How do I keep myself from dwelling on things that I can't change, or that I realistically have no control over?
Last Updated: 12/03/2020 at 11:53am
April Zamzow, CSW, MA, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
There are many times in our lives when we could use an ear to listen and help us through the things that we are struggling with. I can do that.
Top Rated Answers
To keep oneself from dwelling on things is to be mindful and to realize that you may not change happenings but you can manage how to react to such.
Once u know that u have no control over those things, why should u dwell on? As it is common feeling, u should take control of ur mind and thoughts on such situations. It takes time to practice the act. Once u start controlling ur mind and negative thoughts u will never have that bad feeling
It sounds like you have anxiety. There are many things you can do to work on that. Check out the self-help guides about anxiety.
Try to distract yourself more often with fun activities that you enjoy, and surround yourself with people you like.
I look to the future, look forward to things that I will appreciate. I also look at the past- at problems I had very little control over but still overcame.
Live with the moment! It is life and stressing over the little things will just make the little time on this earth less enjoyable. Enjoy every second and find healthy ways of coping through the bad moments. Stay Strong, Life may be hard, but it's life.
If there is truly nothing I can do about a situation, then I shift my focus to something I can control, which may be as simple as breathing. For me, yoga practice is a great way to shift my state of mind and bring myself back to my breath.
The best thing to do is to focus on things you can change. Focus on the things that you do have control over. Focusing on these things will give you less time to dwell on other things you have no control over. As you improve in other areas and become better and better there may be a good chance that they will have some kind of carry over to the things you are dwelling on. In addition, becoming better in other area may help you become better suited to handle other and more difficult things. This certainly won't happen over night but it will be worth it in the long run.
It can be difficult because even though you can't change it and have no control over it, you can still feel the pain. A situation that is affecting me right now is something I can't change and had no control over but it hurts deeply. Things my father had promised would be mine one day are gone. After he passed away everything went to mom. She gambled away too much and has been a codependent enabler as long as I can remember and the sister she enables received 10's of thousands of dollars that the rest of us were not supposed to know about. The land that had been promised to me was sold and the money given to the enabled one. My other sisters and I found out and there is nothing that can be done. Mom shows no remorse and feels justified. I can't change it and it was moms to control but it hurts like hell. She will one day pass away with three of her children angry and hurt and not attending her funeral. I'm sure that will haunt me some day tool.
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