Jealousy but make it Motivational!
Hi everyone,
I feel a lot of us try to hide feeling jealous/ envious of others or simply find it easier to dismiss jealousy as an emotion, probably because we are conditioned to think of it as something "negative" or something that can make us seem like a negative person?
There's some truth to it, I think because I too find it a difficult emotion to accept for similar reasons but I'm thinking, what if we try to look at a negative emotion through a positive light?
A listener friend here told me that there's no need to label our emotions as good or bad, they simply are emotions and each of them is valid, and I agree with them but I know it is difficult to prevent our brain from constantly categorizing emotions as good or bad, hence why using the word negative before this emotion here, I don't want to encourage jealousy or envy as an emotion because I know it is an exhausting one, just wanted to try and see if a positive spin could help us become more accepting of ourselves and others, as well as to encourage us to keep doing better!
Because I've realised that we usually feel envious/ jealous of something we lack or and would like to have. But if we use it as a motivating factor instead of something to put us down or feel inferior from others, or lose friendships and good relationships over it, then what could be better lol!
So if you like to reflect on this too, please answer the following:
1.What are some things that make you feel jealous/ envious of others? (You may have someone specific in mind while typing your answer and it's okay)
2.Would you like to have it in your life as well?
3.How would it impact your life?
4.What three things can you do to be closer to this goal?
Remember there's no judgement here. You are allowed to experience all emotions and feel as you do.💜
Really looking forward to hear from everyone
@Optimisticempath
How interesting! Admittedly, I found myself feeling a bit jealous today. Or more so, comparing my achievements to theirs.
I think reframing how we view jealousy is a fantastic idea! Especially, as a motivational approach!
Question 1: As stated above, comparing my achievements/success to theirs.
Question 2: Yes, I think striving for achievements and having goals is great :)
Question 3: It would improve lots of things but specially my mental health.
Question 4: Set goals, be consistent, work hard!
Thanks for the lovely and reflective post Optimistice! 💛💫
@innateJoy9602 You are always really kind, I appreciate you Joy.💛
I can relate with you too seeing others who are in same field as us do better can be mentally exhausting, the comparison certainly sinks in and so does envy!
SO glad you found this a reflective exercise, your 3 steps to work towards your goals and eventually better your mental health sound awesome 💛 Wishing you the best always
I too recently met the idea that jealousy can be used as a force for positive change so I'm pleased to have this chance to explore the idea more.
1.What are some things that make you feel jealous of others? (You may have someone specific in mind while typing your answer and it's okay)
I'm jealous of those who are secure, positive and carefree and confident.
2.Would you like to have it in your life as well?
Yes, I want to be more like these people.
3.How would it impact your life?
The removal of doubt, insecurity and anxiety would free me to better enjoy life.
4.What three things can you do to be closer to this goal?
Talk about it. Talking about what I want makes it more concrete.
Make time to think about it. My wants are valid and deserve time devoted to them.
Practice. Practice makes perfect.
I'm going to be greedy and add a fourth: Self validate. Make time to notice when I've tried, to be proud of trying, regardless of the success of the attempt.
Thanks for the space and opportunity for reflection you created. It lifted me up.
@Clio9876 tbh your reply lifted me up, thankyou for being so appreciative and supportive of this idea , I am really happy it gave you space to reflect 🌸
Having a carefree, more happy and secure life would be amazing, specially without the anxiety and self-doubt, I love the ways you listed to work on these factors and be more carefree, less anxious, more happy and secure in yourself and life, and you're welcome to be greedy for yourself haha I loved it self validation is really important, specially against all the negative self talk and gaslighting ... I'm really proud of you ! You deserve to appreciate your efforts and persistence ❤
much love to you!
This reminds me of the Simpson's quote:
❝I'm not jealous, I'm envious. Jealousy is when you worry someone will take what you have. Envy is wanting what someone else has. What I feel is envy.❞ - Homer Simpson
Link to quote: https://youtu.be/Tmx1jpqv3RA
The only time I've ever experienced jealously, was when my son ignored me COMPLETELY when he saw his father -- but he sees me more than his dad, so I let it go. It's an irrational feeling sometimes...
Otherwise, I'm envious of other people.
