What Do You Do When You Feel Hurt By Your Spouse?
Good Morning To Our Relationship & Friendship Family!
Hello everyone! I hope you are having a lovely day so far. Please feel free to answer the following:
*What do you do when you feel hurt by your spouse?
Stay Beautiful My Friends!
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@PeppermintStar0912
Whenever my fiancee hurts me, it becomes difficult for me to hide it from him as I cannot pretend to be normal when I am not. Meaning, it is not possible for me to keep talking to that specific person who has hurt me. I am a loquacious person so he automatically comes to know that I am hurt when I don't talk at all.
I avoid talking/interacting with people by isolating myself when I am hurt otherwise I end up doing/saying things I regret later.
I prefer being alone by going for a walk, exercising, watching some web-series in order to divert my mind.
@lyricalAngel70 I don't know what to do other than crying
@dynamicHouse2919
I am extremely sorry, why is that? Would you like to talk about it? Please do not hesitate to PM me. Take care. ❤
@PeppermintStar0912 I usually just tell him up-front how he made me feel.
When I feel hurt by my spouse, I try to keep my emotions in check and I use
@PeppermintStar0912 - At such a time when I have a spouse, fiance, or even person I'm considering as a potential mate (AKA boyfriend) ... when I have a relationship like that, feel free to ask me again. 
@barncat @moj @kindday4067 - I miss you so much! I miss our people, Moj. and what is happening to 7cups! @tunasmom and flip too (@Heather225)
@cyanPlatypus6370- morning greetings to you. I took some time off 7 cups- but really missed the connections. Hope you are well- been binging on "its me or the dog" program.
@barncat - Hello sweet friend. Well, me, I ... I for one, I am glad you've returned :) I get the 'whoa, I just need some time away from 7cups' too. Yet, while I miss my friends from "before" like @moj @Laura @rocketsmom @Kate -llamaKate ... I do miss them lots! I think if I needed to be gone for a week or more, there are people here again (like ... @barncat <3 ) that I would miss. I'm unsure if they would miss me, but that's another story.
Dad and I are waiting for the insurance's 3rd party to return to us what the value of my car is currently. I was in an accident? There was an accident that my car was involved in. Yeah. But "all that happened" was that I hit a deer :( The doe was not very big, but I'm rather concerned that I killed her. (Sad Platy) Yeah yeah I know we have lots of deer around here. But if she had little one(s), it will make a big difference to them. I am hard on me, I know. But I just love animals so very much! Okay, the end. (Continuing now to look for more connection within 7cups.)
Hey friends! Anyone who know me well enough even just to know I prefer to be called Platy? You guys! (hi)<--- those ( ) are for whispers. Anyway, Platy asks for hugs - at this point? I think I might even pay for them :( Please say hi, hugs are wonderful too, and let me know what's up with you!
I think this might be an okay 
place because this is Relationships: couples/significant others AND friends too! Take care all y'all. ((hugs and MORE hugs for you dear Cat)) I hope to hear from you soon. (I'm not sure if this will work, but I'll try.) <3 Platy
@barncat - Hi again :) I wasn't sure if a supportive person would "like" or "upvote" your comment about 'well, Honey, it's me or the dog.' I think I know what you mean by that ... I guess I'm not sure *how* you meant it - especially the 'been binging on.'
#EDWarriors #EDSupport - Is binging in general, on anything, ...is binging ever a good or neutral thing? (This Platy is unsure ... goes to begin 2 'lap' swim around the moat ... these are 'thinking laps'.)
Cat, how is Gus doing? :) Does he give you horse-loves yet or still? That is something I could ask my sister-in-law -- how does a horse show affection for it's owner, rider, feederLOL?
Ok, I think Good Night for real now. ttyl Cat,lover of horses :) oh and cats and dogs and chickens and one duck?
well, I guess I won't give you an upvote, but how about these! <--- oh yes and definitely some of these too ((hugs hugs hugs!)) Platy
@cyanPlatypus6370- somehow i missed your messages- hope you are doing well. It has been extremely tough for me these last 2 months. Social isolation is not for me- put out several adoption intents for small dogs. For some reason a chihuaha is seeming to call to me. Ha Ha. Big difference from my large pets. My barncat is terminally ill with jaw cancer- but still happily eating canned cat food- at the field with the horses- in the hayshed! Your car accident sounded traumatic- sending big hugs- belatedly. Take care.
@PeppermintStar0912
I walk away. I hide. Whenever I'm feeling hurt I can't even look at him, much less talk. So I usually take those moments to indulge in a long shower, go on a walk, take a nap, whatever isolates me from external input and lets me be on my own for a while. I tend to bottle things down so I'm not the best at responding in these circumstances.
@PeppermintStar0912
Hello all. I have found that telling my husband that I am hurt does no good. I am not sure ifoif he is incapable of caring about my needs or feelings or if it is intentional. Whatever the case, I usually self isolate and cry.
