Part I: The River - Exploring Life as a River
Welcome to part 1 of the Way of the River series.
We are going down the river of life in our kayak. At the start, it may feel unnatural or a little clumsy. Maybe we lose our paddle or get stuck on rocks, but with more experience we gradually learn to read the water.
With a little more experience we can begin to feel the current pulling us. Sometimes we might not want to follow the current. Instead, we might have our eye on a beautiful spot across the water on the side of a river bank. Many of us will work really hard to cross the river to get to that spot. It will require a lot of extra paddling because we are going against the current.
One sad, but instructive experience happens when you finally make it to that hoped for spot and realize it is not as good as you had imagined. You were sure it was going to be beautiful, but somehow it fell short of that beauty. This is frustrating because it took so much energy to get there.
Some of us are stubborn, slow to learn, or both, and we have to make this same mistake many, many, many times.
Eventually, however, we too learn how to read the water and follow the current. Sometimes the current leads us right past the spots we wanted to go and then surprises us around the bend with a far better spot. These are great situations. Oddly, even though we shouldn't, we often give ourselves credit for finding the new spot, when most of the credit should go to the current. Still, these are great times and should be deeply enjoyed because they do not happen all the time.
Other times the current can lead us down more treacherous waters with rocks, eddies, and sticks that can be tough to navigate. Sometimes we lose a paddle, flip the kayak and get wet. In particularly tough times, we may even get injured. We don’t usually take “credit” for our role in these situations and instead happily blame the current.
Why do these more challenging times happen?
I believe they happen so that we can learn. Nobody wants to feel the anxiety, difficulties, and sometimes pain that happens during these times, but these are indeed the times that teach us the most skill. We don’t learn to become master kayakers when the river is smooth. We learn how to be master kayakers on the rapids. Adversity challenges us to overcome.
So, what is the right approach?
The approach is one that goes against our natural impulses. It can sometimes feel like it goes against everything that is within us, especially when it is painful and not what we had hoped for. The stoics were master kayakers and they have a statement, “the problem is the path.” They encourage us to steer into the challenges and to trust the current. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages us to see the challenge as an opportunity to learn to solve a problem that we’ve been ignoring. These are wise words.
Abraham Maslow, another master kayaker, tells us to go further. He instructs us to see the challenges as a gift, to embrace them like we would a friend, to listen deeply and carefully to what they are telling us, to listen to their whispers. He encourages us to see the challenges as ends in and of themselves; and warns us not to look past them as a means to an end. He wants us to see and appreciate them for what they are – independent, difficult, and beautiful experiences.
The river of life brings us smooth, deep, and troubled waters. Thankfully we do not paddle alone. We find other kayakers on the water that also teach us lessons. Most of the lessons come down to following the current rather than insisting on our own plans. This key lesson is a lifetime lesson.
Reflection question: We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
I’m thankful that I have found all of you on the river. Thank you for paddling alongside me 🙏✨❤️.
This post is part 1 of The Way of the River Series. Find the complete information and all related posts here
Reading the theory is just the map, but the real progress happens in the water. Apply to join the exclusive closed group here and kayak together!
@GlenM
We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
This is a difficult question as I often find giving advice or anything of that sort a difficult matter. But I would say to them that their current is perfectly theirs in every way, and all the hardships are made for them to learn important lessons that will help them later. And that all difficult waters become calm at some point.
This is an amazing post, I'm glad I finally got the time to read it and really digest it.
@PressContinue Omgggg. Where you said, "their current is perfectly theirs in every way...", I absolutely love this! You're soooo right, Press! No 2 people who have the exact same course. We all go through tests in life and have different paths. 2 people can do the "same" thing and yet get different results in the real world. How you worded what you would say to a friend is just absolutely beautiful!!! ❤️ 💯 I just know that whatever friend of yours is currently going down a less than ideal current is so blessed to have you. Talk about someone who is supportive, real, and uplifting. That's you. I just love your response sooo much!
@YourCaringConfidant
Aw, thank you!
@PressContinue
Their current is perfectly theirs in every way, I love that expression 💚😊
@Amanda84
Thank you so much!
