Part III: Paddling Alongside Others

@GlenM

·         When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction?

For me, my husband is that person who always listens to me after a hard day, and always supports me no matter what. I secretly know that I don’t deserve him, I think he is the best person and I am very lucky he chose me. 😊 His love also makes me a kinder and more caring person.

·         How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?

8 years ago I was bullied by my colleague at my workplace. It was quite serious and a tough period of 6 months, I suffered a lot that time. Since then, I have been teaching and giving lectures on mobbing, talking about that there are things you don’t have to go through and what to do etc. I know it helps, as after my class usually there is always somebody who stays and tells me their situation. I am glad that I can support them in this way.

·         List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you

I have had different health issues and I felt unlucky and desperate, as why it happened to me… But I could build on it, it made me stronger, more resilient and gave up the effort for perfection.

Part 3: Closing Reflections: 

·         What was one nugget that stood out to you from this part?

Honestly? I enjoyed this chapter from beginning to end… But if I need to choose one: the idea of the Kintsugi pottery (beauty in the broken…) as it’s a wonderful thought and was new to me.

·         Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If comfortable, please share that story and try to capture how it changed you or impacted you? If that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter?

I was very lucky in all my life, as my journey and studies was constantly helped and supported by my parents, teachers, friends and many people were like my mentors. It seems that I always found those who wanted to contribute to my development and not hurt me. Here I want to mention a special friend, who sadly passed away this summer, who really motivated me and stood by my side, I couldn’t even think about having lost him until now. I know he would be so proud of who I am now.  

@GlenM

question 1

When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction?

 When I came back from cups suspension   How warm supportive caring and helpful everyone was. I felt little like uneasy like every one was watching my move but I think it help guide me to become a better listener for this community.

Question 2

  at time time I felt this suspension for 12 week hurt me s o bad after loosing something I love for a while.

 With over 3 months of be back it made me be really careful on. How I go  about things if I want to keep this not lose it agagin, also  recently I got a. Coaching pm and I know think it will help me do 1 to 1 chats better.

question 3

• 
  

  List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you

  as I said before the self care break  this course is helping me see what’s going on happen to me 5/29 to now  differently and coming to terms with it now. I really like I leave this mistake  i. Past  now fully move on from it,

When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction?

There was a time when I felt completely stuck — not at a crossroads, but in that heavy in-between place where everything feels blurry. A person I trusted sat with me in that space without trying to drag me out of it. They didn’t offer solutions or motivational quotes. They just… stayed. They said, “I’m here, and I trust you’ll figure this out in your own time.”

Hearing that shifted something inside me. It didn’t change the situation, but it changed the way I carried it. Their compassion didn’t redirect my path—
it redirected me.
It softened the fear, the self-doubt, the urge to rush toward an answer.
And with that, I was able to move again.

How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?

Pain has a strange way of becoming a language. When you’ve lived through something that once felt unbearable, you start recognizing echoes of it in others. For me, something that once left me feeling deeply misunderstood has turned into a quiet kind of empathy.

Because I know what it’s like to hurt quietly, I’m more patient when someone else takes time to open up. I don’t reach for quick fixes. I don’t try to “cheerlead” someone out of their feelings. Instead, I sit with them the way I once wished someone would sit with me.

It’s like the wound eventually became a compass — pointing me toward gentleness I might not have learned otherwise

Narrative Therapy Exercise: How did it feel?

Telling the story from a different perspective felt almost like picking up an object I had only ever examined in the dark and finally seeing it in light. At first it felt uncomfortable, like I was rewriting something that was supposed to stay painful.

But as I reframed the story — not erasing the hurt, but widening the lens — something softened. I realized how much strength I had over time quietly built around that moment.

It felt grounding.
Not euphoric. Not triumphant.
Just… honest.
Like I finally allowed myself to rewrite the story in a way that gave me room to breathe.

One event that looked unlucky but later helped you

There was a moment when something I deeply wanted slipped through my fingers — a plan I’d invested in, imagined, counted on. It felt like loss at the time, like the universe had closed a door I needed open.

Only later did I realize it pushed me onto a path that ended up fitting me better than the one I was chasing. The “unlucky” moment became a hidden turning point — one of those shifts you only recognize when you look back and think, Oh… that’s why.

In the moment it felt like failure.
Now it feels like quiet guidance.

