How do I get "alone/introvert" time in a very extroverted family?
Last Updated: 03/15/2021 at 2:37pm
Parvathy Venugopal, MSc in Clinical psychology
Life is chaotic and you need to rest if you're tired. I am here to help you relax until you are ready to start over again.Your mental health is priority, so is your happiness.
Top Rated Answers
I struggled with this problem for a long time. (many years) One day, I just decided to tell my family that i needed alone time, and i went into my room and shut the door. Nowadays, whenever I just need to be alone, they accept it.
The best way to get alone time is to set boundaries and keep them. Your family might not understand what you're going through or your need for a little quiet time to yourself, so calmly and politely reminding them that you're unavailable to talk or be around them for however long you need is a really good way to go about getting that time. Sometimes having a sign can help, or just not engaging after one or two warnings will discourage some of your family members from trying to initiate contact. It might take some time and constant behavioural modification techniques (think of it as training a dog to do something--you need to be consistent and firm with your actions to get the message across) to make it work, but it will a lot of the time! However, if that really doesn't work, getting out of the house or away from them can be a good strategy--going for a walk, to a coffee shop, spending a couple hours doing yoga in the forest, you name it! Physical separation works just as well! Remember that knowledge is power, and if your family is extroverted, they might not understand where you're coming from. Try to educate them and you might see a big difference--who said old dogs can't learn new tricks?
Hi, I have moved into a very big family, I am lucky enough to have a dog I can use as an excuse to get out and away and sometimes by just taking time after work to be on my own. Also long bathroom breaks can get you some space! But what you may want to consider is explaining how you feel, you may have to do it clearly if this is the right path for you
I feel that you are wanting some more time to yourself but your family enjoy being together. Just because we come from the same family, it does not mean that we are all the same. I feel that you may need to implement some boundaries around your relationships within your family and this will mean that you will need to become assertive.
You simply take it. You are different from them, you have different needs. If they love you, they´ll understand. :) I, for my part, also don´t participate in everything. When I`m tired, I politely excuse myself or go when nobody´s paying attention to me anyways and minding their own business. Do what you enjoy.
I'm a very introverted person, in a family of extroverts. What I do, is letting them know that I treasure the time I spend alone in my room, and I won't give it up for anything. I just explained to them that without that time, I won't be myself, and anything they do or say will be way too overwhelming to me. And most importantly, make sure you plan through your day some alone time, whether is it as soon as you wake up, or late at night just before going to sleep.
Discuss setting up fair boundaries with your family - they may not realize you feel this way - talk about having a 'quiet time' slot.
Just by being honest with them and explaining that you get energy and have fun differently from them, good wind down activities I would recommend are reading, listening to music, cooking and meditation.
A great way to get some alone time I've found is getting out of the house to do hobbies that don't require other people. Simple things like hiking can give you the time alone you desire, and it's also healthy, you see some great things and get some fresh air while you're at it. If you want to remain at home, talking to your family directly could be an option too. Perhaps making them understand that you are more on the introverted side of the spectrum, they will respect your alone time more when you just want to relax alone while at home.
Something that I find that helps is I excuse myself from the room. If I feel overwhelmed by all the attention, I just step out and calm down a bit. People just think you are using the restroom and no one really minds.
Choose activities that force you to be left alone by others like reading or drawing. Also, you can talk to your family and explain to them that having that "alone-time" is just as important to you as spending "familiy-time" for your extroverted Family.
I can relate to this on so many levels. Here’s a very common answer you’ve probably gotten a few times, but let me be basic. Bathrooms!! Bathrooms SAVE me. Mainly at school because I don’t go to parties. Nobody can deny you the right to go to the bathroom. When I’m feeling anxious or overwhelmed I just go to the bathroom. I hide out in a stall for a few minutes to take a breather. Then get back. If you can’t get to a bathroom no need to worry. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Once you’ve felt relief open back up. Do this as many times as you need to. Another idea is... if you have a friend around, tell them how your feeling. They can always help you! Or message me:)
I can only speak for myself - create your own alone space, even if it's at the cost of not telling everyone where it is. As a child, I strategically "built" my own space - it was the back of a long closet that ran underneath the stairs. I went there when I wanted to be alone and read and just be in my own thoughts. It wasn't until after I was an adult that I finally confessed up to it and explained why I did what I did. So make that space for you - even if it's just some cushions in the bottom of the closet to hang out for 20 minutes.
Aha this is very important! Since I'm an introvert in a very very extroverted and noisy + nosy family. First thing first, allow yourself to have some personal space or me-time in quiet mode regularly. Set the time at the very least an hour per day by yourself, whether inside your bedroom, alone at the porch, or going on for a walk to have an ice cream or sit in the park. Whatever works best for you. Second, you can always try to do something that required alone time, such as meditation, write in a journal, or as simple as having yourself in the bathroom. Set the timer if you're comfortable with it, but I recommend doing things that you like whenever you can squeeze some time for yourself. It's necessary, and I encourage you to always make a way to do that. You got this!
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