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How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm transgender?

140 Answers
Last Updated: 10/07/2021 at 8:26am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
January 31st, 2018 7:27pm
Try to find a private place - time and prepare him that you wanna talk about smth very sensitive . Just stay focused on what u wanna say, don't feel bad and stay true to urself. If he loves you he will be understanding. Be prepared for both good/bad reaction. Good luck.
February 3rd, 2018 7:08am
Slowly broach the subject of it with him. Bring up hypothetical or other examples of maybe friends of yours being transgender, and see his reaction, or try to get his opinions on transgender people without raising suspicion. If you feel he is the type to respond amicably, I suggest going ahead!
February 3rd, 2018 10:47pm
That's not an easy question. If you are very close with your bf (which I suppose you are) he probably accepts you as you are. You have to tell him that you're trans in a moment where you feel secure - and you know best when that time is
February 7th, 2018 10:38am
You two should sit in a peaceful place, where there's no cellphones on, or anything. It might be hard, but tell them you feel like this and why you feel like this. Justifying what you feel like might help a lot for the other to understand what you're going through. They might not understand at first, so help them with facts of being a transgender and most importantly, give them time to think about it and digest what you've just told them. If they need it, give them space as well. They will understand.
February 17th, 2018 3:49am
I would not tell him all at once. Maybe give hints throughout your times together. But do not keep this information away from your boyfriend for a long time. They might think that you do not trust them.
February 22nd, 2018 3:51pm
An idea could be to slowly bridge the topic of transgender people and attempt to gauge his reaction on it. If he looks to be responding positively then it's best to tell him in an environment you would feel most comfortable in also.
February 25th, 2018 10:54pm
You should start by telling him you have something important to tell him and advising him to seat down. If he likes you for who you are, he will accept and support you.
March 1st, 2018 5:34am
Tell them about how you trust them to share this very personal subject matter and that you are worried about their reaction. Explain that it's nothing bad, but that you want to be honest and true to yourself. After saying the two words, "I'm transgender". Explain what that means for you and ask how they feel. Listen. Communication is key.
March 10th, 2018 11:40pm
That is a difficult question and really depends on the type of relationship you have together. If you see a future with him, then you owe it to yourself to open up fully and approach the subject with him. Similarly, if you want to transition, you need to tell him. If he chose to leave, it is better that it happens sooner rather than mid transition when your body and mind is drastically changing. However, having said this, if this boyfriend isn't extremely serious, you don't see it progressing AND you wouldn't transition for the time being, why risk something short term that you're enjoying in the now. Overall, telling him would be the best course of action. Yet, if you are not ready then it's not the right time. You need to be confident and in love with yourself before opening up about something so significant and important.
March 28th, 2018 4:10am
Sit him down and explain how you feel. Be open and honest about it. Understand that it may change the relationship and he may need time to process.
March 28th, 2018 8:21am
First, I suggest you ask him of his thoughts about transgender people as not everyone is capable of accepting them.
April 4th, 2018 8:17am
Make sure the time is right. Don't tell your boyfriend when he seems in a bad mood, or the time isn't right. Wait for the most appropriate time and explain in a calm, confident voice that you're trans.
April 7th, 2018 6:03am
You tell him alone in his house or somewhere in which he doesn't feel obligated to talk to you. This enables him to walk away if he needs to so that he has time to think. Don't ask him for acceptance or try to antagonize him if he doesn't support you. Let him know that you love him and you understand if he's put off by you, but that you hope nothing can change. Tell him that if things do have to change, you hope that the two of you can remain good friends.
April 8th, 2018 1:40am
I would sit him down, maybe hold his hand and take a deep breath. Start off by saying that you need to tell him something. Let him ask some questions and then just go for it :) I believe in you!
April 28th, 2018 9:19am
I think that there isn't any 'safe' or 'easy' way to do it. In fact, you might just have to come out and say it. I'm sure he'll love you for you. Good Luck!
May 13th, 2018 10:32am
Make sure that you are totally ready and comfortable to tell him. Just take it slow, feel the overall setting of the situation, pick the right time, let him ask questions or see how he feels, but all in all I can't tell you how to do it. I am confident you will know how when you're ready
June 10th, 2018 12:09am
It’s best too sit him down and speak from the heart about who you are. Although I recommend telling someone before initiating a relationship.
