Grudges: When is it time to let go of a grudge?
A grudge is "a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury." Often we hold on to negative feelings or beliefs about people or specific situations because they caused us pain. Reflecting on these grudges & possibly opening ourselves up to release them can be helpful.
In this thread, share your stories about holding grudges. What have you learned? Have you let go of a grudge? What did that feel like?
General thoughts about grudges are also welcome!
when you're ready. to forgive is to take time, it doesn't happen in a minute. i hold grudge against a bully and i was able to forgive her 2 years later. don't ever force yourself to forgive. just let it go with the flow.
I have/ had held a grudge over major issues with the sorry excuse I had for a dad. I don't know if I will ever really let it go in my deepest heart of hearts. I've made a lot of progress though. It went from leaving home at 17 not seeing him for over a year when he made a scene at my wedding, that was stage one. (Stage 2)Then I'd ignore him as if he wasn't in the room. Avoid eye contact or even looking in his general direction. (Stage 3) I didn't see him or my mum for almost the entire first year of my 2nd child's life because of an imaginary problem they created. (Stage four) He "apologized" (not actually taking any blame just saying he was sorry for the way life turned out) in a card so he could come to my kids birthday party. I tolerated him for family peace because everyone was blaming me for our dysfunctional family. (Stage 5) I am finally able to make eye contact and speak to him without it being hostile. Which is HUGE for me. I am proud of myself for trying to let it go and move on, even though I didn't get closure.
@Cheshire94
Thumbs upp to u beautiful. Hard to live by those family issues. My suggestion would be to confront him and have a long and sincere conversation about everything he's done and made u feel. I promise life would have a new start with more joy in it once u will have that meaningful conversation with him. Family love and well being is very important into one's life I can assure u : and lets face it : no matter how much u can convince urself that u dont need him etc.. Would be just a lie!!! U shouldnt do it because people say u have problems with him: u should do it for urself and ur kids because trust me u need his love and ur kids need to feel, experience and see that love , otherwise things wont be much normal.. Good luck to u , wish u all the happiness in ur life as well as ur kids'
PS: i promise it will all go back the same , take much care and love for ur kids 😘👍
@Mizou
I've confronted him before but he denies it all. And makes it all mine and my mum's fault.
My past is the most for me right now. Especially with my previous breakup. Everytime I feel like I can get over it, I relapsed by calling him to yell at him or texting him angrily. I feel as though it takes a lot of time for someone to get rid of hatred. But you have to be willing to let go of it because it is just going to hurt you at the end.
I'm far from perfect and I make this statement as someone who needs to do better in this regard however perhaps my story will help someone.
It was maybe 12 years ago now that my father passed away at Christmas. My mother didn't take it well as One would expect A couple of months after Christmas was her birthday. My brother, who lived only 2 miles from her house, never phoned her or visited her. They'd had a disagreement and he was holding a grudge. She passed away two months later with him having not spoken to her for three months due to that same grudge.
The lesson that I learned from this is that grudges hold no value in life when you really break them down to their most basic elements. However those that we hold our grudges against do hold value to us - as friends, as family. Just let it go and move forward.
Its time to forgive my x for the abuse..he passed away Saturday
@sweetness39 hi my name is jon i have autism depression very lonely can we be friends
Hi @sweetness39
If you can find it in your heart to forgive him them that's great but if you can't, and many couldn't, then maybe you could
find closure at last, hopefully, that will give you some inner peace.
Always here
Lucy
Over 10 years ago a guy i thought was my friend physically attacked me at my house kicked me in the nuts rammed plank of wood in ny stomach a few times very upset and hurt by that i know i should let go of the hate as so many years ago but i cant and i still hold a grudge against him
I recently let go of a grudge.. It was hard and I honestly didn't know I was so hurt till he came back 6 years later. We talked, finally hung out one night.. And we talked about how he just disappeared the first time and I had loved him... How I still loved him... I cried in his arms.. He held me and told me that he was sorry. Thinking about it now.. I'm happy that we had that time apart because we grew up.
I dont like to host grudges. it is bad for my health
When you realize how much you love someone. You learn to let go of the past and understand that no one is perfect. Loving yourself is most important so take your time to get to know you and forgive yourself before you can forgice others.
I never did like the concept that grudges hold you back. The truth is, if anything anger has fueled me more than any other means. Of course, I can understand that in certain sitautions it could indeed keep you stagnat and in a negative space. Some people just don't deserve to be forgiven, and that's just a fact.
The only real "grudge" I still hold to this day, is my immense hate for an ex, who was abusive [I'll spare the details.] Time has passed, feelings of rage have softened but he will never be redeemable. I just don't care anymore. His existance means nothing to me. This is the closest thing to hate for me. I'm just a big softie and have and still forgive so easiliy [I'm working on that!] Me /hating/ him doesn't hault my life. The bit of anger and rage that's still there doesn't harm my present self. So, I'm fine...I guess? Lol! Guess this grudge gets to keep existing.
@doeji I Really do feel your pain. Sending invisible e-hugs :)
@dynamicBalloon960 ahh thank you!!!! i can never get enough e-hugs <3