What are some things that make you feel j̶e̶a̶l̶o̶u̶s̶ envious of others?
I'm envious of others who have a stable life, a nice place to live, and a safe car. I lost everything and had to start over. I'm also envious of the bachelor(ette) lifestyle sometimes...I wanted to be single, child free, and become a nomad/traveller for the rest of my life, but the opposite happened. I'm fine with being a parent, but it's hard being a single parent...I don't mind having a significant other now, however... I'm a little burnt out from dating. Whatever happens, happens. I'm not going to try to hard or push it.
② Would you like to have it in your life as well?
Yes. Yes, I would like to have a nice place to live and a safe car.
③ How would it impact your life?
I would be able to cook in the house again, where I live at(relatives house), it's too gross to cook here. I'm tired of cleaning, because the next day it gets trashed. I eat a LOT of take out because I don't have a choice, and I'm getting physically ill from it... A nicer car too, I've been getting cheap cars that "run", but there's SO many small issues that add up and cost too much and it's annoying to fix it on my own sometimes, because I need time to do it, and it's always SO FRIGGIN hot outside!!! I want to just save money for a nice (safe) place to live and a nice (safe) car to drive. I don't live in a safe area, and i worry for my son...
④ What three things can you do to be closer to this goal?
Save money, stop wasting it on unnecessary stuff(ex. Stop at a gas station? Guess it's time to buy a bunch of unnecessary food & drinks), and keep working hard at work with OT....I can afford a place, but my eviction is holding me back. I have to pay it off THEN get it expunged from my record...
Those are my main source of envy. I just want to have what I use too, and I'm envious of others who have it and don't even CARE. It's frustrating...
@ImpudentIncognito thanks for pointing that out I love the quote, tbh while typing this I thought of similar also but went forward with jealousy, after your reply I added envy as well, whatever works for everyone :)
So much on your plate, I'm truly sorry you're struggling in multiple spaces, it is valid to feel envious of your past self that had stuff your current self doesn't and others that have it but dont seem to care , I get why it would be frustrating to see someone taking things for granted that we only wish we could have :(
it is nice to see you have some possible options to consider to help your situation at this time, it might not seem enough but I feel you're trying really hard and are committed to providing a safer home and life to your son and yourself and I'm really hoping for all things great for you. Good wishes ❤
Hi @Optimisticempath, I'm a huge fan of the old Simpsons, and your post reminded me of this quote. Sorry for being too technical... 😅But I have experienced being both jealous and envious. I was jealous of my brothers quite a lot during my childhood. I was the scapegoat/black sheep. My oldest brother was the "Golden Child", the second oldest was the "Mascot" and the youngest was the "Lost Child". There's terms for the children of NPD parents/children of dysfunctional parents. Here's a link: https://randifine.com/roles-of-children-in-narcissistic-families/
Thank you for the good wishes! I'm glad I'm able to change the situation, it's just...a tedious task, I'm bring impatient, lol. It'll just take some time...
Take care friend!
There is no positive envy [in my opinion]. No one will just stand and look while you take their place. Nothing positive except for you.
[edited for generalizations and unsupportive behavior]
@helloCranberry5684 I believe you're missing the point, it has absolutely nothing to do with being selfish. Envy can inspire people to work harder to achieve what they want.
@helloCranverry5684,,
Not sure if this comment is directed towards me, but it sounds like it may be.
"There is no positive envy."
Envy can also be a source of motivation to work harder.
At least, for me I have been pushing myself to work harder to get to where I used to be.
"No one will stand and look while you take their place. Nothing positive except for you."
Who said someone will stand and look while I take their place? That's not what envy means at all. Envy is when you want what someone has. That's literally it. Nothing more.
[removed quoted sections that were edited in the above post too]
There are always people in the world that have things that you don't and vice versa. Oprah Winfrey has billions of dollars, and I don't. I have a kid, she doesn't.
Everyone feels negative emotions, you can't tell people to just "stop being depressed" or "stop being angry", it doesn't work that way and usually does the opposite.
As for the selfishness, isn't it selfish to tell people how to feel and act as though you know what's better for them when you don't know them? The point of 7Cups is to receive support.
