You experienced an awful and reprehensible event at a time when you should have been protected and nurtured. Here are a few points on healing:
1. YOU ARE NOT YOUR PAST. This experience does not define you. Of course, it had/has an huge impact on you, but it is not the sum of you. You are not the 'person who was raped as a child'. That is not your identity. You are a multi-faceted human being full of light, uniqueness and potential, who happened to have a negative experience in your past through no fault of your own. Think of all the things about you that make you special (and I know there are many), the things you enjoy, the things of which you are proud. Reflect also on the positive aspects of your life, the things for which you are grateful. Work with a trusted friend or therapist if you struggle with this. Maybe write yourself an encouraging letter that reminds you of all the positive aspects of you and your life and put it some place where you can find it and read it when you are feeing low.
2. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE. You are/were in no way responsible for what occurred. Thoughts of guilt are natural reactions to traumatic events, but be clear with yourself, there is nothing you could have done differently to stop this from happening to you. You were a minor and you were taken advantage of by others who should have been responsible. Be strict with yourself about this.
3. HOW YOU HEAL IS INDIVIDUAL TO YOU. Don't set yourself too many expectations about 'healing.' You have been through a traumatic event at a time when you were to young to process it appropriately. You might have flashbacks as you mature, and you might begin to reflect on the experience in different ways, years after you thought you had 'healed'. Acknowledge (but don't dwell on) new thoughts about the past. Think about what triggers them and why. A new relationship, for example, might stir up strong emotions that act as triggers. No-one will ever understand your experience the same way you do, but consider telling those close to you what you went through so that they understand what triggers you and why.
4. YOU ARE THE EXPERT. People who have been through a traumatic event often have to get to know themselves more intimately than others. Observe your own patterns of thought and your behaviours so that you understand how your mind works and how your emotions are triggered. Consider what works personally for you when you have a bad day. What activities help you get back in the present? Be mindful of any negative self-talk and make a conscious effort to replace it with positive statements. This might be a work in progress but keep at it, and it will get easier.
5. CONSIDER PROFESSIONAL HELP. If you have not done so already, consider therapy with a trained professional. This is not about getting someone to tell you how to heal. It is finding the right support to help you heal yourself. There are some truly wonderful therapists out there with experience and expertise that can support what you are going through. If you don't click with one, try another. There is no shame in accessing therapy. You are working on yourself, and that is the most important and valuable project you will ever work on.
6. CONSIDER HELPING OTHERS. You have been through a lot. Your experience puts you in a position where you may be able to emphasise with others who have been through traumatic events and emotional pain. If you feel strong enough, you may find it mutually-beneficial to draw on your experiences and how you have coped to support others, or to be involved in a cause to support children who have been victims, for example. Thus bringing light and positivity out of something dark and destructive.
7. KEEP IT MOVING. It's natural to go through many phases of healing. And it can feel like you are going backwards. All of it is normal. I like to think of emotions as the weather. You may say, I feel sad. In the moment, it might feel all-encompassing and insurmountable. Your sadness may feel like a rainy day, or an angry storm. But weather always passes, it always transitions into another phase, and no two skies are the same. Likewise, your emotions move and change. In times of sadness, remember, this too shall pass. And, just as there are days of rain, so the sun will shine.