Trusting Other People
One of the most important qualities for relationships is trust. However it is something that I found myself and a lot of others struggle with. Lots of people want to be the person others rely on and this comes easy to them, however placing trust in others can be much more difficult.
I believe this reluctance to trust others comes from negative past experiences. People who have had their sense of trust broken by others might struggle trusting others again as they are scared they might get hurt again. Once trust is broken, it rarely affects one relationship, but it spreads to other relationships too. People use this lack of trust as a way to protect themselves. It might make sense to want to protect yourself in this way. Betrayal is an extremely painful experience.
However, even though it may be scary, it is so important to build trust in your relationships. No relationship can survive without it. Rebuilding trust after it has been broken can be a slow and difficult process, however it is so rewarding. Once you find yourself trusting others again, you will find a sense of ease and comfort you didn’t know you were missing and your relationships will flourish. Don’t let your fears take away from your happiness.
Thank you for reading! I hope this post helped you a bit as it’s a topic I’ve struggled with in the past!
My question for you is: Have you ever tried to rebuild your sense of trust after having it broken before? How did it go?
@Nailaaaa
Honestly, with me, when the trust is broken, I'm done, I can accept an apology but I don't go back again! 💚
@Amanda84 I agree with that Amanda! Some people don't deserve second chances!
@Nailaaaa Honestly, I do agree with that. If trust is broken, to repair it, again you would need to trust - which seems like a loop to me, or like one of these puzzles that do not have a solution, or one of M C Escher's pictures where the stairs always go up and never down.
What I would differentiate though is maybe with regards to the issue: Is this a case of a spouse cheating many years and covering it up? Or a teenager missing their curfew and running an hour late?
What do you think?
@Amanda84
Yes, I totally agree. I would do the same.
@Nailaaaa
trust is earned and when someone has broken it... it is very hard to rebuild trust. the person who broke trust should need to re-earn but instead expect us to meet them halfway.
The relationship changes and it is hard to ever go back to what was....it is like watching a who done it movie after knowing who did it. You cannot go back to being surprised by something you already know.
@toughTiger6481 That's such a good analogy for it! Once someone has shown their true colours, the relationship rarely goes back to how it was before. But it's so important not to let that bad experience negatively affect your other current and future relationships!
@toughTiger6481
So true that, it's very hard to re-gain the trust.
For me, I can forgive someone but cannot forget the betrayal.
@toughTiger6481
@Nailaaaa
In my case, it wasn't a case of trying to rebuild trust of any human, at least not in the beginning. I can't think of any relationship I could point to as one of trust, except with animals, until I was around 20 years old. I grew up with abuse and explosive tempers. I came to the conclusion that people were only nice when they were trying to manipulate. I didn't even have a concept of sincerity (expressed in a positive form) until I was a young adult.
I remember the first very special moment when I realized that someone was genuinely caring for me. From then on, my heart has continued to open. Since then, I've had decades of time to work towards some measure of wisdom and philosophy that I can adhere to in a way that allows me to trust both myself and my faith in others.
I'm convinced that the only way to avoid being betrayed or disappointed, is to never trust at all. That doesn't mean everyone will disappoint you or betray you, but some will. I find myself asking the question, "did this person actually betray me, or were they simply acting according to their nature, which is to betray anyone?" The next question may be, "does their behavior merit any kind of moral judgment?" I've decided I've no reason to make such judgments, because if I were to judge, it would require me to be a mind reader, and beyond that, a "heart reader."
It really is necessary to judge others from the standpoint of considering how they are likely to behave, based on past behaviors and present attitudes. I have a once feral cat, who bit and scratched, usually drawing blood. Was he a bad cat? Nope, he simply was acting according to his nature, just as some people do when they are brought up in heartless or otherwise toxic environments.
After seven long years, my cat ceased his atrocious behavior and actually became quite affectionate.
After 20 long years, I discovered a new dimension to my heart.
Long story short, I find that I am able to accept, forgive, and even care about those who have hurt me. By no means, does that mean they have to be allowed to do it again!
I have found myself in high-risk situations, and my heart has told me that an investment of trust is the right thing to do, even if it is betrayed. Like my cat Frankie, some people require repeated investments of trust before the light dawns upon them, showing them a different way to live. In my situation, my life was on the line in order to convey a message of hope. If he could talk, Frankie might say "yeah, sometimes it's worth it."
Almost as a matter of routine, I’ve found that some of those who seem like they would be the least trustworthy, turn out to be the most honest and faithful.
It's also really important for a person to consider how vulnerable they might feel if a decision to trust has been betrayed. If a person doesn't feel emotionally ready to withstand feeling betrayed, they have every right and responsibility to protect themselves.
Maybe it's because I spent so much time in the absence of trust, and have been around so many people for whom trust is not been part of their evolution, that I feel generous with trust, even when the odds are against the trust being honored.
@Spiritriver Thank you for sharing! This is a really touching message. I'm glad to hear your sense of trust in others has grown stronger over the years especially after having such a hard childhood :)
@Nailaaaa
Thank you! I've saved this discussion link, so I can come back and add more. I have a feeling that a lot of people don't agree with me, or don't quite understand my thought process, but that's okay. Sometimes thoughts have to "incubate" for a time before they make sense.
By the way, Frankie is 15 years old, so he's officially been nice for longer than he was mean. 
@Spiritriver He's so adorable!!! You'd never think he used to be so mean just by looking at him haha
@Spiritriver
Aww.. he is so cute🤗
@Spiritriver
@Nailaaaa I really connected with what you shared. I’ve noticed the same thing in myself — being someone others can rely on often feels easier than placing trust in others. After having my trust broken, I became more guarded without even realizing it. It felt like a form of self-protection, but over time I saw how it quietly affected my other relationships too.
@alwayshere2008 I find a lot of people struggle with the same situation nowadays. It makes sense to self-protect like that but it can negatively affect your social life
@Nailaaaa Also, Thinking more about this, I realized that rebuilding trust, even slowly, actually brought a sense of relief I didn’t expect. Taking small steps and allowing myself to trust again made my relationships feel lighter and more genuine. It reminded me that while fear can feel protective, it can also hold us back from deeper connections.
@alwayshere2008 I'm glad to hear you've learned to trust again! I hope your trust and your relationships only grow stronger :)
@Nailaaaa such an important topic! I found myself losing trust in my own perception of what is real after being gaslighted so much that even making sense of events was hard, I am still working on trusting people but I found some important wisdom at that time - learning to trust yourself, for me it was a necessary lesson. And after so much hurt regarding lost trust, I keep searching what it means to trust, how much to trust. This same exploration is happening on a personal level, when all you know is not to trust, it is almost impossible to know what trust even is, when it only associates with fear and risk of being hurt, leading to guarding up, you end up not knowing the upsides of having trustful connections. Exploration so far led me to a thought that trusting yourself includes being there by your own side even when you fail, not ignoring a bad feeling about someone/ something and at least exploring it, and taking other's and own boundaries seriously.
I'm not big on trust myself, I can start with a blank slate and give the benefit of the doubt, but once it's continually broken, I feel like a fool really.
I have in the past tried to get past it but it honed my senses and I learned over time to listen well and read inbetween the lines and then I ignored them because they thought I would fall for it again.
Now I take my time and get to know someone slowly but it's surprising how many people fabricate even the basic things, which is a no-no for me.
@Nailaaaa
When trust is broken, it hurts deeply. I feel a quiet sadness and a sense of loss, as if something safe has shifted inside me. It takes time for me to heal, but I try to be kind to myself, honour my feelings, and slowly learn how to trust again—starting with myself. It is a tough process though.
Hi @Nailaaaa