Trauma Support Community Check-In for April 2024 - National Child Abuse Prevention Month
Hello everyone,
welcome to this month's check-in! This month is the National Child Abuse Prevention Month. You can read more about it here.
While risk factors, like mental illnesses, substance abuse, divorces, poverty, homelessness, or discrimination make child abuse more likely, there are also factors that can prevent it. These factors are summarized in the building blocks of the HOPE (Healthy Outcomes from Positive Experiences) framework:
(source) [Image description: 4 Building Blocks of HOPE. 1) Relationships, 2) Environment, 3) Engagement, 4) Opportunities for Social Emotional Development]
Trauma Support Community Check-In for April 2024
1) What's one of your favourite activities to engage with other people?
2) What sign would you like for parents, teachers, social workers, etc. to know that can point to child abuse?
3) What is something you'd do as a parent to make sure that your child doesn't experience any child abuse?
If you have a question you'd like me to ask at the next check-in, please let me know!
Take care,
audienta
You can get added to or removed from the trauma support taglist here.
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@audienta
1) What's one of your favourite activities to engage with other people?
Jamming.
2) What sign would you like for parents, teachers, social workers, etc. to know that can point to child abuse?
If a child is too quiet and sitting in a corner or being too loud and overexcited.
3) What is something you'd do as a parent to make sure that your child doesn't experience any child abuse?
Work on myself.
@communicativePond1728
Jamming sound so cool! What instrument do you play?
Thank you for expressing your thoughts on child abuse prevention. Working on ourselves is definitely key to preventing further generational trauma.
@audienta thanks 💯 I mostly sing, songwrite and play guitar and I've dabbled in drums, piano, saxophone and other percussion such as tambourine. Played around with many different instruments aside from that; there's so many out there and still yet more to be discovered or created 😊
@communicativePond1728
Wow, that sounds like an amazing passion!
@audienta really? Well, thanks I guess! I suppose it is.
@communicativePond1728
Definitely!
@communicativePond1728 so your not just really brainy, but incredibly talented too ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 Wow thanks tiny! 😊☺️☺️
@audienta
Highly appreciated on rising the awareness, thank you 🥲🙏
@daydreammemories
Thank you for your support.
@audienta
as a teenager going through child abuse physically and mentally, i appreciate that we raise awareness on topics like these 💛 thank you for posting this!
1. just a deep conversation with someone about life <3 a chat in the corner of a room or a cozy quiet place.
2. we might be smiley and laughing on the outside, we might be withdrawn or quiet, we might hide bruises and scars that are marked upon us both invisible and physical ones, we might find thoughts and emotions difficult, but we are just human. but then again, those could be signs of anything beyond child abuse. but your actions and your words make a big difference to a child. trust me. being noticed is a gift to a little creature surrounded by chaos and torment.
3. If i ever do have a kid. i will let them be a kid. let them grow up. not force them to grow up quicker. love them, not the way my parents did, but the way thats kind. I would hold them close but also give them space when needed. I wouldn't force them to do it the way i want, but instead guide them and support them, not choosing their direction for them. Because at the end of the day.... kids are guided by the world around them. not just their parents. We learn so much more from the outer world than just a mom/dad. So i would let them explore the world the way thats safe and comfortable for them. I would spend time because the way kids spell love is t-i-m-e. I would let them play and run and explore, and watch them grow into a beautiful being. A kids innocence and childhood can be stolen so quickly, but if you give a kid love and time they will grow in a healthy and loving environment. I would hold their hand, and hug them and tell them I love them. I would ask how school was. I would let them make friends and teach them about friendships. I would let them have the 5 more minutes of play time, i would put plasters on cuts, calm the tantrums down, encourage them to eat fruits. because thats what childhood is at the end of the day? its the small moments that count.
When you abuse your kid, they wont stop loving you, they will stop loving themselves.
Bunny :)
@amiableBunny4016
I think that's very important. We can't always prevent a child from every trauma but we can make give our best to make sure that they don't experience abuse.
@amiableBunny4016
Thank you a lot for sharing your thoughts, it's very helpful. I hope you can get into a kinder environment soon.
@audienta
Thank you! (:
1) What's one of your favourite activities to engage with other people?
Outside of Cups? I don't engage with anyone outside of Cups unless I have to
2) What sign would you like for parents, teachers, social workers, etc. to know that can point to child abuse?
If you suspect it and you talk to the kid and they say no everything is fine. Do a follow up. Kids that are abused don't know who they can trust. They might have tried to tell someone before but nobody did anything. And if the abuser finds out the kid tried to tell it doesn't go good for the kid. Abusers are often careful about where they leave their marks. Not all abuse is physical. The wounds of emotional and mental abuse are under the skin. Take time to observe the way the kid is during school. Try to talk to them more than once or twice.
3) What is something you'd do as a parent to make sure that your child doesn't experience any child abuse? Care about them. Genuinely love them. Gentle hands and gentle voices. Hands are ment to hold - to soothe and comfort. Voices don't need to be raised in anger. Know the people your kids are around - kids and parents. Talk to your kids and let them know that they can talk to you about anything. Have them take some self defense classes. Be a part of their world
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, they are very valuable.
@audienta 😥
@Tinywhisper11
Hey Tinywhisper,
Do you want to share your thoughts on the topic?
