Suffering Deeply 💔 I Don’t Know Where I’m Going Anymore 😔
I think I’ve reached a point where I genuinely have no idea what I’m doing with my life anymore. It feels like I’m completely caught in chaos, like everything around me is spinning and I’m trapped right in the middle without any direction. Even when something good happens or I feel a tiny bit of happiness, I immediately feel guilty... like I don’t deserve it, or like something is wrong in me for even enjoying anything.
I spend whole days lying in bed, doing nothing, staring at the walls or scrolling endlessly, and by the end of the day I feel horrible. I feel like I’m fooling myself by pretending I’m okay. My body is resting but my mind is screaming, and something in me keeps aching no matter what. I feel like nobody really understands me the way I wish they would.
My physical health is getting worse and worse. My chest pain remains. My breathing problems come and go. I’m not eating well because I honestly don’t feel like eating at all anymore, and I hate when people tell me to eat — it makes me feel even more unseen. I’m barely sleeping, maybe 2 or 3 hours, and even when I want to sleep, my mind refuses to let me. It feels like my mental health is destroying my physical health, slowly and painfully.
And every time listener tells me, “Take care of yourself,” it hits me in the worst way. It makes me feel unloved, like they’re just throwing the responsibility back at me. Because honestly, I’ve been taking care of myself alone for so long. Even when I had severe fever and couldn’t move, it was still me, by myself. So when people say that, it feels like they don’t understand how tired I am. I don’t want lectures. I want someone who genuinely cares. I’m exhausted from carrying myself alone.
Even my parents... I love them deeply, but when I try to explain myself and they make fun of me or brush it off, it hurts in places I can’t even describe. Their words stay with me longer than anyone’s. And when one of the listener tells me (i also feel he is right actually) I'm an adult, I’m childish for wanting care, it breaks something inside me. I’m scared to let people see how fragile I am because I feel judged all the time.
The loneliness is eating me alive. I keep repeating the same mistakes even though I know exactly how they will destroy me. I know the consequences, and I still fall into the same patterns, and it makes me hate myself even more. I’m starting to feel like I’m negative by nature, like something is fundamentally wrong with me. My mom often calls me a disgrace, and somewhere along the way, I began believing it. I feel disgusted with myself.
There are so many things I hate about who I’ve become — I hate being sensitive, fragile, easily hurt. I hate my inferiority complex, my weakness, the way I pretend to be happy and smiling and laughing when inside I feel like I’m slowly collapsing. I hate knowing what could make me happy but still refusing to do those things. I hate how much of a coward I feel like.
And my cats… they weren’t just pets. They were deeply connected to me. Emotional anchors. Losing them one by one, watching them die in my lap, broke something in me. So I stopped keeping pets. But recently, because I’ve been emotionally struggling again, I tried getting new cats for support. Instead of happiness, all I feel is fear. Whenever I look at them, I see my old cats in my mind. I keep thinking these ones will die too. I should feel comfort with them, but the opposite happens — I feel panic and sadness.
I honestly don’t know where I belong anymore. I don’t know what my purpose is. Nothing truly makes me happy now. I’m tired of advice, tired of people telling me things that don’t touch the pain inside me. I’m anxious, restless, confused, doing the same damage to myself again and again. I feel like a liar, a disappointment, a burden. I feel cursed sometimes, like my existence is a mistake.
I hate that I can’t cry anymore. My tears feel dry.
I feel like I’m fading inside while pretending to be alive on the outside.
I don’t recognize myself.
I just needed to put all of this somewhere.
I'm not one to talk it felt like someone was describing me but I can't even cry properly anymore but here's what I have to say embrace the pain and disgust it can't get any worst if there's someone you want to talk let it out however it comes out you deserve to be heard whether understand it or not you deserve love so don't runaway from the pain it'll make you stronger
@Nyctophiliac11 🤗🌸✨
I'm sorry for you that you feel the same.
I hear you… and thank you for saying all this. It actually hit in a real way. like you’re right....sometimes the only way is through, even when it feels unbearable. I genuinely love your words, truly. it touched me in a kind way.🤗✨
Thank you for your support and concern 😊💐
Hugs*🤗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
God bless you.
