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How do I deal with having to hide my girlfriend from my parents? It's wrong, but I'd rather not be disowned by the two people in my life that mean the most to me.

17 Answers
Last Updated: 04/14/2020 at 4:53pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Halayma Khatun, M.A Theology(U.K, UAE), Diploma With Distinction in Counseling, Certification trauma abandonment


Compassionate, patient, experienced depression counselor. I use Psychodynamic counseling techniques. My counseling experience is +8 years, I counsel women.

Top Rated Answers
December 2nd, 2014 7:02pm
First off, your sexuality and your romantic life are personal to you, and only you get to decide who should know, and when, where, why, and how you should tell them; it is never wrong to conceal that information, if you don't feel safe or comfortable revealing it. Hiding anything for any reason can be a difficult thing, both practically and emotionally, and can cause anxiety, tension, and guilt to build up inside you, but just remember that you owe them nothing: your relationship is your own, and your sexuality is your own, even when/if you decide to share it with someone else.
December 7th, 2014 7:32pm
If you don't feel safe to come out, then hiding your relationship is not wrong. You come out when you feel ready.
December 6th, 2014 6:40am
That's a really hard question. I find that having _somewhere_ to be honest about your relationship helps. You might do that through a queer community, with a close and trusted friend, online, in a journal... it's never easy though, and I can really related to this, but if you are safe or ready to come out to your parents, it's going to be hard. It it easier (in my experience) to have somewhere to vent and discuss how this gets hard though. And remember, you aren't alone.
December 2nd, 2014 8:37pm
This is a very difficult situation and it is hard hiding something so important to you from the people who are most important to you. It is okay to want to keep something like that private because coming out takes time and must be done when you feel ready. It is difficult not being able to share something meaningful with your parents, but when the time is right maybe talking to them about it will open new doors. In the meantime I think it is important that you have other people in your life that you can talk to about your girlfriend that will support you or hear you out!
December 2nd, 2014 3:55pm
I tried hiding my boyfriend for a while from my parents, but it's hard. It will put it emotional stain on you, and it will just hurt a lot. However I can understand holding on to it until you're ready to tell them. The first thing is to tell your girlfriend that your parents aren't aware of you two yet, and the second is to tell your parents she's a really good friend. Just remember the strain it will put, and when you're ready tell your parents.
December 2nd, 2014 8:03pm
I don't think hiding your partner is a reasonable solution to being in the closet. I don't think it's fair to them, or yourself. I don't doubt that there is a special love between you and your partner. But I also think that loving someone that much means you want the best for them, and the best is being able to be who you truly are without the fear of getting caught. I suggest finding someone close to you that you can talk to about coming out, about being gay, about wanting the best happiness you can allow yourself, and developing a safe, sensible plan to accomplish that. If you'd like help with this, please don't hesitate to message me.
December 2nd, 2014 8:38pm
Your family should be supportive in how you feel and I'm very sorry that this may not be the case. However, you are entitled to be in love with whomever you want, regardless of other's approval but your own.
December 30th, 2014 5:57pm
Do not think you are doing anything wrong. I understand your reasons and they are valid. Self safety must come first, nothing wrong with it.
December 19th, 2014 3:09pm
I know that this can be hard, I've dealt with it the wrong way before and looking back I can see what I did wrong, I can't tell you what to do, I can inly say what I did wrong. I decided to keep it up for as long as possible, I lied, and they found out at the worst possible time. If you know the correct path, take it. Sometime, however, there is no right answer, so you need to just pick your sin and find a with it. And in the words of Tim Keller, "The sin that is most destructive in your life right now, is the one your most defensive about." I hope that I have helped you.
April 5th, 2016 8:28am
Depending on how your girlfried feels about it. Hiding it from people that really knows u does not make a difference sooner or later they will find out.
December 23rd, 2014 11:09pm
This is a tough question. On one hand, you have your girlfriend who you care about, and on the other hand, you have your parents who mean the most to you. I'm assuming you have already tried to discuss the topic in general with your parents. If not, why not? What is the worst that could happen? How likely is that result to happen? What are the benefits to having a girlfriend and not telling your parents versus telling your parents? Would they really disown you? If you are in a situation where you are able to support yourself on your own, then that will change your options. I would suggest discussing this with your girlfriend and/or a trusted friend or relative.
December 26th, 2014 5:41am
If you and your parents are that close, then there is surely a way to discuss the aspects of your life they may not completely understand. Having a same-sex relationship can be scary, but you are the same person regardless of whether you are dating somebody of the same or opposite sex.
January 4th, 2015 4:00pm
it is your choice whether you want to hide or not. if you want people to know about it that aren't your parents, you could start small like with your friends, then maybe siblings, relatives, tell them to keep it a secret because you either want to tell them yourself, or not tell them at all. maybe it is best if you wait until you are 18, that way you will most likely be on your own. i can't say if you two will be together then, but whatever the case, you won't be so pressured by telling your parents since you are a young adult and make your own choices.
May 31st, 2016 4:26am
Wait until you are ready. There is absolutely no pressure to do anything. Focus on yourself before realizing what you want to do.
July 17th, 2018 10:39pm
It's okay to be afraid of your parents. It happens. You need to think well and maybe tell them to feel happier with your gf
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
September 2nd, 2019 1:10pm
It's ok to do whatever makes you feel safe, there's nothing to be guilty about! For now, you can tell your parents that she's your friend or pretend that you're going out with your friends. Having to hide is hard, but you can still find your spaces of freedom. The key is to enjoy every moment you have together the best you can, focusing on improving your relationship, so that even if you hide for now, your relationship will still give you more joy than discomfort. As long as the happiness you share is greater than the discomfort of having to hide, you'll be fine! Just make sure to talk about it with her and let them know that she means a lot to you and your decision to hide isn't because she's not important for you, but simply because you just don't feel ready to let your family know the real you.
April 14th, 2020 4:53pm
You will feel a lot of conflicting emotions and the need to pick sides when you have to keep your relationship a secret. Eventually, your secret will come out in the open or you will end the relationship. Think about which option is favourable for you. If you would simply like to enjoy the relationship while it lasts, despite knowing that it has an expiry date to it, keep loads of precautions and excuses ready. I was in the same situation twice, and we broke up because I could not handle the guilt of keeping such a huge secret from my parents. I rationalized at first, telling myself that I can make my own decisions, but eventually we realise that life is much easier when single.