How do you effectively confront people who are spreading negative rumors about you?

103 Answers.
Last Updated: 07/19/2018 at 6:08am
Top Rated Answer
YoursTrulyBen
July 14th, 2015 8:27am
It may hurt you to know that false rumors about you are being told behind your back, but dont let it affect you! Everytime you see this person, Smile! let them know that it doesnt bother you one bit, cause if you react In an ungrounded manner, theyve won and theyve accomplished what they set out for! This person is a loser for saying false things behind your back and people are gonna see him for the loser he truly is and they'll stop listening to him, stop caring and forget the rumors he spread.. Just learn not to care and be yourself
Newest Answer
RyGuyListener10
July 19th, 2018 6:08am
Be sure they are in fact doing this. Once you have the undeniable proof, muster the confidence to confront them one on one. Be civil in your approach. Yelling and screaming will not solve the problem. Be true to your feelings and only speak about yourself and how you feel. Use "I" language. By referring to others that may be in a similar place, you run the risk of alienating yourself because it's not about others here. Regardless of the outcome, walk away knowing you spoke the truth and they now know your position on the matter. Good luck.

Want to better understand yourself?

Take this emotional wellness test! Less than 2 minutes.
Top Rated Answers
Uniqueg
January 21st, 2015 5:52pm
Do it in a respectful way, even if your angry or annoyed about the situation, because approaching the that conversation with "attitude" or an angry tone will make the situation way worse. Be clear and firm about what you want to say to this person.
RayofHope
July 22nd, 2018 11:14am
Looking for answers on the internet...we've all been there. I just want you to know you don't have to figure this out on your own. I know this might not be something you want to discuss with your friends or family, but if you join this site you can get free, anonymous support from trained listeners and a huge support community. Nobody is here to judge.
halcyonSea12
May 2nd, 2015 6:15pm
"Hi [insert name of rumour-spreading person], You told everyone that [insert rumour] and it's not true. If you do not correct your mistake then I shall report you to a higher authority. I understand that mistakes are made and I'm willing to forgive you for it, but you must fix the mistake you made to the best of your ability. Thank you."
KindandCaring22
October 6th, 2016 7:02pm
Ignore the negativity in your life. Ignore haters, it'll drive them crazy. Hold your head up high and smile. Focus on you and your happiness.
beautifulLight15
March 18th, 2015 8:48pm
I would go up to the person spreading negative rumors and ask them, "I'm not sure if this is you, but why are you spreading these rumors? What can I do for you that will make you stop?" It should help, and if not, go speak to the school counselor or talk to another adult. If they don't take charge, its up to you. This is what I have done in the past due to school bullying.
JessInTechnicolour
April 1st, 2015 1:00am
Maybe more powerful than confronting rumors is not being affected by them in the first place. Sometimes when you give attention to a preposterous rumor, you validate it and give it power. If you can rise above it and be productive, happy, and totally unconcerned with the rumors, you are getting the best possible result. Put the energy you are spending on being concerned with the rumors toward something you are passionate about. Show the rumor starters that they don't bother you in the slightest. You are too good for their nonsense. You deserve all the best and you don't have to let anyone stop you from getting what you deserve.
caringHorizon84
June 23rd, 2015 3:55pm
Don't be afraid . Always held your head high those rumours won't last longer but your attitude will.
StayStrong152
September 8th, 2015 7:44pm
You just gotta come right out and say it, it avoids making everything worse by you letting it continue on. Make it clear to everyone that it is just a rumor and that it is false, and come right to the person starting it stating that you know they started it and ask why they did
DipityEnigma
June 5th, 2015 12:10am
The best thing to do is to ignore the negative rumours. Only those who are gullible enough to believe something about someone they don't even know aren't worth worrying about. Those who know you will stand by you no matter the negative rumours that people may be spreading. It may be hard but rising to it may back the rumours depending on what they are. Be the better person and shrug it off. You'll get admiration from others and they will see that you're the one being mature.
Anonymous
May 8th, 2015 10:59am
Go to higher classmen and tell them. They have no reason to touch nor talk about me like that. It is very unacceptable.
Ellie93
September 30th, 2016 3:24am
People who spread negative rumors about you are not worth your time. The best thing you can do is hold your head up, confront them with a smile. They will hate the fact they couldn´t get under your skin.
