Part I: The River - Exploring Life as a River
Welcome to part 1 of the Way of the River series.
We are going down the river of life in our kayak. At the start, it may feel unnatural or a little clumsy. Maybe we lose our paddle or get stuck on rocks, but with more experience we gradually learn to read the water.
With a little more experience we can begin to feel the current pulling us. Sometimes we might not want to follow the current. Instead, we might have our eye on a beautiful spot across the water on the side of a river bank. Many of us will work really hard to cross the river to get to that spot. It will require a lot of extra paddling because we are going against the current.
One sad, but instructive experience happens when you finally make it to that hoped for spot and realize it is not as good as you had imagined. You were sure it was going to be beautiful, but somehow it fell short of that beauty. This is frustrating because it took so much energy to get there.
Some of us are stubborn, slow to learn, or both, and we have to make this same mistake many, many, many times.
Eventually, however, we too learn how to read the water and follow the current. Sometimes the current leads us right past the spots we wanted to go and then surprises us around the bend with a far better spot. These are great situations. Oddly, even though we shouldn't, we often give ourselves credit for finding the new spot, when most of the credit should go to the current. Still, these are great times and should be deeply enjoyed because they do not happen all the time.
Other times the current can lead us down more treacherous waters with rocks, eddies, and sticks that can be tough to navigate. Sometimes we lose a paddle, flip the kayak and get wet. In particularly tough times, we may even get injured. We don’t usually take “credit” for our role in these situations and instead happily blame the current.
Why do these more challenging times happen?
I believe they happen so that we can learn. Nobody wants to feel the anxiety, difficulties, and sometimes pain that happens during these times, but these are indeed the times that teach us the most skill. We don’t learn to become master kayakers when the river is smooth. We learn how to be master kayakers on the rapids. Adversity challenges us to overcome.
So, what is the right approach?
The approach is one that goes against our natural impulses. It can sometimes feel like it goes against everything that is within us, especially when it is painful and not what we had hoped for. The stoics were master kayakers and they have a statement, “the problem is the path.” They encourage us to steer into the challenges and to trust the current. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages us to see the challenge as an opportunity to learn to solve a problem that we’ve been ignoring. These are wise words.
Abraham Maslow, another master kayaker, tells us to go further. He instructs us to see the challenges as a gift, to embrace them like we would a friend, to listen deeply and carefully to what they are telling us, to listen to their whispers. He encourages us to see the challenges as ends in and of themselves; and warns us not to look past them as a means to an end. He wants us to see and appreciate them for what they are – independent, difficult, and beautiful experiences.
The river of life brings us smooth, deep, and troubled waters. Thankfully we do not paddle alone. We find other kayakers on the water that also teach us lessons. Most of the lessons come down to following the current rather than insisting on our own plans. This key lesson is a lifetime lesson.
Reflection question: We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
I’m thankful that I have found all of you on the river. Thank you for paddling alongside me 🙏✨❤️.
This post is part 1 of The Way of the River Series. Find the complete information and all related posts here
Reading the theory is just the map, but the real progress happens in the water. Apply to join the exclusive closed group here and kayak together!
@GlenM
This is so beautiful. Thank you for this. To anyone going through difficult waters, I want you to know you're never alone even if it feels like it sometimes. I want you to see it as a way life gives it's lessons. You've been through many difficult waters since you were little and you are here now. You fought hard. You didn't sink, you didn't drown, you kept going. Now you're here. I believe in you and I believe you can keep going and it'll get better. ❤️
@beeyoolee0001 *wipes tears* This is such a beautiful, heartfelt read! Beeyoolee, this just touches my heart beyond words seriously. I love the reminder that we've all gone through things when we were younger and made it through til today. It shows just what we are capable of. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words of encouragement to a friend. I love it. *sighs* 🥲🥰
@GlenM
Well, if I was right next to that friend right now, I might give them an assist with their paddle with their permission, or help in an immediate sense to get them out of any crisis situation they found themselves. If it’s just a momentary crisis, then I would try to talk them through it, maybe even breath by breath, or stroke by stroke.
@CalmRosebud I like the options you provide here and the implicit ability to diagnose or get a sense of what can best help the person!
Thank you for writing this out GlenM. I would tell my friend that they are not alone and it helps to talk about it. Be kind to themselves, this tough time won’t last forever.
@2Ears2Hear being kind to themselves is such good advice. How would you say this?
@GlenM Be kind to yourself by exploring what it is you need. You’re allowed. Find a relaxing hobby (for example, crocheting or paining) or activity (ie. rock climbing or bowling). Learn a new skill set such as meditation, yoga or Practice self care by reaching out if you’re lonely or if it’s quiet time you need, don’t be afraid to take it every chance you can.
@GlenM sorry for not getting back sooner. Still learning to make time for recovery and this app 😊
@2Ears2Hear great to see you and no need to apologize! recovery is super important. I am rooting for you!
Thank you, same to you 😊
@GlenM This was such a peaceful read. I really felt that part about the current surprising us with something better than what we were chasing. Sometimes life knows what it’s doing more than we do. 💙🚣♀️
@thoughtfulSail5983 trust is such a gift! do you do anything to increase your sense of trust in the current?
@thoughtfulSail5983 What a beautiful read! 🥰
@GlenM
Thank you for sharing this with us, Glen ✨
Life sure has its ups and downs,
and the river analogy is such a brilliant way to describe it.
Life has ways to take us to places that we didn't expect to be in,
and sometimes those spots can be tricky or challenging.
So, what would I say to a friend that is going through difficult waters?
Hold onto your paddles, don't try to kayak upstream it's impossible
to go back to the past, the only way is forward.
If you need a co-paddler, count me in, I'll help guide you through.
