I'm most definitely in women and I think I'm a lesbian, however, sex doesn't interest me in the slightest. What's wrong with me?

40 Answers
Last Updated: 06/03/2019 at 4:47am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda King, PsyD

Psychologist

I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
February 4th, 2015 10:31pm
Nothing is wrong with you. Sex is just another activity that some people like and some people don't. Many people, and society in general, tend to emphasize sex as the end-all-be-all goal for all humanity, but it isn't. You can think of it like skydiving -- some people love it, but many others don't, and there is nothing wrong with those who don't love it. It's possible you may identify with terms like sex-indifferent, sex-averse, or sex-repulsed. Anyone of any orientation can identify with those terms, as they only label how you feel toward sex -- if you're indifferent about it, think it's kind of gross, or think it's repulsive. It's also possible you're homoromantic (romantically attracted to other women) but asexual (sexually attracted to no genders). Or put in other words, you may feel you want to partake in romantic activities (however you define those) with other women, but never feel you want to partake in sexual ones. Regardless of how you label or don't label yourself, your feelings are real and valid. You aren't broken, and there is nothing wrong with you. You're wonderful just as you are, however you are!
bunnyofdarkness
April 30th, 2015 10:27am
There's nothing wrong with you. Maybe one day you will become interested in sex or maybe you won't. Although they are a minority, there are plenty of asexual people out there. Don't feel like you have to label how you feel or fit yourself into a category. Maybe you're a lesbian, who only wants a romantic relationship, or a platonic relationship. Maybe you just aren't interested in sex right now. I think everyone is working out their sexuality (and all the facets of it) as they go along. But no matter want, so long as you aren't hurting anyone, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. *hugs* you'll work it out.
Anonymous
February 14th, 2015 2:05am
There is nothing wrong with you. You are not interested in sex, maybe it's temporary or maybe not. Either way that doesn't mean that you can't have romantic relationships. Just remember, you are the only one who can define yourself and anything that you feel will be okay.
mysteriousWillow50
April 5th, 2015 6:01pm
There's nothing wrong with you for not being interested in sexual encounters. It may you are asexual (having non sexual feelings) or demisexual (needing emotional attachment to be sexually attracted) Gender orientation/sexuality is a spectrum, not an on/off black/white situation. There is a whole scope of what you may be interested or not interested in. There's nothing wrong with you, it's a journey of self-discovery and finding out what feels right for you.
glowingpeace18339
September 29th, 2015 11:45am
Nothing is wrong with you at all:) It's okay to feel this way, many people aren't interested in sex, society just tends to tell us that sex is the only way to be happy and you're not normal if you don't want it. However, that's not the case, and you're totally fine for not being interested in sex:)
Anonymous
November 2nd, 2015 4:10am
Sex is only one part of being in a relationship with a person you love. Attraction, emotional connection, finding that someone to spend your days here on this little blue planet with is the best possible experience anyone could ever ask for. The answer to "what's wrong with you?"-not a gosh darn thing
DeaconDennis
May 23rd, 2015 5:07am
Not being interested in sex is not a sign of something wrong. Some people are not very sexual. I believe they are more emotional and intimately oriented.
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2015 5:17am
You could consider that the identity "asexual" could fit you. Asexuality is the absence of the desire to have sex with anyone; based on your question, this applies to you! There are many resources online, and a quick Google search of "asexuality" could give you much more information. As to how this fits into your identity as a lesbian, sexual and romantic interest are separate. So, someone could be a-sexual and homo-romantic. It is also possible to refer to yourself as an asexual lesbian, if that fits your experience, because of your romantic attraction to women.
Em
June 23rd, 2015 12:54am
First of all, nothing is wrong with you. We are all humans of different shapes, sizes, and varieties, and not everyone wants or likes the same thing. If you're not interested in sex, maybe you're asexual (there are many varieties to asexuality): http://www.asexuality.org/home/?q=overview.html
Anonymous
November 10th, 2015 1:18am
nothing whatsoever is wrong with you. You may be homoromantic, and asexual. Ive found that romantic and sexual names are quite different in some perspective.
YouAreBeutiful
November 19th, 2015 3:01am
There is nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful. There are many other people in this world who feel that they are not interested in sex too. You might be able to identify yourself with homoromantic asexual, it means that you are romantically attracted to the same gender, however you wish to not participate in sex.
ceecil
January 5th, 2016 6:55am
there's nothing wrong with you at all! there is a difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction — what you're describing is most probably a lack of sexual attraction, but a presence of romantic attraction. the lack of sexual attraction is called asexuality. despite the stigma surrounding asexuality, it's perfectly natural and healthy and normal, just like any other sexual orientation. if you're attracted to women romantically, but not attracted to anyone sexually, you can call yourself a homoromantic asexual! of course, since you're exclusively attracted to women, you're still absolutely free to call yourself a lesbian. hope this helped! (you can also refer to www.asexuality.org for more info.)
Hellelujah
January 26th, 2016 2:14am
Sex is something that not everyone is into! You may be asexual. Someone who is asexual may not feel sexual attraction or have a sex drive. You may also be Homo-romantic, meaning you are romantically attracted to someone of the same sex, but you still don't feel any sexual attraction.
Anonymous
May 23rd, 2016 5:04am