Closing Reflections

What was one nugget that stood out to you from this part?

The idea that our cracks become bridges  that the places we once felt broken often become the exact places others feel safe approaching us. It made me realize that vulnerability isn’t a flaw in leadership; it’s part of the connection.

Think of a time someone truly believed in you. How did that feel? What would you call that chapter?

Someone once looked at me during a time when I doubted everything about myself and simply said, “You’re capable. Even now. Even like this.”

It wasn’t loud or dramatic — it was quiet, steady, and sincere.
That belief didn’t fix everything, but it lit something small inside me, like a single light in a dim room. Just enough to help me take the next step.

If that person were a chapter in my story, I’d call it:

“The Lantern Holder.”

Because that’s what they were  someone who didn’t show me the whole path, but gave me enough light to start moving again.

@GlenM

I went through the entire slides, and honestly, it was powerful. it shifted the way I view connection, compassion, and even myself. It helped me reframe old patterns. Thank you.

1. When have you felt someone's compassion change your direction?

I grew up in an environment where harshness felt normal. When cruelty is repeated long enough, you stop questioning it. I eventually convinced myself, “Maybe this is what I deserve. Maybe this is just how life is for me.”

For a long time, I didn’t even notice how numb I had become.

Then unexpectedly, someone treated me with genuine compassion. Not a grand gesture, not dramatic help, just quiet, sincere care. And it shook me more than any cruelty ever had.

It felt unfamiliar, almost uncomfortable at first. But slowly, I recognized the feeling: being treated like a human being who deserves gentleness.

For a moment, I felt seen, for a moment, I felt heard, for a moment, I felt like I mattered.

And the part that changed me was this: "they expected nothing in return"

That single interaction didn’t erase my hardship, but it opened a door inside me. It showed me that not every human is here to hurt me. It made me question the beliefs I had forced myself to swallow for survival.

It taught me a truth I hold close now:

One act of genuine compassion can tilt the entire direction of a life... not by saving you, but by reminding you that you are worth saving.

That was the beginning of me learning to accept kindness without flinching.

2. How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?

My difficult experiences have shaped my empathy more than anything else. Every painful chapter carved out a deeper understanding of people.

So today, when I meet someone who resembles the version of me that once suffered alone, something inside me responds instantly... not out of obligation, but recognition.

It’s like seeing a reflection of my past self standing in front of me. I know what it feels like to have no one. I know the weight of holding everything in silence. I know the exhaustion of pretending to be okay when you're breaking from inside.

So when I help others, it doesn’t feel like I’m giving from a place of emptiness. It feels like I’m finally offering myself the support I never received.

Their relief becomes my relief. their gratitude feels like my inner child whispering, “Thank you for not abandoning me this time.”

My pain didn’t just become experience... it became a compass. it guides me toward people who are hurting, and it allows me to reach them in ways only someone who has survived similar storms can.

Helping others is not me being “strong.” it’s me becoming the person I needed during my darkest nights.

3. List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you.

I’ve lost many people, those who loved me, supported me, understood me, or simply enjoyed my presence.

Some passed away, some changed, some grew tired of me, and some simply disappeared, some suddenly, and some in ways I couldn’t understand at that time.

Back then, every departure felt like a curse or a punishment. losing them broke me in ways I didn’t know how to explain but with time, I began to see things differently.

Their absence forced me to confront myself. it made me understand that not everything we love is meant to stay.

People change. Circumstances shift. Emotional availability fades.

It taught me a painful but important lesson: "Attachment without boundaries becomes self-destruction"

Because when you rely too heavily on people, their absence becomes a disaster and when you cross emotional limits, it turns into dependency, and dependency often brings more suffering than comfort.

What once looked like “bad luck” eventually gave me clarity:

I learned how to value presence without clinging, how to care without losing myself, and how to let go without breaking apart.

Losing people helped me gain myself. it taught me mindfulness, emotional regulation, and the ability to stand on my own feet, even when the ground feels unstable.

It was painful, yes! but it was also a turning point.

And lastly… I’m not fully recovered, even now I'm suffering tbh but I’ve realised something important: it’s okay to fall. It’s part of being human. If everything was perfect all the time, we’d never grow. I’m still learning, still hurting, but I know now that falling doesn’t mean I’m failing, it’s just part of the process.

