Exclusionary Forum Posts
I have been noticing a trend pop up on the forum, and also on the feed posts, of members that are creating threads in which only certain people are invited to post. Is this kosher? I can provide examples, but I didn't want to call anyone out. You don't have to look far for the most recent one I came across today-- it's here in the QFIF forum.
This seems against what 7 Cups is all about. I understand the desire to interact with 1 specific person and create a space for just a couple of folks, but that's what a Listener/Member 1-1 is all about. Members simply don't have that option with each other, for a variety of reasons.
Should these be flagged as inappropriate, or is there a way to clarify what kinds of exclusions are "allowed," if any are?
Thanks for any input.
Seems to me there have always been threads that are not intended for general discussion. For example, there are threads intended for announcements where everyone is asked mot to reply and there's no discussion at all. I see no reason to allow some people to create special-purpose forum threads but exclude others from doing it. I don't imagine special-purpose threads do anyone any harm. They don't cause me any concern.
@ladylazarus1971
@RarelyCharlie I would agree with the "special interest" part, but it's people that just want to chat amongst themselves without anyone else "interfering." Seems very selfish.
*Bump*
I am still hoping for some solid answers on this question.
Anyone else out there?
I'm sorry my answer turned out not to be solid 
Is it that you feel certain there should be a rule, and that someone should tell you what it is?
@ladylazarus1971
@RarelyCharlie It's not that your answer wasn't solid, I was simply looking for multiple agreeing or disagreeing viewpoints. I doubt a hard and fast rule should be initiated, but I keep thinking, "What if everyone that wanted to speak 1-1 Member to Member started an exclusionary thread that made others feel rejected?"
Something I started thinking about just now was, if this is a site-sanctioned activity, why not make a separarte thread for it, so it doesn't take up time and space on other already topic-specific forums?
What do you think? I *DO* value your input-- please don't think I was rejecting what you had to say. <3
@ladylazarus1971, I just noticed your post and I'm quite certain that you're mentioning my thread here ^^; I really appreciate that you didn't want to out-call anyone, still that's completely fine with me - I'm glad that you are asking this question, because we still have a lot of grey areas around forums and discussing them can only benefit our community. You can definitely tag me in the future, if the need arises ^^;
This particular thread in the QFIF section I've created to talk with a member who is on the Teen side of our community. Because of the age gap it is impossible for us to have a chat in the support rooms, and the Feed, which by the way we're still using as the means of communication, turns out to be quite chaotic and also eating messages. Feed is not always the best form to give out support, because of its limited structure, hence the creation of that thread which provides transparency for both sides and make it easier to talk with each other for the prolonged time when there's no PM involved.
And to be honest such thread isn't a new thing for me - I've had created a few of this little "corners" as I've been calling them, with a few members and a listener on the Teen side (x) from the very beginning of my involvement with this community. On the first of such threads I ever created I received an encouragement from the listener that this is something which fits into community values, so I've read it as a sign of approval. I never really stopped to think about that they could be viewed as clique, that they could reinforce a feeling of alienation for other members. I really thought that they are an extentions of the forms of support on 7C, tightening bonds between members who seek it.
Never in any place I've suggested said that these threads are exclusive - the usernames in the title are meant to make the talk easier to find, but I completely understand that they can create such feeling and discourage others. In the past I've included at the top disclaimers that everyone is free to join the thread (x, xx), which even manage to encourage others to join the chat (like here: xxx), but somehow I forget about doing that - maybe it is a great mistake on my part and I should kept including them.
I'd really love to talk about those kind of threads more - with you and the whole community. I can absolutely see your point, but I'm also quite fond of them, because they helped me and others to get through some challenging times during long-term struggles. And I firmly believe that these are a far better option than creating "fake" listener accounts only in sake of keeping in touch between members.
Tagging some wise people from the Forum Team, so they can share their insight with us: @anomalia @monbon @poeticguy @Roadie @Lyra @Ila
Best wishes!