Anonymous
February 19th, 2015 3:29am
Assertively. Take some time, calm yourself, practice in your mind what you would say to this person. We want to describe the problem to them (so there is no confusion or guessing needed), tell them how it makes you feel (using "I" statements, not being accusatory), telling them what you would like to change, and how you'll feel after the change. For example, "Hi John, I was talking to Mary today and she said that you were telling a bunch of people in the staff room that I'm the one who stinks up the bathroom all the time by not flushing. I feel really embarrassed, and upset, because it isn't true. In the future, if you think I'm adding unpleasant odors to the office, I would really appreciate it if you would come speak with me, and just ask me first if I did, and then if you would like me to change something, let me know then. I'd feel a lot better, knowing that you would approach me first before talking to others." Stinky poo in the bathroom might not be your situation, but we can use those step to speak assertively with others. Remember to have confident body language, this is important to you, therefore it is important.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2015 5:02pm
If this is happening in a school setting, ask a teacher or supervisor to help. If this is happening anywhere else, let the rumors slide off your back like "water off a duck", as my father would say. If these rumors are hurting you physically or setting you up for bullying, ask a parent or guardian to help.
Schaei
November 23rd, 2015 2:30am
You can effectively confront people who are spreading rumors about you by politely ignoring those people. Denying and accepting rumors is never necessary. As long as you and the relevant people in your life know the truth.
Supergirl94
October 1st, 2016 12:02am
Explain to them how they are making you feel and ask them why they are doing it, try to understand their perspective and also get them to see your perspective. Dispell the rumors as well!
gentleWinter41
May 7th, 2017 8:07am
Do not be aggressive! That approach will cause both of you to get angry and solve nothing. Take the person aside and be calm before doing so. Enter the conversation with an open mind. Do not attack the person and try not to use accusatory words such as 'you'. Express clearly that you do not appreciate the negative rumors being spread as it is negatively affecting your work/school/personal life. Do not try to discuss the rumor as it may give the person more to talk about. Ask the person to kindly refrain from spreading the rumors in a firm but not aggressive tone. End the conversation peacefully.
Olufon
May 19th, 2018 2:17am
When confrontung the person, I try to prevent emotions from clouding thinking so I can be firmer with the person.
Anonymous
August 25th, 2015 2:47pm
You ignore them or report it to an adult, if you are a child. If you are an adult, things canbe harder. If it is a work place that the person is spreading rumors, then you report it to the head of admission. Hope this helped!
Anonymous
September 16th, 2016 10:55pm
By proving that they are wrong.People understands better when they realize their mistakes themselves
HearingHolden
November 27th, 2016 5:17pm
I would speak to them alone and find out what they are upset about and erase any false rumors about me.
EtherealFeathers
December 2nd, 2016 10:21am
Spreading negative rumours is something a lot of people deal with. But, one way to effectively deal with rumours being spread about you is to personally talk to them. Maybe make them understand what it's like to feel the way you feel. If it comes down to it, correct them and tell them that these rumours are wrong and that that's not how things are in your life so it would be nice to stop spreading these things. The key to effectively stopping them is to make them understand what it would be like if they were in your place. Who knows though, they might be doing it because someone else hurt them in the past c:
ReliantRobin88
December 16th, 2016 6:03pm
Ask to meet them in a safe and relaxed environment. If you are comfortable to do so meet alone, if not ask a close friend to come with you, but ask them to remain quiet and impartial throughout the conversation. Explain that you have an issue with them that you would like to resolve. Emphasise that you are wanting to put an end to it all, and that you are open to talk over why they might have a problem with you. .
HumbleTumble
June 25th, 2017 6:59am
I wouldn't confront them at all. What do I care about rumors! If someone chooses to judge me based off what they heard from someone else instead of what they seen from me, I have no need for them and could care less about rumors!
wonderfulHug63
June 6th, 2018 5:17pm
A few times I have come across people spreading rumors about me. I usually decide to just let it go until it starts to be an issue. Sometimes I talk to them about how they hurt people by spreading rumors, and teach them the ways of being a nice person
EmiiAmor
April 3rd, 2015 6:23pm
Approach the person when they are not around friends and by themselves. Explain how you do not appreciate how they have been talking about someone. If this is happening in a professional or school setting, you can also speak with a person of higher regard or a counselor that can take appropriate action for you.
wonderfulHeart24
September 14th, 2016 5:23am
Ask them why they're doing it ? If there was something you've done wrong ? Talk to them about it politely.
