Apologizing in the right way
Saying "sorry" the right way isn't just about admitting you messed up; it's about showing you're grown-up, caring, and actually want to make things right. It’s about knowing what exactly went wrong, honestly feeling bad for hurting someone, and owning up to what you did.
There are various benefits connected to receiving but also giving an apology, such as
- When someone apologizes, we stop seeing them as a personal threat.
When we finally have the courage to admit that we messed up, we start feeling way better about ourselves.
Participation question:
- How do you feel after receiving an apology?
- What emotional impact does it make for you?
- Do you find it hard to apologize?
Helpful Videos:
The best way to apologize (according to science)
Helpful Resources:
Here's how to say sorry the right way
Seeking Help
Mental stress can cause us not to be able to see the good things in life and lead to excessive rumination or worries, which can result in serious health problems. If you have serious, long-term problems with negative thinking and feeling depressed, see your doctor or talk to a therapist if they are related to any mental challenges.
Are you looking for a therapist? 7 Cups has online, certified therapists with a paid option. For more information on what happens in online therapy at 7 Cups, Read Lisa’s (a therapist and director of therapy) explanation
https://www.7cups.com/forum/therapy/General_2432/WeveLaunchedTalkTherapyon7Cups_319430/
To apply for 7 Cups online therapy, click on this link (must be logged into member account). https://www.7cups.com/online-therapy/?ob=1
"I really regret those words I said - I will do my best to avoid those in the future. Please accept my sincere apology."
@soulsings apology accepted😁 and I'm sorry to💖
@Tinywhisper11
😂😂😂😂
What a rascal 💚
@Amanda84 😂😂😂
@amiablePeace77
Two years ago my empathetic nature caused a young lady friend to become overwhelmed and the friendship faltered. It has slowly reformed over the past four months to the point she sent me a message a little after 2:20 this morning to see if I was awake to call me. She was in tears, bless her, she had woken after a psychotic episode as she had messed up her medication and had missed it for 2 nights in row. I went to her psychiatrist appointment with her this afternoon and I couldn't be prouder that she called me for reassurance.
@RunningMachine you have a huge heart 💖💖gives you a giant tiny hug 💗
@Tinywhisper11
Thank you, pleased to see you back on Cups.
I'm back too work for 8 shifts from tonight and am only going to respond to dm's and responses too me. I might leave the forums altogether, I've sadly learn that you can be ignored for oversharing in trying to help others and after talking it through with a therapist I've recently started with come to the conclusion that the forums are causing me more discomfort and stress rather than friendship or benefit.
@amiablePeace77 if I did something wrong I'll be the first to apologise, I don't have any issues with apologising. It makes me feel better to know that joined and at me, and I want everyone to know that I would never hurt anyone's feelings on purpose💖
Hugs Ami 💖 I love you 💖
@Tinywhisper11
Because you have a big heart 💛
"I want everyone to know that I would never hurt anyone's feelings on purpose"
I like this! I can still be stubborn at times, but I think mostly this is what I think about when apologizing too!
@HappySpecter @Amanda84 we all have big hearts💖💖💖
@Tinywhisper11
💙
If it's a genuine apology then I'm grateful, it shows they care about how they treat others and are willing to learn from their mistakes.
Sorry isn't a magic word though, you can't just say it and be absolved, if you don't mean it. It doesn't work like that. I've had tons of meaningless apologies and they think because they've said sorry, they can continue to treat people poorly. Nope nope nope.
I don't mind saying Sorry and I'm willing to put things right if that's possible because I don't want to make others feel bad but it has to be a mistake I've made. It can't be from someone playing games and misinterpreting. Deliberately trying to make me feel horrible for no reason.
@ScrabbleBrain
My sentiments exactly, it's not fair for someone to demand an apology and make you out to be in the wrong when you've done nothing at all 💛
@Amanda84 Right, if I'm guilty, I'm guilty but if I'm not..... Then someone is is big twouble!🧐
@ScrabbleBrain
It's frustrating when people say, be the bigger person, no, don't take my kindness for granted and then turn on me 💙
@Amanda84 I've never liked hearing that, with certain people forgiveness needs to be earned because we are not doormat people, classy yes, gullible no. 😎
@amiablePeace77
How do you feel after receiving an apology?
It really depends on the gravity of the mistake or hurt.
What emotional impact does it make for you?
It makes my hurt feel validated. It soothes my hurt.
Do you find it hard to apologize?
