Dealing with Unfairness
In life there are abundant opportunities to recognize injustice on many scales, both large and small, in our own lives and the lives of people we love.
Even though we were all taught about fairness as children, scientists have shown that we are inherently inclined toward it. Research has indicated that when we see fairness, even when it concerns another person, our reward centers become active.
Dwelling on injustice does not make it go away; on the contrary, it hinders our ability to do so because compulsive thinking depletes our energy, intensifies our feelings, and keeps us more preoccupied with issues than with solutions.
“Sometimes it is better to choose to be healthy instead of right.”
Participation question:
What helps you to find peace when you have been treated unfairly?
Helpful Videos:
How To Deal When Life Isn't Fair
How to Stop Getting TRIGGERED Forever
Helpful Resources:
The Neuroscience of Fairness and Injustice
Seeking Help
Mental stress can cause us not to be able to see the good things in life and lead to excessive rumination or worries which can result in serious health problems. If you have serious, long-term problems with negative thinking and feeling depressed, see your doctor or talk to a therapist if they are related to any mental challenges.
Are you looking for a therapist? 7 Cups has online, certified therapists with a paid option. For more information on what happens in online therapy at 7 Cups, Read Lisa’s (a therapist and director of therapy) explanation
https://www.7cups.com/forum/therapy/General_2432/WeveLaunchedTalkTherapyon7Cups_319430/
To apply for 7 Cups online therapy, click on this link (must be logged into member account) https://www.7cups.com/online-therapy/?ob=1
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@amiablePeace77 well I normally have a tantrum and tip the game board over😂😂 only jk
Spending time alone helps, but thinking before reacting💖
@Tinywhisper11
I hear you tiny, thinking before reacting can save much trouble!
@amiablePeace77 Sometimes I just need a good cry ^-^ or tantrum heh or a long nap... Anything that helps soften the pain. Sometimes finding peace is not graceful and that's okay.
I also talk a lot, a chatterbox when something goes wrong. Venting helps me release the tension, make sense of what happened and slowly feel okay again.
@BlueDarkAurora your back💖💖💖💖 I've been so worried about you, are you ok??
@Tinywhisper11 I'm okay💙 It means more than I can say that you thought of me and were worried about me. Just the thought that I crossed your mind makes me feel so special :') Thank you for being so beautiful.
@BlueDarkAurora I love you 💗💗
@Tinywhisper11
@amiablePeace77
I usually avoid telling myself that what happened was unfair. It's good to not dwell on the fairness or unfairness of the situation that we face. I tell myself, whatever came my way was meant to teach me a lesson, it's okay if I don't know an answer now but eventually I will figure it out!
Secondly, acceptance of the situation and grieving about it is a great remedy for cure. It's good to release it all, keeping yourself surrounded with people who care and love you unconditionally.
As you said, focusing on the fairness or unfairness, we tend to shift from the solution to the problem thereby stopping ourselves from growing 💗
Thank you for this prompt Ami💙
@resilience2025
I agree, accepting a situation and grieving about it helps so much more than telling yourself "this is unfair".
@amiablePeace77
What helps you to find peace when you have been treated unfairly?
I remind myself that I'm not accountable for someone else treating me like trash. It only reflects their behaviour and not mine.
@trueconfidant123
That's a healthy way to see it!
@amiablePeace77
I know it's not the correct thing, but I isolate myself from everything. I spend more time alone than with someone or being somewhere.
@courageouspanda2006
I hope that when you need to talk you come here! Isolation can make you feel lonely.
@amiablePeace77
It depends on the stakes, of course. But otherwise, it is self-control
What helps you to find peace when you have been treated unfairly?
@Fradiga
Not every situation is the same, I get you!
@amiablePeace77
I got my Master's Degree that way. One of my teachers had not given me the score I needed for that diploma when I knew I had done well, comparing with my classmates. I went to see him and he said that my low score was due to my not attending his class regularly. I pointed out to him that I had, showing him the notes I had taken every class, exept ONCE due to being sick. I had an idea, rather, that I had offered a French translation he had not liked during a class and that he was still sore about it. The next day, my name appeared on the board of "diplomé(e)s" and what a relief that was. This teacher was rather severe and we were scared of him
@Fradiga
Unbelievable that a teacher can react that way but sadly it happens. You showed courage to stand up for yourself! 👍
@amiablePeace77 What helps you to find peace when you have been treated unfairly?
Similar to what someone else said, I isolate and get quiet.
@mytwistedsoul
Never forget please that we are here for you for comfort and support.
@amiablePeace77 Thank you. 💜 I do keep this in mind, it's been hard asking for support and even harder to let myself be vulnerable. I've tried talking with people I know in real life but all I get are head nods or this odd deer in the headlight look. I'm not sure what to do with those reactions except be quiet.
I share with trusted people. I may rest to process, then look for solutions.
@CalmRosebud
I am glad sharing helps you! It's hard to carry the emotional burden on your own!
@amiablePeace77
What helps you to find peace when you have been treated unfairly?
Being alone, thinking before I react, telling myself/realizing despite being treated unfairly I still have it a lot better than many in this world who are being treated way more unfairly yet never complain so why should I, writing the situation down and coming up with multiple solutions that keep me in control to try with hope that at least one of them will work, writing a song or poem about it, listening to music, telling the person/people I was/am being treated unfairly can you please stop and if that doesn’t work then walking away. These are just some things that help me.
@akunknown
Nice that you can express your feelings in a creative way and also see that others are treated unfairly too. Some people do not have shelter, no food, dirty water, are physically helpless, that's neither fair. Something I remind myself off when unfairness "hits".
@amiablePeace77 I really liked the quote you added towards the end. I think to some degree I add to my own suffering by dwelling on what “should have been” or what seemed most logical to me. I get angry about the injustice, and then later I’ll get depressed when I feel there’s nothing i I can do about it. In the end, nothing about the situation has changed, those involved don’t feel bad, and only my quality of life is worse by holding onto the “right” of it all. It is going to be hard to stop doing that. I’m very analytical by nature. But I will say it has seemed to help me at certain times when I can change my focus and give that injustice less time. With some things (probably those that don’t involve my kids) I can even envision letting it go. The next time it crosses my mind, the impact has lessened somewhat.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Learning to let go of injustice is a practice and needs time especially if you're analytical and passionate about justice and fairness.