Validate Yourself & Others (Part I)

Goal

To use validation as a way to manage emotions and improve relationships.

Validation & Self-Validation (Fulton State Hospital, p. 10)

Validation means telling someone that what they feel, think, believe, and experience is real, logical, and understandable. Self-validation is when you are able to quietly reassure yourself that what you feel inside is real, important, and makes sense. Emotions, thoughts, and sensations are all experiences that we sometimes doubt in ourselves. We ask ourselves:

• DO I really feel this?
• SHOULD I feel this way? (Is it the “right” thing to feel, even if it inconveniences someone else?)

We may look around us and try to guess what other people in the same situation feel, or what others expect us to feel. This happens because we have been told at some point that we should not trust what our inner experience tells us. We actually trust other people more than ourselves. Sometimes when we self-invalidate, we spend a lot of time and energy trying to prove to others and ourselves that our experience is real and makes sense. This often results in conflict or crisis.

Validating others helps our relationships go better, and it calms intense situations so that we can problem solve. Self-validating quiets defensive and fearful emotions so we can problem solve, and it allows us to let go of the pain and exhaustion that constant self-justification and self-doubt requires. Learn more about validation by watching the following video: