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Why do I want bad things to happen to me?

105 Answers
Last Updated: 12/31/2021 at 4:06am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous - Expert in Getting Unstuck
May 5th, 2015 10:06pm
It's really weird to think that someone would want to have something bad happen to them, yes. I often feel the same way and it seems illogical. For me, I think that I would like to be hurt, for example in an accident, in order to get attention, to avoid responsibillities and have an excuse, and from feeling guilty because many people have bad things happen to them everyday. Why should they get hurt instead of me? Maybe also because of self destructive or suicidal like reasons. Like you would like to die, but don't want to do it yourself.
Anonymous - Expert in Getting Unstuck
July 21st, 2015 12:34am
Because I believe I deserve them. Because I have failed myself and others and I am unworthy of goodness. Because others are worth more than me and they should be happy. Misery is to be expected for me.
Anonymous - Expert in Getting Unstuck
May 13th, 2015 4:28pm
Wanting bad things to happen to yourself can be thought of a form of self-punishment. Often times people with these thoughts or feelings have something on their mind they feel uneasy about; it could be anything from a fight with a loved one, to feeling inadequate, to something they feel they have done wrong. If you are having feelings you want something bad to happen to you, I encourage you to consider what has brought you to that place in your mind. If you want something bad to happen try to work out why you want something to happen; what is the purpose of this thing happening to you, and how will you feel afterward? Do you feel as if you deserve it, if so, why? If something bad happens to you what positive changes will come out of it? As you work through these thoughts and feelings you may begin to realize that by wanting something bad to happen to yourself it gives you a sense of 'fairness' toward an event or situation you have dealt with in the past. By having something bad happen to you your 'negative scales' are balanced (i.e., 'One bad thing for them, one bad thing for me'). As you begin to work through these thoughts and feelings hopefully you realize this is not a healthy or productive way to manage your feelings or emotions. Two wrongs do not make a right, and by having something bad happen to yourself it does not restore any form of karmic balance. With thoughts and feelings like this, often times it is something you are carrying with you which you have not resolved and worked through. Forgiveness is not just for other people, it is for ourselves too.
- Expert in Getting Unstuck
November 30th, 2016 3:48pm
I have experienced the same feelings. I'll wish that I would get cancer or crash my car or get mugged. I know why I feel that way at times: it would be something else to worry about, something concrete and right in front of me, not something abstract like school, money, depression, etc. Perhaps that is why you feel that way, or maybe it's another reason. Maybe you feel like you deserve to be punished. Regardless of the reasoning, you should reflect on these feelings and get to the root of them so you can address the stemming issue.
Anonymous - Expert in Getting Unstuck
May 11th, 2018 10:17pm
Maybe because you think you deserve it, maybe because you just need something, a reason to be sad because sadness is so addicting, you want a cause because simply being sad when nothing has happened seems pointless and pathetic
- Expert in Getting Unstuck
February 17th, 2015 10:43pm
Sometimes the path to happiness is a very bumpy road. When bad things happen, we tend to get more support and attention from loved ones, have some leeway to relax and treat ourselves more than usual. It also gives us a thrill - yes, even the really bad things - and events naturally add to our life story, making us interesting and shaping us as people. Sometimes we can overindulge on that attention and can find it difficult to get back to the strict routine that is normal, daily life. On the other hand, you could have a problem with self-worth and self-confidence and professional therapy is the best way to go for that.
Anonymous - Expert in Getting Unstuck
January 28th, 2017 9:43am
Wanting bad things to happen to you could be because you're in pain, you're hurt, sad or angry. You might want the people closest to you to notice, show they care and they're concerned, it could be a cry for help. It sounds like you could be experiencing depression. It's best to get professional help before something bad happens. Stay well!
September 24th, 2016 6:02pm
A lot of reasons. Do you feel more alive when you're feeling down? Do you obtain awareness/inspiration from it? Do you like the stories you can tell others?
December 7th, 2015 7:38pm
That can be a self destructive thought process, a form of self harming. You don't feel you have much self worth and that you deserve only bad things. I would recommend seeing someone for help.
May 15th, 2017 11:38am
I wanted bad things to happen to me because I felt bad for the people who had it worse than me, I just wanted to feel how the other people in the world were feeling I guess.
September 3rd, 2017 5:33am
When want bad things to happen to you it becomes a connection to others. The loneliness in today's world of technology has created a void within humanity. Regular people in our society aren't noticed. Usually most unnoticed humans are comfortable not having the spotlight because they have a family/friends that are involved in their lives. We are pack animals and if isolated we desire attention. When you realize that it is not that you want bad things to happen, it is just that you require attention to create meaning in life. People come together in a crisis.
December 28th, 2018 7:13am
I have the same issue that I'm currently trying to work out. I sometimes hope for bad things like a car accident or maybe I'll break a bone. Personally, I think for me it's about gaining attention and having people put my needs first. Regardless of whether this is true or not, I feel like I always put others before myself, and I never get the same reception. That in turn makes me dream up ways in which I would be a priority to people in my life: aka getting seriously sick or injured. I wish I knew a better way of dealing with it or how to help you, but I'm stuck with these thoughts too and it's a vicious cycle
October 2nd, 2016 2:00pm
Maybe because you feel like you deserve it? Or maybe you feel like your life is boring and nothing interesting ever happens?
