The War

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@jesusredeemedme2425 I'm so glad you shared how you feel with us Kiara 🤍 I honestly can't imagine how horrible you're feeling, after so much mental exhaustion... I'm so sorry 😔 You're not disgusting to me, and you're not a failure ❤️ you're someone who has made so many people feel seen, heard and loved. And you're hurting a lot rn 🙁 I just want you to know that I see you, I'm here for you and I love you just the way you are 💝 Sending you *Big biggg hugs* ❤️❤️❤️

@jesusredeemedme2425

I do hear you. All of that— the loud thoughts, the ED, the money...its a lot. Its more than a lot. I'd say you're carrying more than mountains...you've got a whole planet on your back. That youre here despite that is a marvel of it's own.

A very, very tiring marvel.

You are not crazy. I know I could say these things a million times, and I will— you're not crazy, you're not a burden, you're not difficult, you're not gross, you're not nothing— and all of that is true, but you might still not believe it. And thats not your fault because its hard to believe these things about ourselves.

But I repeat it nonetheless: you are not crazy. You are under a tremendous amount of stress, and you're reacting. It is very natural and very human of you to be reacting in this way. I'm not calling it healthy or good for you. But it's normal, it's sane, and it is extremely, infuriatingly unfair

If youre irritating, then irritate. If youre burdening, then be a burden. If youre tired, then God, Kiara, be tired. If you need help, and youre offered it, take it. Because being human means relying on others sometimes, and hurting means pushing them away sometimes, and you can always fix the messes you make, as long as you let yourself make them in the first place

And if you needta scream it out, or sit it out, or ignore it entirely, you know where to find me 

@jesusredeemedme2425

Hello! I see you are going through a lot and I understand it because im going through a lot as well. You are not alone and you need someone to listen to you 

As I m a listener you could always text me okay? Its the least I can offer

Take care, be safe and please dont give up 🫂

We find ourselves in the tribulations of life...you were a born fighter. Stay strong bcoz at the end its not the fall that matters but how many times you got up and stuck it out..

You will taste victory soon..stick it out..Don't give up bcoz that isn't who you are!

Your tougher than this..you know it!!

Take care buddy.

Hey! I think everyone is constantly at war with the devil. I know I am. I have been so confused. I have intrusive thoughts and I feel really guilty about them. I try to tell myself that they don't define who I am but it hard.

I don't know if you know John Mark McMillan? He wrote the song how he loves us. He has an album I really like called Mercury and Lightning. It's a concept album about his doubt and questioning his faith and eventually finding good again. It reminds me of the lyric "I don't want to be unhaunted" basically saying that he doesn't want God to leave him and afraid that the demonic war in his soul would win.

People do care about you! You're really nice and thoughtful! I like talking to you and a lot of people don't have many friends. Neither me or my sister have like any friends. We're both probably neurodivergent. I'm trying to talk to a psychologist soon to get a diagnosis to see if I'm actually autistic or not. I understand the guilt about eating a lot. And my relationship with God is honestly in shambles 😞 I never pray or read the Bible. I feel so guilty that I have these intrusive thoughts and I grew up in toxic environments that told me I needed to pray harder to "fix" my mental health. I feel really ashamed that I'm not happy with what God has planned for me. If I knew you irl I'd totally be there for you! So many people are lonely and I'm sure there's at least some people in your life who think about you or want to be there. Also you're not a pig 😞 Even if you were piggies are so cute 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖 🐖

My weight has fluctuated a lot! I've been extremely underweight to the point of death. I personally don't think chubby people are ugly! Sadly I don't know if this will ever go away for either of us but I'm so happy I'm alive and I'm so happy that you're here too! God loves you, we love you! And it's okay to not be ok! It's okay to talk about it! I hope you feel better! It seems like you've been having a lot of bad days recently 😞 I hope you get better. I hope I do too. You're way stronger than you think ❤️✨🌟✨🌟💖

@jesusredeemedme2425. You have described depression so well. I’m sorry you have a mountain on you right now. 

@jesusredeemedme2425

Kiara 😔

I know what you mean when you say, that you push it all down.

So it's easier to cope.

Less overwhelming.

But when everything is so raw and it's all rushing around your head.

It's too much.

It's raw.

It's intense.

You need to ask hard as it is, focus on yourself and small things that get you through your day.

And make you feel more like you.

God is with you.

It doesn't feel like it, but this is when you need to cry out to him more.

It reminds me of the poem footprints , where you see one set of footprints and it's because God at that moment is carrying you.

Sitting with your thoughts makes them feel worse.

They become louder.

More scary, irrational and out of control.

In those moments breathe, come on here.

You are not a bad or unlovable person.

You are kind, creative, intelligent, compassionate, with so much to offer and you have to see what we see 🩷

@jesusredeemedme2425

I don't often have the words or know what to say but just want to say you are valued and loved on Cups, I thank you for your support recently despite your own battles, keep fighting 😘😘

@jesusredeemedme2425

You’re not an oddity in how you feel. Most everyone I know is struggling these days, some to such a degree that just continuing to exist is a marvel. I’ve been there myself-those times when you’re glad (or not) that we don’t have a readily accessible off button to press that would make ourselves STOP. But we don’t, and so we keep going. And this is something that maybe you could use? Give yourself some breathing room and grace. Thoughts and emotions can tell us terrible stories but they are not us. They’re stories. Overwhelming and dark often but still stories.

I’m so sorry you are dealing with all of this and feeling so desperate. Since I’m not a therapist or anything close to that, I can’t offer much. (Were you physically in my community here, I could offer: a hug-with permission first; homemade nourishing food; a cuddle with a therapy pet or stuffy; some meditative sessions or qi gong; a walk on the bay.) If any of those sound like a good thing, is there any access to these where you live? And if none of this help or even makes you feel worse, please know that’s not my intent.

I hope you find some peace, relaxation, and a way through.