You deserve to go kayak in calmer waters and I have strong hope that you can,
that you will and that these rough waters will soon be a thing of the past.
Whatever the water looks like, I'm here and I'll be happy to paddle with you💕
✨💙✨
✨
@AnnaSilverberg Anna, I love what you said 💙
Holding onto our paddles and moving forward really resonates with me. It’s so true that we can’t go back, but having someone to paddle with makes the rough waters feel a lot less scary.
I’m with you — and anyone going through the current — all the way. ✨
@AnnaSilverberg life can bring us through tough or tricky spots is so true. No matter how many times it happens, I'm still surprised. I really like your points here:
Hold onto your paddles, don't try to kayak upstream it's impossible
to go back to the past, the only way is forward.
If you need a co-paddler, count me in, I'll help guide you through.
It is impossible to go upstream. A very good visual! And love the full on support and encouragement - I am here to help guide you through! 💪
@AnnaSilverberg Twin, I'm just going to say...
Seriously, anyone with you in their life is just blessed. You're such an amazing, supportive, beautiful, genuine friend for real. For anyone to have you paddling along side, wow. Just wow. You're there and your presence is everything to keep us afloat. I greatly enjoyed reading your response. Sooo sweet! Xoxo.
My caring colorful twin of joy!
You are so sweet, thank you for being so amazing!
I know that it's a fact for you as well, that those who have you paddling with them,
they know they're not alone and they know they are supported without you needing to say it💚
Thank you for being such a wonderful person, I truly admire you and love you too!
✨💙✨
@GlenM I 100% wholeheartedly believe that everything we go through in life, good or bad, happens for a reason. Everything we go through we, we need... and it's taking us where we were meant to be. We need these experiences. They shape us into the person we are.
We can't have it both it. We can't take credit when we land at a surprise spot along the river's current but then blame the current when things don't go as we like. It's about the journey. Who do we choose to become when we can't navigate the uncertainties of life? How we handle it?
When I truly sit back and think about my past experiences and what I have been through, I'm grateful to God because He's been there for me the entire time! Even down to my mental health issues, my diagnosis... well, let's just say it makes sense why I am the way I am. It makes sense why I think the way I do. It makes sense why I love the way I do. It makes sense why I have to have passion. It just makes sense... and I embrace it. ❤️
You mentioned learning in your post. And I agree. We have to learn from certain things. Learn, overcome, forgive, grow, and move on. We need it. And it just goes back to my belief that we need everything in life.
One single thing not happening can forever change the course of life... Just think about that. One thing.
@YourCaringConfidant love this:
"I 100% wholeheartedly believe that everything we go through in life, good or bad, happens for a reason. Everything we go through we, we need... and it's taking us where we were meant to be. We need these experiences. They shape us into the person we are."
We need those experiences... Such a hard and humbling point to understand. Has there been anything in particular that has helped you learn this?
I 100% agree on our lives making sense. All of our lives making sense. We do the things we do because - on some level - they make sense. When we heal, sometimes, we no longer need to do them and they stop making sense, so we move on and do new and hopefully, better, healthier things!
@GlenM You asked: "Has there been anything in particular that has helped you learn this?"
My answer is yes! It's called life kicking me down and going through all kinds of strife. From childhood SA, past traumas, DV, homelessness, etc... everything I have overcome and God has healed and sustained me the entire time. Lots of things I wouldn't have chosen to experience but I did need it and God knew what I needed. For example, being homeless and in a shelter... if I never got evicted and got the last bed in the shelter, I would have never met the man that would be my husband. I would have never had my children. Decisions. Every single thing affects something else. I needed to experience every trauma, heartache, and pain. Without it, how would I know what healing feels like? I wouldn't. Life is tough, but I am too. I know this even on my weak days where I struggle. But even with my struggling, I know I am a work of progress and I don't have to be perfect. I embrace the beautiful, strong side of me. Speaking of strong, my mental strength is something I have always priced myself on. 😀
@YourCaringConfidant what a magnificent example of overcoming, redemption, grace, and love! You have overcome so much. Hats off to you!
I think it takes a lot of wisdom to see how each of these things impact our life trajectory. The river really captures this for me. Like, each section includes the life elements (people, opportunities, experiences) that influence the next part of the river and so on. I hear that in your story.
Thank you for sharing 🙏
@GlenM This is amazing, thank you for sharing!
@GlenM
I have never gone kayaking, but I have been river rafting. You have the moments where you're floating along, enjoying the nature and scenery, and the next moment you're in the rapids, fighting to stay on the boat and not end up in the river. It taught me to enjoy the peaceful moments as much as I can for the times when the water gets rough. They'll remind you that eventually you'll be back to smooth sailing. This thought process also gets me through seasonal depression. The light eventually comes back. The snow melts, it gets warmer, and things become alive again. We only have to persevere through the long sleep of winter.
@SelfCareMatters I had that same experience once. We almost lost one of the people in the raft with us. We grabbed him quickly, but it was scary there for a minute.
I'm with you on enduring through the long sleep of winter. It has just started to get cold and wet here - like 2 days - and I'm like come on sun! Lessons to learn in the seasons for sure.
I am almost submerged in the river, my hand clutching a small piece of wood. Though I was once a lifeguard, at this moment, I need a lifebuoy。
@sensitivePark5608 keep holding on! We are here for you! You'll be back in your kayak again. We are here to help and we are rooting for you!
@sensitivePark5608 Awww, I'm hoping things get better for you! How are you holding up? Still afloat? Hang in there, Park. ❤️
@GlenM
Reflection question: We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
@daydreammemories love this. i wish we wouldn't so easily forget all that we've already overcome in the past when facing new challenges. we are all survivors and overcomers to one extent or another!