May 30th, 2015 5:37am
Interesting... There are some reasons for that. But first, I wonder what do you get from having bad things in your life? Second, when was the last time a good thing happened to you? How did you react? A lot of time we want bad things to happen to us since we are used to the bad things (probably we experienced bad things repeatedly as we grow up). So when bad things did not happen, we tend to seek it, since we don't know how to respond / live without them. It is the challenge, though, to learn to live and find meaning beside the bad things that happen.
September 17th, 2016 7:35am
Maybe you're too scared to do bad things to yourself, so you wish them upon you. I really hope things get better for you, whatever is going on.
May 30th, 2016 4:48am
When it comes to me, I felt like this a lot in my depressed state! I used to feel like this, like someone beating me up or firing at me continuously, and me doing nothing but just lying there and taking those beatings! It was that part of my life when I gave up, when I decided that I wouldn't fight my situations and give up!
April 18th, 2018 4:26pm
Wanting bad things to happen to you is something I experience daily. It sometimes plagues my mind as I end up fantasizing about all the bad things that could happen at any given moment. This is something that I believe ties into a guilt complex or low self esteem. Having low self esteem can cause people to think they aren't worth anything, and having a guilt complex causes them to believe events are their fault when they aren't. This can in turn result in these types of thoughts.
February 7th, 2018 8:10pm
It depends on the person - sometimes it is a way of subconsciously punishing yourself because you think you deserve the bad things. Other times people are tired of being ignored and not cared about and they're just so tired they want the attention. And I'm not saying attention like it's a bad thing because it happens to me too - I'm tired of being alone and ignored. Sometimes attention isn't a bad thing because everybody needs to be cared for.
October 5th, 2016 4:43pm
We except the pain we think we deserve. I know this is always the answer I use but it's true. The sooner you realize that you don't deserve it, the sooner it will get better
September 16th, 2016 12:38pm
Because you don't want to befriend yourself. Talk to yourself, befriend yourself and everything will flow from there.
October 6th, 2016 2:44am
Well according to some psychologists, when someone wants bad things to happen to them it's because they feel some kind of guilt, and therefore by feeling pain the subconsciously feel relived, because "they've gotten what they deserve". The problem is that guilt is generally "irrational" and it's not actually caused because someone did something wrong unpurpose, so it isn't actually their fault.
January 18th, 2017 9:31am
In most cases, wanting bad things to happen to you is a learned behavior. Perhaps you grew up in an environment where discord is normal and good things happening isn't 'normal' for you. It can be part of a chain of events that repeat from how you grew up. Please try to break that chain and not pass it on to your children. Seek help to understand that good things happening to you is a good motivator and you want to pass that along to future generations.
March 10th, 2019 8:38pm
I know what it's like to want bad things to happen to you. It can be confusing. You know it's not good to want bad things to happen, but you also crave it. For myself, I was craving the love and attention that came with those bad things. I wanted the pain I was feeling to be validated, and I wanted people to see it. I can't say if this is your experience, but if it is, you can get through this. You won't always feel that ache in your chest and crave bad things to happen to you. It's good that you're asking why, because then you can work to heal yourself. Wishing you all the best.
January 22nd, 2015 9:32pm
It depends on you. For example the reason I did, is because I was subconsciously punishing myself. It takes some soul searching, but it will become clear if you desire it to be.
February 23rd, 2016 4:55am
Most likely, you feel guilt and as if you deserve pain. This is not true, but is just a part of depression
Anonymous - Expert in Getting Unstuck
September 22nd, 2016 1:37am
You seem to have low self-esteem. Start believing that you deserve the good things, and you may begin to want them.
June 29th, 2018 11:21pm
Because you feel like you deserve to be hurt or bad things to happen to you. Even though you deserve to be happy. I felt this way for a long time before I realized I just wanted to feel something instead of the constant numbness.
October 5th, 2016 7:44am
In multiple cases of feeling that very same way, wanting bad things to happen to me, as well as some of my friends wanting similar things, I've often found that it's usually some form of Self-Anger/Hatred, Or Self-blame, that has grown in strength. Most of the time it's a case of a person being upset at themself, So they wish bad things would happen to them to punish them, or because they believe they do not deserve good things. A couple of friends I used to have would not be happy with good times for whatever reason, that it made them anxious, because If I remember right, it was that good things normally didn't happen to them, so they freaked out whenever good things did happen. Ask yourself if you're angry at yourself, hate yourself, seek punishment out of these negative feelings, etc. Might help narrow some of the possibilities down. That's all I've heard of, though.
October 26th, 2019 7:30am
I blame myself for every bad thing that happens around me. To wish for bad things to happen is kind of a punishment for all the hassle I think I created. There's this feeling inside of me which represents my thoughts that good will never happen to me, I believe it never had and never will. When bad things happen it feels like it is real, my life is smooth and it's going as it should be, good things leads me to a fantasy world where I think every aspect of life and sunshine and butterflies. But of course nothing lasts for long, and life plays a joke on you throwing you to the ground from the highest cliff you reached, back to nothing. I want bad things to happen to save myself from the heartbreak that will be followed by a nightmare after a bright life.
January 12th, 2020 11:55pm
Sometimes, wanting bad things to happen to us can be a form of self punishment. If we feel like we made a mistake, did something wrong, or aren't good enough, a lot of the time we believe that if something bad happens to us will punish us for the thing we think we did wrong. We feel like we deserve the negative emotion, like we deserve pain that gets inflicted upon us when something bad happens to us. When we feel like this, thinking about what we will gain from something bad happening can be helpful. Will there be any positive outcomes from something bad happening to us? How will something bad happening fix the problem?