Part I: The River - Exploring Life as a River
Welcome to part 1 of the Way of the River series.
We are going down the river of life in our kayak. At the start, it may feel unnatural or a little clumsy. Maybe we lose our paddle or get stuck on rocks, but with more experience we gradually learn to read the water.
With a little more experience we can begin to feel the current pulling us. Sometimes we might not want to follow the current. Instead, we might have our eye on a beautiful spot across the water on the side of a river bank. Many of us will work really hard to cross the river to get to that spot. It will require a lot of extra paddling because we are going against the current.
One sad, but instructive experience happens when you finally make it to that hoped for spot and realize it is not as good as you had imagined. You were sure it was going to be beautiful, but somehow it fell short of that beauty. This is frustrating because it took so much energy to get there.
Some of us are stubborn, slow to learn, or both, and we have to make this same mistake many, many, many times.
Eventually, however, we too learn how to read the water and follow the current. Sometimes the current leads us right past the spots we wanted to go and then surprises us around the bend with a far better spot. These are great situations. Oddly, even though we shouldn't, we often give ourselves credit for finding the new spot, when most of the credit should go to the current. Still, these are great times and should be deeply enjoyed because they do not happen all the time.
Other times the current can lead us down more treacherous waters with rocks, eddies, and sticks that can be tough to navigate. Sometimes we lose a paddle, flip the kayak and get wet. In particularly tough times, we may even get injured. We don’t usually take “credit” for our role in these situations and instead happily blame the current.
Why do these more challenging times happen?
I believe they happen so that we can learn. Nobody wants to feel the anxiety, difficulties, and sometimes pain that happens during these times, but these are indeed the times that teach us the most skill. We don’t learn to become master kayakers when the river is smooth. We learn how to be master kayakers on the rapids. Adversity challenges us to overcome.
So, what is the right approach?
The approach is one that goes against our natural impulses. It can sometimes feel like it goes against everything that is within us, especially when it is painful and not what we had hoped for. The stoics were master kayakers and they have a statement, “the problem is the path.” They encourage us to steer into the challenges and to trust the current. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages us to see the challenge as an opportunity to learn to solve a problem that we’ve been ignoring. These are wise words.
Abraham Maslow, another master kayaker, tells us to go further. He instructs us to see the challenges as a gift, to embrace them like we would a friend, to listen deeply and carefully to what they are telling us, to listen to their whispers. He encourages us to see the challenges as ends in and of themselves; and warns us not to look past them as a means to an end. He wants us to see and appreciate them for what they are – independent, difficult, and beautiful experiences.
The river of life brings us smooth, deep, and troubled waters. Thankfully we do not paddle alone. We find other kayakers on the water that also teach us lessons. Most of the lessons come down to following the current rather than insisting on our own plans. This key lesson is a lifetime lesson.
Reflection question: We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
I’m thankful that I have found all of you on the river. Thank you for paddling alongside me 🙏✨❤️.
This post is part 1 of The Way of the River Series. Find the complete information and all related posts here
Reading the theory is just the map, but the real progress happens in the water. Apply to join the exclusive closed group here and kayak together!
Life as a river teaches us that growth comes from learning to read the current, not fight it; early struggles feel clumsy, but with time we gain skill, and while detours toward imagined beauty may disappoint, they shape our wisdom—true mastery comes from navigating rapids, not calm waters, and the right approach is to embrace challenges as teachers, trust the flow, and honor each experience, smooth or rough, as part of the journey shared with fellow paddlers.
Reflection question: We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
I’d remind them they’ve paddled through storms before and made it—this moment is just another bend in the river, not the end of the journey, and while it’s hard now, the current still moves, and they’re not alone in the boat.
@Ivy229 I really like what you wrote. it is a great summary. you have a way with words! and a great reminder - everything will be okay in the end; if it is not okay, then it is not the end!
