arent so forgettable. I worried about you while Ive been away, because thats my love language: worrying xD
I hope youve been as okay as possible 🤍