The Harm from Toxic Positivity
✨Hay you wonderfuls!✨
Today, I want to talk about toxic positivity and the harm it causes.
It’s so ingrained in society that it feels natural, and often we think we’re helping by using it.
But the truth is, it doesn’t help 🙂↔️
While optimism can be healthy, forcing positivity invalidates emotions and blocks authentic coping.
to stay upbeat no matter what.
Whilst dismissing or suppressing difficult emotions like sadness or overwhelm, even grief or anger.
😔Which is far from being healthy.
“Just stay positive”, “Everything happens for a reason”, “It will get better, don’t worry so much about it”,
“Good vibes only,” or my personal non-favorite “It could be worse”. 🙄
These may be well-intentioned, but they dismiss real feelings and can harm both others and ourselves.
🚫Toxic positivity isn’t real support🚫
🤔Why is it harmful?
🔺 It invalidates emotions, making us feel guilty or weak for having them.
🔺It blocks healthy coping, leaving us unable to process difficult emotions and work through our struggles.
It discourages us from working through them.
🔺It worsens mental health, increasing anxiety, depression, and isolation.
🔺It discourages vulnerability, leading to shallow rather than genuine connections.
🔺It replaces empathy with dismissal, leaving people unheard.
and they should just stop talking about what they’re going through.
Acknowledge struggles: Validate that emotions, both good and bad, all emotions are natural.
Use balanced optimism: Pair hope with honesty, e.g., “I’m sorry you’re struggling.
Check language: Avoid dismissive phrases; instead, say, “I hear you, this sounds difficult.”
Create space: Allow room for both joy and sorrow, it builds resilience and genuine connection.
Tl;dr: Toxic positivity is harmful because it silences real emotions, blocks healing, and isolates people. True well-being comes from embracing the full spectrum of human feelings, both light and dark.
🤔Looking at the 'Swap List' above,
💓🐑💓 Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, I hope this helps you 💓🐑💓
Many thanks to @Heather225 for encouraging me and helping me out!
✨💙✨
@AnnaSilverberg
I’m so glad you shared this. It really hits home, especially in a community like this where we all want to be supportive, but sometimes that "good vibes only" mindset does more harm than good.
You’re totally right about how toxic positivity builds a wall between people. When someone tells you to "just stay positive" while you’re going through something heavy, it doesn't actually help. It actually makes you feel more alone because it feels like your real feelings aren't allowed. It’s almost like being told you’re failing at healing just because you’re still hurting.
Healing isn't a straight line, and it’s definitely not always pretty. We need space for the anger and the sadness just as much as the happy moments. That’s what makes a community feel real and safe, instead of just a bunch of empty motivational quotes.
Thank you for being so real about this. I think a lot of people need to hear it so they can finally feel like it’s okay to just be exactly where they are. <3
It's actually toxic positivity that held me from healing for a couple of years,
it's when I was told these common phrases all the time and it really got to me.
That's why I always make sure to never use those phrases, because it brings such
feelings of isolation and loneliness, even though the other person's intentions are good.
One of the quotes in my bio is actually about healing, it says: Healing isn't linear.
And I agree with you, it's not always pretty and it's not always easy to endure either.
But with the right support and right amount of positivity (the healthy one), we can have hope.
✨💙✨
@AnnaSilverberg This is so affirming to read, thank you. What is painful for me is knowing that people think they're being helpful, and so I feel obliged to thank them for what ultimately is hurting me. I exit the conversation early, choosing to go quiet instead, continuing feeling lonely and misunderstood. When I have tried to gently tell people it's not helpful, they end up getting defensive and angry with me instead, so it just seems not worth it. I don't end up getting what I need, and instead end up with a new layer of drama to deal with. I don't want to feel ungrateful or too negative. I just feel too different.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
this happens me to understand lot how feels 😞😞
@theboymoana I’m sorry you’ve been through that too, sweetheart. I hope your feelings and experiences receive validation here. You are worth so much just being yourself. ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing 💓
I'm really sorry to hear how this has affected you,
it truly is painful to know how others do have good intentions
but are honestly just ending up causing more harm than good.