Anonymous
October 14th, 2016 2:04am
I would confront them by talking to them about what it is they are saying and telling them to stop nicely, then I would tell a few people the truth because I know that that rumour would spread then.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2016 7:48pm
I let it be. Let them spread negative rumors about me. I will just move on to my own life and enjoy myself. Why would I stress about something that is not real? And know myself better. :) I have friends too that knows me. :)
Anonymous
December 22nd, 2016 3:25pm
Confront them in front of an adult. Not only will this let the adult know of this issue and take action, it prevents the person from making any moves on you such as insulting you or using violence.
1musicloverever
January 26th, 2017 10:02pm
Those things can be hard, because if you have the wrong facts or even the wrong attitude it can blow up in on your face. The best way is to gesture ask if you've heard anything about the negative rumors about and go from there. But, to be honest, people do that sometimes. Rumors no matter where you go and who you meet, somehow always go around and do crazy stuff. You'll be okay, I would just ignore it honestly and not think twice about it.
Anonymous
March 26th, 2017 11:08pm
It can definitely be challenging to work up the courage to confront somebody, especially if you feel as if they are acting negatively towards you. Communicating with the person calmly and letting them know how you feel (without attacking them) about the situation. Most people tend to respond well when approached calmly. Try to approach them privately and tell them maturely what you noticed and how you feel.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2017 3:40am
I would suggest to try and be as calm as possible towards them and ask them why they are doing this
richyShiny39
May 5th, 2018 7:35am
Tell the person that your life is your own and if you would please know that spreading false accusations can be very hurtful as well as it can cause problems with a future of a person. Also let them know that it will be up to them of how the spreading of rumors will end because slandering a persons name is against the law. If you have to do what you need to. Sometimes a person may say something and it may just be so lacking in the person to spread lies to make up for what's missing. This could be ignored if the rumors are not even paid mind but there are some things that you have to give your opinion.
shiningHeart83
October 12th, 2016 6:48pm
Confront them and ask them to stop because you know that they are the ones spreading the negative rumors, and it makes you upset. If they don't stop, report them to a teacher, guidance counselor, or trusted adult.
IsoMooses
October 13th, 2016 4:48pm
By staying mature, and by understanding that they are only people too, with complex stuff going on. I believe I can talk it out with them.
strawberryPudding82
December 9th, 2016 11:53am
Confronting people about negative rumors can be done by approaching them and saying something like, 'I understand there are some rumors going around about me that are untrue. I would really appreciate it, if it would just stop. I do nothing to harm others and would appreciate if the same were done for me.'
Anonymous
January 4th, 2017 5:09am
Confront this person with confidence. If you aren't confident your words will mean nothing to them. Also, deny what they are saying. Tell them what they're saying doesn't bother you, even if it isn't true. Finally, realize yourself that you are so much better than they are because you are confident, and you don't spread rumors about them.
avocadoallyson
February 8th, 2017 4:09am
The people who are spreading rumors about you probably don't expect you to confront them at all. Be direct and tell them that you don't appreciate the gossip they are spreading and that they need to stop.
HelpingHusky96
July 26th, 2017 1:20pm
One word from me kindness. Harmful people look for a hurt reaction. Try acting like it doesnt bother you and smile at them. Ask them face to face of possible 1-1 why they feel they need to spread such rumours. Tell them you forgive them. They wont know how to respond. (Sometimes) I woukdnt play fire with fire though.
Anonymous
August 11th, 2017 9:22pm
Sometimes you can't stop people from doing what they want to. If this is taking place at school then you have to go to the principal or even your teacher(s) because unless their underage you can only do so much.
Hirasun
March 16th, 2018 7:15pm
You can always contact a school official for the younger audience, or leave an anonymous note to the person to how it feels to be shamed. For those with a brave soul you can tell the person it is rude and completely unreasonable to hurt someone in that way.
AprylFools
April 26th, 2018 12:38pm
This is a hard one. People will start rumours through jealousy and other small tendencies which you may or may not understand. You can ask them directly why they're doing this, but you can also just do your best to rise above it.
creativeWriter118
May 31st, 2018 4:08am
Don't even confront them. People will be talking bad about you no matter what and it's a waste of breath to talk to them about something that is not true. Just enjoy your life knowing that they're busy thinking more about you than you are of them.
Recent Answers
Anonymous
July 6th, 2018 5:52pm
First you can the people who are spreading negative rumors about you to stop. Of course tell them to stop in a nice and polite manner. If they don’t stop, you can tell somebody or an trusted adult. Trusted adult like Teachers, parents, tutor, guardians. If you’re too shy, you can try talking to a Friend first. Preferably a close Friend. Or you can consult your school’s counsellor. If you told a Friend, and things get worse, you have to tell your tecaher.
