***TW*** Things People Who Self Harm Wish You Knew
If this is part of your life story, please share your insights! What would you like the rest of us to learn? What should we know about people in this community? How would you like people to interact with you? Should people ask questions? What’s the best way for people to learn about this? Do you have any resources (books, movies, YT videos, etc) that will give us greater understanding and empathy and kindness toward people who experience the same things you do?
If you’re not on this journey, we welcome you to listen, learn, and ask respectful, good-faith questions! Open-ended questions are highly encouraged, as they give people the space to share their unique experiences in their own words. While this is a safe space to learn about things you’ve never experienced, please remember to be sensitive, and avoid sharing harmful stereotypes or debating someone's lived reality. If you have a question, ask it with empathy. If someone gently corrects you, please be open to learning. Let's have a gentle, fun, friendly conversation where we support one another, because it takes all sorts to make a world!
@ShadowFaerie @unassumingEyes @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @sadcat13 @Amanda84 @goldenduckling @mytwistedsoul @Tinywhisper11 @LovemyMoonflowers @GreenLime3141 @7Bear7 @Phoenixthepoised @Torean @GentleHealingInitiative @cyanessence @YourCaringConfidant @CaringEzra @NobleSeeker @fossilfellow @BastionKnight @trueconfidant123 @safeplace288 @lovingCat6978 @reservedOwl321 @dapperNest2125 @Creamyyy @naturesbeauty1234 @bubbleSummer9800 @peachThinker662 @warmheartedHuman836 @Mansbestfriend @Paliloveyourself @Magicpawsoffuture @SelfCareMatters @TovaCares76 @sabeyesofblue3535 @Ailuraphilelove8tear9 @charmingApple8098 @luvArisu @BlueDarkAurora @curiousbookishness @sympatheticPlace3743 @musawva @KindleMissie @WellsFiction @Angelanj @SlappyMcGee @SunshineJazz @LexListens2025 @Heather225 @agreeableSkies9889 @ConstellationSystem
I’m adding a taglist to start, but this post is open to absolutely everyone! <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Thanks for the tag
It can be an addiction, and it's not always controllable
@Torean
So true :( !!
SH takes many forms, not just cutting. Cutting is just one of the forms that gets talked about the most.
That commenting that scars "aren't that bad" is really hurtful and makes us want to harm more and worse. Also that it's addictive and is a way (a bad way) of coping. Also people freaking out about scars make me feel really insecure
@agreeableSkies9889
Thank you for sharing this. How would you prefer that people react? Is it better to ask if someone is okay if you're close enough to them to ask, or to just pretend you don't see it?
I mean if the scars are old please don't mention it unless someone bring it up. If it's obvious that someone is currently harming themselves and you want to help them be calm just straight up ask them about it and let them know it's a safe space to talk. It's okay to talk about but please don't belittle them. It's a coping mechanism just like anything less and being in the mind set of wanting to hurt yourself is a scary one. It can be very difficult to deal with and bring a lot of shame with it. It's a hard thing to address but if you're close to them and worried I'd try not to overreact. Don't treat it like the worse thing ever or make them feel overwhelmed and don't assume or put the responsibility of them stopping it on you. It's very addictive and hard to stop. And please don't make comments like "Your scars aren't that bad." Or accuse them of doing it for attention or anything that blames them for it. Just try to approach it as a worried friend and talk to them as a human being and not as someone struggling or below you for struggling. Those are some of my suggestions. I hope if this is someone in your life that they'll get help and learn better ways to cope but it feels like a life long thing for me and it's hard to not want to do it.
@agreeableSkies9889
Thank you, this is super helpful and makes total sense to me. Seems much like the same thing as noticing other signs of poor mental health and reaching out as a concerned friend, without judgment ❤️🩹
Fortunately it's not to do with anyone currently in my life actively self-harming, at least to my knowledge, but there are times I wish I'd been a better friend in the past. Having a lot of mental health issues myself, I tend to make friends most easily with other people who have similar things going on so I want to know what to do better if it ever comes up in the future.
Again it's not your duty to deal or put blame on yourself for others struggles. It's enough just dealing with our own struggles. If someone seems to be really struggling bad or you're worried about their safety then I'd address it but if you're not close to them or not sure how they'd react it's not up to you or your fault that they are struggling and sometimes it can even make things worse and not better.
I don’t want to do it. I also really want to do it.