No.
@trueconfidant123
💛
@trueconfidant123
I hear you! When our feelings are validated it's so much easier to move on.
How do you feel after receiving an apology? It depends on whether it feels like they actually regret their actions. Sometimes people apologize just to "make peace" but don't actually try to change their behavior - those ones hurt.
What emotional impact does it make for you? A sincere apology (one followed by action) can feel like a heavy weight pulled off my chest.
Do you find it hard to apologize? Honestly I find it harder not to! I'm a recovering people pleaser. I am constantly trying to fix things, even when no one has said they're upset by what I've done.
@HappySpecter
I apologize when I do something wrong, even if people do not complain about what I did. It's because of making things right, in my opinion. Glad to hear you're aware of your tendency to overly please people and work on it! 👍
Yeah I agree! For me, I am trying to get away from assuming I've done something wrong by over-analyzing something I said or reading someone else's demeanor and thinking I'm the reason for it. However, I want to apologize when I know I've messed up (or if someone makes me aware that I've messed up).
@amiablePeace77
I find it easy to apologise 💛
I never have any intention of hurting anyone.
And will always take accountability.
But I don't like when someone else miscommunicates and blames you in the wrong and expects sn apology for nothing 💛
@Amanda84
Taking accountability for what you really did wrong sounds right to me but not when blamed wrongly!
@amiablePeace77
Exactly 🥰
@Amanda84
While reading your last sentence, I instantly remembered my Aunt.
I remember her telling me she didn't have to show me respect because I hadn't shown her any. I had, even when I was angry with her. But she acts like that never happened, and expected me to apologize.I am told this is a pretty common gaslighting technique. It frickin' hurts though...
I am with you, Amanda. I think it's always important to take accountability for what we've done, but we also shouldn't apologize for things we haven't done.
@HappySpecter
It's not fair when everything we've done previously is forgotten about and holds no weight, and we are made out to be in the wrong , I don't apologise anymore when the owness is not on me 💙
@amiablePeace77
How do you feel after receiving an apology?
Relief, connection and a chance to forgive faster
What emotional impact does it make for you?
Same answer
Do you find it hard to apologize?
Not at all. I observed while living in Japan that one MUST apologize even in doubt and explain why you seek lenience.
It turned into a social sport. I reviewed what I did or said and watched other people in a similar situation, then trained myself to take any chance to apologize, just to see what effect it had on the other person. It has always been positive.
😃 I am very sorry. I think I boasted too much here and hope you will forgive me.
@Fradiga
I agree with you! Getting an apology allows forgiving faster!
Different cultures different ways to act!
@amiablePeace77
- How do you feel after receiving an apology?
- What emotional impact does it make for you?
- Do you find it hard to apologize?
No. I actually think that I over apologize too much and I’m being taken advantage of by some people for being too overly nice and feeling guilty for things I know have nothing to do with me but still apologizing to others to stop the tension and go back to being peaceful. It’s a sign maybe of being too sensitive.
@akunknown
I agree! We all make mistakes, but our apologies need to be sincere and genuine!
Ever since I’ve learned how to apologize the “right” way, I have always tried my best to do so. Making sure I include the part where I admit to my mistake, ask for more clarification if I was confused about how I hurt someone or where I went wrong, and making sure I put in the effort.
We’ve all received a low-effort one sentence apology. “I’m sorry for what I said the other night” simply isn’t holding yourself accountable. Considering the other persons feelings in the apology is important and showing effort to make amends rather than saying it because it feels necessary. “I’m sorry for what I said the other night. My intention wasn’t to hurt you and I didn’t know it would make you feel that way. I feel really bad about this and don’t want it to affect our relationship in the future. What can I do going forward so I can avoid hurting your feelings again?” An apology like this shows you are being sincere and not doing it because it seems necessary.
However, we’re all human and we’ve all made insincere apologies. Sometimes we might not know how to approach or it or what to say. Or maybe we’re even anxious to apologize because we’re scared of confrontation or making a situation worse. I get it. It’s not always easy. Especially if the situation is unclear. It’s okay to admit when you’re unsure where things went wrong.
Have you ever given a sincere apology and the other person still didn’t forgive you? I know it’s happened to me, but it’s not always your fault. What matters is that you held yourself accountable and showed them that you care.
@professionalTree7574
I find it important to give sincere apologies to others to show that I regret what I said or did but also for me because it allows me to stay in line with my values and not cover up things.
