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How can I make my family understand that I'm not seeking attention and just trying to get the help I need?

165 Answers
Last Updated: 03/17/2022 at 10:26am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
WonderfulLlama93
August 27th, 2016 4:21am
I had a similar issue, they didn't believe me, so they didn't give me the help I could've gotten. You have to be very serious lay out the proof and the facts... but as horrible as it is, sometimes they still won't believe you, or they don't want to maybe because it gives them a burden, or they don't want to accept it.
plushLily14
October 7th, 2018 3:52pm
Feeling unable to ask for help, or talk about our feelings, due to the fear of being labelled as attention seeking, can be life-threatening. It can be easy to dismiss feelings like “nobody cares about me”. In fact, paying attention to things like this, and asking for support then these feelings, provides space and opportunity to open up. Talking about your feelings in an open and non-judgemental way, can save your own life. You need that attention and support, and, if you get it, you may feel more able to talk about our feelings next time and ask for help sooner.
Anonymous
July 1st, 2016 10:13am
Hmm well telling them about the situations that have distressed you, how you feel or felt, may work. Such as, if you are suffering from depression you can tell them about the times depression has affected you badly and prevented you doing certain things. I think showing them that you really are in need of help by explaining what is causing you to feel this way may help them to understand your situation. I hope this helps :)
CheerGirl23
July 1st, 2016 8:45am
I think the way you discuss this is important. First of all, it's great that you're seeking help. That is awesome, and I'm proud of you. The more attention your request for help draws, the less likely they will take it seriously. By this I mean that screaming, yelling, crying, or cussing excessively can all give the appearance of attention seeking. I would recommend keeping the conversation calm and focused on the issues. A detailed plan would also help show how serious you are about getting help and take the burden of planning off them.
GrapeExpectations
July 5th, 2016 8:39pm
In my situation, I had to come to terms with knowing they just won't understand. If this is the case you can't focus on them thinking you're trying to get attention and instead build a support group around you of family members and friends that do understand and will help you get the help you need.
HopieRemi
July 10th, 2016 9:27pm
It can be frustrating when your family doesn't believe that you need help and thinks you are just seeking attention. You can try to bring brochures that discuss what you have, and calmly tell them the reasons why you believe you need help.
Greatlistener87
July 1st, 2016 2:41am
Maybe u will need to sit them down and tell them that on a serious note that you really need the help. You might have to explain to them just how serious ur situation is and how much help u need for it.
peacefulkat
April 5th, 2017 4:59am
By explaining to them how you feel and why you are coming to them. Tell them why you are talking to them and why you are doing this, let them know that you do not want attention but instead closure and guidance.
Anonymous
July 24th, 2016 10:29pm
One thing that I've learnt is that you can't force somebody to see you need help. If your family thinks you are an attention seeker you can explain to them that you're not attention seeking and you need help. If they don't believe you.. they have no care about your well being. You need to seek help independently. If you are able to legally move away and have the capital to move then forget your family and move away. Find a good community of friends to call family.
Anonymous
January 10th, 2020 5:33pm
My suggestion would to continue to be consistent and persistent about it until hopefully they finally listen to you. Hopefully at some point they will realize that you aren't "attention-seeking" like they currently are choosing to believe and eventually realize you are honestly getting help because you actually need it for your health. It might help to explain why you are getting help if it isn't too much of a trigger or trauma for you. But it does help to keep in mind that some people - no matter how hard you try - just never seem able to get it.
ams96
April 22nd, 2017 5:12pm
Unfortunately, I've seen this a ton of times. Parents usually think their children just want attention when they truly need help. Sit your parents/family down and tell them that it is not a cry for attention - it's a cry for help. Tell them everything you're going through, and that you really wish they would see that and get you the help you require and deserve.
Anonymous
August 6th, 2016 4:12am
Try to approach your family when you are calm and speak to them about this issue again. You can rephrase the same question into something like: "Hey, family. I really need to speak with you. I'm sorry if you think I'm seeking attention, but I'd really just some help. Can we please talk about this?" Try to continue speaking calmly even in the face of adversity or misunderstanding. The more honest you are, the better chance they may have of understanding that you are serious. If you continue to have no luck with your immediate family, try reaching out to distant family for assistance, a friend, a school counselor, a kind therapist, or even a local hotline. There may also be anonymous support groups in your area depending on the concern you have. You deserve to be in a supportive environment. Keep seeking help.
Kudos
July 22nd, 2016 7:25pm
I openly displayed my emotions to one family member at a time, from the ones i thought would be most understanding through to the least. Gradually their support came when they realised it wasn't mere theatrics, but my actual well being. Having the support of one makes it easier for the next, like a domino effect.
SmolAlien
July 13th, 2016 4:50am
Sit them down and make them listen to you. Give them all the facts, or ask them what you need to do to make them believe you actually need help.
Anonymous
July 6th, 2016 8:13pm
There are many ways you can make your family understand that you're not seeking for attention, and trying to seek for help. Have them understand that you need help, and seeking attention isn't what you're trying to do. Address the issue to your family in a calm way, and try to explain as much as possible to them, as you can't really change the way your family thinks.
ladycat946
July 5th, 2016 9:17am
You could write them a letter, sometimes it helps because you can think about what you are going to say, and how to say it etc. You can tell them you are talking to them that way because you trust them, not because you want to bother them or to seeking attention.