It's okay to feel upset by this, it's okay to feel like this isn't helping,
your emotions, thoughts and feelings are all absolutely valid 💓
I truly hope that you'll find the right people, who aren't using toxic positivity,
who are willing to hear you out and be there for you.
Know that you have us at Cups here, we are here for you.
✨💙✨
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Being honest with yourself and the listener, expressing that what's taking place is not actively helping, etc is not you being unappreciative or ungrateful. That's simply you being open and saying that you seek more out of this. While it is sweet that you thank the listener for their time, please never feel like you have to just settle. You do deserve adequate support. Support that you can find fulfilling. Obviously, a listener can only provide so much and it helps being receptive. I appreciate your bravery that you can express that you need more. After all, you deserve it. I read your comment here and reflect-- because I think if I was on the member side, I would likely respond similar to you. Look at member-listener connections in a way that it takes time, patience, respect, and understanding. Everyone has different personalities and how they deliver a message. Find one that works for you. I believe everything is about give and take on here. I wish you all the happiness, love, and support you deserve and may God continue to give you strength 💪 and bless you. ❤️
@YourCaringConfidant 🥰 You’re so kind, thank you! When I wrote this, I was thinking of people in my past off the internet. I had one bad listener experience here, but it wasn’t a toxic positivity issue. I was thinking of in-laws who were annoyed with me. But I wanted to be accepted into that family, so I felt compelled to thank them even though I felt hurt. Now so many years later, I’ve learned the differences. I’m still not too good with asserting myself, but maybe someday. 😂 I’m better at least with knowing when people are being genuine or not and not blaming myself as much.
Thank you, Desiree. ❤️❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas 💗💗💗
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I know what you mean, people generally expect of me emotions i cannot give especially when i am in pain. Unfortunately, you cannot expect them to change, the only thing you can do is to talk to people or surround yourself with people who don't expect anything from you.
@AnnaSilverberg
Vitally important 💚🤗
What a breath of fresh air. Thank you so much for naming this and bringing a bit of balance ❤️
I hope that this helps many realize how much we can change,
not only in the way we support others, but ourselves as well.
✨💙✨
@AnnaSilverberg Thank you sooo much for this posting! I agree with much of the information here. According to the post, I am definitely guilty of toxic positivity... but not intentionally. I 100% wholeheartedly believe within me that "everything happens for a reason". This I will always believe. It's in no way to be dismissive of feelings or anything like that. It's just simply because I believe there's a purpose for all we go through. Every circumstance, situation, every feeling, etc... it all contributes to my doing and being. 😀 I guess I'll be guilty of toxic positivity in that sense. Lol. Aside from that, I definitely appreciated reading the alternative statements. 😀 Thanks for the time you took to make this post to shed light on this. We can all definitely benefit from this. ❤️
@YourCaringConfidant
what you think is reason me be molested by older cousin for 10 years ?
@theboymoana I'm sorry you're hurting. You definitely did not deserve that. ♡ Nobody does. But please, don't take what I said the wrong way. I expressed that I believe everything, good and bad, that happened to me in life contributed to who and what makes Desiree who she is. It's me believing that there is a reason for it. It's me having to believe that because of certain pains that I can use it to draw closer to my God. I understand not everyone does believe in a God and that's ok, but I do and I have to believe in something and that there is a reason for mine. But again, @theboymoana, it is never my intentions to dismiss others' feelings. I'm sorry if you took what I said the wrong way. I speak for me only. I do hope that you are able to one day find peace, healing, and forgiveness in your heart. I hope you have a day filled with love and many blessings. Take care.
@YourCaringConfidant
I am thrilled that you have a philosophy and approach to life that works for you. I'm so glad when people do. Please try to recognize, though, that universal language like "every" or "all" or "we" does not leave room for other people's experiences. It would be better to express what is true for you for you, as in "every experience in *my* life."
Some people experience soul-scraping misery that they can't control or you might not relate to. I am glad if you don't. I wouldn't wish that kind of suffering on anyone. But please recognize it if you can't and leave space for it. If a chat is one that's not a good match for what you can offer, that's ok. Just please gently say that and try to refer someone to another listener.