@Tricebaby Me too. <3 I feel the same on not knowing if he is incapable of caring for my needs, but talking seems to get us nowhere.
@braveField37
Hi! Guess we are in the same club then. I was feeling really rejected when I initially came back to 7 cups a few days ago( after two years). I was in tears when I vented to a listener. Well, two different listeners to be honest.
I am slowly realizing that my husband doesn't always share his feelings with me. As he ate his dinner the other day, I just stared at him for a long time. I realized the resentment and (near) hatred I had developed towards him. I have needs. Why can't you see that? All kinds of things ran through my mind. Then ...he looked up and I noticed for the first time just how much he had aged. We are only two years apart, but he has so much grey hair. He worries a lot, but keeps it to himself. He never complains about me or say the things I say to him. I don't know. That moment when he looked up. He looked ...very...I don't know. Vulnerable.
@Tricebaby I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with similar struggles. I guess that is a part of any healthy marriage - you'll have moments when you don't like the other person so much, even though you still love them. At least that idea has been helping me through the tough moments. I hope you're feeling better by now. Thankfully we have 7 Cups!
@braveField37
Yes! I agree with you 100%. I am feeling happy at the moment. I didn't realize until I began posting on 7 cups how much my unconscious desire to control my husband has led to a great deal of unhappiness. I can only control myself. I can decide what I will or won't do. That realization has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. How are you doing?
@Tricebaby same here. Our marriage counselor thinks he is on the autism spectrum so he really has no ability to handle my feelings or emotions. I'm just trying to hold out hope that he will learn ways to cope but first he has to see how much he is hurting me with his reactions which he can't see.
@Tricebaby Same
@Tricebaby I am sorry. This feelings is really bad... it is the same with me. I feel so unimportant...i is like I am way down on the list of what matters here.
I feel invisible, I feel I am not good enough. I stop caring for myself. I feel awful.
I try to find out what is on their mind that triggered their hurtful behaviour...under stress people turn upon the loved ones without warning or reason...so I try to find out what is wrong...maybe on the moment they do not want to communicate but maybe sometime they would want to...I know they mean no harm to me unless they no longer love me which is fine too and they should also expresstgat instead of hurting...so yes, mainly I would try to clarify what is really going on...
I guess it depends on both our frames of mind
Sometimes he's grumpy and something strikes me the wrong way and I think that it is a result of [ insert problem ] and shrug it off.
Sometimes I am more sensitive when he is grumpy and we have a grump-off.
Sometimes I completely misinterpret what he is saying and get irrationally angry or sad and say something about it and he usually says it was a misinterpretation, and I may or may not be less upset. This is more common if I am having other issues.
Sometimes he's kind of a jerk and I usually think about it and wonder how jerkish was that, and if I am being rational, and if I decide I am, then I say that it was kind of jerkish and why.
I would try to give myself some time and space to process things; see whether maybe I was being overly sensitive or whether it is something which passes and isn't important enough to bring up with my spouse.
However, as another has said, I am terrible at hiding my feelings and find it very difficult to pretend things are OK in any kind of convincing way. So, if I am not able to get space for some reason (e.g. we are out together) I will most likely be asked what is bothering me.
When responding to this, or bringing up the issue if I still felt it necessary after some time has passed, I would try to use "I statements" rather than being accusatory by saying things like "you did this" or "you said that." For example, I felt hurt earlier when...
Hopefully by approaching it this way they won't feel attacked and can hear you out, though dependent on the relationship and personalities it may not be the case.
It is sad how time passes so quickly and unhealthy patterns get embedded in our relationships. I am so sensitive to criticism- the smallest comment can cause me to spiral into withdrawal. When I do speak up it often ends badly- fingers pointed and harsh words spoken. Ultimately it is safer for me to simply say nothing then hole up inside myself again. But it is taking its toil on my mental health.
@barncat
agreed! Then he has a problem with that too (we withdrawing and shutting up).
I am not a fan of withdrawal from either side though I often feel that it's the only way to keep some sort of peace. Otherwise, it's unproductive and repetitive arguments. He gets into a tantrum and starts saying things and calling me names... scratch that- he thinks it makes it better if he says: "you're acting like a ..."
@goldenPeach6387- simply hearing that others are adapting their survival modes in similar ways gives me comfort. Wishing you a wonderful day- thank you for sharing.
@barncat agreed, I seem to have the same problem too. If I say something, it starts a fight...if I don't, I succumb to all the thoughts in my head. Sending lots of hugs.
@DarkFairy0316- Boy I hate all that internal chatter we get trying to sort out issues- when we dont speak up. Exhausting- and all it does is postpone facing reality. Wishing you a peaceful day- and sending lots of hugs back.
@barncat yeah, it definitely gets loud in my head. & it always brings me down so low into the darkness, & most times I find it hard to get out of.