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What do I do if my father thinks I hate him even after I told him I don't?

192 Answers
Last Updated: 09/17/2020 at 3:59am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Sarah Robb, LISW-S (Licencsed Independent Social Worker, Supervisor Designation) and LICDC (Licenced Chemical Dependency Counselor)

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. Life poses many challenges. Learning to face, cope with, and resolve these challenges can increase our resilience.

Top Rated Answers
July 1st, 2016 2:58am
Actions speaks louder than words. Don't just tell him that you love him, show him that through your gestures.:)
June 13th, 2017 10:12pm
Hey :) When words fail action speaks. Sweet little gestures to let him know that you care for him and love him will really help. For example, ask him if he needs some help with his work and show willingness to help him out and do it, offer him water/tea/coffee (might sound small but little things often occupy biggest part of our heart) , sit with him and spend quality time with him, be his friend. I'm sure your father will realize that you do love him :) Parents are grown up kids just like us. They need and deserve special attention, love and care. Everything will be okay :) Have a happy family time :)
April 28th, 2018 4:05pm
Keep telling him that you don’t hate him and maybe show that you don’t by doing something for him.
July 5th, 2016 12:42am
I agree with the earlier comment. Show him how you feel... It may be difficult because you feel some distance between you both, But ultimately you both want the same thing. To be loved and understood by each other.....
July 1st, 2016 8:36pm
Try and spend some quality time with him, doing something you both enjoy. Act genuine so he knows you care. Make him feel valid and tell him that you love him. But try not to make it seem over exaggerated and like your faking it.
July 15th, 2016 2:25am
The best thing to do is sit your father down and ask him why does he think that you hate him and assure him that you don't hate him and maybe do things with him
July 17th, 2016 5:45pm
Maybe he blames himself for something he did for what you may hate him and he can't imagine you wouldn't.
July 10th, 2016 9:26pm
You could try to figure out why your father thinks you hate him and see if it is possible to show him rather than tell him that you love him.
July 13th, 2016 6:30pm
Try hanging out with him more and show love and support. Invite him to events and do fun activities.
July 5th, 2016 3:42am
I agree with dreamJoy41 in principle, but I think "quality" needs to be seriously discussed on both sides. Why does your father think you hate him? Has he told you so, directly? Do you feel a disconnect you can't explain? Communication is key in *all* relationships. I suggest you think on your relationship with your father for a day or so, and pay special attention to the thought process you have that makes you want to cry. "I feel like I'm disappointing you." "I feel like you don't listen to me." "I feel like things have changed between us, and I'm confused about why." Finding the root cause of the feeling is usually the hard part. Once you've found it, the rest gets easy. You simply need to think about the best way to explain your feeling to him. Communicate it in a way that he would understand, without snuffing the feeling that makes you want to say it.
July 6th, 2016 8:43pm
There's not much you can do to change his mind. Some people can be very stubborn. All you can do is show your love for him and show him respect. Show it through your actions.
July 6th, 2016 10:29pm
If your father believes you hate him but you don't, not only should you reassure him that you love him but show him that you love him. Show him by randomly spending time and bonding with him, do a random act of kindness for him to show your appreciation etc.
July 10th, 2016 6:50pm
Words and actions are two very different things that have very different meanings. You can't just tell him that you don't hate him and expect him to believe you. Your best chance at improving his thoughts on how you feel about him would be to show him. Do things that help him really see and believe that you don't hate him.
July 29th, 2018 12:09am
Actions speak louder than words. Find out why he thinks you hate him, and try to figure out how you can change that behavior.
April 2nd, 2020 3:43pm
This is a very subjective situation, and as I have not experienced it I cannot give you advice on what to do. But it may be in your best interest (seeing as he isn't convinced through you telling him) to try alternative methods of convincing him. Maybe try helping him out with something, or asking to spend time with him - not for any objective, but just enjoy each other's company. SHOW him you love him (or at least don't hate him). It may also be worth looking back at your interactions/experiences with him to see if there's any particular reason he's so inclined to believe you hate him. It could just be a misunderstanding, you know? Either way, I wish you the best of luck!
July 14th, 2016 3:49pm
I think the saying actions speak louder than words truly applies here. Just try spending more time with him and go above and beyond with the little things.
July 17th, 2016 6:12pm
Try to show him that you don't hate him, things you do may convince him more than words did. If that fails, try to confront him and have a conversation. He is your father, and it seems like something between you two happened, so he thinks you hate him. He wouldn't act badly, or say something wrong while you two talk, especially if it's something personal. So i believe that if you try to do something like this, he can realise that you don't hate him. Good luck :)
July 22nd, 2016 3:18am
I would say actions speak louder than words and to show him that you would enjoy spending time with him and being around him.
July 22nd, 2016 11:17pm
Try to show him that you love and communicate more and keep telling him you love him until he understands perhaps just asking why he feels like he does
July 23rd, 2016 3:34pm
Never told him you love him or hate him. Just show it. If he still think you hate him, then maybe you didn't care about him too much
July 28th, 2016 12:44am
You should show him you love him, take him out to his favourite diner, buy him a present, take him to see his favourite sports team play live, something that shows you care
July 28th, 2016 1:56am
I went through the same situation with my father. I asked him to go to lunch with me one day just to sit down and talk, which ended up turning into an unplanned road trip for the weekend. I would call it a father/daughter weekend. It was fun and made it into a more common thing. Sometimes all that needs to happen is a good, long talk and some bonding time. :)
July 28th, 2016 10:42pm
Well then tell him reason why you dont hate him and show him eays you care for your Dad hopefully he undersands then
July 29th, 2016 2:12pm
It sounds like there is some miscommunication between you and your father. Have you considered asking him why he thinks you hate him?
August 2nd, 2016 5:01am
Spend more time with him. Do things with him that people would never do with someone they hate. Show him how much you care for him.
August 4th, 2016 7:21pm
Try your best to show him instead. It sounds cliché but actions do speak louder than words sometimes.
August 6th, 2016 7:25am
This is where the saying 'Action speaks louder than words' come into play. Sometimes people need more than just the words to assure them. And even actions sometimes don't help, but be patient and keep showing the love.
August 6th, 2016 9:38am
It could be that he interprets your actions as being a consequence of his actions, or maybe he's feeling guilty about something that he did?
August 6th, 2016 7:14pm
Sit down and talk to him truthfully and respectfully. Explain your worries and feelings and try to negotiate.
August 6th, 2016 9:33pm
Maybe do something to show him just how much you care, and try to reinforce the fact that you don't hate him by doing little things as often as possible.