@Ivy229
@Ivy229 a very brilliant synopsis of the content of this post, and i agree - if life were a river, it would teach us lessons of life as time goes by. not all of life is perfect, so the ride on the river of life is testing our faith and our virtues, also giving us encouragement along the way with every great accomplishment.
@Ivy229
i really like how you explained that in simple terms
@GlenM
If you are fortunate to have real friends beside you that really want to help you get through difficult situations, as well as enjoy all the calm moments with you, then allow them to, and do the same for them as well.
@HelpintheStorm there is a powerful reminder in this reflection. We have to let people in! We have to lean on them in the difficult times and just hang out in the good times. A very nice reminder!
@GlenM As for me when I read through this and I do think it is well written and meaningful!! I am a firm believe in God and his son Jesus so I am led by my Savior and we that do believe know that we are not promised an easy life at all. We will face trials and tribulations as we would on that river <3 .. You keep paddling and pushing through these obstacles and look for the end of that river and know at the end another path will come. It may be another river, a stream, a path, a road with big curves , hills and valleys.. Do not look back but look ahead and look for the beauty in life and through pain.
Help your friends and family members on their paths also and let them know they are never alone! We can sure feel alone but we aren't really. Ride this life with your eyes wide open and embrace it and enjoy it even in the hardest times because the hard times will pass and please know it take work and effort you may feel you do not have , But You DO!!
Never give up or give in!! Paddle and enjoy that view along the way!! God sure has created a beautiful place and we gotta embrace the masterpiece. I love life even in my darkest hours.
Love and Blessings to all! You got this!
Tye
@Tyedyedbutterfly65 so well said! we were never promised an easy life. it is kind of wild that that can be our default setting - like, hey, everything is supposed to turn up roses. you are spot on that that is just not reality and that wasn't ever promised to me either. and, indeed, we do have to keep going and friends help us along the way. loving life - even in the darkest hours - is a real skill. I am very glad you have it!
Nice to see you in this thread!
Reflection question: We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
Is it worth it for you to go through? If you lose more than you expect, it's okay to take a break and reassess. How big is your expectation? Where did you land your belief when you started Kayaker?
@HealingwithMinionn I like that you brought up the points about expectations and assessment. so often our expectations are unconscious. we are not really aware of them. it can be good to paddle to the river bank, take a break, and think on things before moving forward again.
Looking forward to learning more! I would tell a friend going through a tough time that after pulling them out of the water, giving them first aid and warm food and wrapping them in a blanket, that I will sit by them until they feel a little stronger. We don’t have to talk. Presence is also healing.
@PatienceImpatiens great points - I really like that last one about the power of presence. Often it is even more powerful than words. well said!
@PatienceImpatiens I'm just going to be hugging you so tight right now and I hope that's ok with you! What you said about presence and no talking needed-- yyyeessss! This is next level support and deeper than any words. Actions. Anyone to have you as a friend is beyond blessed. 👏
@GlenM
We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
I would tell my friend I seen in t your best and when you have it rock bottom. Those times who hit the lowest in life you always manage to come back stronger and bolder. I am here to take this ride so your not alone.
@pamharley003 Hi Pam! Nice to see you :). I love the unconditional approach you take to friendship - you are there for the highs and the lows. We need friends in the low times. That is when it matters most!
@pamharley003 Clearly, you're a friend that's there through all of life's journeys. The good and bad. The ups and downs. Your friendship and support is definitely valuable! I bet you're a remarkable friend! ❤️ I'm happy I read your post. 😀
@YourCaringConfidant
Thank you for your kind words. I am a friend to a small group, who we all removed anyh negativity towards us and protect each other from the bad things or people. I am a friend to anyone here also, we all need support when we can not have it from our personal life, we all turn here for loving support.
