Grief during the holidays
Hi everyone! I hope you are well. For many, this is the holiday season with Thanksgiving and then Christmas coming up. It's hard enough managing grief on normal days but it can be harder to manage it with these special occasions.
How does grief impact your holiday experience?
@Hope
It blows a crater into it. Which sounds dramatic AF lol. But I'm a triple water so...yeah.
@communicativePond1728 hugs you tightly ❤
@communicativePond1728 8 don't think it sounds dramatic, it's completely normal and human to feel this way about your grief. Sending a lot of hugs Pond ❤️💜💖💕
@Hope I try to stay positive and make each celebration one to remember. But I do get sad and wish my son was here to celebrate with me😥
@Tinywhisper11
@communicativePond1728 😁😁😁😁thankyou ❤❤
@Hope
I like what tiny said.
I totally missed Canadian thanksgiving and didn't celebrate it at all for the first time ever, which hurt because I struggle with change.
And then just had my birthday, alone, and tried to stay positive and make it memorable by going to as many places for their freebies, splurging on a couple small material things (Book and sunglasses.) and going for a bike ride along the water and beach really helped.
Sharing about what I did on cups and to my journal was somehow also really helpful...taking it from mind to reality and the kind words and love from others made a difference.
I hope to become more skilled at setting goals and achieving them; I can't seem to find the strength to set them these days.
*along the beach, which really helped.
*find the strength to do that these days.
It's depressing. And as time passes it just gets more depressing because the losses never seem to stop. I just lost my dog this past Saturday. She was my family. My father is dying. Just reconnected with him. He probably won't be here by Christmas. Like @communicativePond1728 said - it blows a crater into it
@mytwistedsoul
Yeah. The boulders of grief and loss become heavier with time. Hopefully adapting and finding ways to rest and share the load becomes more and more second nature, but it's so much worse than I could have ever imagined with a lot of freaking obstacles along the way.
@communicativePond1728 They do get heavier. So many people tell me that time heals all wounds but it doesn't feel like it. The wounds are still there - the band-aids are just better at hiding them
@mytwistedsoul
Same; it doesn't feel like time is healing anything. I wonder why people even say that? Like have they done the research, or have they just won the lottery or something because that may be some toxic positivity right there!
@communicativePond1728 There could be a number of reasons why people say it. Lack of research and I do think toxic positivity can be part of it. I know everyone grieves differently too and for different reasons. Maybe it's just one of those catch all phrases?
@mytwistedsoul
awwe, soul. 😞 sending massive hugs your way, my friend. *massive* hugs 🫂
@LoveMyMoonflowers *hugs Moon tight* Thank you 💙
@Hope I'm trying to stay positive during the upcoming holidays 🌞
The worst part of this year (June 20 and the 'All Saints' Day' when people remember the ones who passed away) is already behind me so I can continue living. If any grief wave comes again, these holidays will not affect it. It would come on any day, it's a part of me now.
This hits home really hard. My mom passed in July, her birthday was just on November 9th, and now going into my first holiday season without her is making me feel so lost. I'm finding it very hard to try and stay positive, been crying a whole lot, and just really missing her. I've had other family members pass over the years but none has hit me as hard as my mom. I keep having quick thoughts of texting her to tell her something happened, or just to check on her, and then quickly remember she's not here anymore and I get so angry with myself in that moment. How hard is it to remember my mother has passed?!
Feeling so many emotions right now it is hard to get through the days. My wife and I decided since we had no family obligations for Thanksgiving this year that we would go away just the two of us and relax. I should be excited for this, we leave tomorrow and come home Saturday, the place is only a little over 1 hour away, should be a low stress and relaxing trip. But instead of being excited I'm dreading it, I don't want to go and just want to lay in bed. I've been underperforming at work and just at life in general. I feel like I'm never going to be the same again after this and that scares the heck out of me. I've had thoughts of leaving my wife, moving far away and just becoming a recluse. I don't know how to go on.
@Hope
@Hope
Thank you for sharing this. When I first became a member of 7 cups, my grief was raw and I didn’t think the holidays would ever get any better. But I’m happy to report that I do look forward to the holidays now. One thing that has helped me so much is to find a special way to honor the loved ones that I still cherish and are no longer with me. I found a special way to honor my loved one that I miss so very much and we made it into a new holiday tradition. Years later, it’s now my favorite tradition. Although the holidays are still difficult, time has healed my broken heart and they are so much easier now than they were 10 years ago.
As Always,
Kristy
During the holidays, especially during the November and December months, grief hits harder and leaves a stronger dent in my life. There had been many passing in these two months, and for the last few years, this time of the year had been the most difficult. Remembering these people, during a time of holidays where there's supposed to be gatherings and laughter, these are times when I feel a smile is forced. It's sad enough when remembering these people, that it brings back memories when they were still around, the memories are enjoyable, but knowing and realizing that things will never be the same ever again, the feelings that come with the grief returns. There are some who passed that when I think of them during their anniversaries that it still breaks my heart.
@Jaeteuk I understand so much of the holidays are about getting with the people we love and it can feel really empty without having them there for the holidays. I hope that you can find an activity this year during the holidays that you can participate in that brings you joy <3
I see December holidays as an opportunity to let go off the sorrows and eat cakes.
@Creamyyy Eating sweet things can really lighten my mood sometimes for sure.
@Hope
Christmas hasn't been easy since I had to leave my family.
Especially since I had to leave my child. He's turning 5 around Christmas.
I can't send him a present or even a letter. I had to go strict no-contact with my family.
I don't want to celebrate Christmas. I didn't want to celebrate last year either.
If I could at least celebrate my loved ones, like with beautiful memories of the deceased. But they're still alive. My family resents me and disowned me. And my child suffers without me.
How could I possibly celebrate Christmas knowing that.