Staying in Control
When strong emotions take over we say and do things we later regret.
- How can people improve their self-control of emotions and speech?
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Pause and think before you speak, especially when it’s an emotional situation.
@Lauren63 great idea! And to do that I often have to take a deep breath.
@Lauren63
I agree. Think twice before you speak.
@soulsings
Taking a massive pause and breathing slowly, then count to 5 ❤️ Easier said than done though
@ArtisticAngel999 it takes time and patience and not judging when we fall short of the goal.
@soulsings
your prompts are actually very good for my journal, thank you ^^
@daydreammemories thank you. @amiablePeace77 and I work as collaborators with prompts. Thank ami also.
@soulsings
ooh nice, thank you @amiablePeace77 as well! 💚
@soulsings I personally believe that when emotions dawn on you, it is important to take a step back and not do or say anything. Just breathe for 5 minutes straight and some people count if it helps you more, because this way you allow your emotions to be processed and you stop the overthinking part. When you go through something scary, you tend to feel extremely scared, and you are more inclined to act based on your fears which may not be your best approach. So you breathe, to stop thinking and you allow your emotions to be processed normally without acting on them. So it allows you to step aside for a moment, and looking at the situation objectively instead of subjectively, before you do something you might regret. I think it has something to do with a very useful motivational technique called: Mindfulness.
@Dardora good ideas
@soulsings Thank you. I just wanted to share what i know, so that it may be helpful.
@soulsings
It takes practice for some people but generally it is a concerted effort for their circles too. The younger they are the better.
Maybe advice from someone who is not too close - it might not even take a therapist - but they ought to be aware that such reactions can bring them into a lot of trouble.
I live with people who flare up (not necessarily angrily) over anything, as if the house had suddenly caught fire. TIRESOME !! It does not last of course, but it makes my heart jump.
- How can people improve their self-control of emotions and speech?
@Fradiga other people test my patience all the time because I am still developing patience.
@soulsings
There are few things which can make me angry and I think it is a gift. It is mostly injustice which gets my goat. Otherwise, since I automatically try to see my opponent's point of view, I cannot get angry - just disappointed, maybe. Anger and sadness are very close as feelings and sadness wins it for me.
Because of this calmness of mine, I am amazed at people's angry sides. Why do they get angry at such mundane stuff?
At work, I would go into an empty room and box breathe, sometimes I would have a pep talk with myself.
@resourcefulWalker3711 at work I used to go into restroom and do exercises and stretching.
@soulsings
Hello soulsings, how are you today?
I have been following you from your original post. I have a problem, which I've had for a long time but recently it's getting more prevalent.
I have "anger" episodes that are short and intense. In fact it's more than anger, it would be better described as "rage" or "fury" and sometimes it happens at inappropriate times and in inappropriate places.
It hits me out of nowhere and is usually triggered by something someone else has done. It blasts into my brain in a red-black fog and I literally "explode". There is no warning, no time to react (other than the fury) No time to practice the CBT and DBT psychological tools that I have learned.
Is there, or are there, do you think, any ways to prepare/prevent/respond?
Namaste,
D.
(P.S. I have a "listener" here, a professional Counselor and Psych... doesn't seem to make any difference to the situation that I am aware of.)
@soulsings
Today my left hand hurts. Why? From hanging onto my right wrist with all my might to keep my right hand from typing something negative 🤣.
Taking a moment, deciding to respond instead of reacting is helpful for me. Understanding that sometimes others might be having a bad day, maybe that they didn't really mean it, let it pass, they might reconsider their actions tomorrow. Seems especially good if someones behavior is a bit out of character. One bad choice, decision or moment doesn't always negate all of the good that they do 😇
And if tomorrow, they still feel the same way, still giving it some time could be good. You can't teach someone what they think they already know. People have a right to come to their own conclusions even if they are uninformed ones. Still having empathy for another is good because if they just so happen to realize eventually how bad it was, what they said and did to another person that was undeserving of it, how far off it was to reality, well, they'll punish themselves enough for it all. Makes you want to go hide for when the light bulb 💡moment happens for them 🥹.
I also visited "Booger" today @Soul! 🐶 ❤️ The youtube "Are you laughing at me" by From Tora felt like a needful thing to laugh and decompress.
*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️
Gives sparky mittens so cannot post against guidelines lol
@soulsings
🤣🤣🤣
@soulsings
May I have 2 pair to put on, please? You know, just in the event it was so bad that I chewed through the first pair? First pair is there just to slow me down and to think better of things 🙃
😊 ❤️ 😊
I think the biggest thing is to stop and reflect.
ex. "How am I feeling?" and "Why am I feeling this way?" and "How can I put emotions and logic together to form a conclusion?"
Also, if you think about the full picture.
Who else does it affect? How does it connect to my values?
We can control our emotions by thinking carefully before we speak, as what we speak have an immense influence on our future.
We also need to think carefully before before we do something, so that we don't regret what we said or did.
@Admirablerainbow2825 when react it usually is regretted.
If strong emotions are because of confluct, say I need 10 minutes to calm myself down before coming back to continue this conversation, force my mind to concentrate on something that requires my full focus. Things like a crossword puzzle, Sudoku. Journal out all my emotions without censoring it. Count backwards from 100 by 7's, deep breathing, take a stomp walk to get out the physical energy from the emotion.
@creativePenguin5558 distraction can calm the mind but if that does not work I try breathing naturally and counting the breaths.