How can I forgive someone who is still hurting me?
Last Updated: 08/13/2019 at 9:12pm
Temi Coker, MSC, MA, Dip.Cons
Licensed Professional Counselor
With over ten years experience, I offer a safe and confidential environment for you to collect your thoughts, worries & life problems with no judgement or assumptions.
Top Rated Answers
Forgiveness comes with time. There is a need to get some space away from this person so that he or she can no longer hurt you. This will help to reduce the negative emotions you are experiencing. As your hurt subsides and you feel better about yourself, you will be able to slowly reach a closure and hopefully forgive this hurtful person.
Isolate yourself from them. You don't need anyone who is toxic in your life to stay in your life. In order to move forward, you have to learn to forgive and accept them for who they are and move on; once they learn their personal actions, it is time they apologize to you also.
Forgiveness is not one sided, it is not just a choice that you can make on your own that will result in the other person involved in the relationship to “make” them stop hurting you. Forgiveness requires action, acknowledgement, understanding and repentance. In essence here’s how successful forgiveness should work: 1) The person being hurt needs to speak out and let the person doing the hurting that it needs to stop immediately 2) The person doing the hurting needs to understand what it is they are doing that is causing pain to the person being hurt (clear communications) 3) The person doing the hurting needs to formally and clearly acknowledge that they are in fact hurting the person being hurt 4) The person doing the hurting needs to offer a truthful apology for causing the pain to the person being hurt 5) The person doing the hurting needs to repent for their mistakes and understand that they need to atone for their actions and be sincere and serious about those mistakes 6) Finally, the person that was being hurt can decided, based on the results of the above 4 steps whether the person doing the hurting is sincere. If they are sincere then the person that was hurt can extended forgiveness. If they are not sincere or there is belief that the painful actions will continue then forgiveness should not be given and consideration of at least limiting if not ending the relationship (depending on how serious or dangerous it is) 7) If forgiveness is given the person that offered forgiveness must understand that this is in the past now, and should not bring it up again in a future argument or use it against the other person With these basic steps forgiveness can be successful, or you can at least come to a proper conclusion as to whether you should limit or end the relationship based on the severity of the abuse being caused. In essence, forgiveness requires two people, with actions, truth and promises from both individuals that this action will stop and never happen again. Good luck!
I don't believe you can forgive, or forget, someone who is hurting you. Are they hurting you physically, mentally, financially, emotionally? The more areas of your life they are harming with their words and actions, you may be in an abusive relationship. Even if you don't get physically injured, emotional scars can last much longer and hurt more. Don't worry about forgiveness right now. When they're hurting you, they have NO right to ask forgiveness if they do it more than once. "I'm sorry" is meaningless unless the one apologizing also has a plan to not act harmfully again, and shows you they can stick to their plan. If you're being abused, get help - right here is a good start. We can refer you to many resources. If it's more subtle than abuse, but the result is you feel low or depressed or bad about yourself, find a way to be by yourself (or with others who love and support you). Only when you're away from the one hurting you can you even consider how you'd forgive them. You don't have to forgive. But you do have to take good care of yourself. I hope this helps.
First you need to cut the toxic person out of your life to end the abuse then you need to forgive yourself for allowing it forgive that person too but all this won't happen overnight so be patient in the process of healing and eventually let go all the pain,make peace with your past.
If this is any kind of verbal or physical abuse find a way to move away from that person. It will be easier to forgive from afar.
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