@GlenM

• How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?

• When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction? / 

  So many times in my life! The latest 'big one' was when my little cat, close to 18 years old, was dying, and a not-even-that-close acquaintance stepped up and helped me built and plant around the kitty-shaped hole in my heart (and yes, grief counsellors grieve too, we are not immune, and I hope the experience allows us to grow and support others with deeper understanding and empathy).

• Narrative Therapy Exercise: How did it feel? 

  The exercise is powerful (who would cry when you die). Maybe more important than the legacy we leave is how we wish we had lived our lives - and is what we are doing right now aligned with that? are we acting in a way that adds a stroke to this picture? It helps to write it down, to compare better, to remember.

• List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you

  Ok, this will sound weird, but for me personally it was covid times. Looking back I think it was because the world came to a standstill, and in my small corner everything EVERYTHING changed. And at first it was upsetting, but with change comes chance. So if you want to stay in the picture, I realized that I had been just going with the flow, not asking myself if the current took me to where I wanted to go, and where that even would be. And so it became the time for me to find my paddle again (dropped and lying unused and forgotten at the bottom of the kayak) and starting to steer again, with the direction of somewhere I actually wanted to be.

• What was one nugget that stood out to you from this part?

  Pronoia. Totally forgotten about the concept.

• Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If comfortable, please share that story and try to capture how it changed you or impacted you? If that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter?

  Reading through the comments, itis often a teacher or a partner, isn't it? In my case it was a team leader, who took me in as a trainee, against all odds. I am still not sure why, what potential she could have seen at this point; maybe it was a gut feeling. Yet still I try to prove to her, to everyone and to the universe that I will keep up my end of the promise and to deliver the best work I possibly can.

  
  

  PS: I love love love the picture of the kayakers together with the quote 'We paddle alongside them, not for them' - because we so often get asked 'What should I do?' and it is not up to us to decide that but instead be with them and reassure gently until they have figured out what they should do.

@GlenM

We can navigate any waters, with time, the right tools and the right mindset 🥰

Have a great and rewarding trip down the river.

How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?

It's overwhelmingly bittersweet. They made me experience such deep pain I won't wish on anyone. This made me motivated to try help people going through emotional pain.

What was one nugget that stood out to you from this part?

It's interesting that negative visualisation can be good for making reality better. I find myself thinking this way while waiting for results. However it's becomes unhealthy past a certain point so 'prepare for the worst and hope for the best' is something I aim for.

Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel?

I am grateful for them and believe they are precious.

@GlenM

How to Participate

1) Read the slides for Part 3: Paddling Alongside Others

2) Reflect on the questions and activities after each section.

3) Share your reflections in this thread - you can answer all the reflection time questions in this space. Spend some time reading everyone else’s thoughts too to learn from everyone else.

Questions 

These are the questions which you will find. Answering them after pausing on the relevant section they appear will be helpful. We do recommend trying to answer all of the questions, but if you would like, you can choose to answer any 3 publicly! 

• When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction? Theses are very personal questions that I would prefer answering privately. 

• How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others? Determination to help others to help themselves has its own beneficial environment development and evolution.  Start small to make big differences when paying with education and feeling of resolvement and gratitude usually has a tendency to develop a pay it forward domino effect.

• Narrative Therapy Exercise: How did it feel? After all the chaos and the perseverance it felt easier and lighter and new challenges did not seem as big afterwards since I gained experiences. 

• List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you

Part 3: Closing Reflections: 

• What was one nugget that stood out to you from this part? 

• Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If comfortable, please share that story and try to capture how it changed you or impacted you? If that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter? I would call it: The White Page

@GlenM

Well, yes there have been lots of people who believed in my actually. One of them is my uncle, my shining uncle 💕 I love him very much 💞 more than words can weild the matter. He has always been encouraging and supportive to me since my childhood. 

3 years ago, after I sat for a national exam we met and he told me that he was sure about my success and that he knows how brilliant I am 🤎. I felt so happy 😊. The day of the result I received the message and yes I was ranked among the best 40 students in the whole country. I remembered what he said and that made me happier. Despite of what happened that day be came to say congratulations 🎉 and said that he told everyone that he was sure that I will shine and that he always have an unconditional  confidence in me. May Allah the most powerful *** him I love him so much 😍🥰