I'm sorry you felt the need to tell people to "stop being selfish". If you're going through a tough time, perhaps use the resources here on 7Cups, there are plenty of listeners, therapists, and sharing circles. If that doesn't work for you, there are other places to vent.
Have a good day.
@Optimisticempath Such a deep and meaningful message dear. Jealousy doesn't benefit neither side and it's indeed a terrible feeling to experience and to drag others down too. It takes a lot of personal insight, work and effort but at the end of the day we should learn how to love ourselves. Jealousy will go away as well. Appreciate yourselves cause at the end of the day its all that we have! Thank you for the great post ❤️
@calmDew1576 Thanks for reading and your kind words ❤
Removed all the posts engaging in conflict / further taking the conversation nowhere. Some of them were respectful and within guidelines and I apologize for removing those but we do not need unsupportive content, generalizations that are disrespectful, assuming things about people using derogatory language or anything as such outside the guidelines.
@helloCranberry5684 @mytwistedsoul @ImpudentIncognito
@theriverissinging Sorry River and Thank you
@Optimisticempath I'd like to say I'm sorry to you too
Same.... I'm sorry @Optimisticempath. I ended up spamming your thread by responding back to the negativity. But also thank you @mytwistedsoul for standing up for my forum friend and the community.
@ImpudentIncognito No thank you needed but you're welcome. @Optimisticempath has allways been so nice and kind to me and so many others they talk with
@mytwistedsoul You are the best, Soul! 🥺 I appreciate you more than you know , just a big thank you for being you and for caring for me! Thanks for everything 🥺❤
There's many kinds of people in this world, a kind we all witnessed right in this thread too lol but then there's also people like you who overpower all other kinds with their kindness and compassion, I wish more people were like you And I am also grateful that I know someone like you ❤
*biggest hugs 🤗🤗🤗
@ImpudentIncognito @mytwistedsoul
Lucky for me I am seeing this only now 😅 and the only thing that's more shining here is how you both showed your care in this thread, so thankyou for that and no apologies necessary ❤ ❤ ❤
Thanks to @theriverissinging also for being their amazing self always and keeping this a supportive space for the rest of us that are trying hard lol 💕💕
Hello river, thank you for assisting and apologies for feeding into the negativity. I should've just stopped after the conversation became unconstructive.
- giving someone else more energy. when they get closer to someone else.
- idk
- idk
@asthv1120
It really sucks to see people once close to us becoming closer to someone else , i get why that'll make you feel envious and would like the time and attention to yourself!
If this is a recent situation where someone you know is getting close to another person , how do you feel about communicating your feelings to them?
Thanks for sharing this I find it super beneficial
I guess I feel jealous of those who have what I long for, especially when it is almost effortless and of not as much importance/significance for the and in turn they are somewhat taking it for granted.
Having said the above, yes I want what others have in my life or for my life as well including beauty, fitness, charm and milestone achievements
What i am jealous or envious of I am in belief would change and impact my life by bringing xontentment, fulfillment and happiness
I can be closer to by goal by
-starting to become a better version of myself; happier and healthier
-set smaller and realistic goals for self not dependent on that of others to achieve
-find love for self
Thankyou so much for replying, after what went above your reply haha this makes me feel so good that there's still people out there who many find it beneficial or atleast be willing to see things in a different perspective that wouldn't hurt them or anyone else in anyway @tornwillow, you and a few others here encourage me so much for real, and I can only be grateful to your thoughtfulness 🥺 ❤
Yes it is mentioned before too that it certainly hurts when others have what we don't and they don't seem to care about it / take it for granted, it really seems unfair :(
I love what you said about wanting different things in life and the impact being you feeling more fulfilled, healthy, content and happy, , what really stood out were your three ways to work around this situation and provide yourself what you need/ could make you feel better ❤
Setting small goals for yourself to feel happier, healthier and more content, trying to love yourself and not having to depends on others for achieving these sound amazing!
I'm really happy to see how you're able to reflect on what you need at this time and I wish you all the best as you try and achieve your goals , one step at a time 🤗
Can I say you also completed a step right here by replying to this thread reflecting on the questions and acknowledging your needs , I'm so proud of you!
@Optimisticempath
@Optimisticempath
@goldenWriter3219 hey would you like to answer the questions or reply to the post? :)