Part III: Paddling Alongside Others

@GlenM

• When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction?
  I have been stuck and fighting mental health battles when someone listened to me without judgement and been with me through thick and thin because of which I can say I m in much better place today.

• How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?

  I have been at a place in my early life when I needed someone and I was invisible and neglected. That experience has made me the person I am today, as I know what I couldn't get, there are so many people out there who need help.

• Narrative Therapy Exercise: How did it feel? 

  It was quite overwhelming and emotional rollercoaster in the beginning but perspective gave me narration to lead forward as real and learn from it.  

• List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you

  I have been trying to get this one thing and worked so hard to achieve but could never succeed. I felt as I had no other option left but who knew.. All the time I spent in those 4 years helped me achieve something else I never thought of. Hard work never goes to waste. 

Part 3: Closing Reflections: 

• What was one nugget that stood out to you from this part?

  That only providing compassion can help people in so many ways I never thought of-feel less alone, talk their heart out and say things which they try to hide. 

• Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If comfortable, please share that story and try to capture how it changed you or impacted you? If that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter?

  I guess, I m still waiting for that to happen. One chapter is yet to be opened.

@GlenM I couldn't find the Google Forms to submit my response. I am sharing in this post:

Niceee

@GlenM

🌱😊Dear fellow Kayakist, I enjoyed the lesson and the navigation, and I hope you too 🚣🏻☯️

I am not a native English speaker.

What detail caught my attention in this section?

I'm truly grateful for all the working materials because they contain valuable ideas. They're like a map for rediscovering the crucial role of compassion. For example, in my work as a teacher, it reminded me that a brief moment of support to offer hope to a student can bring renewal on some level.

I was reminded of Milton Erickson when I read the phrase "the wounded healer." This made me think about the profound value we teachers have in schools when it comes to stimulating curiosity about progress and validating one's own efforts. Furthermore, this is about seeing beyond mistakes, and I appreciate recognizing my own work because when I grade assignments, I provide feedback, but I don't deduct points for errors; I simply point them out. Several of my students arrive early because they've told me they enjoy my classes.

How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?

Having suffered from bullying, anxiety, and depression made me realize how valuable positive relationships can be and that it is important to "nurture" relationships to strengthen the connection with friends and those who can be friends.

I'd also like to talk about pronoia as an antidote to the tendency to interpret a context as "bad" and "completely" negative. Instead, pronoia gives me a sense of harmony or even protection. Perhaps that's why there are more than 4,200 religions on the planet: because they offer compassion, connection, and a sense of a benevolent universe.

💙 Think about a time when someone truly "believed" in me.

The situation occurred with a teacher many years ago. She commented that I was creative while doing an activity, and I really perceived that she was honest and sensible in her comments. She didn't exaggerate or say them out of obligation. That academic reflection made me highlight my creative ability.

How did I feel?

I felt seen, valued, and appreciated.

How did it impact me?

I became interested in being more creative and applying my ideas to provide solutions in different contexts.

What would I call that chapter?

That chapter of my life is called the rapid river of creativity because it was a surprise to discover that being "seen" did matter to me. I knew my work was creative, but being recognized helped me regain my ability to recognize my own work. With that, my self-esteem rose "in the flow of the current."

Narrative Therapy Exercise: How did it feel?

I felt a growing sadness and some anxiety because it took me by surprise to make sense of my death. I wanted two kinds of opinions: positive and "incomprehension." The positive ones were validating and nostalgic. The "incomprehension" opinions were in the context of others' expectations, but also their desire for me to be happier or more successful. So her expectations weren't from the "should be" zone; instead, I projected her positive intention to realize that I can be happier without "burning myself out working." 

How can I apply these lessons to my goals?

I want to remember that I can improve my English by focusing on small great steps 😊🌱.

To do this, I want to learn how to use a platform where I can manage tasks. This would give me visual control with colors and help me reclaim time instead of getting sidetracked (I'll create learning sprints).

Regarding compassion, I will apply it with my family, so they know I don't focus on their mistakes but rather on their successes.

To apply Pronoia: I would like to think that my boss isn't waiting for me to make a mistake but is instead looking for a positive group objective.

"Rowing with" I want to apply this idea when listening to people, keeping in mind that my role is to empower each person to "take their own paddle, compass, and keep their kayak in good condition." I am inspired by knowing that my work in listening to people provides relief and hope so that each individual can strengthen their stability or broaden their understanding of their current life situation or life path.

