Why do people say hurtful things?

28 Answers
Last Updated: 12/24/2018 at 3:20pm
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Deane Rain Marie, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I take a holistic approach in working with eating disorders, mood disorders, relationships, and the LGBTQ community. I use EMDR, Dreamwork, Stories, CBT and Cinema therapy.

Top Rated Answers
positivelymia84
June 6th, 2015 2:12pm
Often times, people say hurtful things because they have been hurt as well. They may look tough but deep inside..behind that mask.. there's a person who was hurt and may still be hurting. People who are hurt are the people who needs help the most.
Uniqueg
April 10th, 2015 8:10pm
Human nature, when people are hurt themselves they try to hurt someone else so that person can feel the same pain their feeling. Also, some people are just mean-spirited individuals you can't do anything about those types of people, the key is how you react it.
joyfulPomegranate52
May 21st, 2015 7:30pm
People say hurtful things for many different reasons. Some people may feel powerful when they say words that hurt you. Some may be relieving their own internal pain by saying hurtful things. None of these are right.
Brittneym101
August 6th, 2015 4:06pm
People have said hurtful things to me for my whole life and I never understood why until I got a little bit older. My family always said hurtful things, people that I thought were my friends,boyfriends,ex boyfriends, and even strangers. I feel like they say hurtful things because they feel hurt inside so that have to inflict that pain on someone else. Even when you're there for this person in any type of way they still feel like they have to punish you instead of being appreciative towards you. Communication is the key when it comes to something like this. Never back down. If you need a little help, just pray and I'm sure that everything will be fine.
Anonymous
June 30th, 2015 12:50am
To pull people down, make them feel worthless, because maybe they feel that way and want you to feel the same. they usually target weaker people, and you yes you are not weak
dalya123
December 28th, 2015 12:59pm
There are a couple of reasons, first, jealousy they use it to bring you down and make you feel bad about yourself, if it is for no reason then they just want you to feel bad about yourself
Thehealer88
November 24th, 2015 9:01pm
That's a tough question! Many people are just mean in general. It is also believed that bullies pick on people because they themselves are insecure. So, believe in yourself and how amazing you are and pay no attention to what others say negatively about you!
CuddlyDinosaur99
April 29th, 2015 8:45pm
I believe people say hurtful things because in doing so theyre making themselves feel better about themselves.
mscoxie
July 28th, 2015 7:21pm
I have found that most people, when saying hurtful things to or about you, are actually voicing how they feel about themselves. For instance, someone who constantly picks on your weight, may be suffering from weight issues themselves.
Ansley
May 15th, 2015 3:54am
Typically those that hurl hurtful words are hurting themselves. Many people think (although it might now always be logical) that if they hurt someone else it will allow their pain to disappear. The human mind is a complex and occasionally incredibly irrational thing.
magnanimousStrawberry75
June 20th, 2016 6:58am
People say hurtful things because they themselves are hurting. They take it out on others because it's easier then facing the pain they feel.
ListeningOak
August 4th, 2015 9:24pm
Sometimes when we are hurting we lash out at those closest to us, like a trapped animal struggling, we strike out and we hurt those near us, those who are trying to help us or those we are trying to help. When such a thing happens, I always think communication is best, either in form of an apology or just to let the other person know that you were hurt by what they said.
Blackjack191
December 22nd, 2015 5:38pm
Because they don't know any better. They don't know what it feels like to be hurt so much by words most of the time. Ignore them, you're so much better.
laughterandadventure
December 28th, 2015 3:52am
People say hurtful things because at some point in their experience they've learned ways to communicate that has worked in their favor. in short hurting you might be a way to help their personal motives.
Anonymous
March 10th, 2015 3:42pm
Because they are feeling bad about themselves and want to take out that anger on someone else even though this is not fair.
Anonymous
February 1st, 2016 12:13am
sometimes its to make them feel good about themselves. sometimes it to impress friends. and sometimes its because they have been bullied before and they want to know how it feels to have that kind of power over someone.
itsgwendyy
August 1st, 2016 9:14pm
Because they don't know how much it hurts. The people say hurtful things that didn't live something like this.
AzureSea12
August 1st, 2016 8:43am
People often want to feel superior because of their own personal experiences and lives. When they see that the one they are trying to hurt is hurt, they'll enjoy it. They'll think there are more "insignificant" and "small" people. -though everyone of us is important-
Anonymous
February 12th, 2018 1:58am
I feel that the way people treat others is how they perceive themselves.If someone is dealing with issues within themselves they can't accept you. This is why it is important to heal all of your wounds from life and forgive.Not for the other person but, for your self.
IWannaBeWell23
June 4th, 2018 9:35pm
Many claim that people will say hurtful things because they are full of envy. While this may ring true in most cases, I believe personally that people sometimes say hurtful things just to say hurtful things, or even show off to their peers.
ashlundburg
March 10th, 2015 9:24pm
Sometimes people say them because they don't understand what they're saying. Others say them because it makes them feel better to see someone else get hurt.
Anonymous
October 24th, 2016 8:04pm
They often have a weak self confidence and they try to make themselves feel better by hurting other people.
BetterTogether101
October 2nd, 2017 1:36am
That depends on the situation. Some people know how to push buttons and say things to hurt you because they themselves do not want to deal with their problems and lash out. Others do not realize or recognize just how hurtful the things they say are to you and until they are expressed the feelings caused by their words they will never know it hurt you. Others may say hurtful things as a way of getting back at you if you hurt them or in their opinion what you said even if true was hurtful to them. And sadly, there are some people who still do not recognize the damage their words cause because in their opinion they are just words
agreeableMoon1692
September 3rd, 2018 2:47pm
Do you mean in an argument or just in general? Some people just dont have anything better to do than make another person miserable and its not right. They could be jealous for some reason cos they are having difficulties and have no way out. There could be lots of reasons but there is no excuse for that kind of behaviour. I try to distance myself from negative or nasty people. The person saying the hurtful things may be insecure. Well done for coming on the site and expressing how you are feeling. I hope it will help you. You're not alone.
SophieYang
July 13th, 2015 1:02am
Eu acho que isto acontece quando uma pessoa é consumida por um sentimento forte e que se opõe a algo que está presente na vida dela.É quando o ponto mais alto de nossa compostura entra em desequilíbrio por causa de barreiras postas em nossas vidas, até por nós mesmos.
sunshineBreeze69
April 17th, 2018 4:51pm
Because they're insecure about themselves so they have to deflect their personal problems out on someone else. It's basically their problem.
NewStuff2017
March 6th, 2018 12:02am
Hurt people hurt people. If someone is hurting, they tend to unknowingly, and sometimes knowingly, inflict pain on others.
wonderfullywithdrawn
December 24th, 2018 3:20pm
People who say hurtful things are the most insecure people. Try not to let it hurt you no matter how difficult that sounds, because those words come from a place of hurt and insecurity. I know to a lot of people that sounds like a load of rubbish and it's made up, but it's not. It's true. I heard once of someone buying a pair of pants at a supermarket and loving them. They wore them to school, but got made fun of for wearing them because they weren't from a popular brand. One of those people chiming in and making fun ended up wearing those pants into school the next week. Whether it's hurtful about your mentality or physique, know that they're just being insecure. Ask if they're okay next time they say something. Heck offer them a hug.