A Message from Krink the Apologetic Unicorn
It has been brought to my attention, in a loving and kind way, that I have not always been at my most patient or compassionate best in some of the more contentious forum discussions recently, and Id like to apologize to anyone who has felt upset by my brusqueness, or my tendency to snap when I am feeling defensive or attacked.
These are things I work on, and that 7 Cups helps me with. I will redouble my efforts to be a patient and thoughtful listener and to respond as much as possible from a place of compassion and understanding, instead of reacting in a more combative or exasperated way when I feel that my motives or ethics have been impugned.
(I will also try to refrain from posting when I feel triggered, and when in doubt I will show drafts of my posts to folks I trust before responding.)
One thing Id like to add is that I am part of the 7 Cups staff and thus an admin, and I am also a listener with a fair amount of time spent listening in the past year. My responsibility is to what we techies call the product and really that means the experience of using the product. I try to understand what is working and what is not, what the community wants and needs, what the quiet people on the site want and need, what future users may want and need, and so on. Ultimately, my job is to make it all work and to help us all accomplish our goals.
When I post in forums my primary intent is to explain our thinking and to learn what people in the community are experiencing, what they want, what they dont like, and what suggestions they have. My ability to connect with real people here is part of what makes this such a great job, so I hope that people can engage with me without feeling that I am wielding authority in a way that silences others.
I am always open to receive PMs and discuss things directly, and I am always willing to hear constructive criticism and feedback on my behavior when well intentioned and presented in good faith.
I am passionate about 7 Cups of Tea. I am applying everything I have learned in my career and all of my values toward making this community a success. I will do a better job of not allowing that passion to cloud my expression or to add more heat to difficult topics.
Thanks for listening.
We <3 you, Krink. 'Nuff said.
@ladylazarus1971, thank you! The love that gets shared here is definitely one of the magical amazing things.
Mostly, I want to make sure I am not contributing to making anything worse or bringing anyone down.
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn
what do the numbers say? the big picture?
if you do than I like to think it
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn
Thats a very gracious apology letter to the community Krink, personally I don't think it's necessary at all because I think your responses are perfectly fine and fitting, you work incredible hard here and support the community well!
I guess I should say 'Thank you' I'd rather say 'Your awesome' 👍🙂
Emma!
I completely agree.
Also, as @Anomalia has noted, and at the risk of getting too personal, I think the red hair is very cool.
@professionalPerspective60 @KrinkTheMellowUnicorn
@RarelyCharlie - thanks... I actually had strawberry blond hair as a baby unicorn
@professionalPerspective60 - thanks. I do very much appreciate the support and kindness, but I am also aware of my own limitations as well as knowing that some people have indeed found some of my comments troubling. This is what I want to work on.
Thanks again for the support!
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn
I'm a big fan of self reflection! Im my own worst critic!
My respect levels for you have just hit the roof!
👍
@professionalPerspective60 - thanks again
One trick I am working on is not to be too too harsh a critic of myself, because this can also be another way of catastrophizing and even sort of changing the subject ("why am I such an idiot!?" etc.).
So when I am noticing areas of myself that need work, I try to be pretty compassionate toward myself, giving myself the benefit of the doubt as I would want to for someone else but also gently holding myself with the truth as much as I can bear.
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn
WOWZERS!!!!
Krink I applaud you for taking a big step here and being accountable for your actions. That takes a lot for many here to do. But many don't admit to much here. And remember we all have our bad days, and get overloaded with our REAL life as well as our 7sips life.
Please don't be hard on yourself. Brush yourself off and stand with a new personal view of life. Move with confidence and motivation to continue doing a good job here on 7sips.
thank you, dear @scribblez
the encouragement from fellow community members makes all the difference.
nobody ever said changing the world for the better would be easy!
What lovely red hair you have in that picture! Almost the same shade as @Pam 
But in all honesty, I really appreciate and admire you for making this post - it's never easy to do, but I think it really shows how much you do care about this community and about helping it to be a place where everyone feels comfortable, safe, respected, and heard.
@Anomalia - thanks.
I have never minded apologizing and I feel that expressing when I am sorry sincerely can be a healing process.
I know that admins and people with roles in the community can appear to sway conversations via authority and I want to avoid that while at the same time I need to be able to vigorously communicate a vision of how this all could be.
I'm human (when I'm not unicorning it) and I still have a lot to learn after five decades on this planet. 7 Cups teaches me lessons every day: Sometimes in self care, some times in humility, usually in compassion.
Ahhhhhh, @KrinkTheMellowUnicorn, this post....it gave me the shivers, in a good way.
