Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How can I tell my parents that I'm gay?

260 Answers
Last Updated: 03/24/2022 at 1:37am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Danielle Gonzales, PsyD


Hello! My name is Dani, I am a Psychologist and registered Psych Assistant. I have a passion for helping a different types of clients from all diverse backgrounds!

Top Rated Answers
July 12th, 2015 12:27pm
You're parents will listen to and appreciate every life choice you make, don't be scared. Just tell them that you have been thinking a lot recently and you are gay. When you come out everyone who loves you will accept you no matter what. The people who don't aren't needed in your life. There is a famous uote from Dr. Suess which states- Be who you want and say how you feel. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
July 12th, 2015 3:17pm
Just come out with it, they love you and they won't judge. They are your parents.. Yes it isn't easy but just sit them down and talk to them
July 15th, 2015 7:59am
Sit them down explain that you love them and so want to be honest then tell them. If you're too nervous to do this you could write a letter.
July 15th, 2015 8:59am
Be confident, talk to one parent rather than the other,Choose your moment, say that there is something on my mind that I find it very difficult to talk about
July 15th, 2015 5:38pm
As a parent myself, I can honestly say that honesty is always the best policy. It might seem scary, but worrying and wondering what their reaction is going to be is likely worse than any reality. My daughter is 14 and told me that she has feelings for some of her girl friends, and that she wants to be able to explore that as freely as she's been able to explore her feelings for boys. I told her that the rules for dating girls were going to be the same and the rules for dating boys, and that if she was going to start seeing one of her girlfriends romantically, I wasn't going to allow any more sleepovers. (I don't allow her boyfriends to sleep over; why in the world would I allow her girlfriends to sleep over?) She wasn't too fond of that idea, but later she told me that she appreciated the fact that I wasn't going to treat a girlfriend any differently than I would a boyfriend. And if talking - saying the words out loud - is too difficult, try writing a letter first. Let them read it, and then be there to answer any questions they may have.
July 16th, 2015 6:03am
Your parents may actually have a feeling you are gay. Just be yourself with them to talk to them honestly. Hopefully the conversation will go okay for you. If not remember we are always here for you at 7 Cups of Tea.
July 17th, 2015 9:26am
When I came out to my mother, I just blurted it out. I figured she was going to be accepting and she was, for the most part. With my dad, I dropped hints and he picked them up, we didn't really talk about it specifically but we understood each other. If I was to do it again, I would ask them how they feel about LGBT people first and gauge their answers so if they weren't accepting, I could avoid telling them for the time being.
July 17th, 2015 10:55pm
I think the actual announcement although uncomfortable, would be easier than processing the after response. Remember that you need to embrace yourself completely and be prepared to use your strengths to communicate to them about your lifestyle. Calling a family meeting over dinner at your house if you live on your own would be a good idea. Having you in your own environment would help you to feel more comfortable and at ease in telling them. If you don't live on your own and still live with them try calling a family meeting and slowly easing into the conversation. Just remember that you are worthy of respect and compassion and its okay to distance yourself for a while from your parents if you receive a negative reaction.
July 18th, 2015 3:50pm
I have plenty of friends that are gay and they often ask the same question. First, sit them down and be confident. Being gay is not a mad thing AT ALL. It is simply LIFE. If they end up not supporting your decision to be gay, then do not let that get to you. Try to still build a relationship with them and hopefully they'll come back around.
July 18th, 2015 6:20pm
A good way to come out to your parents would be to write a letter. It'll get what you need to say across and you won't even have to be there when they read it - if you don't want to or you're nervous. And a bonus: You can rewrite it as many times as you want before you give it to them to make sure it's exactly how you want it!
July 18th, 2015 9:19pm
You can deal with it! You need to talk in a calm way, go counting slowly and explain your side. I know that you can do it!
July 22nd, 2015 4:08am
Be honest, and to the point. It's important to do it at a time when they are least busy like after dinner during family time. Express to them that this is what makes you very happy and you would hope that they still love you the same way. You can also bring a friend or a family member that can be there with you to fully understand your situation to help guide the conversation.
July 22nd, 2015 9:22pm
First you need to know that they would be okay with it. If there is any chance you could get hurt for coming out, dont do it. Wait until you are able to support yourself. You should be confident. There is nothing wrong with being gay.