@pamharley003 Sounds like a lovely friendship to have! ❤️ Sooo sweet! I agree! I'm glad we have 7 Cups. I know for me, being here definitely fills some void in me and I've come across many awesome, kind people being here. Cherish your friendship and nurture it. Keep the negative energy away from your safe people. Hope you are doing well. ❤️
@GlenM
That's a great first question. My response would be based on the impressions I received from listening to the person. Some people are angry. Others feel helpless. Some are emotionally exhausted. Some are experiencing a mixture of low self-esteem and guilt.
I don't have an established formula for responding. In fact, I'm not sure if I have ever said exactly the same exact thing to anyone whose faced adversity. However, my responses do tend to follow a general direction or pathway. I express both care and regret for how badly they are feeling. Then, I both validate their feelings, and relate to the extent possible my interpretation of what they are expressing, and how I have or perhaps would feel similarly if I were experiencing similar circumstances.
I might ask how they have managed so far, and how they have dealt with similar circumstances in the past.
I like to offer encouragement that acknowledges past successes, while avoiding wording that may come across as "you'll get over it, just as you have in the past." Even if a person is experiencing virtually the same challenges or circumstances as they have dealt with before, it's very unlikely that they are in the same emotional state as before, so the same experience will potentially feel different. Also the "here and now" proximity of the moment, can make the current emotional experience seem quite different than ever before, simply because it's happening now.
Talking about past experiences in a way that offers evidence of resilience and adaptability, hopefully encourages a person to identify with their strengths, rather than simply hear, "you'll get over it."
Very often, when chatting in real time, it's possible to detect a shift in the tone of the discussion, as the person begins to feel better. I like when that happens.
Finally, back to the Reflection Question. I often find myself asking those who are experiencing difficulties, that very same question. It's surprising how many people know how to be supportive towards others, but withhold that compassion and support from themselves.
Sometimes, I toss out and inverted "Golden rule." I'll say, "treat yourself as you would treat others."
@Spiritriver thank you for sharing your thoughts. I like how you have nuanced thinking on both a conceptual and emotional level. This resonates with me: "Very often, when chatting in real time, it's possible to detect a shift in the tone of the discussion, as the person begins to feel better. I like when that happens." I like when that happens too :)
Reflection question: We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
My response to the reflection question…
This to shall pass.
This simple phrase can be applied to any situation, including the challenging times.
I also think having “This to shall pass” is a good reminder to stay present during the most precious moments as well, since they won’t last either, and if we can stay present and appreciate those moments as much as possible, we can hold them in our hearts and hopefully our minds forever!
So recall those memories, and try to stay present and enjoy as many happy and precious moments as you possible can, then hold onto those memories to help you get through the challenging times 😊
@HelpintheStorm "this to shall pass" 4 words packed with wisdom! reminds me of one step or one day at a time. sometimes we have to keep muscling through and then - finally - it passes! thank you for sharing these thoughts.
@GlenM
It's fun revisiting this post nearly 3 years later! This was my response:
You have a purpose. It might not be visible. You may see nothing but obstacles ahead with no sign of a clearing, but as long as you're on the water, you're going in the right direction. Keep persevering. This pain and hardship will one day make sense to you.
Here's some extra wisdom gleaned since then as we embark on the river:
Fear is a passenger, not the pilot. You have a 100% success rate of surviving your worst days. This is a rapid, not the entire river. This is an ebb; the flow will return. Be patient, stay present, and just focus on the next paddle stroke. And remember, you do not have to be alone. The circumstance might be unique, but the struggle is shared.
@Heather225 thanks for re-surfacing and for adding the new insight. Reminds me of this ACT intervention: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-wyaP6xXwE. Fear screams and we just have to keep going, stay grounded in our values, and then fear quiets down. Passenger is a good and appropriate role!
Hello,
I love the metaphor of the river and navigating it. I would tell a friend this:
"I know this is a painful, difficult time for you. I can see how you would feel this way with everything going on in your life. The feelings of sadness, fear, and grief are genuine, and you will make it through this rough patch. I am here to support you on your way through."
@CliffHk Cliff! Glad you found your way to the river! if i was your friend, I'd feel very comforted by those words :)
