Validate Yourself & Others (Part II)
Goal
To use validation as a way to manage emotions and improve relationships.
How to Validate (Fulton State Hospital, p. 11)
Validation does NOT mean that you agree or approve of behavior. In fact, validation is non-judgmental. Here are specific validation strategies:
Focus on the inherent worth of the person, whether it is yourself or someone else.- Observe-Listen carefully to what is said with words and non-verbal expression and movement. If you are self-validating, honor your experience by sitting quietly with it for a few moments. If you are validating someone else, use good eye contact, nod, focus on them.
- Describe-Non-judgmentally state the facts of the situation.
- State the unstated-Note the presence of feelings and beliefs that have not been voiced. If validating yourself, identify your emotions. If anger is obvious, for example, explore your feelings of any shame, hurt, or disappointment that may be hiding beneath.
- Find what is true/valid about the experience. Without feeling that you have to agree or approve, find a piece of it that makes perfect sense, and validate this. If validating yourself, perhaps you realize that the thoughts you are having are irrational; however, validate that they exist and are powerful in the moment.
Validation Exercise (Fulton State Hospital, p. 12)
Instructions: After reading the following situation, circle the response that is validating. Remember to focus on reassuring self/others that their experience is real, important, and/or makes sense.
You are feeling a lot of irritation and you don’t know why. You snap at a friend who has done nothing wrong.
- You tell yourself, “I’m always irritable and drive people away.”
- You force yourself to behave more patiently with others than you actually feel for the rest of the day.
- You talk to a friend and tell them, “I just snapped at someone, and I don’t know why. I’m irritable and confused.”
- You avoid the situation and act as though nothing happened.
Tip: The correct answer is “c.”