@PressContinue
A pleasure 💚
@PressContinue
❤️❤️❤️
@PressContinue
"All the hardships are made for them to learn important lessons that will help them later."
Wise!
@PressContinue “The current is perfectly theirs”, so very wise. Advice is tough, because the person going through it knows themselves best and what would help them most. There’s some awesome advice out there, but some work for one person and some for others. Sometimes people think they want advice, so this can be tough to hear, but I think what they’re probably looking for on a deeper level is just to be listened to and feel valued.
@GlenM I would definitely tell him: the waters are rough we all agree on that but you are not giving up for that 🙂. You stronger than you think so don't loose hope 💝 May Allah the most powerful and merciful help you 💚
@AReineRose I agree, we totally tend to undervalue the strength we have.
@The24hrClimber exactly that's why we shouldn't give up
@AReineRose I 100% wholeheartedly agree! Words have power and everything you said here is just beautiful and so true! What a sweet thing to say to a friend! 🙏💙
@YourCaringConfidant
@GlenM Thank you so much for this post!
@NanditaB
A pleasure! If you haven't embarked on these chapters yet, I look forward to seeing what you think!
@GlenM
If a friend was going through a though time I would tell them to find someone to converse with by keeping up-to-date with the struggles along the tough path he/she has been taken to by the current, even if it isn't the kind of financial support or whatever other kind of support that might seem to directly ease the problem. It is important in the meantime, that life isn't going as we wish it would, to find good words of support...that words don't have a cost but can be a surprising strong, when we least expect it, they pop-up in our mind, giiving us strength when nothing else seems to matter, like a life saver. I would tell them to not let society make you feel like you should be able to do it all on your own, that direct pratical means to a solution only mater. No one is actually on their own and no one is built as a machine. You need to take care of all aspects of your body to make it...both phisycal and mental...both material and effimeral. As small and soloist as a task might seem, someone is always involved in ways we might not think of, more than just money or degrees, as important as they are, even if just in our thoughts on a solo climb... inspiring words pop-up, telling us to continue or to give us a nice break from the negative spiral of words clouding our mind from making the next best move along the turbulent river. They are all part of the context that brought us here... that is surrounding us... they are the river's current carrying us along.
Don't let this pressure build up inside, like rocks and rubble on the river-bed, with this belief of the sole maker or sole specific situation with its expary date for which it is too embarissing or ridicouless to ask for help. If whoever is around us seems to be too tired and bothered to listen to us, there are understanding willing people that will, passing to who is in need some words of refreshing water to ease the thirst from the fatiques of paddling the harsh waters.
@The24hrClimber
Beautiful insight 💚😊
@The24hrClimber
This is such a grounding perspective. You’ve beautifully captured how words can act as a literal lifesaver, often carrying more weight in a moment of crisis than any practical or financial fix ever could. I really appreciate your point about rejecting the sole maker myth. It’s so easy to feel like asking for help is an admission of failure, but as you said, none of us are built like machines. We need to care for both the material and the ephemeral parts of ourselves as a lesson in self-compassion. Thank you for being that refreshing water for those who might be struggling through the rough parts of their own river right now!
@Heather225 💛💙💚💜💗
@GlenM
Hi fellow Kayakist ⛵
Everyone learns different life skills, and in the river of life, we can't just beat the water, but learn to navigate, to swim, and when possible: share the journey.
Once, I almost drowned. I told myself it wasn't serious because I didn't swallow a dangerous amount of water or lose consciousness. A man rescued me, and I got out of the water angry about my mistake. Another mistake I made was: forgetting to thank him. Because of that moment, I valued life more and learned to listen to advice. Sometimes, the feedback from people, from life, or from the river itself isn't pleasant because my ego wants to be right.
A navigator learns to use the wind, the position of the sun or the stars, and values their compass, the food and a map. Some maps aren't accurate because they're just a reference point, but the refraction of light in the water is an invitation to take advantage of it. 🚣♂️ May the Flow to be with you.
JediJan
@JediJan
Beautiful insights 💚😊
@JediJan
That is a beautiful and deeply honest reflection. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable story; your insight into how the ego can cloud our gratitude and keep us fighting the water is so relatable. It’s a powerful reminder that while we can’t control the current, we can certainly grow in how we navigate it. I love the idea that even an inaccurate map is a starting point, and that the refraction of light is an invitation to see things differently.