June 17th, 2018 4:08pm
What is the best case scenario? What is the worst case scenario? Remind yourself that you don't know what his reaction will be. It can be really good or it can be bad. Understand that he will have a lot of questions: What does it mean for your relationship? .... It can also be a great idea to know his stand on transgenders. If he expressed violent thoughts/ behavior on the lgbtq+ community then it might be a good idea to ask a friend to be present when you tell him.
June 24th, 2018 9:09am
consider the timing and calm place. start talking sincerely about how much he matters to you and slowly go to the topic. give him a moment. allow him to express his feelings and listen carefully. have a contingency plan in place for where you will go if there is a chance they will disown you.
July 1st, 2018 11:13am
My best advice: Make sure not to do it before you are ready. Before you tell him, make sure you yourself are on stable ground enough with yourself and have a solid support system. He may be 1000% fine with it or he may not be. In any event he may need your help to understand things conceptually and if you aren't ready to emotionally it will make it harder to explain and tell your boyfriend. Some people will get angry that you didn't trust them by telling them sooner others won't. If by chance that does happen just make sure to try and explain that you didn't go to him sooner because you had to be able to understand it all for yourself first and that any fear you might have had going to him was there because of how much he means and is important to you, not because you don't respect him.
July 21st, 2018 9:09am
Gender is an ocean. Stereotypes are like the east and west coasts of an ocean, but really its more complicated than that. We are all fish who swim in the ocean of gender. Everyone has a mix of male and female, and some people feel more male or more female. Some people choose to swim closer to one coast than the other, and that might not be the coast they were born on.
July 25th, 2018 1:30pm
Well in these kinds of conversations, having good communication often helps. For me, I'd prefer even writing it in a letter to better express myself
July 26th, 2018 9:52pm
It's best to have a sit down chat and work your way up to that topic. If he is someone you want in your life, he should understand. Much love and good luck :)
July 30th, 2018 1:15am
It is important to remember that your identity is valid no matter his response, but the best way to tell him is to sit down and have an honest, open conversation where you can both share your feelings on the matter, as opposed to making rash decisions based on miscommunication. I hope I could help!
August 1st, 2018 10:45am
Have a heart to heart. He is your boyfriend after all and should be understanding. Tell him that it doesn't change how you feel towards him, but you trust him enough to let him know
August 3rd, 2018 1:21am
Just find a quite (I don't know how to say this in English sorry) minute and sit down with him. Tell him you need to talk with him and explain your situation and your feeling to him. He might react very good, he might be a little bit confused but I'm sure he'll support you anyways!
August 10th, 2018 4:26pm
Sit him down and say I'm not happy with myself who I am everyone sees me as (insert gender) but that's not who I want to be I'm trans I haven't been comfortable as this gender it isn't me I'm (insert new gender) and I'm happy to answer all your questions but just know this is me my choice my gender
August 12th, 2018 3:23am
I would start off with a slow, easing way into it. If you come out to yourself first, that always helps. BEFORE you start a relationship, if you know you are transgender you should always tell them that. Just like you would tell them about some kind of personal trauma where you don't want the doing a certain thing; you should mention that you're transgender. If you are already in a relationship by the time that you come out to yourself, you should always analyze to see if it is safe for you to come out to him/her. Then, if it is safe, you ease your way into it. Start conversations like "What would you do if I was a boy/girl" or "How would you react if I was transgender?" or try to find news articles about transgendered topics and start conversations about it. In the end, there really should be no fear. Gender should not be a dividing factor between two people in love. If your boy/girlfriend truly does love you for who you are, they won't care for something as small as your gender.
September 15th, 2018 3:06am
This is a tough one but one that must be handled nonetheless. If telling him that you are transgender results in a breakup then it would have ended soon anyways. Not telling someone that you are in a relationship with that you are transgender is not fair to either party. Having the boyfriend find out by accident or from friends is never good and could end up very bad if tempers flair. There is no excuse for violence but it is a real possibility. The easiest answer is get out ahead of this, get all the cards on the table and deal with whatever the outcome may be.
September 16th, 2018 7:36pm
Well, there's no need to be afraid because when a human being loves you, it's because of your personality and not your face. But I definitely understand if peoples feel insecure about it. So, if I were to be a transgender, I would want to make sure that my boyfriend is open towards the LGBTQ+ community. If not, then I'd introduce him to it and slowly get him interested and lets him accept it in a whole. After that, I would slowly reveal myself to him by telling him about my past and that I'm not born into the world like that. But if I were to be safer, I would've told him the moment he confessed to me that he likes me just to prevent any conflicts.