What can someone say to you?
Everyone responds to praise differently. Some people find it difficult to accept.
- What could we say to you to make you feel better about yourself?
- What kind of compliment could you accept if someone were to recognize a good quality you have?
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@soulsings
Oh this is such a nice thing to reflect on, Soul. ❤ Looking forward to hear what everyone thinks.
I feel an appreciation feels more 'authentic' when it is timed right (is immediate), has a backing or a "why" explained (if possible). For me, personally, an appreciation holds more meaning when it is backing something, for instance "you're amazing" won't have as much effect on me as compared to "You did X thing which is so thoughtful of you, you're amazing", human brain likes a "why" to things, sure you think I'm amazing but "why"? Or "what makes you say that?" Lol, tell me that also. I feel a reason here helps one feel more validated, the appreciation feel more "deserved", and believable, also when a good behavior/ act is appreciated it works like an encouragement to keep the good work going, or doing better at it. ❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Shiniee Sunniee, watch out for all your “why’s” getting answered now lol ;)😈🎾❤️🤗
@VaryingCloud
lol cloudieeee xD *hugs tight and hides* 🤗❤
@sunisshiningandsoareyou
hahaha 🌤⛅️🌥 xD *hugs back tightly* ❤️🤗
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou that is great advice. Specific appreciation means the person knows what they did right. That is much more useful. Thanks for sharing that.
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Agreed. My boyfriend told me once that I'm amazing. I asked him why and he didn't know what to say. It could be that he was just put on the spot and didn't know exactly how to articulate what he was feeling. I know that sometimes happens to me too. But to me in that moment, it just felt empty. Like he was simply saying it but didn't really mean it. Instead of making me feel good, it actually just made me a bit sad.
My ex also once told me that I gave him the best compliment he'd ever received. Not because it was such great praise (I just told him he smelled good), but because I gave detail, like I had actually taken time to think about it (I described to him how he smelled and why I liked it and how it made me feel).
@confusedRaven6140
Aw I get that Raven, seemingly "doesn't have a good reason to this" kinda compliments really do work against to what it was intended for almost making one question the authenticity of the compliment or the intent behind it, and definitely makes it harder to accept/ see why it came our way during such times.
Someone super-positive could argue here that "ah why you counting the seeds, just enjoy the fruit" lol but it sadly doesn't work like that for everyone, and it's okay.
Since I can relate where the insecurities and discomfort with compliments can stem from, I try harder to let the person see for themselves, the way I see them, for them to have a chance at acknowledging something nice/ worth appreciating in/ about them too, often people don't really see themselves the way others can, and it surely makes it more difficult accepting, or even acknowledging any compliments they get. A "why" here helps in someway to put across things better.
That was really kind of you to take time to give a thoughtful compliment, it was simple~ yes but you put on efforts, and it is indeed that thought that counts here.
Thank you for sharing, your examples made what I said more clear for anyone else reading too haha. ❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
I love how supportive you are.
Thanks for being that way.
@Happy900
Appreciate you, being so encouraging yourself, Happy. Many thanks for valuing my efforts. ❤
@soulsings
All words of praises are beautiful and impactful when they come out straight from the heart.❤️
What could we say to you to make you feel better about yourself?
I feel, more than saying, it’s listening with understanding that’s more powerful and could make anyone feel better. Sometimes, that silence communicates in its own magical way. ❤️
What kind of compliment could you accept if someone were to recognize a good quality you have?
Again.. anything that’s heartfelt is always ‘acceptable’ and beautiful in its own way. It actually says a lot more about the person appreciating than the person getting appreciated. ❤️
@VaryingCloud
Aww I love this answer, only you can come up with such beautiful words, Cookie Cloudieeee! *feels the words* ~ 'feel don't read' (lol). ❤❤❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Aww❤️❤️❤️ and only you can come up with such words full of love always Shinieee Sunnieee! (lol xD *feels* hehe)
@VaryingCloud
That and only you can play tennis anytime without a gear too! 😛🎾❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Look who’s talking xD xD ❤️🤗❤️
@VaryingCloud
😈
🤗 *hugssss* 🤗
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
*sees reflected ‘Sun’light* 🤗❤️🤗
@VaryingCloud
Oh goodness, you rockstarrrr!🎾🤧❤ *wraps cloudieee in hugsss*
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
You the shiniestarrrr!🎾🤗🥰 *gets wrapped..makes my copy.. wraps us back xD* ❤️
(Noni getting hungry again..eating all the notifications!!🙄)
@VaryingCloud
(Noni nommed this one too smh 🤧)
❤🤗Aww *wrapped with Cloudiee*🤗❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
*unplugs Noni* xD
*back to hugs* hehe ❤️🤗❤️
@VaryingCloud
Haha good! XD (I don't think we'd have to do much to unplug Noni xD they be self-sufficient in having technical difficulties lol.)