Kayaondra02
July 11th, 2018 1:06am
Maybe instead of telling them you need help, show them. (If that makes sense..😂) Show them/give them reasons
Anonymous
July 8th, 2018 7:37pm
There are too many people in the world who are skeptical of mental health, and I can tell you from personal experience that it's very damaging. My parents never believed me, but I managed to get another relative to after really educating them on mental illness through online videos and articles.
Anonymous
July 12th, 2018 3:46am
Explain to them exactly what you're going through or maybe tell a guidance counselor to set up a meeting for them to understand
ArcaneSystem
July 15th, 2018 7:02pm
When you request help, tell them what you are facing in a short concise way. Extra details can confuse the family member and if you make it sound like a story, than they will only see it as that: a story.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2018 3:35am
The best thing to do is to be as serious as possibly with them. A good option is to tell them that you actually need professional help and that this is not a simple act of attention seeking.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2018 4:47pm
Everyone needs to be able to get the help they need . Sometimes when we act out , it's a cry for help . Family needs to understand that we have problems to and go through a lot . Family need to be there for you when you are having a tough time .
cherryblossomsss
August 22nd, 2018 2:37am
One of the best things to do is find an opportunity to sit down with your family and express to them what you are feeling. If they aren’t willing to make time for that, you still should try to sit down with them. Mentioning some forms of help that are available to you like perhaps therapy or anything of the sort would also be beneficial and hopefully your family would be willing to hear you out. Try to be as honest as possible about what you are feeling, you deserve the chance to get help and it’s good that you’re reaching out.
bria529
September 21st, 2018 12:06am
You should sit your family down and take them through a day in your life. 1. Explain your trials and errors - tell them what you have tried and what is not working. Show that it is not attention seeking, however, necessary for the next step. 2. Express to them your triumphs - These do not show you are not in need of help, but help is not a cry for attention. It is a winning component of success. 3. Take control of the situation and tell them what you need and what you expect from the help you want to receive.
Pinkypromise14
February 13th, 2019 4:31pm
Explaining it in these exact words, I believe. If your parents think you are seeking attention you could explain your problems to them. Parents want the best for us, yet they sometimes judge our behavior wrong, on us is to clarify it and if that isn't enough, say it in clear words. When they see we mean it seriously, they will help. But if they don't, there is always someone that will. Hope this helped a at least a little bit. Be honest with people and be honest to yourself. Good and helpful people will show up and give you a hand to raise.☺
AnnieBE
June 27th, 2019 5:39pm
You can’t make someone understand anything if they’re not willing or able to shift their view. It can be frustrating when your family doesn’t see your need or doesn’t try to help. At times like this, you can help yourself by finding effective outside resources. Meantime, stop trying to get reinforcement from your family. It’s common to try, which is part of being human, but people don’t change without willingness. There are other ways to find support outside your family. I don’t know your age, or what help you need. Usually, school counselors are available if you’re in primary or secondary education. They can provide additional direction. Sometimes the County provides a variety of social services to help people of any age make a plan, and take a next step. You might also find legitimate support groups online with people who deal with the same issues. It takes courage to ask for help! There are people and places out there to give it. Please don’t give up if you don’t find the right fit at first. It takes time to figure out what works best for you!
Baileycross
June 16th, 2019 4:16am
Sit them down and let them know you need to have a serious conversation. Being completely honest is the best way to handle this. It can be really hard to put yourself out there especially when asking for help.. but stick to your words and be confident. Tell them in which ways you have tried to help yourself. If you can do that, I’m sure they will see that you have been struggling and they will be willing to help. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s actually very brave and takes a lot of courage. If you are able to communicate clearly, your parents will have no choice but to respect your words and help you get back on a path that works best for you.
SunshineKrys
March 7th, 2019 10:09pm
Just do your best to be open and honest with them. If you can, try and explain how you are feeling and why you need the help you are seeking. Letting them in may not only help them understand but as well open doors to the help you need that you did not have access to before hand. Often we can close up when we are dealing with things and hurting. I personally have a hard time letting others see me when I feel I am at my weakest. Its hard to open up when you feel no one understands but you will be surprised. Remember it takes a lot of courage to reach out and get help, but things can be so much easier with the right help and support. Your family is not you, they do not and cannot know how you feel and what you are dealing with unless you tell them. Just do your best to explain. I greatly hope they can learn and come to understand and be supportive in your search for help.
Anonymous
March 6th, 2019 12:21am
Honesty and trust are 2 very important factors when trying to prove you're not trying to get attention. Be very up front and honest about how you feel, and why you need help. If you lied in the past to get attention, acknowledge it to show that you take responsibility for past actions. Explain that this time is different, and be very specific about what you need. Sometimes people want to help but just don't know what to do. Make it as easy as possible to help them help you. Lastly, you may need to get support from somewhere else if your family can't provide it. Luckily, there are many places to get help today, in person and online. Don't give up!
tayrosespaz
February 18th, 2022 5:29pm
Sometimes families don't understand what we might be going through. It's important to communicate with family members clearly, directly, and authentically. Try to calmly explain to them what is going on inside and why you feel like you need support outside of the family. No one knows your body and mind better than you do. Sometimes families get uncomfortable when we express that we aren't feeling okay, but just remind them that it is always okay to not be okay. Taking care of our mental health is extremely important in order to show up for ourselves, and also our loved ones. By getting yourself help, you are also helping those around you.