You could be Asexual kinda like a plant haha. This means for a human that you intact like someone romantically but not sexually. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual. I have a friend who last year found out she was Ace and thought she was alone, but i showed her people on tumblr and other social media who are like her, next week she is getting married. You dont have to ant to have Sex to have a healthy relationship
SilverStonexx
June 21st, 2016 12:26pm
You may be asexual, or demisexual. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. It may be considered the lack of a sexual orientation, or one of the variations thereof, alongside heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality. A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It's more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. Sexuality is not something that is black or white, there is a lot of gray area in between.
QuietlyBurningCandle
November 7th, 2016 10:37pm
That's completely normal! It sounds like you might have a sexuality on the asexual spectrum. You might be a homoromantic asexual, which means that you fall in love with women, but you are not interested in having sex with them. However, there are a lot of different terms on the asexual spectrum, so you might wanna look into that. It's important to remember that love and sex are two very different things, that don't necessarily have to be connected.
CodyR18
May 2nd, 2017 3:33am
Some individuals are just not interested in sex. This could be due to a few different things. One of them being a low sex drive, which would account for your lack of desire for sex. Another explanation could be that you're asexual, in which you don't experience sexual attraction, this may or may not be the case for you. If it is, you can still class yourself as a lesbian, but rather than be homosexual you may just be homoromantic instead. At the end of the day it's for you to work out, but I can assure you there is nothing wrong with you.
Petitlittleprince
May 23rd, 2017 2:02am
Nothing. Not all people are into sex, which is fine. If you want to know if you like sex, you can always try it, but that's your choice. Romantic feelings don't translate into sexual feelings. That's fine, you don't need sex to say to someone that you love them.
BillieElla
August 8th, 2017 2:22pm
There is nothing wrong with you for not being interested in sex. That is just a part of who you are and what makes you, you. You are just as normal as someone who is a woman and a lesbian who likes sex. Embrace who you are, and wear it proudly.
Anonymous
September 4th, 2017 11:56am
There is nothing wrong with you. There are other people who feel like you. I think there is a term called "homoromantic asexual", but I don't know if that applies to you. At the end of the day labeling doesn't matter, do what you feel comfortable with, and there is nothing wrong with you.
Aayla
December 26th, 2017 8:41pm
There's absolutely nothing wrong! If you don't have the slightest interest in sex, you're probably asexual. It's a just a sexual orientation like any other, nothing to worry about. Romantic and sexual attraction are not always connected: you can be attracted to a particular gender in a romantic way, and also appraciate them aesthetically, without feeling any sexual desire. You can call yourself an homoromantic asexual, if you want to identify with a label - but you don't necessarily have to label yourself if you don't feel comfortable with it. Just live your life and do what your heart tells you, keeping in mind that what you feel is perfectly alright.
Anonymous
January 2nd, 2018 11:20pm
If you don't experience sexual attraction at all, you may be asexual. Remember that there are many kinds of attraction and even if you don't feel the sexual kind, you can experience romantic or sensual attraction very differently. There's a lot of pansexual aromantic people - people who don't experience romantic attraction but feel attracted sexually to everyone, or demisexual homoromantic - experiencing romantic attraction towards the same gender but feeling sexual only when the bond with the other person is very strong. Also, a very important thing - remember that none of the attraction types cancel any other out. You can be gynoromantic non-binary bisexual or homoromantic heterosexual and there's nothing wrong with that!
peacelovemusic03
January 29th, 2018 3:40am
The real answer is, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! You could be asexual if you experience no sexual interest but that does not mean you cant be a romantic lesbian
TryingmybestElsa
May 7th, 2018 7:23pm
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Some people just don't want to have or don't enjoy sex and it's fine. Some people don't even feel sexual attraction towards other people and that's completely valid. I can relate a bit because I identify as homoromantic asexual. Which means I develop feelings for girls but don't feel sexually attracted to them. Maybe it'd help you to look into that? (Feel free to send me a message if you want to talk about that more)
Allen39
May 4th, 2015 7:27am
Nothing! You might just be asexual. Asexuality is an extremely normal sexuality- it doesn't exist. It's just not having a sex drive. There are lots of people like this, and there's no need to worry. Asexuals can lead perfectly normal lives, and they're just as fabulous as anyone else.
Bossuet
May 28th, 2015 7:43am
That sounds similar to asexual. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction (which is different to romantic and aesthetic attraction). I would suggest researching about the asexual spectrum to see if you fit. If you do, remember that asexuality is just as normal as any other orientation, even though we lack visibility in mainstream media.
Waterbear
June 14th, 2015 7:11am
Nothing has to be wrong with you. You might just be an asexual person, or maybe the hormone thing just hasn't happened for you yet. Alternately, you could be depressed.
Anonymous
August 3rd, 2015 7:04pm
Nothing is wrong with you. You are a homoromantic asexual. Which means you like the same gender but are not sexually attracted to anyone. But you can still be romantically attracted to someone.
Manifestation
November 24th, 2015 12:02am
There is nothing wrong with you. There are an infinite number of sexual preferences and none of them are wrong. It is completely possible to be attracted on a intellectual level to gender but not on an eros attraction level.
insightfulApricot11
January 10th, 2016 3:56am
Nothing is wrong with you. Everyone has a different sexual need, some people find it to be an important thing and other people have little to no desire. Sexuality is an ever changing spectrum and it never has to be constant. Everyone is different, and I'm sure you would find that there are more people like you than you think.