@Celaeno
Subscribing to this to comment on later since I'm on my phone right now
@Celaeno Although I have noticed yours, it was by no means the one(s) I was referring to in this particular thread. I *did* note that yours is not exclusionary, and I see great value in all that you do in communication with all members on this site! :)
The ones I am referring to specifically say things like "no one but these 2 people may enter this thread". Which I frankly find really awful.
@ladylazarus1971 @celaeno @monbon @ila
Hello! :) Thanks for raising this - definitely worth chatting about.
In terms of the idea of creating posts for a couple people to chat, that is considered okay to do and especially for people to get a chance to connect who couldn't elsewhere. Because much of the policy around not having members connect or non-approved adults with teens is because of safety, having them in the forums (like the feed) makes it so that things are more visible and can be reviewed if there were a problem (unlike a 1-1 chat where no log is kept). We are talking about creating a place where these threads can live to make it a bit easier to find and less confusing that they are there in the first place for those not using them.
In terms of being specifically exclusionary, that does feel pretty unsupportive. Certainly the intent of these threads is for a couple people to chat specifically, but there is no official way to lock a thread to just two people, nor is it necessary for someone to say that. That said, I'm not sure they specifically break any rules by saying that, so while it probably shouldn't be in the title of the post to avoid feeling mean to those reading it, it's technically alright to say it in the body (at least to my interpretation of the rules).
Hope that's helpful!
@ladylazarus1971, oh, in that case sorry for the assumptions - and thanks ^^; But still it's good that we are discussing it.
I haven't stumble upon such exclusice threads, I might search better next time, but what you're describing sounds quite impolite in general. Forums are a public space, even if they are divided for the members and listeners sides. And I agree that stating that everyone else except of x and y is forbidden to comment on the particular thread is not aligned with the values of our community.
In the Healthy Living Buddies section this kind of arrangement seems to be the norm, I notice: https://www.7cups.com/forum/HealthyLiving_141/HealthyLivingBUDDIES_1018/
@RarelyCharlie I just snuck a peek at the Healthy Living thread yoiu referenced here. I see what you mean about the similarities. It seems like a neutral facilitator joins random people together, which is slightly different, and that it's not as if anyone else is being discouraged from joining a conversation "intended" for someone else. But, the Healthy Living forum seems to present a more positive model of the situation, which appears less egregious.
@ladylazarus1971
yeah and the healthy living buddies don't exclude people. ^_^ our buddies have their thread so they can log their needs and stuff when paired with a member. I am against anything that basically says no one but x and y can post". I am sorry to hear that you came across that thread. Feel free to join other more welcoming ones.
@HalliwellSister Thanks! I was wondering if we'd hear from you and get some input from the Healthy Living Buddies facilitator. I'm glad you put in your 10 cents' worth. I think the Buddies section is so positive and helpful for the community. <3
@ladylazarus1971
Thank you ^^" I am glad to hear you think so!
@Politeocean would be glad to hear this too.
@ladylazarus1971
Hi Ladylazarus These threads in the Healthy Living Forum were created as Members cannot connect with other members. In order to "Pair" up the Healthy Living Buddies a thread was created in order for them to do so. This allows them to "Connect" and help each other to meet their Healthy Living goals......
These Threads in no way exclude anyone from participating in the conversations. :) Only to facilitate those who are to be supporting one another. Everyone is always welcome to participate in the Healthy Living Forum. "THE MORE THE MERRIER"! 
@Anomalia
@HalliwellSister
@AffyAvo
@MonBon
@Roadie
@RarelyCharlie
@PoliteOcean
Indeed!
I saw this post earlier and was conflicted on how I felt so I didn't respond.
When I first saw such a thread title my initial response was negative but then I read it and it all just seemed so supportive so it softened my opinion.
I haven't actually read any posts that basically informed others that they aren't to 'butt in'. That I am against.
Overall, I think I would prefer to see titles that are more about what's going to be discussed and a tag for the individuals within. It can be difficult to narrow down a topic though, so I think having a section (or multiple if they fit within current forum areas) is reasonable. I just really don't want to see someone being told they should leave if they find the thread is something that they are interested in, and they are following the community guidelines.
@AffyAvo Agreed. My thought is that 7 Cups should always be a community place, and somewhere for everyone to come to feel welcome.