July 23rd, 2015 12:28am
Be honest and open with them, explain that your experiencing sexual attractions to other sexes and you feel like you are gay.
July 23rd, 2015 4:32am
There's no easy way to do it but realize it your worth it because you shouldn't have to sacrifice your happiness to please others who should love and accept you no matter what your sexual preference is, if you want to talk message me @uniqueg
July 23rd, 2015 9:48am
It is best to state quietly, calmly and be ready for their inquiries or concern for you. It is to be expected they will want to know why you came to the decision you are gay and when and how you feel about it and that you feel safe and okay with it.
July 23rd, 2015 5:17pm
Show them a short movie kinda about it and ask what would have been there reaction if you would have been a gay!and then at the right time tell that you are!
July 23rd, 2015 9:30pm
They probably already know. But, you can sit them down at a good time and tell them there is something you have to tell them and it is very important. How you tell them is really something only you can word correctly. Be honest, be strong and realize that they may be surprised and you may not get the desired response ... at first. If there are issues ... direct them to good luck.
July 24th, 2015 6:34am
Perhaps instill a trusted friend or family member to help you relay the information to your parents in a mutual, calm setting.
July 24th, 2015 4:29pm
Do you feel you can chat with your parents? If not you could always write them a letter or maybe perhaps get a close friend to support you whilst you tell your parents! Good luck,
July 25th, 2015 12:01am
When I came out to my mother as bisexual she didn't understand at all. She actually didn't talk to me for two weeks after telling me i wasn't lesbian. I brought my girlfriend home and my mom liked her. Honestly, just tell them, it's scary but it's worth it.
July 25th, 2015 3:27am
For me it was easier to right a letter, so that I couldn't back out of it. Let your parents know it wasn't a choice and that this is who you are. If you think it could turn into a unhealthy or dangerous situation, sadly I recommend you don't come out until you have a stable income.
July 25th, 2015 1:19pm
All you can do is come right out and say it, make sure you're certain, and just be honest! Dont let them make you second guess yourself, and you may need to give them time to get use to the fact, and that's okay, but don't let them make you feel bad for being who you are!
July 25th, 2015 9:23pm
Sit them down and ease into it, I don't think throwing it in the air is the best solution! If you think it would be easier telling the patent you think would be more accepting first and ask for them to help you get through to the other parent.
July 26th, 2015 12:07am
That's a tough question, that I have also had to experience. There is no better way than making sure you are on the right moment to tell your parents. Express a need for comfort, for simple things as a hug or a carress, and while you are closer and talking in a 'sweeter' way, try to find the strength within you to open up. Be brave and you can do it. Remember that, in the long run, it's worth it.
July 26th, 2015 2:29pm
First of all, ask yourself if they are the first people you want to tell or not. If they are, then ask yourself on what their possible reactions will be. An example would be through telling news that you deem equally surprising and or will create a similar reaction. If it is positive, then go for it! If it's not... well then you have to weigh the pros and cons for coming out. For example, will they give you the ultimatum? Or will they accept you for who you are? The former question can be answered without coming out, such as through asking yourself how much your parents love you or how prone are they to change, to how open they are to the idea of the LGBT rights. In the case where they aren't the first people you want to tell, then I suggest telling more people about it first than your parents. This is because practice makes perfect. However, don't tell too many people to the point where they'll end up finding out from others instead of you! There's no worse way to piss off and hurt the people who raised you than to hide one of the most crucial parts of your identity.
July 29th, 2015 3:27am
Telling your parents that you're gay is always a very tricky thing. I suggest just asking them to not freak out or anything and just try to understand you. When they sit down to talk be like "I've been questioning my sexuality and i think i'm gay.." and just wait for them to answer. we are always hoping that our parents support us. do what makes you happy. i wish you the best of luck!
July 29th, 2015 1:34pm
You shouldn't be afraid. They are your parents and they love you. Plus, you are the one who knows if they are more strict or more accepting. You should take this in consideration before coming out. :)
July 29th, 2015 1:35pm
You say that 'This isn't my choice but I like boys not girls. I hope you understand me.' Maybe they understand you.
July 29th, 2015 10:40pm
Sit down and come clean. I am in no position to give advice but I think it's the best thing to do..