I know it’s bad for me. You may not have better words to say, but honestly, silence is better than saying “but that’s bad for you” when you find out.
Even if you can’t physically do it anymore (tools taken away, under a close eye), you still think about it. You do it in your mind.
It’s really, and I mean insanely hard to actually get help for it. 7 Cups refers you to SH helplines. SH helplines can basically call the cops on you if they think you’re currently in danger. Suicide helplines are even closer to the police. Therapists can tell your doctors. Schools connect to the police. Basically, if you tell anyone, you’re going to a hospital. It’s a terrifying thought, even if it could help.
On that note: if someone tells you that they SH, please please please take them seriously! I’ve had people in my family question if it was realllyyyy self-harm, or just causing injuries on my body (aka self-harm, just stated differently). Help them out. If you don’t know how, look things up with them. Ask them what they need help with.
Just getting rid of the means doesn’t actually fix anything. It can make it worse. SH is a form of stress relief. For a second there, the brain chemicals work out, and you feel better. Getting rid of the get-more-ok thing (SH) but not addressing the making-me-not-ok thing (stress, family problems, other addictions, etc etc) just makes you find other get-more-ok things, many of which aren’t good for you.
I’ve picked open new wounds in front of people. Most people don’t say anything, or even try to stop me. Other people look at it and say it looks like it hurts. I don’t feel it.
@politePlace5370
I'm so sorry that you feel this way. Thank you for sharing your story, I think it is very important to know how you feel. Sending love your way ❤ 💕 ♥ 💛
(Just a tiny question if you don't mind and if you do, then you don't have to answer it. I hope this will not come out as rude, I'm just genuinely curious. What do you think will actually help you and break the stigma around getting help?)
Thank you! And it’s no problem, it isn’t rude :) it’sa great question actually
I think other people have said it well, it helps so much when people don’t overreact. At the same time, it needs to be taken seriously. It’s weird, it’s a strange balance, but it should all be taken on a case-by-case basis. Someone who’s hurting themselves with the eventual intention of death is a very different story from someone who still self harms, but would be too scared to do anything potentially fatal. I typically don’t like the idea of things just being a spectrum, because it many cases, it’s more like (I can’t think of the word, those color picker things with the spectrum/line of colors at the bottom and then allllllll the adjustments you can make within each hue)
It’s a lot more complicated than just bad —> worse. Taking the time to understand a person and their reasons and extents would do a whole lot more good than the binary response of nothing or a hospital.
Thanks again, it was great to think of an answer :)
You're welcome, and thank you for the great response! I learned a lot from it 😁
There are non-physical forms of self-harm. It can also be mental or emotional.
Knowingly seeking out content that severely upsets or triggers you is a form of it, too.
I
did this without realizing that it was a type of self-harm because I felt like I "had to" expose myself to
such things for complex personal reasons, until outside circumstances brought it
to a point where I either had to stop cold turkey or knew I would severely
worsen the damage to myself.
I chose the former. It's hard not to seek it out
sometimes, but I know if I ever do it will be hard to avoid falling back in
that hole again except worse.
I’ve never thought of this… Thank you <3
Dang, I feel exposed. I have not of thought of it in that way and I'm actually glad that I know this now. Thank you for the info!
In my experience people haven't always reacted in the best of ways when they found out about it. I've been out under so many restrictions that it felt like I was being controlled and that everything I did was being monitored. Instead of helping it honestly just made things so much worse. I feel like people sort of panic when they realize someone sh, at least that's how it's been for me. And that can really just make things all the more stressful.
And I get that in the moment things are done with best intentions but they don't ask what would be most helpful for the person who actually sh. I think that asking how you could help or just being there for someone is so much better than reacting negatively.
Sh isnt always done because of depression. Sometimes when you have too many thoughts or are nervous, you do it to distract yourself from those. Evn if you arent nessecarily suicidal or depressed
Thank you that says my thoughts well (:
I’ve been trying to think of a way to word that (I overthought it)
Sh doesn’t mean you’re suicidal
It’s trying to release the emotions.
I hope it gets better for everyone to break out of these addictive patterns.... I wish the pain can be made more bearable for everyone through coming together.... each one of us is wonderfully amazing and I hope no one feels the need for sh. Sending energies of togetherness to everyone.
I personally self harm when I feel overwhelmed and even when I stopped cutting I think I push myself too hard till my health gets messed up and I get drained and burn out