Part I: The River - Exploring Life as a River
Welcome to part 1 of the Way of the River series.
We are going down the river of life in our kayak. At the start, it may feel unnatural or a little clumsy. Maybe we lose our paddle or get stuck on rocks, but with more experience we gradually learn to read the water.
With a little more experience we can begin to feel the current pulling us. Sometimes we might not want to follow the current. Instead, we might have our eye on a beautiful spot across the water on the side of a river bank. Many of us will work really hard to cross the river to get to that spot. It will require a lot of extra paddling because we are going against the current.
One sad, but instructive experience happens when you finally make it to that hoped for spot and realize it is not as good as you had imagined. You were sure it was going to be beautiful, but somehow it fell short of that beauty. This is frustrating because it took so much energy to get there.
Some of us are stubborn, slow to learn, or both, and we have to make this same mistake many, many, many times.
Eventually, however, we too learn how to read the water and follow the current. Sometimes the current leads us right past the spots we wanted to go and then surprises us around the bend with a far better spot. These are great situations. Oddly, even though we shouldn't, we often give ourselves credit for finding the new spot, when most of the credit should go to the current. Still, these are great times and should be deeply enjoyed because they do not happen all the time.
Other times the current can lead us down more treacherous waters with rocks, eddies, and sticks that can be tough to navigate. Sometimes we lose a paddle, flip the kayak and get wet. In particularly tough times, we may even get injured. We don’t usually take “credit” for our role in these situations and instead happily blame the current.
Why do these more challenging times happen?
I believe they happen so that we can learn. Nobody wants to feel the anxiety, difficulties, and sometimes pain that happens during these times, but these are indeed the times that teach us the most skill. We don’t learn to become master kayakers when the river is smooth. We learn how to be master kayakers on the rapids. Adversity challenges us to overcome.
So, what is the right approach?
The approach is one that goes against our natural impulses. It can sometimes feel like it goes against everything that is within us, especially when it is painful and not what we had hoped for. The stoics were master kayakers and they have a statement, “the problem is the path.” They encourage us to steer into the challenges and to trust the current. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages us to see the challenge as an opportunity to learn to solve a problem that we’ve been ignoring. These are wise words.
Abraham Maslow, another master kayaker, tells us to go further. He instructs us to see the challenges as a gift, to embrace them like we would a friend, to listen deeply and carefully to what they are telling us, to listen to their whispers. He encourages us to see the challenges as ends in and of themselves; and warns us not to look past them as a means to an end. He wants us to see and appreciate them for what they are – independent, difficult, and beautiful experiences.
The river of life brings us smooth, deep, and troubled waters. Thankfully we do not paddle alone. We find other kayakers on the water that also teach us lessons. Most of the lessons come down to following the current rather than insisting on our own plans. This key lesson is a lifetime lesson.
Reflection question: We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
I’m thankful that I have found all of you on the river. Thank you for paddling alongside me 🙏✨❤️.
This post is part 1 of The Way of the River Series. Find the complete information and all related posts here
Reading the theory is just the map, but the real progress happens in the water. Apply to join the exclusive closed group here and kayak together!
@GlenM
question you asked Reflection question: We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
to look around see the tiny blessings within the hard time see what lessons you can learn from this time we know you can over come this challenge and in the end you will see what you learned from this hard time also that we here for you to go through it we stand beside you
@stormieandpaws What a beautiful thing to say. You must be a wonderful friend! Awww. So sweet, so caring, so loving. 🥰
@YourCaringConfidant
we try to make world a better place one person at a time we can not change the whole world even touch everyone in the world but can touch one person at a time we feel this changes the world too we not have many friends offline but have 2 one we very close to and open with the other we support her here to talk to her mostly about her stuff but kindness and being there to support listen to her helps her she say a lot
darkness runaway when light come into it when feel that this case with people too love and caring can touch them bring a little light into their world too
@stormieandpaws
It's all about those glimmers that keep the world lit!
Beautiful wisdom firm you, my friend.
@GlenM
I'd talk to them in a way that calms them down, not stresses them out:
"Hey... I know that the current seems stronger than you at the moment. It's like you're not making the progress you wanted no matter how hard you try. But I've seen you before, and I know this isn't the end of your story.
Today is not the day to solve everything. Try to keep your head above water.
You've been through tough times before, times that felt just as heavy and uncertain. You weren't lucky, but you stuck with it, changed, and found a way. You still have that strength, even if it doesn't feel strong right now.