Also, may the flow be with you 👏👏👏 Genius.
@GlenM
Reflection question: We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
Life is a series of twists and turns that no one could ever predict. No matter how perfect we try to make things, they can still fall apart. Do the best you can with what you have been given. Also, do reach out to those who care. They want to be involved, but will not know unless you tell them. Do be gentle and patient with yourself.
@CordialDancer
That’s a very grounded and compassionate reminder, and a very honest one.
It holds space for uncertainty with compassion, encouraging people to accept the unknown without fear, therefore, fostering a sense of calm and resilience. It balances self-responsibility with connection. The part about reaching out is essential. It acknowledges that care often exists quietly in the background, waiting for an invitation. And the closing reminder, to be gentle and patient with yourself, ties it all together with kindness instead of pressure.
It reads like something worth returning to on harder days, especially when self-doubt or overwhelm suddenly creeps up. Remember, small acts of self-care and mindfulness can have a meaningful impact over time, helping you build resilience and compassion for yourself.
@CordialDancer
Thanks for sharing your insights 💚 😊
@CordialDancer
"Also, do reach out to those who care. They want to be involved, but will not know unless you tell them." This is something I am working on this year. It's easy to withdraw into yourself and not think to ask for help, and believe that others are willing, and even want to, but they are!
These are great insights and things to remember. <3
@CordialDancer That’s true. Sometimes we hope people will notice, but none of us are mind readers so often we’ll miss the signs. It is hard to ask for help, but the right people will be so glad we told them.
@CordialDancer 100% <3 Definitely Cordial!
@GlenM I like the straightforwardness of the post.
It poses the question of what can we learn as humans from each situation.
As for what would I tell a friend "It hurts when someone doesn't love you back. Yes, it does and youll get that better than me as you have direct experience. Let yourself process it. There are lots of opportunities for love. You waited and yes you found someone. My heart smiles to see you find happiness where it wasn't previously met."
@JasGab200519970
Such a beautiful way to look at things. Thinking about what we can learn from every situation is a really powerful perspective to have. I also think your words to your friend are so incredibly kind and validating. It can be so hard when love isn't returned, so acknowledging that pain while celebrating the happiness they eventually found is so special. Your heart smiling for them is such a lovely sentiment. <3
@JasGab200519970
I don’t know that I would say anything too specific to my friend about their situation. I would focus on listening, showing them with my body language that I care about what they have to say. I might make comments about how what they’re feeling is understandable, or ask follow up questions to help them share more if they like. I would make sure they know that they can talk to me again and that I’ll stand by them.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas This was such a sweet read. Who wouldn't want to be your friend? Awww. Your presence alone would be enough to make someone feel safe. The same kind of ❤️ and support you would offer is the same kind I hope you would get back if you need. 🤗
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
This is such a thoughtful way to approach support. Sometimes just being present and listening is the most powerful thing we can do for someone. Your commitment to standing by your friend and validating their feelings shows so much care. <3
@Heather225 @YourCaringConfidant Thank you both! 😊❤️
@GlenM
What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
"Life can be rough and navigating through it can take all the energy we have at times. I want you to know that there are people to help, you're not alone navigating through the storms of life. The path of hope and kindness leads you to where you need to go, don't take side roads, stay on it. The path might not always be like you thought or wish but there will be wonderful things to see and experience. Don't rush but take your time".
@amiablePeace77
That is such a gentle and grounding perspective. You have a beautiful way of reminding others that they do not have to face the storms alone. Your focus on staying the course with kindness and allowing yourself the time you need is really moving. <3
@amiablePeace77 super powerful reminder - thank you for that peace 😊
I would tell a friend going through similar waters to not be afraid because though they may feel alone, there’s many others going through the same thing. You can only find your path by looking for it.
@RickestRick86
That is such a reassuring perspective. Reminding someone that they aren't alone in their struggle can take a lot of weight off their shoulders. I love your point about actively seeking the path forward too. It highlights the quiet strength it takes to keep looking even when things feel uncertain.
