Is getting revenge or wounding my offender part of the forgiving? Would that bring me peace, or only add to my pain as a victim? I want them to have pain before I forgive-is this right?

Forgiveness, for me anyway, means no longer holding a grudge. It means no longer looking back at those who wronged you with a sense of anger or even hatred. One good thought exercise I've found to determine whether or not I've forgiven someone is to imagine what I would say to them if I was to bump into them in the future. If what I have to say is angry and hurtful to them, then I know I haven't forgiven them yet. Time heals all wounds, including the need for some sort of revenge or retribution. Revenge is not forgiveness. Revenge is the very opposite of forgiveness. To have hurtful or hateful thoughts toward someone is one thing, especially if they've wronged you. To feel the need to act on them is something else entirely. Perhaps, from personal knowledge and experience, the best path toward forgiveness is to move forward in whatever way you see fit; whatever way will help heal the pain caused by those who did you harm. I've found forgiveness to be one of the most difficult things to find. How can you forgive someone when the mere thought of them causes you so much pain? It's an awful, gaping wound; one that I've found extremely difficult to mend. But the sooner you move forward, the faster it will heal.

I feel you. There are times when we want the person to experience the same thing we did. I am sure your wound is very deep. But according to me, no matter how much you wound the offender or take revenge, the pain won't erase. It will leave a mark in your heart. Revenge can give you a sense of achievement but it will only be temporary. There will be many more offenders. We cant just keep on taking revenge, can we? Our life is not just about that. The desire of revenge makes you cling onto the offender and ties you mentally. So, i believe the words- Forgive and forget. Karma works wonders. Every action does have an equal reaction so don't worry. The foremost importance is your mental peace and revenge does not guarantee that. I am very much ignorant about the offense that was committed against you but if it violated your rights and security, i think you should report it to the officials. If this experience was traumatic then do not hesitate to seek proffessional help.

Other persons's pain usually does not ease your own pain even though we all feel like that at times.

It’s understandable to feel the way you do. When someone brings pain that cuts deep, a part of you wants them to feel the pain like you do. But is that truly what we want? Or what’s best? The only way to make the pain go away is to face it, feel it, walk through it. Time heals pain. It hurts really, really bad right now but this is temporary. Forgive when you are ready to forgive. Let go and live your best life! This is by far the best revenge you can give to anyone. Be happy! I believe in you!