My partner is using meth
I’m not sure if he’ll be able to quit. I offered to pay for rehab and bought him insurance to help pay for therapy and rehab and he agreed then backed out last minute. He also has gotten syphillis and isn’t taking care of it and has a broken shoulder and not going to the doctor and doesn’t have hot water at his house where he lives with his dad who also uses meth. I offered for him to move in with my several times and he always goes back to his dads and uses meth. He’s failing his community college and doesn’t have a job. It’s all really overwhelming. I am a sober person and do tech work in my own business and I’ve been trying to so hard to help but I’ve decided there is nothing I can do since he also has been emotionally and physically abusive as well. I want to believe he can get better so I hope and pray but I also have just let him not contact me for weeks at a time and I don’t bother reaching out because I don’t want to interfere in his recovery since my help didn’t seem to help.
@maryjanis
ANY person who has an addiction has to WANT to get clean and will push back to your help until they are ready....
instead of making it easier for him by giving him the option to live with you and you paying for things for him ........tell him to contact you IF and when he is clean and sober...no middle watching him destroy himself. long term with no job and possible permanent damage for injuries and issues they let go without getting help for.
What is the end game .....what do your hope for..... after you FIX him?
Then what if he is then functional........ you may want to find another fixer-upper.. Because if you continue to try to run things they will grow to resent it....
I never wanted a fixer upper I met him a year before Covid and when Covid hit I was really judgmental about him getting his life together. I did find out about the meth use until a few months ago when he told me he’d been using for 1.5 years. It was really shocking and I had never dealt with substance use before or abuse so I had to educate myself. I’m not sure if the relationship can ever be repaired but I don’t want him to die so I’m trying to handle this situation correctly so that I don’t interfere or set him back by trying to help anymore. For me on the other hand it’s just really hard to process so I’m trying my best to cope.
*I wasn’t judgemental* cuz Covid
I promise recovery is possible. My family comes from deeply addicted roots. Its important you get him help before it kills him. You need to make him see that as a couple his actions are hurting himself and you.
I’ve been where you are. We can’t give advice from the rules on here. All I can say is what I did in my circumstance.
I left I left because he stopped caring. I left because it was starting to get into my finances. You don’t want to get arrested either and I’ve came close. I had my car searched twice.
Unless he sobers up it will probably get worse.
Don’t get abused anymore either I got hit on and screamed at also.
You deserve love you deserve life. This isn’t either things you don’t want him and his dad at your place.
imo run and run far away. Maybe it will get better maybe not.
Love can change or break people. Hugs to you. ❤️
@maryjanis
I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with all of this. It does sound quite overwhelming. It also sounds like you really have done everything you can do to help. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you take care of yourself whatever that may mean to you.
@maryjanis thanks so much for sharing and reaching out.
Your strength and heart is amazing, I wish I could have been as brave as you and also knowing could only do so much.
The cycle he is fighting against is all that is evil, would not wish it on anyone. It would not be easy being brought up around nor with a dad doing and willing to do with him. Horrible!
Sorry to hear of the abuse, it can be harder to leave and understand especially adding love in the mix but it only gets worse. Protect yourself. You can not fight anyone else’s battles and if I can warn anyone from my experience, leave now!! Sometimes this is love…letting go.
I may be vague in my words and I’m sorry but I struggle to admit my story sometimes, it’s weird… go through phases of shame and denial and then self pity and helplessness. I lost who I am and all I believe and stand for by not walking away…..am happy to go into if of benefit, could help us both. If nothing else remember it is not selfish to do what is right for you and your worth is not measured in how much you give. You have already changed his life by offering so much and giving love! Not your story/journey. Yours is awaiting…promise
He has to want to get clean you can't save him unfortunately
I’m currently going through the same thing, my husband has been on meth & lied to me about it for years. Although I’ve had my suspicions & even jumped down his throat about it before he always had excuses & I guess that part of me wanting to believe in him I listened to those excuses. I’ve tried to help & it’s getting nowhere I’ve came to realization that I can’t help him if he don’t wanna help himself so I’m about to the point of walking away for the sake of my children & my own mental wellbeing because it’s a toxic cycle only he can break. You can only lead a horse to the water you can’t make them drink. If you need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open.
So hard, so sorry!!
this may in turn be best thing for him too.
keep strong!!
@maryjanis
Hey! It sounds like you have tried helping out as much as you can. Sometimes you have to let an addict reaches the bottom before they will be willing to get help. Just be around, but don't sacrifice yourself either.
@maryjanisyou are the best person for him in his life he doesn't know that yet.,don't loose hope on him.im sorry to say but he definitely needs medical assistance now don't listen to him. Put him in rehab forcefully once he gets in, he cannot come out. You must have male friends ask them to forcefully pick him up. Because this is last stage i couldn't save my friend, but you have time. As a It girl you must be well paid hire someone to pick him up. Sometimes you have to take matter in your hands if you want to save him...I am sorry i shouldn't give you this suggestion, but it will save him.