🚣🏻 May the Compassion and Hope continue to guide us.

JediJan

@GlenM

When have I found someones compassion change my direction?

This was quite an important message I received from a teacher at school who told everyone “If you think you do not have a talent, being a good friend is a gift.”

This encouraged me to not be so swayed by academic achievements of which we cannot take with us when we die. 

As cliched as it sounds people will remember how you made them feel than what you did. 

How has something that once hurt you helped you become part of how you help others? 

I try not to judge based on appearance. If the person doesn’t look friendly I will try to include them. I know first impressions matter a lot so don’t mistake someone looking grumpy as unfriendly or not friend material. 

Narrative story exercise:

Why did you not choose me to share your pain with? 

Am I part of the problem? 

Was my love not enough? 

How are you being so detached? 

Where are you now? 

Will I see you again? 

This exercise was futuristic and I would say there was quiet sobbing; not a loud experience. People sharing that I wasn't open enough or that it was not obvious that I need help. People asking how I died.  A bit grim - I would say the emotions maybe are sad, regret and guilt and hope. 

• List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you

Failing a course - I then utliised that skillset elsewhere. Maybe it would have looked more smart move to take it off my CV if I failed but I did not. It showed me I dont have to be dishonest in my experience even if it might look like a red flag or reflect incompetence. 

One nugget that stood out for you:

Concepts like the wounded healer among many others can resonate with many in how they have showed up in their life and how they dig deep into their purpose. This section was my favourite!

Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If comfortable, please share that story and try to capture how it changed you or impacted you? If that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter?

My dad had told me dont be afraid of failure. I felt relieved and soothed by this statement. I did not see it as minimising pain but that failure in itself is a teacher. I would call the chapter learning in disappointment, shame, and without comparison. See yourself as the person that can control their own reactions when the outcome isnt favourable and when you are wrong apologise and lead with genuineness. Everyone wont like your genuineness but dont compromise it. 

When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction?

My fiance has given me the support over the past couple years to follow through with a career change. Although this has meant a lot of sacrifice for both of us, she knows how important it is for me and what it will ultimately provide for us in the future. That compassion has certainly changed my trajectory in life.

How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?

I was an alcoholic for the better part of fourteen years & the victim of an abusive relationship lasting five years. Raised by an alcoholic father and a narcissistic mother who divorced early on in my life, there are things I have experienced during my life that have taught me lasting lessons. I can then use what I’ve learned to make sure others don’t have to feel as helpless, vulnerable and alone as I have.

What would people say at my funeral?

I would want my spouse to say that I was tenacious, loving, a good man that absolutely did his best to make sure those he loved were comfortable and well cared for. I hope she would say that I was the best father her daughter could ask for. I’d want my daughter to talk about how happy she is that I adopted her and what a powerful influence I was in her life. She would probably say I was awkward or goofy all the time, but that we always had fun together. My best friend would probably joke about the fun we had working together, out of everyone he would be the person most likely to say something inappropriate. He would go on about how I helped him stay positive in the dark times of his life and how I helped him grow professionally and personally. My coworkers would talk about how strong of a leader I was. I would want them to say I was dependable, always there when they needed me. And I would want them to talk about my gentle demeanor and thorough training through empowerment. I would want everyone there to know how much I valued and loved them. They would probably mention my struggles against depression, but I hope they would talk about how I mastered that struggle, building a monument to myself in its place.

Narrative Therapy Exercise: How did it feel?

Brutally honest, as though I couldn’t hide from myself. I feel like it focuses more on my strengths and reassures me that there are parts of me that I love.

One event that looked unlucky but later helped you:

Moving to Virginia looked pretty unlucky, and has honestly been brutally unlucky. However, I’ve been able to find new ways of doing things, and new ways of thinking which have helped me grow into a better person.

One nugget that stood out to me this part was the funeral visualization. It’s easy to think about how you could be just a small part of someone’s life, but in reality provide much meaning.

My Dad believed in me when I was younger. The feeling was an overwhelming sense of comfort, comradry and complete validation. I think these instances truly impacted who I am as a human being, a man and a father figure.

I would call that chapter “Hope.”

@GlenM

When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction? I felt it here at 7cups.

How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others? I can't protect others from hurt but I can do my best that they do not have to bear the pain alone. 

Narrative Therapy Exercise: How did it feel? 

List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you

People laughed at me in a very bad way for feeling kind of anxious (sorry can't find the right word) about something I needed to buy from them. It made me feel very bad so I decided it will never happen again and made sure I can do everything on my own if needed. 

