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How can I tell my parents that I'm gay?

260 Answers
Last Updated: 03/24/2022 at 1:37am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Danielle Gonzales, PsyD

Psychologist

Hello! My name is Dani, I am a Psychologist and registered Psych Assistant. I have a passion for helping a different types of clients from all diverse backgrounds!

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
June 21st, 2020 8:35pm
You are so lucky that you have admitted to yourself first that you are because many people cant they care about others opinion instead of this as I understand you care about your parents opinion and you want them to be happy for you so you have to tell them that being gay is more into you unless you will be unhappy or trying to hide things from them but dont worry i think they will understand you are their child they love you for who you are whatever you do they will never stop loving you
Anonymous
June 26th, 2020 1:26pm
pick a quiet, calm time when you tell people, which will give you all time to talk about it. remember that coming out may be more of a process than an event. 6 If family or friends react in a negative way, it won't necessarily be how they always feel. give them time to get used to the news. but, if you dont feel comfortable saying the words ¨i am gay¨, then you could find a coming out song, and send it to them, or this way is fun, hide hints around the house, for example saying go to couch, and then have there be a note there saying go to tree, in backyard, etc. until they get to a note that says im gay.
Anonymous
July 24th, 2020 12:17am
It sounds like this is something that might have caused you quite a bit of anxiety. The only person that would know how to do it best is you. You would understand how your parents would react. I can't give you any advice because it might not be helpful or even relevant to the situation that you are in. I understand that you might fear that your parents may react in a very drastic way to your confession. What do you think is the best case scenario or the worst case scenario for how telling your parents that you are gay could work out?
doubtfi
August 20th, 2020 4:41am
There are a variety of ways depending on how secure you feel with them, as well as what you know their outlook on the LGBT+ community is. One choice is not coming out at all, and rather just bringing home your partner and introducing them then. A different option would be to sit them down before an event (work, sleep, school, etc.) and tell them, this way they will be able to think about things when they're not immediately next to you, and that will hopefully give them time to become supportive if they aren't immediately. If you think there's no way of them reacting badly, you can have more fun with it! Maybe send a little gif or video their way, announcing it that way. Good luck!
Anonymous
September 23rd, 2020 3:39pm
I would sit them down in a public place, and then just speak from the heart. Often we can underestimate how much people love us. You are deserving of love and anyone who does not accept you does not belong in your vicinity regardless of familial bonds. Have you received info to make you think they would not respond positively? If so than public would be best. You can also consider speaking to them separately if that will make you feel more at ease. I hope this help. Regardless of the outcome the community here will be willing and available to support you.
RainbowRosie
October 3rd, 2020 4:25pm
Many people would struggle having a conversation with their parents about their sexuality. Even though you may have thinking about this for a long time, you must remember for your parents this could be new information. Think about what you are going to say and pick a good time to chat with them. If it doesn’t go as well as you expected, let them know you want to end the conversation for the time being. First reactions don’t always last. Your sexuality is your own. If you don’t want them telling others, please say. Now you’ve opened the conversation on your sexuality with them, you don’t need to close it. If they have any questions you can talk together. Whether it went well or not, remember to tell yourself that you are proud of what you have done and that positive steps have been taken. If you have any hesitations on whether to tell them or not, there is no rush, no pressure on you. Be kind to yourself and take your time in whatever you decide,
Talktotom
October 15th, 2020 9:15pm
This is a difficult one for you as you feel it will carry a risk that they will no longer love you. As a parent myself, I know that we love our children regardless. Whilst some parents may be disappointed, often it’s because in their mind they have your life planned in their head and coming out will throw a curve ball. More often than not, parents tend to know and it isn’t always a surprise and it’s a relief when it’s all out in the open. Often the fear of something is worse than actually doing it. So find a moment and approach one or both of them in a quiet setting and just say “I need to tell you something”. And just say it. It’ll be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but having the freedom to live the life you want to live in the open will be so worthwhile.
LimeCoke1999
October 25th, 2020 9:35pm
It seems you are having trouble with telling your parents about your sexuality. How is your relationship with your parents? It sounds like you have parents that care about you, in their own way, and that they may have high expectations of you. Is this accurate? What is the best case scenario, if you tell them? What is the worst case scenario, if you tell them? How do you think they will react, if you tell them? Parents are made to love their children unconditionally. Do you believe that your parents will love you no matter what? Telling my mom that I was transgender was very difficult, and telling my dad was even harder. I want to be understood, so bad, even now. I know exactly what you are going through, and I support you.