*hugs hugs hugs* 🤗❤
Lol @Sunisshiningandsoareyou xD (Right right! *sighs*)
*hugs^♾* ❤️🤗
@VaryingCloud I hear you. Listening to another can really be a valuable gift.
@soulsings
I'm one of those who doesn't take praise well. The more there is, the more anxious I feel, especially in group settings. Not wanting to be the center of attention and all, it just feels like more pressure to me. I don't really believe stuff like that anyway.
I guess for me, I feel more accomplished and praised if, instead of giving me those praises, the person would just sit down to talk with me. Talk about work well done or how things went, how a convo helped. Might sound stupid, dunno really how to explain it. But a convo or even sharing stuff to both direction means more than just being told I did something well.
@OneErased
Hey hey One, I don't think it's stupid at all, whatever works for us, works. I get how praises can sometimes feel uncomfortable and put unnecessary pressure, the 'under-a-spotlight-like-feels' really does feel this way.
As you said, A little "how are you doing today?" Or a "how was your day?" (With a genuine intent to listen) goes a long long way, allowing someone a space to talk/ share/ express anything they like is honestly one of the kindest acts ever. I like how you mentioned about a two-sided sharing, it helps in knowing people too, and establish some sort of connection through these supportive and engaging chats as well. Now not to make you feel under a spotlight lol, just stating an observation xD I see you in the disability support chatroom often doing just this and it is always a pleasant sight, I admire how you connect with others. *diffuses pressure, if any* ❤
@OneErased that is a great idea to have a convo with someone.
It makes no sense to me if someone says "you are the best!" and then disappears.
I see you in the forums sometimes when I am announcing a discussion about to begin. I want to say hi but I am always rushing. I hope I get the chance to speak to you again.
@soulsings. I was recently told some very nice things about myself. I felt the words were sincere but I felt shaken to hear them. Maybe repeating these compliments to myself (kind of like an affirmation) would make it easier to hear and accept them.
@adventurousBranch3786 glad you accepted them and are working to get used to positive feedback
I gave this alot of thought since I first saw this post and I honestly don't know
I've received more compliments than I can count here at Cups - more than I have my entire life tbh. It's not that the compliments are unacceptable. Mostly it feels nice in the moment but - well - someone said once that I'm just here for praise and accolades. I haven't been able to get that out of my head yet and it's kind of been twisted into a negative for me
@mytwistedsoul
I do believe that people here mean it honest when they give you a compliment, they want you to feel good about it. Don't let that be taken away from you. 💙
@amiablePeace77 Thank you
@soulsings
- What could we say to you to make you feel better about yourself? I always appreciate if people can accept me being sensitive, many can't and look down on people with higher sensitivity.
- What kind of compliment could you accept if someone were to recognize a good quality you have? The most important to me is that the compliment is honest.
@amiablePeace77
I am very sensitive also and for some people they think it’s something negative. But I know I am uniqe.
@kala
Kala I'm glad to hear that you embrace yourself and not take on things which are not true from others!
@amiablePeace77
Aye you do you, Ami, being sensitive is truly a great thing, it just means you feel deeply, and give more care and thought to things and people, which I personally find quite admirable in anyone. ❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Thank you for being supportive 🌻
@soulsings
so many things seem hollow......... and i would agree real appreciation is best when it is sincere and explained as to why etc. like fellow posters here have said.....
i also think being subtle is also important ......so many compliments tend to be over the top
@toughTiger6481 I hear you. Sometimes the greatest form of flattery is to really listen to someone else.
Definitely affirmations, and any kind of kind words, that always make my day 😊❤️
@soulsings
My therapist used to tell me: You are doing a very good job. It sticked to my brain and every time I have difficult situations I can hear this voice: you do a good job.
I think I can accept compliments. Someting like I am strong.
@soulsings
- What could we say to you to make you feel better about yourself?
- What kind of compliment could you accept if someone were to recognize a good quality you have?
- Not sure, Maybe good job
@scarletPear1945 I like how you always keep going even if you face challenges.
You really are supportive of people in the forums and that helps make 7cups a better place.
Thank you!