Part 3: Closing Reflections: 

What was one nugget that stood out to you from this part?

Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If comfortable, please share that story and try to capture how it changed you or impacted you? If that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter?

I would call that chapter "Not broken"

@GlenM

Questions 

These are the questions which you will find. Answering them after pausing on the relevant section they appear will be helpful. We do recommend trying to answer all of the questions, but if you would like, you can choose to answer any 3 publicly! 

• When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction? The support of a work colleague during my darkest hours laying in a hospital bed with my first pulmonary embolism has lead to a lifelong friendship. It is quite remote but we know we are always there for each other when needed. I supported her through brain cancer later on.

• How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others? Suffering 2 pulmonary embolisms has helped me support and encourage others through Thrombosis UK forums and more recently *** group. Lead to a 10 year & counting friendship, currently supporting her recovery from her 3rd spinal fusion operation.

• Narrative Therapy Exercise: How did it feel? 

• List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you 'unlucky' isn't a word I'd choose, but hereditary arthritis (ankylosing spondilitis) ended aspirations of a professional cycling career. Proactively managing the condition has given me considerable inner strength and drive to be the best I can be, continued racing at a club level with 20 extremely rewarding years as a club coach. The inner strenght and drive has been invaluable in fighting through 2 pulmonary embolisms and helping others to do the same. 

Part 3: Closing Reflections: 

• What was one nugget that stood out to you from this part? Paranoia v pronoia, i'm quite simply paranoid, recently acknowledged and accepting I need to start by taking small steps to change course.

• Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If comfortable, please share that story and try to capture how it changed you or impacted you? If that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter? I feel honoured and truly appreciated to still be friends with Fiona, even in the early hrs this morning we simply talked through her recovery from her operation and the need for her to take small steps and be patient. She is struggling with post operation insomnia and I often have troubles sleeping, night shifts and ADHD not a good mix, I always feel honoured that she trusts me to be here for her.

Part 3 Reflections

5. I felt compassion from my mother’s friend Twila, a social worker, when I was hurting from my first divorce. She talked with me and told me there was nothing wrong with me - it was him. Although I since have realized that I was half the problem, her compassion in telling me I was not a flawed and worthless person was huge for me. I went from feeling worthless to feeling like a victim, which was far more palatable. I eventually leveled up to willingness (optimism) and acceptance (forgiveness).

8. I have bipolar disorder and before it was diagnosed and treated, I lived in a hopeless and helpless place. Eventually, I got the right meds and my mood turned around. In the meantime, I became very familiar with depressed feelings. Now, when I help someone who is depressed, I can understand how it feels and what words from another person can help. I’ve found that, for me, a good listener who validates feelings, acknowledges strengths, and brings a sense of hope can lessen the helplessness and hopelessness that come with depression. I try to give that to the people I help.

13. My funeral

Bek

·         Ann was my everything.

·         Ann was calm and logical in the face of life’s challenges

·         Ann was loving and kind

Richie

·         Mom was successful in her career

·         Mom did things her own way

·         Mom helped others – friends, family, and strangers

Danny

·         Mom was loving and caring

·         Mom loved to jam with rock and blues

·         Mom was a free spirit

Debbie

·         Ann was smart

·         Ann was kind

·         Ann was a good friend

20. My divorce looked unlucky at the time, but ended up making room for my soulmate to come into my life.

23. What stuck out for me was that in the funeral exercise, the thing that everyone mentioned was that I’m compassionate and kind.

When my wife Bek became severely depressed, she believed in me to help her find a way through it. Her trust made me feel close to her and motivated me to do all I could to get her the help she needed. The chapter in my memoires would be “My Soulmate”

@GlenM

• When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction?

  Answer: I am lucky enough to have many experiences like this with my therapist. She is supportive, non-judgemental and she meets me where I am. With her support I've dealt with difficult situations I was lost in and I've accomplished things I didn't think were possible for me. 

• How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?

  Answer: Dealing with mental health issues brought a lot of loneliness, pain, anxiety and despair in my life. Experiencing all these painful feelings is playing a crucial role on how I process my life experiences, as well as the experiences of others. I'm learning to respect the fact that each of us has their own path and what is helpful for someone might not be beneficial for someone else. Plus, going through life has taught me the importance of empathy and connection. I am still learning and I'm trying to apply what I'm learning so I can be truly supportive to others. 

• List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you

  Answer: The choice of what to study