Naiawalker
July 5th, 2018 12:57am
Stand up to them tell what they are doing is not ok tell your parents and teachers so they can Watch out for it and make sure that they understand that what they’re doing is not right and that you never ever do itIf there is spreading things that are not true make sure to tell the people that what they’re saying isn’t true and tell them
Anonymous
June 27th, 2018 5:43am
You don't. Let your actions speak for yourself. You will see those who are genuine person who cares for you
Anonymous
May 25th, 2018 1:35pm
I ask them to talk privately and ask them what’s wrong and why are they doing this? Lashing out at someone is never the right thing. Just because they are doing something that hurts you doesn’t mean you have to get back at them by doing the same. If they continue, just ignore them and if anyone asks about it, explain that it is just a negative rumor.
SundancerPipeholder
May 19th, 2018 2:13am
In my 60 years I have only come across this once or twice, I stand on my honor and duty, I've had several that have tried to under cut me but my reputation always stood true. If you are true to yourself and your duty you don't need to worry about rumers
KeiranDrake
May 12th, 2018 5:03am
First it's important to have the facts straight, follow the grape vine as best you can and then confront the source. Have facts and bring backup, it can get tense and hard to confront this. It's better to use "I" statements as taught in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, instead of "You" statements, as then they don't feel like you are attacking them. Keep calm, and don't get too emotional, use your logic and if it gets heated, walk away. If they don't stop, just try your best to ignore it and teach others that it's not okay to spread gossip and rumors. If someone approaches you about a rumor about you, tell them the truth, combat the current rumor by spreading the truth about yourself, but only about yourself, not others. If you are a teenager and it is a safety issue, report it to adults to help you solve it. Same goes if you are in college.
BrandonCares1074
May 5th, 2018 2:00am
You could have a talk with a school counselor or have a talk with your parents. They will want the best for you and help you confront these people.
3lia2017
April 29th, 2018 5:35pm
in my opinion, you should go to those who don't think of themselves as judgmental people and ask them about the topic "judge" and what they know about it and what would they do if somebody judged them. one time, i heard one of the my friends(who also judges me) saying that she is scared of judgment and of being embarrassed and that what made me believe that some judge each other without even knowing it. if you want to confront them about the spreading rumors about you that are wrong, you can act like you didn't hear or know that they did and correct these wrong and false rumors in front of that person while you're talking with someone else. that would grab their attention. honestly, i'm very sensitive when it comes to this topic because that is what i'm hardly dealing with these day and i was actually going to start a project in my school about it next week! i will go ask some people (other than my friends in class) about judgment and what would they to ease it and i will go to those who i know judge all the time and ask them the same and compare their answers! wish me luck! XoXo
Anonymous
April 26th, 2018 3:43pm
I directly confront them. I ask them why they spread rumors about me, and where they got the rumors from. I will ask them to stop kindly.
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2018 6:46am
Go to them and ask them you wanna have a talk. Talk about it. Talk about the rumor that have been spreading about you. And then let them clear their side and you tell them about yourself so that they dont have any doubt about you.
Anonymous
April 12th, 2018 11:10pm
Remember not to stoop to their level. Always confront them in a mature way, and handle it with confidence.
Mbali313
April 6th, 2018 8:52pm
Keeping my integrity and compassion in mind, I would approach them calmly to ask if they could speak to me in private for a moment. After I would in short explain to them it makes me feel little when they spread misinformation and to stop. Once is all it takes and I go about my way. I harbor no attachment after because I realize the issue is more within that person than it is about me.
Katishereforyou
March 31st, 2018 6:39am
Ignore it, drama is fed by the reaction. If you can ignore it and prove them wrong, then they look like the bully and you won't be forced to create unnecessary drama. Eventually they will get bored and move on.
Anonymous
March 30th, 2018 12:30pm
You should speak to a teacher or your parents first who can arrange to sit you and the group that you want to confront down.
DutchGuide21
March 16th, 2018 1:07am
It takes a lot of courage to confront someone. Make sure you tell this person what the effect of his/her actions are, how it makes you feel, and how you would appreciate it if that person would be more honest in the future.
