Why have so many more traumas happened to me than most? Do I hold blame here, am I causing this?
Last Updated: 04/02/2018 at 9:28pm
Lindsay Simon, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I work from a holistic perspective to help my clients heal from various mental, emotional, and relationship problems. My style is direct,honest, supportive, and nonjudgmental.
Top Rated Answers
A lot of times we have trauma in our lives and, if we have a supportive family or a positive support system, we are more likely to not struggle with the event. It may be a trauma but not PTSD. I know that when I experienced trauma as a kid, I developed PTSD--partly due to lack of support. And, lack of support often continues for years to come which leads to more traumatic reactions to situations that may be considered trauma.
When traumatic events happen, they impact many individuals in their ability to cope, leaving them fearful and overwhelmed. While there are many events that can cause trauma that are not caused by others (natural disasters, loss of loved ones, illness, etc), a significant number of traumas reported are those perpetrated by individuals (abuse, rape, robbery, etc.). Whether your trauma falls into the first category mentioned or the second, neither is your fault, and you did not cause them. Understanding why multiple traumas have happened to you can be so challenging. There may never be an answer to the question of why. At one point after my trauma, I asked why it happened, but after a while, I had to ask myself - would knowing fix anything now? It wouldn't change what happened, so I had to ask myself where to focus my energy instead of asking why. I would encourage you to focus on what is most important, and that is taking good care of you. The journey of recovery from trauma is such a difficult road, but it is so worth the effort. Tell yourself the truth of trauma... it wasn't your fault. You didn't cause it - it happened to you. Sometimes in the cases of abuse, the abusers have said it was our fault. That didn't make that statement true. Allow yourself to challenge their statements... if you were abused, and they were the ones doing it, then it wasn't your fault. This was their choice. This was their selfish act, to meet their own selfish needs. It wasn't your fault!
Some of us are dealt more then others, but its how you cope with the trauma that is important. What coping skills help ease the pain? Do you holding on to the trauma? Are you a victim or a survivor? Try chatting with an active listeners about these questions and any other your own you may have.
Absolutely not. You aren't the cause for any traumas that happen, nor are you the blame. Life throws curve balls at us all the time. You aren't alone.
No, you are not to blame. Sometimes people tend to hurt those that are the most vulnerble. People can be cruel. It is not your fault, you are not to blame
I have often asked myself this question in the past and I feel trying to add some kind of reason or explanation to every traumatic experience in my life made me adopt a negative bias and made me a bit crazy with over anlaysising everything (which did nothing helpful for me). however, I realized that each of us is living a difficult life in one way or another that we probably have no idea about, as when we meet people we are seeing only the tip of the iceberg of their complex, troubled existences. I believe in life it is just as important to experience negative circumstances as much as positive. I soon found that negative emotions where the key to my well being as it allowed me to really appreciate the good in my life. I now feel that every negative experience and negative person that has come up to my life has only allowed me to grow as a person and develop a strong sense empathy for others around me.
You are not responsible for the bad things that happen to you. We cannot know all secrets of everybody and there's no use in comparing - try putting most of your energy towards healing and looking after yourself.
This is a very difficult question. The best way might be to find a professional counselor and talk with him/her about how you feel.
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