The Saviour Complex in Relationship
Those with a savior complex are caring to the point that their behavior and actions are heroic. It’s like caring and compassion on the next level. They constantly try to find solutions for other people’s problems, Continually trying to fix others, sacrificing a lot of time, energy, or money. They may go as far as to sacrifice their own needs, comfort and safety
They often fall into toxic relationships and build a codependency relationship. They would endure the emotional pain because more than love and attachment, they also have a great sense of guilt and shame to leave the unhealthy relationship.
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People who naturally have high compassion tend to have this trait. If you see these character traits in you or struggling with this issue, here are some friendly reminders:
- You matter. Your happiness equally matters.
- You don’t have to fix anyone. Your listening ears, non-judgmental words, and supportive presence are more than enough.
- Help as much as you can but don’t drown yourself trying to be everyone else’s anchor.
- “You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for yourself.” - Don Miguel Ruiz in the “Don’t Take Anything Personally” book.
- And here is a reminder quote from Pema Chödrön: “Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It is a relationship between equals.”
🍀 What tip would you give a friend struggling to overcome saviour complex?
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@ouiCherie
What tip would you give a friend struggling to overcome saviour complex?
to take a break when you feel like you need one, not when you are so exhausted you are forced to go on a break due to burnout :0 (remember- it’s okay not to be okay)
@emotionalTalker2260
I don't know its real . I might be suffering from this dilemma/saviour complex . Its feel normal or morally obligated to grant the sufferer her wish as pertinence of my existence. No one deserves anything either good or bad. That's my reason to live fulfilled life
@Taqi1
Quick addition , its " penitent & pertinent " both
@ouiCherie
Well thought and well put Oui. Thank you 🧡
I agree, self care is very important, no matter what else is going on in our lives.
It reminds as that we matter too. That we respect ourselves enough to give ourselves a piece of our own valuable support, time and efforts.
@ouiCherie
Thank you so much Cherie for such an informative post<3
I think something that might help would be trying to find your self-worth in things that are under your control, like what you like to do instead of fixating it on someone else's behaviour. But that can get really really hard to do at times, and is a process.
Another thing- if you can relate to the post, please try not to blame yourself. Saviour complex can sometimes result from mental illness or unhealthy early relationship patterns, but it can for sure get better. It is something that we can work on<3
Also I would like to share this resource.
@empatheticLavender2924. Very good article! Thank you.
One tip I’d share with a friend struggling with saviour complex is that it’s not your job to save everyone around you and it’s not selfish to put your needs before others 💕
@ouiCherie I have suffered from this . Thanks for all the suggestions. One thing that I am doing is reminding myself , that they are adults. Another is that I have the right to say no.
- You matter. Your happiness equally matters. Normally I am pretty happy. Last night I dreamed about my late wife.
- You don’t have to fix anyone. Your listening ears, non-judgmental words, and supportive presence are more than enough. I know, I don't have to fix my daughter.
- Help as much as you can but don’t drown yourself trying to be everyone else’s anchor. Yeah, I know. My daughter sometimes gets really sleepy, and I don't do much to alieve that.
- “You
are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only
responsible for yourself.” - Don Miguel Ruiz in the “Don’t Take Anything
Personally” book. I don't take responsibilite for anyone but myself.
- And
here is a reminder quote from Pema Chödrön: “Compassion is not a
relationship between the healer and the wounded. It is a relationship
between equals.” Yes, that works.
@ouiCherie
What tip would you give a friend struggling to overcome saviour complex?
I would listen to my friend and support them in their time of need. I would tell them to be themselves and not let others give them negative advice or negative words to bring them down. I would like my friend to be themself because we are not always perfect, everyone has mistakes and faults.
This is a good article. Tbh - Idk if I do this or not. I've learned to take a step back when I need to and it's not that I think I can fix or save anyone - but I do stick with people and let them know that they're in someone's thoughts - mainly because - I know what it's like to not be heard or to be a thought to anyone -but I try not to go over board with it - Idk
There are people who have made me feel responsible for their actions - which is something I have to fight hard with to not do
you can't save the world
you need to take care of yourself before even trying to take care of anyone else
@ouiCherie
Awesome post! Thank you for this!!! <3