How can my asexual friend be with her sexual boyfriend?

16 Answers
Last Updated: 11/05/2019 at 2:51am
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Top Rated Answers
Cadence
February 13th, 2015 4:05pm
Asexuality doesn't mean that a person won't have sex, it just means that they usually don't feel sexual attraction towards people. However, when those who are asexual get into relationships, a number of things can happen. They can just worry about being happy together and not worry about sex at all, or perhaps they would engage in sexual acts. Regardless, what they do is behind closed doors, and as long as the friend and her boyfriend are happy and love eachother, they can be in a relationship, as sex is not, and should not be, a staple to holding a relationship together.
Anonymous
February 4th, 2015 10:44pm
Well firstly, being asexual does not limit someone's capability or desire to be in a relationship. An asexual could desire a romantic relationship or even a sexual relationship. An asexual can have a very high libido, desire sex, enjoy sex, masturbate, watch porn, have a fetish as much as any other person from another orientation; behavior does not invalidate an orientation. Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, not necessarily a lack of sexual desire. Plus, an allosexual might desire not to have a sexual relationship with someone for as diverse reasons as an asexual might desire to engage in sexual relationship. Whether your friend and her boyfriend have sex or not is entirely up to them and the boundaries and limits they have placed in their relationship. So I guess in short, your friend’s relationship is just like any other relationship unique and personal.
LittleMissListen
February 5th, 2015 9:06am
Asexuality reflects a person's lack of sexual attraction for other people. That being said, however, there is a lot of variability in how people in the asexual community navigate through their own romantic relationships. While some asexuals abstain from sex, many others do not. There are many asexual people who participate in sexual activities with their partners as a way of communicating affection and closeness. Sexual activity is a separate thing from sexual attraction. If you'd like to read more, I would recommend visiting the FAQ page on the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) website: www.asexuality.org
Dovah
May 27th, 2015 12:49pm
That's fine, as long as your friend isn't uncomfortable. If your friends boyfriend is respecting your friends wishes, there shouldn't be too much of a problem :} Relationships aren't just sex focused, it's also about emotional understanding, compassion and love!
Erynn
May 17th, 2015 6:19am
It may help to remember sexuality isn't the same as sexual behavior, although it influences what sexual behavior you are most interested in. Consider, for example, a heterosexual priest. His sexuality is heterosexual, but his behavior is celibate. A relationship between an asexual person and a sexual person can take lots of forms, and that's something for your friend and her boyfriend to workout together. She may choose to engage in some sexual acts, he may choose to not engage in some sexual acts, perhaps they will find a form of non-monogamy helps where he and/or she has another partner as well... there are lots of options! Like every relationship, it will just take discussion and honesty.
amazingHeart17
October 14th, 2015 6:57pm
Well there are different spectrums of asexuality. Some asexuals will have sex, not because they want to, but because they do it for their romantic partner, others want nothing to do with sex, and some are in between. Also, your friend being asexual does not mean that they are aromantic as well. They could still have physical attractions and be in romantic relationships, just not experience any real sexual attraction towards that person.
raspberrylemonade
May 17th, 2015 10:13pm
As long as they discuss boundaries and each respect each other's boundaries, that part should be fine!
Anonymous
June 7th, 2015 7:34am
I'm asexual and my bf isnt but if they love each other they can sit down and come to a good agreement that makes them both happy :)
JinkzKitty
June 10th, 2015 2:31am
Your asexual friend may not actually be sexual with him. She may also be sexual out of love, as many asexuals who are sexual do. She may also be demisexual or greysexual but not know of other identifying labels. She may also choose not to label herself even though she is more of a sexual being then most understand.
RyanChandler
June 11th, 2015 12:40am
Asexual does not necessarily mean not wanting sex, and in a larger sense not wanting a relationship. Being asexual to them may just mean that they have no sexual attraction, but that does not mean that they don't want love. Love and sex are two different things, while they overlap, are still different. That also doesn't mean that they CAN'T have sex, they still can and it may work out. It is just a matter of compromise and understanding.
Anonymous
December 14th, 2015 12:55pm
As long as her sexual boyfriend respects her asexuality, your asexual friend should be ay okay with it! Some asexual people have sexual relations with their partners anyway to keep their partners happy or for other reasons (to have children, etc.). So really, as long as both parties are happy, it is ay okay for the both of them.
Anonymous
January 4th, 2016 7:38pm
Asexual people can have loving, fulfilling relationships with others who are sexual. She and her boyfriend probably just engage in romantic relations instead of sexual ones. Her boyfriend may get sexually aroused at times but if he respects her and her wishes then it'll probably be just fine.
Rebecca
March 21st, 2016 12:01pm
Hey there! That's a wonderful question! I understand how this can be confusing for you. What's important to do here is make sure we have a very clear definition of asexual. Asexuality is the term used to label a person's lack of sexual attraction. However, just because someone lacks sexual attraction, that doesn't mean they can't have sex. It really depends on the people in the relationship and what they agree upon, as it is up to them if they wish to have sex or not. Maybe the boyfriend is okay with not having sex, or maybe your friend is okay with having sex, even though she doesn't feel that form of attraction. The most important thing to remember is that asexuality is a label for attraction, not action. What your friend chooses to do doesn't make her label less valid. I hope this answers your question!
Zee2002
February 28th, 2017 5:57pm
So, just because people are asexual doesn't mean they won't have sex, they very well may partially to the benefit of their partner. Asexual generally aren't repulsed by the idea of sex, they just don't find pleasure in it. To continue, especially if you aren't an adult, they can have a very healthy romantic relationship, which may include kissing and so on. People draw the line between romance and sexuality in different places and with different people. Hope that was sort of helpful :)
Anonymous
August 14th, 2017 5:09pm
Relationships don't have to be based on sexual intimacy. It's different for every couple/relationship, of course, but your friends don't have to physically be together to romantically be together.
Elvalight
November 5th, 2019 2:51am
Asexual here! It's definitely an individual preference, and something every couple should communicate about. Everyone has different needs; some of us want to know that our partner is sexually attracted to us, some of us would rather simply binge watch our favorite tv show than have sex. As I've said, it's an individual thing; some asexuals love sex, some are indifferent, some repelled. In every relationship, talk about what you're comfortable with at any given time. Asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction, not the absence of sex drive, romantic attraction or inability to enjoy sex. Everything else is subject to the person.