@audienta
Hello, I just wanted to reach out and say that I deeply appreciate your post about child abuse awareness month. Child abuse can come in many forms and can be deeply painful and long-lasting; I personally know a number of survivors of child abuse and what happened to them impacts their lives everyday and follows them around, no matter how hard they try to move on. A lot of people don't understand how devastating it can be to be abused as a child and aren't sympathetic and understanding enough of those people they meet in their everyday lives that have faced these things.
@PeacePink
Thank you for your addition to the post, I appreciate it.
@audienta
It's always amazing to see how hard you work on the forum and promoting engagement.
@PeacePink
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words and support.
1) What's one of your favourite activities to engage with other people?
Currently, I do not engage with the outside world, the only time I do it online. I have agoraphobia due to some extreme events that have happened in my life...
2) What sign would you like for parents, teachers, social workers, etc. to know that can point to child abuse?
Every kid will act differently, but when I was a child, I was very withdrawn and hardly talked to anyone. I was one of the top peers in my class with my grades, but didn't have very many friends and ended up being alone. Similar to what another comment has said, not all physical markings are visible. My partner used to get regular beatings from his father but he would hit him where it wasn't visible, plus he would ALWAYS were pants and long-sleeves to cover up. My partner was the opposite of me, he mentioned that he was more of a class clown and didn't care for school, so again, every kid is different. Best to just talk to them and let them know you're a safe person.
3) What is something you'd do as a parent to make sure that your child doesn't experience any child abuse?
I have a kid right now who is autistic and in speech therapy. When I called cops on my alcoholic & abusive ex-fiance, my son went to my ex's sister's custody temporarily. She told me she only took him to get tax money...anyways, I found scabs and bruises, and questioned ex's sister and she gave dumb excuses. She would purposely put my son in his girl cousin's clothes and constantly punish him for little stuff and allow her daughter to constantly bully son(she's a year older than him). One time, when my ex's sister came to pick up son with her husband and her daughter with her, my son saw them and started screaming and running back to the house...
My ex's sister HATES my ex and saw my son as my ex, so she tried to get revenge. I reported her several times to the child safety department, and they wouldn't do anything. I even got documentation from case aides and tried taking it to court, nothing came of it...
Since I have gotten my son back, I tell him how much I love him, and give him plenty of hugs and kisses. I never got told "I love you" as a child, so this is all new for me. Once he's a bit more verbal, I would like to put him in regular therapy...I wish I could do more for him, he's been through a lot. I'm in the process of putting him in a new school soon that specializes in autism and will also further help with speech therapy. He's already in speech therapy and regular daycare, but with the school that specializes for neurodivergent kids, they'll understand him better and be able to better assist him, while also giving me pointers to be a better parent for him.
@ImpudentIncognito
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I'm sorry to hear that you've been through so much and now you have to deal with abuse regarding your child too. I really hope that you can get access to appropriate support for you and your child. I'm sure that you're already a great parent given that you care a lot about your child and try to give him what you haven't got in childhood.
Trigger warning: Abuse
@audienta You're very kind, thank you for your support and warm words. It's been a tumultuous few years, but hoping it gets better soon! Working towards a new career and moving in with my partner whom my son is fond of and lives in a different city --- so I will be away from the things that have caused me trauma. Someone I used to trust and used to love nearly deleted my existence from this world, and I have had stalkers since living in this city. Just dealing with constant harassment. I feel much safer with my partner around. I think things will gradually get better for us (son, partner, and I).
@ImpudentIncognito
I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope you can move to your partner soon and feel safe again.
@audienta - Thank you for this awareness post. Many hugs to our trauma family.
2) What sign would you like for parents, teachers, social workers, etc. to know that can point to child abuse?
All behavior is communication.
@wontwakewontsleep
Thank you for your response.
@audienta
1) What's one of your favorite activities to engage with other people?
Talking about writing or like author workshops, those are really fun. Seeing and learning about different creative perspectives and executions.
2) What sign would you like for parents, teachers, social workers, etc. to know that can point to child abuse?
Being sensitive with touch. Like flinching or not liking when people touch them. At least from my experience.
3) What is something you'd do as a parent to make sure that your child doesn't experience any child abuse?
I feel like I think about this more often than I should, but I would make sure I'm okay. Mentally, emotionally, and physically so that I can be present for my hypothetical child. Obviously another factor would be who I had the child with, making sure that the person I had the child with is also someone who will be a good parent. There are many different types of parenting, and you got to be careful not to be too much of one thing. Being too strict isn't good, but just letting your kids do whatever they want isn't good either. And I'm going to stop my rant there.
@JollyRacher
Thank you for your answer. I think being sensitive to touch can be an important sign. And yes, making sure that the parents are okay themselves is crucial. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
1)what's one of your favorite activities to engage with other people?
Playing songs in a circle one person at a time
2)what sign would you like for parents, teachers, social workers, etc. to know that can point to child abuse?
Depression, self harm, anger, silence and sadness (when I was a kid this was my warning signs)
3) what is something you'd do as a parent to make sure your child doesn't experience child abuse?
Be a safe place for them. Let them know they can talk to me about anything. Always have their back.
@charmingSky5972
Thank you for your response. I find sharing songs with others a great activity as well. And always having your child's back is a very valuable quality of a parent in my opinion.