I intend to leave 7Cups
Trigger Warning: Depression, loneliness, anxiety, self-worth issues, emotional distress.
I feel like I'm disappearing. I no longer know who I am. I've been thinking about this for the past two months, so it isn't just a random thought.
I am lonely. I feel guilty about the things I've done, and I carry a lot of regret. But I keep everything hidden. No one truly knows me, to put in the right way " i never let anyone know me" what I need, what I want, or the reasons behind my actions. People simply come to their own conclusions and judge me and i donr care about it though. I hate explaining or express my everyday pain. i don't know why but it hurts me so badly now.
I can't spend a single moment alone, every minute I am sitting alone getting heavy. i can't prevent myself from crying. i tried hard, but i couldn't resist. No one knows I am moaning here all day, no one knows i didn't have food since yesterday.
I know I'm making mistakes. I know I'm not doing well. I know I haven't met anyone's expectations or made them proud the way my sibling have. I just need a little kindness, a few kind words, and a gentle push forward. Instead, all I seem to receive is criticism, disappointment, harsh words, and judgmental looks. I can't take it anymore. i really can't. my chest hurts so much
I acknowledge that I've failed in a lot of ways, but at least let me go now. Permit me to lead my own life. I detest the way my family perceives me. I'm taking medicine for my health problems, and I'm exhausted. The medication has adverse effects. It's too much for me. I have to take care of my household chores while feeling weak, dizzy, and sleepy all day. If I'm having trouble, nobody seems to care. However, they said, "You are a woman, you got to face the pain and never say or let your facial expressions out and endure it." Whoa! I was taken to heaven by those lovely words.
Everything feels so heavy. I cry every single day, yet I smile at everyone and tell them I'm fine. I'm tired of doing that. I'm not okay. Not at all.
I don't know what to do anymore or where to go. I feel completely lost. But why? Even now, a part of me still believes that everything will somehow be alright, even though nothing feels normal anymore. Why do I keep acting like I'm the happiest person in the world? Why do I keep smiling?
Sometimes I feel disgusted with myself.
I feel worthless. The people who genuinely care about me seem to exist only behind a screen, while in my real life I'm constantly struggling with anxiety, harsh words, being taken for granted, and feeling unwanted.
I don't even feel like 7 Cups is helping me anymore. I feel like I'm losing myself in a world that doesn't feel real.
I'm exhausted.
Maybe I'll feel differently later. Maybe I'll change my mind. I don't know.
But this is how I feel right now.
I know exactly how you feel. I personally have felt like my own family genuinely doesn’t care about me. They’ve even threatened to kick me out of the house multiple times. I also have some serious health issues I’ve been dealing with for a while and they don’t seem to care about that either. I’ve also been made to feel like I’m ungrateful, spoiled, emotionless, and so many other things that just don’t describe my character accurately.
You’re not at fault for how they feel. Even if you yourself feel like you’ve failed, that doesn’t mean that it’s your fault for how they feel and how they treat you. It’s up to them how they treat you and even if your actions contribute to their initial reaction, it still doesn’t mean you made them feel that way. It’s up to them how they perceive things. No matter what you aren't a failure and you don’t deserve to be treated like one. No matter what their actions are inexcusable.
You don’t have to live up to their expectations to be worthy of care, love, and respect because the fact that you exist is enough. You are enough. You shouldn’t have to fight for those things. You are already worthy of it. It’s okay if all you want to do is cry and shrink because those are all human things. It’s okay to feel weak, to feel like you can’t do it anymore, to feel like it’s all too much to handle. You don’t have to justify your worth because like I said you are already worthy by just existing. It’s okay to not feel okay.
It’s okay if you can’t be strong. I’m not asking you to feel better with this message. It’s okay if even after hearing these words, they don’t make you feel better because I understand what it means to ruminate and I understand going through things like this. A reassuring voice can help so much but the pain will still be there and I’m not asking you to ignore that pain. You don’t have to be strong.
I just wanted to write this message because I want you be aware that there are so many different perspectives in life and that you are worthy of so many great things. Also like I said before a reassuring voice can help a lot, even if it doesn’t get rid of the pain I still do want to let you know my perspective on it and how I personally feel about it. If you ever need to dm me, I’ll absolutely be here. I know what it’s like to feel all of those things and I’ll always be here for a kind and helping voice
You are enough. You don’t need to keep the all positive mask to belong on 7 cups.
Two practical thoughts (skip if it is not the right time)
Last year I dropped the mask of being all strong and it resulted in weeks of lots of crying. I would just sit or lay on the couch and tears would roll down my face. I let myself feel the pain and looked at my fears. Then I got determined to confront them. To reevaluate which fears are real which are just what my mind is used to think because it’s conditioned too. I believe it helped mi. I started to feel lighter like if I broke out from most of those fears.