Anonymous
December 4th, 2020 9:53pm
I am no expert in this area however, this is my suggestion. Create a safe environment around you and yout parents and slowly ease them in. But when telling them be straight up and dont dodge the truth that you want to tell after the waited time - however long it may have been. I know that you are scared and nervous, but once you tell them you need to give them some space; it is a lot od pressure on them since they dont want to harm you in any way. Some of your guys parents may not respond in the way you wished they did, because its not every day they get blessed with such a special human being. Just because you feel different about your sexuality does not make you any less human, even though you might feel like a freak. Which is completelly false!! You are as much of a human with equal right sas you were is you were attracted to the classically assigned gender. If your parents are finding a hard time to wrap their heads around this educate them a little bit, indtroduce them to similar people. The most important part is to talk between you guys, because silence will not bring you any justice. And if you are stressing over this or perhaps you are scared I am sure that every listener in the 7Cups community would gladly hear you out. We love you no matter what your sexuality is ;*
MillieHarrison
December 25th, 2020 1:02am
Many feel that they cannot open up to their parents about sensitive and controversial topics such as telling your parents you are gay, however the majority of parents will be there for their children and will love you no matter what! Some ways to metaphorically cone out of the closet are to sit them down and talk them through hoe you are feeling and answer any questions they way have so they can better understand you. You could even come out with a cheesy joke or a simple text message if the thought of talking up your parents one on one scares you. Whatever happens though you always have others around you to support you and love you as you deserve.
Anonymous
January 8th, 2021 6:56pm
It is a big step to come out to your family members as a part of the LGBTQ+ community, the fear of their reaction can make it seem almost impossible. If you are thinking of coming out, make sure it is safe for you, depending on your families religion or country of origin, they could be unaccepting toward your sexuality. If you believe it is safe then I recommend sitting them down to tell them in a comfortable place and telling them straight forward, or tell them separately. When I came out I told my parents separately a month apart, and made sure I knew their views for my own safety. I hope my advice was helpful to you, you are valid.
Anonymous
January 20th, 2021 7:44pm
Well, depends on your relationship with them. One girl I know came out as a bisexual by showing her mother a broken stick/curved stick and told her "Mom! I'm as straight as this stick!" (Because the stick of course was not straight at all" There are many of these joke types way that breaks the ice in a fun and playful manner. But that may or may not serve you own family. Maybe you want to tell them in a more serious manner? Over dinner? Maybe make it a special ocation if you want it to be something big and celebrated. If you want it to be calm and cautions, I would think slipping them a letter if you don't feel comfortable talking or confronting them directly. You can either mention in the letter that you don't want to talk to them about it but would let them know. Or you could ask them to talk to you about it if you feel anxious over starting the conversation. There is many ways and maybe non of my answers serves your needs well. If so I'm sorry but I hope these might give you some guidance or thought to how you want to come out to your parents. And as a last personal note, I never have and never will come out to mine. Simply because I don't feel the need or want to and that is okay as well. Your choice is just that, yours and you can do it however you want to. No pressure. Take your time, it's okay to be scared, nervous, even nauseous. I wish you the best!
CalmHeadedQueen
April 4th, 2021 8:56am
You can make them understand that you yourself are comfortable and happy at being gay and it would make you happier if they accepted you as you are. That you want to continue sharing your life with them. If the parent respect your choice that would make you the happiest person in the world. You feel that it's natural and you cannot have it the other way round. You partner and you would love to communicate frequently with them and share their stories and moments of happiness and grief just like a normal family should do. There is nothing different about you being gay straight and you will be their loving child forever
PositiveRose6131
May 1st, 2021 6:10pm
I am personally not gay, however I have several close friends that are. Somtimes it is very obviouse and your parents already know and dont really need you to tell them. However, sometimes it isnt as obvious. There are several ways to step out of the closet. Perhaps if you enjoy cooking and are good at it, you can make a nice meal, sit down as a family, and come out then. You can also maybe try a more subtle approach like drop hints in conversations. Maybe buy, print, or even draw a Pride Flag and hang it up in your living space. Maybe even write "Im gay" on a paper and tape it to the fridge. If you have a special friend (if you know you mean) you can introduce them to your parents as you boyfriend, girlfriend, it/they friend. If you enjoy singing you can sing them a song where you talk about being gay. Or you can sit down with them at dinner and tell them then. I understand it can be extremely rough to come out, but just know you are not alone. Many of people struggle from the same problem, you can join an LGBTQ+ group chat or talk to a listener and brainstorm ideas. I truly hope this helps. Have a wonderful day, and I wish you luck!!