@JustSophia Thank you for taking the time to respond to my comment. I appreciate your thoughts and input. I thought with my wording that it was clear I was talking about me, my doing, my being as a result of things that took place in my life. Hence, why I am the Desiree I am. 😀 I am not too sure where the chat aspect came into place, but I totally side with you! I agree. I assure you, I'm at the point in life where I can recognize if I'm not suitable to take on a chat or can't handle it. I gladly can admit if I am not the best one and I don't pretend to. I do recognize my strengths and weaknesses and know where I fall short. Take our amazing listeners here that deal and interact with the teens on the daily. It takes a super special person to be able to understand their mindset and know how to handle it. I'm aware that this is something I could never be able to do as their brains are still developing and maturing. Anyway, I'm thanking you again for your time to respond to me. Have a great day. 😀
@YourCaringConfidant I thought it was really important to reply to your post tonight. I wrote in a separate response here about how toxic positivity from others has affected me in a negative way at times. However, like you, I have also thought things to myself like “I value what I have learned from this”, “This is really difficult but I feel stronger in a strange way”, and similar things. I think there is absolutely a difference between saying this to oneself, vs saying it to others. You have stated that these are thoughts that have helped you in your life, and I value that so much. The same spirit that this thread was presented, no one should be invalidating what helps you either. You don’t have to explain or justify what you think; you have very eloquently shared your personal expenses. I have been through all kinds of horrible things —- some I cannot see the purpose, others I can feel forgiveness and grace even where others have told me I should hate. Life is too nuanced. We all cope the best we can as works best for us individually. No one has the right to tell another what’s best for them. I don’t know you super well, but I know your name seeing around here, and even before this thread I equated your name with a kind and gentle soul. You are beautiful. Thank you for your honest thoughts and the support I see you offer so many here. Lots of love to you. ❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas You've no idea how reading your response has touched my heart way deep within. Thank you for that and your words. You're so exactly right! The beauty is that we all have a right to think and feel as we wish. We all have free will. At the end of the day, we all have a story. We've all gone through things and it may or may not be the reason-- but we were all brought here. I appreciate every thing you said and I need you to know that you have brightened my entire day. Thank you from my the bottom of my heart. ❤️ I'm sending all that love back your way and I hope you feel every bit of it! 🤗 Xoxo.
@YourCaringConfidant You’re very welcome! I’m so glad it helped. 😊 I think these kinds of conversations are really important. And posts like yours really stick out to me, because I think it’s cool when people can reflect on themselves and consider different points of view. And like I said, I’ve seen enough posts from you to others to view you as a validating and supportive presence. We try to help others with what helps us, while still honoring their feelings. It’s very different than telling someone they’re too sensitive or just be happy. Your reply has also made my day! ❤️ I was having a tough one yesterday.
@annasuverberg Thank you for this message. I appreciate that I can experience emotions without as much judgement here many times. I question how an extremely empathetic person is supposed to handle seeing emotions that maybe are internalized. Do you have any insight?
@AnnaSilverberg I love this. In any event I had done somethin’ years ago that may or may not be similar..I had been abused a number of years by my ex. One thing he would say is he would use psycology to get into a persons head to see how they think. Well years later I started a day treatment program when one day He and I were walking and somethin’ made me suspicious that a fight was About to break out. I had no idea how to use psychology but rather than argue back. He would start with a comment I turned it around by sayin’ gee isnt today a nice day. The sun is out etc. I went through maybe 5 comments after his comments. Maybe after 5 minutes somethin’ happened. He got quiet and from that day on it seemed his attitude towards me was different we no longer got into arguments regardless of what we individually went through for the week. He would come visit and it was like we were friends for years.
@AnnaSilverberg
I really like this post. It's realistic and grounding message. I hope to read more posts like that without links, sending to other pages and articles. Simple, short and really good for newbies, beginners.
Thank you very much Anna.
@AnnaSilverberg
Finally someone said it. Thank you.
@AnnaSilverberg
nahoa know this be Anna post before even see it !
Hate hate hate toxic positivity !! Make so angry when people say everything happen for reason because make me feel like deserve everything went through
and hate hate hate hate hate hate people say
It make you stronger
didn’t make stronger make traumatized and broken and hopeless
just hate it toxic positivity one my biggest triggers