@purpleTree4652 💐🤗
Thank you so much 🌸✨ God bless you too 💞💜✨
I can't imagine how hard this must be because at some point i was there too people making fun of your pain not feeling seen or understood the loneliness slowly eating you up i hear you yes you are sensitive easily hurt fragile your weaknesses complexes and the things you don't like are all part of you i felt like that at some point that i wasn't good but you know what that's okay too i wasn't perfect i still am not and so are you and everyone else around us and that's okay we are just humans we hurt ache and cry it's hard i know you probably heard this often but it seems like you are going through deppression i was there once if you can get a therapist that's great but if you can't like me than believe me when i say it may feel like there is no light out of the tunnel sometimes it feels like there isn't but keep on holding to the hope that there is foolishly holding on i m so sorry for your cats i can't imagine how much it hurts though my words won't lessen your pain but don't feel guilty this is simply the cycle of life those cats i m sure that even at the end they were happy they had you cherish the beautiful memories you made with them the moments where they were there and never forget them it's okay to grief you can cry and journal if you want your feelings in a paper a notebook then keep it burn it or throw it it helped me pour my feelings somewhere too your new cats will bring you comfort eventually but instead of worrying that they ll leave hold them Now kiss them hug them make memories with them no one knows when they ll die your cats could outlive you who knows regardless you are allowed to grief as for sleep i d recommend drinking tea or in my case my parents would give me a magnesium supppements to help me sleep well when i m stressed to sleep i hope you get better i hope you can be better for now instead of scrolling all day and i know this is hard i m still going through this try something small each day like set a timer for 30 min or 10 write down what you feel allow yourself to feel pain sadness everything that you bottled up so far or sit down and hold your cat for a bit or take your cat and go for a short walk or sit down in an open air just small things you don't need to do a lot just 1percent each day is fine you aren't negative or wrong you are amazing for reaching out this takes incredible courage in itself if others didn't understand you then that's their failure not yours you are just someone who feels a lot and the world need people like you feel free to speak or reach out to me if you want to talk i m here this message turned out way longer than i expected i don't know if you read it all but just now you aren't cursed or a disappointment or a burden you are a human being in pain and that's okay it will get better i promise just keep on holding to this immense love you have and this bravery to reach out you ll get there sending you my love
You have no idea how much I relate to almost every word you wrote. It was like reading things about myself that i couldnt voice or didnt know how to. Honestly I dont know how to handle this either
Hey Hi 👋 @artemis2223 🙌🙌
Like Wow… I actually read every word, and it touched me more than I can explain. The way you wrote this felt so real and comforting... it didn’t feel like advice, it felt like someone genuinely seeing me. I didn’t expect your message to hit this deep, but it did.
It made me feel a little less alone, a little less “unseen,” and honestly… it brought some calm into my chest. The way you talked about pain, being human, my cats, grief, it all felt so soft and understanding. It’s rare to feel that kind of care from a stranger, but somehow your words reached me.
Thank you for taking time to something this heartfelt. It actually comforted me tonight, and I really appreciate you for that.🤗😊✨ like it mean's more then you think. 🌸
Sending lots of love towards you 🌸✨
Hugs*💗 🤗💞
Oh I'm sorry! its for @wisteria28 😅
I mentioned it wrong 😅
I m so glad my feelings reached you and made you feel less alone .I m happy my words brought you comfort and there is no need to thank me,this community helped me a lot during my recovery i m glad to be of help somehow 😊 i hope you are doing well and i wish you all the best and happiness 🩷🩷🩷🥰
Hugging you back tightly 🫂💕
Hey Jannatul Ferdous! @Ailuraphilelove8tear9
I can understand what you must be going through right now. It might feel like a never ending loop or constant emotional cycle going on within you. I think some dark memories also plays a huge role in creating the space which you're right now. And it's completely fair of you to feel the way you do right now...pain has a lot of form, but when it comes from everything- then it becomes a massive emotional fight.
You have fought it a lot and coming to this much is really appreciated. Maybe the future of getting out of all this and live a day which you have dreamed of ever- can be the motivation for you each day and each moment.
You know about the pets or people - the fear of losing is completely okay, that shows you value them. But loving in fear takes away the love from it. Thinking you'll lose them, will not be helpful while you love them.