Vinny27
June 6th, 2021 8:11pm
Start by sitting down with your parents in an area that you feel safe in and are able to easily leave if you choose to at any moment. Remind your parents that what you are about to share is something that is very important to your identity and that you hope they will accept you and understand you. Let your parents know as directly as possible to avoid confusion and talk to them about how sharing this with them has made you feel and how you want your relationship with them to never change regardless of what you tell them.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2021 5:51am
First things first, there is no wrong way to do it. And of course, it depends on how open your parents are. I know it's hard to keep it in, but don't do it unless you know you're safe. I'd also advise not to do it when either you or your parents are upset, it will not be a good time for them to process it and will ultimately be a sour memory. Another thing to consider, it doesn't have to be a big deal, again this depends on your parents. You could just bring a partner home one day, or say it casually in conversation. Remind your parents that you're still you, it doesn't define you as a person. If your parents are particularly homophobic it'd be good to have a support system, people you can fall back on and confide in. Most importantly, do it in your own time. There's a lot of rush to 'be who you are,' but if you're not ready that is more than okay.
Anonymous
September 24th, 2021 3:37pm
If I am gay, it will also be hard for me to tell my parents. Maybe I am going to go to a closest friend first, and gain confidence. If it is not enough, I would consider having a counseling cession with a psychologist or professional counselor. Perhaps, they can guide me. They can probably help me to have courage. They would probably help me to face possible consequences, whether it will be negative or positive. The important thing is, I would be ready, prepared, and knows how to protect my psychological well-being. In the end, we are not living to just please everyone, but to be the light of those who can appreciate the deepest part of ours.
LisaListens2ugladly
September 29th, 2021 10:18pm
Well, first of all, I applaud your courage to come out! This is a big step, please be sure that you really are ready. Of course, there is no one-size fits all approach here. If you think your parents will be cool with it and you are looking for a fun and humorous way, feel free to watch this video: https://youtu.be/kYEBTac8qmw ! If you are not comfortable with something like this - which is fine, I know I wouldn’t be - consider talking to someone you trust who might know your parents well or who was in a similar situation. Generally, try to create or use a sincere and peaceful situation. For example, you could buy some cake and tell your parents that you would like to eat it with them and then tell them the reason for why you do this. This is just one of many ways and you should choose one you are comfortable with. One additional advice: If your parents are not supportive at first or need a moment, consider giving them time before being annoyed or disappointed. This is new to them and if you were able to take your time, they deserve the same thing. I hope this was helpful and good luck, you got this!
vanessakenna90210
November 10th, 2021 2:20am
Telling your parents that you're gay can be very hard. I know that even thinking about coming out to your parents could possibly give you anxiety. From personal experience, coming out to my own parents as a member of the lgbtq+ community wasn't an easy task, but with that being said what you're feeling is completely normal and valid. Coming out is no easy task for some people but it can be a very beautiful thing for some. I would suggest maybe sitting them down and just letting them know how you feel, how long you've had those feelings, how long you've known that you're gay. Be yourself. If your parents aren't violent or extremely homophobic, maybe do it in a fun way. I personally know some people who will send a tiktok to their parents of someone telling them for them, some people bake a cake and put "I'm gay" with icing to make it fun, some people do the traditional sit down, some people bring their friends along for support so they're not alone, some people even facetime and some people call or text their parents because it eases the anxiety of telling them in person. I personally told my parents over text and it was easier for me that way, but ultimately the decision is up to you and whether you feel completely comfortable. I hope this helps.
sunshineParadise6606
March 24th, 2022 1:37am
The first step is asking yourself if you want them to know at this point in your journey. If the answer is yes, ask yourself what may happen in the worst-case scenario and if you are able to handle it. If you believe you're in a safe environment and have the support and resources available in case of emergency in my experience it is pretty much down to ripping the bandaid off. You can approach them separately or together or with a friend or partner by your side. In the end getting those words out will be the hardest part no matter how you do it. If it is causing you anxiety there is always over the phone, over text or leaving a note which can make things a little easier on you. You can do this!