My respect and admiration has risen higher than the roof for you. If I'm honest, lately, I've seen posts around the forums that aren't quite compassionate and I've felt a little off. Just seeing this sincere and transparent apology from an admin has made me feel relieved and still have hope in this place and it's direction. We need more of you on the staff, sweet unicorn. It's not easy to recognise our areas of growth and work on it, but you have just led the example of (hopefully) so many more. Thank you, so much, for posting this because it means a hella ton to this community.
@ZaraSmiles - thanks! I take inspiration from your constant messages of positivity and encouragement.
In fact, when I see that you aren't happy with something that is a sign that things must really be "off" as you say.
I will try and fail. I will make mistakes. But I will keep trying.
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn, you show the compassion, growth and open-mindedness of a true leader. And this is one of the reasons you inspire us all. We are so grateful for you being here.
Now you listen carefully!!!!!!!!!
................ Hugs*
:)
I certainly sometimes do not like feeling pushed too much. Sometimes I don't want to deal with being judged. I don't like it when people challenge my own personal opinions. Make me feel like a fool when clearly I am NOT alone in how I feel and think. Hopefully we can put everything behind us. Maybe you got an email or you just thought long and hard about your responses or you started to notice people speaking up more to you. Whatever the case may be I appreciate you speaking on your behalf to everyone who you may offended. I do not want to offend anyone and I purposely do not take enjoyment in putting people down or whatever. For the record I want to help in the way that I can but I also want to be realistic. I say it as it is and I don't put up with anyone trying to manipulate or walk all over me. Maybe we're completely different in some ways but I'm very sure we are the same in many ways. We all want people to be heard and appreciated it. I've been saying it all along. Respect and justice all the way.
I apologize to you and to anyone else if they misunderstood anything that I said. Please feel free to private message me about anything or just respond on here.
@Fear333 - {{{ hug }}}
I understand that being challenged can make us feel defensive. I can relate to that.
I am glad you mentioned the "not being alone" issue since I see it a lot. I suppose if someone is brave enough to speak up and gets challenged on it, then it is natural to want to say "hey, I am not alone here on this wall -- I represent many people." At the same time, I think I react to that sort of thing because we can all only really speak for ourselves.
As I mentioned up top, I got feedback from @iara and reflected on how I've been feeling lately when posting in forums and that prompted my desire to apologize. Not so much for me to feel better but to acknowledge how others have been feeling and to try to dispel any ideas about what drives me that I feel are off-base.
I think we are all trying to help each other, and others, as best we can, and to be realistic as well. I'm sure it's frustrating if an idea or preference suggested to address a problem or to do something good is not adopted or is argued against, etc., but that is also part of the realism: balancing numerous ideas and ways to do good against each other and against the unintended consequences of each choice.
I don't think we're completely different at all, beyond our unique perspectives to which of course we are all entitled. I have seen tons of loving and supportive posts from you, @fear333 and i don't think anyone would argue passionately about right and wrong and the best way forward if you did not care about and want the best for 7 Cups as you see it.
Let's accept each other's apologies and proceed in a spirit of good faith from there, and I will echo your open invitation to connect via PM any time you wish to discuss something directly with me.
So are you trying to say that I am The Joker and you are Batman :p
Some people think that the Joker is a real hero. Ha.
To be continued.......
@Fear333 - oh fear you always inspire 83 replies in my head
the mean side of the Joker? no i don't see it!
the archetypes with cool costumes? i can dig it :)
i'd think maybe more something like spy vs. spy but don't know if folks still know it:
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn I think only us old timers remember (back in the old days!) Spy vs. Spy. Ahhh, youth!!!
@Krinkthemellowunicorn
Krink we are all human, we become defensive and can lash out when we are deeply passionate about something. There has been a lot of feedback to take in and we all know that can be a hard process. Your apology to the community is sincere and appreciated, and you have already used this experience for personal growth.
We respect everything that you do and I personally think that you have just earned yourself the feedback badge.
@Sarah well said.
Congratulations on the badge!
@Sarah - just got the badge... thanks!
@Sarah @Fear333 @KrinkTheMellowUnicorn 
This is what I love about this community. It's build from good intentions of imperfect people. Everyone here, no matter if on the members or listeners side, makes mistakes and sometimes unwittingly cause harm. It's inevitable. Still, we try not to put anybody on the pedestal. We admit to our flaws, we talk and compromise, we move on and do better.
I was never hurt by your forum responses, so your apology isn't adress to me. Still, let me say that I'm extremely proud and glad that someone who acknowledges their shortcomings, who takes responsibility for every action - both good and bad - has been chosen to be our admin. I wouldn't have it any other way.
You've only earned much respect in my eyes, @KrinkTheMellowUnicorn. All my love!
@Celaeno, thank you
and unicorns are nervous on pedestals... too slippery!
@krinkthemellowunicorn Thanks for your post and giving some insight into your 7 Cups experience. It is nice to hear!
@Laura - thank you!