Be Effective Interpersonally (Part I)
Goal
To achieve objective, relationship, and self-respect effectiveness.
Interpersonal Effectiveness (Fulton State Hospital, p. 20)
Interpersonal effectiveness can be broken down into three areas: objective, relationship, and self-respect. Objective effectiveness refers to getting the “thing” that you want and can involve getting someone to do something for you, refusing an unwanted or unreasonable request, resolving an interpersonal conflict, or getting your point of view taken seriously. Ask yourself, “What is the “thing” that I want from this interaction?” and/or “What do I have to do to get the results? What will work?”
Relationship effectiveness is related to getting and keeping a good relationship and refers to acting in such a way that the other person keeps liking and respecting you, balancing immediate goals with the good of the long-term relationship, and/or remembering why the relationship is important to you now and in the future. Ask yourself, “How do I want the other person to feel about me after the interaction?” and/or “What do I have to do to get/keep this relationship?”
Self-respect effectiveness has to do with keeping or improving self-respect and liking for yourself. This is done by respecting your own values and beliefs by behaving in a way that makes you feel moral, capable, and effective. Ask yourself, “How do I want to feel about myself after the interaction is over?” and/or “What do I have to do to feel that way about myself? What will work?”
Objective Effectiveness Exercise (Fulton State Hospital, p. 21-23)
Instructions: The “DEARMAN” approach can be used to move you towards getting what you want in situations involving other people. Think about a conflictual situation you are in right now with another person and work through the DEARMAN approach to address the problem.
| Describe | Describe the facts of the current situation. Tell the person what you are reacting to. |
| Express | Express your feelings and opinions about the situation. Use phrases such as “I want”, “I don’t want,” instead of “I need,” “you should,” or “I can’t.” |
| Assert | Assert yourself by asking for what you want or saying “no” clearly. |
| Reinforce | Reinforce or reward the person ahead of time by explaining the consequences. Tell the person the positive effects of getting what you want or need. |
| Mindful | Stay focused. Keep asking, saying no, or expressing your opinion over and over. Keep your voice calm and even while doing this. |
| Appear Confident | Appear effective and competent. Use a confident tone of voice, appear confident in your physical mannerisms, and make good eye contact. |
| Negotiate | Be willing to give to get. Offer and ask for alternative solutions to the problem. Ask yourself what you’re willing to settle for or give up. |
