Expressing Healthy Anger Day 3

@cheerfulKiwi1776

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My anger attacks me in short bursts, then a major explosion. The explosion is internal first then external.

My language-

Bursts: short duration feelings of anger like simmers, internally. Maybe a frown on the face.

Internal explosions: Explosions that I have controlled. It's like a pot trying to boil over, but stopped just in time. It can be a few seconds if frowning, jaw clenching, and raised voice on the outside. Choling sensation in throat, like you feel when the tears are trying to come through. Maybe teary eates if it's too hard to reign in.

External explosions: this is what I want to prevent at all costs. It means terrible things. Letting the pot either boil over or having it explode. Either way, someone is gonna get scalded. If there is someone near me, it will scald them. So I'll try to be alone. It can be scratchung the wall, harming myself, trying or thinking seriously about harming others... Or I just black out and don't remember what I did.

Since I got back from school today, for some reason anger is bothering me. I don't know why, it just is. I have had a few bursts, and atleast three internal explosions. I'm scared there is going to be an external explosion which I won't be able to control. I feel the intensity- it's heavy. It makes me want to cry, because that's just what I do when I'm sad, angry, frustrated, anything that needs to be released. Right now, I feel like angry-crying. But I can't, because there is no reason to. Anger makes me feel helpless sometimes. I'm scared what would happen if I let the bid explosion come through. I don't know how much longer I can supress it...

🚫🚫🚫

Thanks. 💖

My anger attacks me in short bursts, then a major explosion. The explosion is internal first then external.

My language-

Bursts: short duration feelings of anger like simmers, internally. Maybe a frown on the face.

Internal explosions: Explosions that I have controlled. It's like a pot trying to boil over, but stopped just in time. It can be a few seconds if frowning, jaw clenching, and raised voice on the outside. Choling sensation in throat, like you feel when the tears are trying to come through. Maybe teary eates if it's too hard to reign in.

External explosions: this is what I want to prevent at all costs. It means terrible things. Letting the pot either boil over or having it explode. Either way, someone is gonna get scalded. If there is someone near me, it will scald them. So I'll try to be alone. It can be scratchung the wall, harming myself, trying or thinking seriously about harming others... Or I just black out and don't remember what I did.

Since I got back from school today, for some reason anger is bothering me. I don't know why, it just is. I have had a few bursts, and atleast three internal explosions. I'm scared there is going to be an external explosion which I won't be able to control. I feel the intensity- it's heavy. It makes me want to cry, because that's just what I do when I'm sad, angry, frustrated, anything that needs to be released. Right now, I feel like angry-crying. But I can't, because there is no reason to. Anger makes me feel helpless sometimes. I'm scared what would happen if I let the bid explosion come through. I don't know how much longer I can supress it...

🚫🚫🚫

Thanks. 💖

@cheerfulKiwi1776

My heart starts to beat faster, I feel sudden rush of heat in my face. I'm able to identify and control on most occasions.

@cheerfulKiwi1776 

- I genuinely dont know what my early warning signs are xD but im trying to think. I do clench my jaw sometimes. And I get sarcastic quickly

- usually i notice when its at 9 or 10 xD my anger is just...explosive. if it warns me before coming then i simply dont speak its language 

Might be kind of that tightness thing for me. I feel the heat too. Then again, it's gone through all of the above before. I start getting sassy pretty quick too. Might start having tourette's issues too, if it's quiet enough around me.

I realize my anger at a low level, maybe even a 1, but I feel like it takes a lot to push it over that. I stay pretty calm nowadays. Often calmer than those around me. But if I do get pushed over, I'm not sure what helps besides a strong pushback of willpower.

• ​What is your body's personal "early warning sign" that anger is building? (e.g., hot ears, clenched fists, rapid talking?)

I'm different. The funny thing is I've had "anger" problems for years and have taken anger management, but I really don't have those physical bodily symptoms. I don't have the racing heart, clinched fists, don't grind my teeth, etc. None of that. And I can literally go from 0-100 because I have in the past. I've always told people-- my anger isn't the problem to worry about. It's my sadness. When I cry from anger, that's the real problem. My body literally has learned to skip the dysphoric episodes in my past and just cry to release and isolate and shut down to preserve my sanity left. 😀 

• ​On a scale from 1 to 10, at what number do you usually realize you are angry? How can we help you notice it at a 3 or 4 instead?

Oh, that's easy. I recognize when I'm starting to get angry right at the beginning when someone irritates me or bothers me. But just because I recognize it doesn't mean I control it then. Things fester inside and boom. But really it's probably a mixture of old stuff on top of the new stuff. 

I feel my body getting heated become very tense and i feel a need to interrupt and when i act on it my heart pounds faster.

Honestly I'm very bad at realising I'm becoming angry i only realized it after acting on it so I'll say 1.

@cheerfulKiwi1776

I think my warning signs would be that both my stomach and chest have this sort of tight feeling and I do also grind my teeth when I feel upset too. 

tbh I don't really realize I'm angry until its like a 8 or 9. but that's probably bc I always try to just push it away and ignore it though. 

Thank you for your efforts. ð©µ

1. My body's responses are increasing heart rate, seeking comfort, being paralyzed or frozen in one space (inability to move or walk), teary eyes, muscle tension.

2. 02. I can realise pretty early.