Take a break when you need to. Find people who can hold some of this with you. You don't need to carry it by yourself.
This storm? It will be over. When it does, you won't just be through it, but you'll have a better understanding of how strong you are.
I'm here. For this and those restful days as well.
Do not try to fix their pain. Instead, tell them that they are strong and not alone in it.
@JerseyGirl55305 If there's something to help keep one's head held high and hanging on for dear life-- it's this tight here! 💯 This was a beautiful, beautiful read. So personal and relatable. Your words to a friend struggling would be just the fuel to keep them wanting to try. You must have such a beautiful heart. Just wanted to let you know I found this to be a sweet read. 😀 I'm sure many would agree! ❤️
@JerseyGirl55305
That is really well written. I can only imagine how much this would help someone when they really needed it. I know that it would help me.
@JerseyGirl55305
"But I've seen you before, and I know this isn't the end of your story." Beautifully said, and I love how your approach is equally comforting and empowering! Great wisdom <3
Reflection question: We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
My thoughts: I would try to see them and name their pain. I would try show them that I am not afraid of how bad it seems. That I can sit with it with them as it is without pretending it is not so bad. The feeling of not being alone, of being seen is the most precious source of strength. Some people could be able to stop and appreciate a beauty behind the difficulty. If yes, then let's do that and notice the beauty of the crazy water. For some, it might be to much, if they are already too tired. If they choose to, then we can try to rest for a moment, shutting out the loud waves, just remembering how safety feels. Restoring the believe it is worth to peddle some more. Then, maybe we can take a look around together and look ahead searching for something good that we could gently start pedaling towards. Maybe we would change our mind and let it go if it was not working out. The point would be to keep moving. And maybe as we move together let something else emerge beside the terror. Maybe when they believe they are not alone in it, it will change into something less terrifying and more adventure like?
I appreciate that you mentioned both directions and didn't just focus on the positive predictions.
@hardworkingLand4914
Agreed, and accepting that life is complex is a huge part of the journey, and this series shows that realistic perspectives better equip us for the hard times.
I like the metaphor of the river a lot. However, I don't really agree that there is a lesson in ALL challenges we face (although there for sure are plenty). Sometimes bad things happen due to bad luck, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, etc. I don't necessarily need to or find it helpful to view these circumstances in a contemplative way or ask myself "Why did this happen and what can I learn from it?" Because sometimes there is no answer to that.
Anyway, just my thoughts.
@cafedaydreams You're certainly entitled to your own thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. Thank you so much for sharing! 😀 I'm sure there's many others who share the same thought as you regarding this.
I honestly can’t think of what I would say to a friend. I always find it hard to say the right thing in those moments. I tend to opt for being there with them. In this metaphor I would probably tie their kayak to mine so that no matter what I am with them. I would sit down with them and I always tend to give things to people. Whether it’s a hug or a little chocolate.
I know that this doesn’t help in every instance but I’ve found it helps me and the people I’m close with.
@inventiveKitten4821 It's totally ok to not know what to say. Sometimes it's difficult to know what to say. But if you ask me-- I think how you opt to respond and show care and empathy is beautiful. Sitting aside a person during the difficult times (no words even need to be spoken) speaks volumes about you and your character. That's what matters. A friend knowing they can rely on you to be there through it all. You've gotta be the most loving friend. Also, offerings of hugs, chocolates, sweet little gifts is a great gesture too. Who doesn't love this? 😀
@inventiveKitten4821
just being with another can help so much sometimes words not needed at all just being with them sitting with them within the issues we loved how you said you tie their to yours so you be there with them
@inventiveKitten4821
Actions speak louder than words, so the act of presence, in my opinion, is the true strength. You would absolutely be someone I would be happy to paddle alongside, knowing you'd show up for me!
To a friend in rough waters: You don’t have to paddle alone. Let the current guide you, and I’ll be right there in my kayak beside you."
@Claimlistener
Well said! Letting the current be the guide, and being there on the journey, is everything <3
@Heather225
Beautifully said. 🌊 Sometimes the bravest thing we do is trust the current and even more beautiful when we don't have to float alone. Grateful to be on this river with you.
@GlenM
I love that the focus is on improvement and opportunity. It makes me feel like we're all in this together, learning how to be better listeners and humans
@Claimlistener ❤️❤️
@Claimlistener I like to think we're all in this together too! 😀
@Claimlistener very well said! we are indeed all in this together! onward and upward we go!