The medicine: I take some antidepressants and believe it helps me. But my dose is now 1/8 of what I was originally prescribed. I read somewhere that some people are more sensitive to medication like this. It was true for me. I can’t say it’s the same for you.
@AiluraTheCat
hey, hey, listen, you gotta leave cups, you leave cups, okay? we'll miss you, because youre more important than you feel right now. We will, I'm not saying empty words. Cups does not forget the people who have made it what it is.
You are a good person.
A tired one, granted– and oh, ofcourse you are, just listen to you. I dont know how humans are expected to deal with so much. Of course youre tired, and feeling all these overwhelming things
You got one thing wrong though, youre not a disappointment. Not for us, no, youve blown our minds, is what. I havent interacted with you much, but Ive seen you around. You're a good person and we're proud of you
Cups is here, always, and we'll smother you in virtual hugs if you ever return, but if you gotta leave, if you need to stay away, then we're going to trust you, yea? we're going to trust youre doing it for you
keep going, please. just baby steps. youre doing good, you are. you can wow everyone later, right now you gotta get to tomorrow, right? keep going, if only just to see what happens next
@AiluraTheCat I'm soooo sorry you're hurting and struggling so much, 😴 twin. But please know that you're not worthless! On the contrary, you're so valuable and there's no other you! You've heard the cliché...
That's because it truly really is! You don't havr to be happy all the time. You don't have to be strong all the time. You don't have to pretend to smile. You don't have to bottle things inside and sulk. You don't have to pretend you have it all figured out. Just be you. Just feel how you really feel. If you need to cry, do that. Scream into a pillow, do that. Write, do that. Pray, do that. Do what you need to. Stop masking. Stop pretending. Stop bottling it in. I promise, you matter and you're life has great purpose. Right now, you need to feel. Your day of forgiveness and healing will come because it requires action. Just allow yourself to feel. And why are you not eating? Because if your body permits and you have access to food, nourish your body. The same way your mind and heart needs nourishment. There is absolutely nothing worthless about you. I wish the people in your real life would see you as you for real really are and that you felt loved, safe, wanted, accepted, and cared for. You deserve that at the least. ❤️
I hope you give yourself time to think and reflect on what's best for your mental health. As much as you will be missed, ai would never say to you stay here on 7 Cups because real life always comes first. And if you find the platform is of no service or good to your mental health anymore, then go and find what can. You deserve genuine support and I hope you get it. I hope you feel better, 😴 twin. I will be praying for you. In whatever you do, wherever you go, I hope that you are well and that one day experience all the good things in life you deserve.
Please overlook all my typos. It's 6a and I'm still groggy but couldn't not respond to this after seeing it.
@AiluraTheCat I hate to see you leave but I also understand that you feel you need to. This place is unique and filled with some truly wonderful people. But sometimes when we're hurting really bad, like you are now, it just seems to irritate our wounds more and we become painfully aware that everything here is everything we long for in reality.
@AliuraTheCat
Hey there... First all you explained and mentioned are very valid and also, challenging.
The words others in real life told you sound really harash and hurtful... I'm sorry to hear your struggling
I hear you about being in cups world and how it could feel fake. Also can relate about the part where these people who care are only on the screen and unfortunately not next to us.
But regardless, please know that you're struggles and challenges are important, because you are important.
About your decision of leaving cups, if that's for the better, it's ok. The goal is your well-being. But ngl I will miss you, I know I didn't talk with you a lot etc but I read almost all of your posts.
I hope I didn't made you feel any worse..
Best wishes for you ð¥º
@AiluraTheCat I can feel how incredibly heavy and painful things have been for you, when you say you can't take it anymore, your chest hurts, while carrying this massive weight all by yourself and pretending to be okay. Please know that you do not have to smile when you are feeling empty and weak. Your pain is real, and it makes complete sense that you are exhausted from trying to endure it all alone. Because you mentioned feeling like you can't take it anymore and wanting to be let go, I want to make sure you are safe. Please know that your life has immense value, even when it feels completely invisible to those around you.
You've been a valuable member of the Cups, we appreciate your work here and is cheering on you on your healing journey, by wishing you warmth and peace moving forward~🍀🎐
If you feel like you cannot keep yourself safe, please know that Cups crisis line is always open for you or please make sure to reach out to a trusted professional immediately. We care about you staying safe, and there is no pressure to be anything other than exactly who you are right now.
Please take a good care of yourself @AiluraTheCat~💛🍀
Do whatever feels right. You also don't have to leave forever. You could always take a couple months off and come back! Just know that we do really care.
Sending hugs! 🫂
@AiluraTheCat
Take care of yourself, that's the main thing. If you change your mind, please do come back. Don't let others bring you down, enjoy life to its fullest and never stop chasing your dreams.