And you know some curses act as a protection. And if you want to share anything I would listen to you again. Maybe try again to be the Quasida!
Lastly, take care of yourself and let others take care of yourself. Not saying to make you responsible for it, but more with a sense that I trust you'll and you deserve every bit of love and compassion.
💞
Hey hi! 👋@TowardsTheR8intent !!!🌸 Hope you doing well 😊💜✨
Thank you… genuinely. Reading your message felt strangely comforting,🌸 like someone actually understood the chaos I’m in. The way you put things into words made me feel seen in a way I didn’t expect. 💐
It means a lot that you saw the pain behind everything and didn’t judge it... just acknowledged it.💗 That alone made me feel a little more seen and a little less lost.😊💞
And yes… the way you talked about fear, love, and holding on really reached me.✨ Thank you for taking the time to write something this kind. I appreciate it more than you know.✨🌸
Sending lots of love ✨🌸
Hugs*🤗🌸
Actually I feel myself within you—I feel everything you said. Everything.
I feel like I’m the one who’s suffering this.
I’m super afraid to make attachments, even when I want to.
But I want to say one thing.. you’re also a child to yourself.
Don’t think otherwise. From my point of view, that’s not right—
because that’s the one thing that keeps us alive and helps us feel every little moment without pressure.
At first, I also wondered why do I crave care and love from others?
But it’s crucial, right? That’s how we’re built. That’s psychology.
So don’t be ashamed of it.
Do what you love.
I know it’s hard to find what we truly love,
but I have a way—choose one thing that sticks in your mind.
Then you’ll know whether you like it or not.
I hope this one sticks in your mind.
Be happy.
I hope we both live the life we want.
We have to create it.
Be yourself and make it happen—
because no one remembers your actions more than you.
Are you alright ?
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Hello, my friend. Thank you for opening up and sharing all of this. I can feel the weight in your words, the exhaustion, the loneliness, the ache of carrying yourself alone for so long. It takes courage to put such raw pain into writing, and that in itself shows strength, even if you don't feel it right now.
What you describe: the chaos, the guilt when happiness appears, the silence of dry tears, paints a picture of someone who has been fighting battles inside for far too long without the comfort of being truly understood. That feeling of fading inside while pretending outside… It's heartbreaking, and I want you to know you're not alone in that experience.
The way you spoke about your cats shows how deeply you love and connect with them. Losing them must have felt like losing anchors, and it makes sense that new pets bring fear instead of comfort. That doesn't mean you're broken; it means your heart remembers, and it's still healing.
You are not a disgrace, not a burden, not cursed. You are someone who feels deeply, who longs for care, and who has been hurt by being dismissed when what you needed was compassion. Sensitivity is not weakness; it's proof of humanity.
I can't take away the pain, but I can remind you: your voice matters, your story matters, and even in the chaos, there is value in you being here.
Please keep reaching out, keep sharing, and don't carry this alone.
Hey heiii 👋 @LeoInPerpetuity 🌸
Reading your words honestly made something inside me feel lighter🌸. I don’t even know how to explain it, but the way you said everything… it touched me really deeply💞✨. Your message had this softness that loosened something tight in my chest. 🕊️
Thank you ... truly😇. Your kindness and the way you phrased things gave me a bit of peace I didn’t realise I needed right now.💞💐
And honestly… it’s rare to feel understood in such a quiet, comforting way☘️. You made me feel less alone for a moment, and I’m really grateful you chose to share those words with me.
Sending lots of love 💗🌸
Hugs*🤗💜✨
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9 Hi. I understand your struggle. Its hard sometimes but I know you can get through this. Life has the potential to be so beautiful. I just want you to feel that beauty. God loves you.
@artemis2223 😊🤗
I'm really sorry you going through the same 😞
Reading your words honestly hit me too… it’s strange how someone else can describe the exact things I struggle to express. I really felt that. And yeah… I don’t fully know how to handle all of this either, but it’s a tiny bit comforting to know I’m not the only one feeling this way.💞🤗✨
Hope things will soon ease off 😊💐
Other's reply might help you i guess 😊💗
Sending lots of love and happiness 💜🌸✨
Hugs*🤗 💖