ErinEnders
March 2nd, 2018 8:30am
Try to explain him or her the impact which the negative rumors had on you. Explain that the purpose of your confrontation is not to make them feel guilty, but to make them understand that they would not enjoy or tolerate this if someone else spread rumors about themselves. Detail your feelings, the impact on your relationships and make sure they understand how it is to be in your situation - to walk in your shoes a bit. Try to think, also, about his or her motivation, because you may find out that this person lacks something (self esteem, meaningful relationships) and is trying to cover this gap by gossipping. If you have the occasion, talk about this, too, and show this person a better path to create relationships. The next step would be forgiveness. Show him or her that you can raise above this situation, forgive and be ready to move on, but not before you make sure that the respective person will not spread any future negative rumors.
PrettyCupcake00
March 1st, 2018 6:50am
Hey love! Just go ask them if they've spread a rumor against you and then ask them the reason. You can just let them know how you felt and give them slap with your words. please do all this face to face and not over text or call.
Anonymous
February 23rd, 2018 11:14pm
You don't even need to confront them, because by defending yourself you create suspicion. Let it pass by and people will eventually find out the truth. Rumours are after all just rumours.
Anonymous
February 14th, 2018 5:53pm
Tell them how it makes you feel. Talking to the people in person and telling them what they are doing makes you feel a certain way is helpful.
scenicwindow
January 31st, 2018 10:55am
First, ascertain for a fact that someone is indeed doing that. Determine what rumors are being spread, and who is doing it to you. Evaluate what you will achieve if you confront the rumor-monger. Be direct and firm when you do without being angry, accusatory or emotional. Listen to the answers they give, ask questions if need be, for clarification. Let them know how you feel about it, if you must. Forgive, if you can. Think of mending fences, if need be.
Anonymous
January 28th, 2018 6:05am
Ask them straight why they feel the need to be so mean. I once had a similar experience and the person was my ex best friend. I called her up and asked her straight. She told me that she was bitter that a close friend of hers had a crush on me and she wanted him to stay away from me. I told her that there's no hard feelings from my side, and that people who know me, will know whether the rumours are true or not. Then I hung up and the same night, I said yes to the guy who had a crush on me. 2 years since, we're still together and that girl is happy in a new group of friends. Clear communication is the key.
fingerprints
January 7th, 2018 9:56pm
Let them know that their lies are just that - lies, and let them know that they're affecting you in a negative way. Often, people don't realize that the rumors they're spreading are entirely incorrect, and if they do and it's just for fun, they usually don't know how much harm they're causing. In my experience, people will stop if they realize they're really doing bad things to you and your mental health. Being genuine is always the best path!
Alden94
December 28th, 2017 4:11pm
I would be calm with them and not rise to their level. These people only want a rise out of you and want you to react in a negative way. This will encourage them to continue. Everyone has different ways to deal with this. The way I deal with this is to laugh it off and in some cases, I turn it into a joke because once you turn it into a joke and laugh at it yourself, it's no longer amusing to the other person. I'm not saying this is the right way but everyone has different ways to deal with the people who might say negative comments or rumours.
Anonymous
December 12th, 2017 8:10pm
I would pretend it doesn't faze me and hope it goes away. If it however gets worse I would report it to someone I trust
positivePoetry45
December 6th, 2017 4:39pm
Its not about how others view me, its about how I view myself. I know who i am. Just stay positive. I used to be the victim of bullying and negative rumors until i learned that we are all different. When i learned to accept myself, no one's opinion mattered.
blueskiesahead
December 2nd, 2017 4:47pm
I would approach them in private the first time and ask them if they were actually spreading rumours. Depending on the answer, I would either apologise and monitor the situation from the background or if they admitted they were spreading nasty rumours I would ask them to stop and explain that I will involve an adult/police or other authority person to deal with it.
alexiannah
November 22nd, 2017 1:03pm
I confront people who are spreading negative rumors about me by talking to them personally and discussing to them how I feel with what he/she is doing and by telling them that what they are doing is so wrong but I am ready to forgive them for what they did.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2017 7:31pm
I ignore them and show people who I am helping that I am a good listener and care about them and support them.
Laks1
November 4th, 2017 8:09pm
People who spread rumors about you either don’t like you or naturally enjoy spreading rumors. It’s better to be more mature about it and not make a scene. You can just let them know that you know they spread rumors about you and you are not pleased. Don’t say anything else out of anger. They ld notice you are totally a different person and would be extremely embarrassed. Don’t give them the privilege of disrespecting you by arguing or overreacting