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What do I do if my father thinks I hate him even after I told him I don't?

233 Answers
Last Updated: 06/03/2022 at 7:52pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Melissa Strauss, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am client focused and believe everyone has a strength. I feel confident in seeing clients with generalized and social anxiety, depression and relational goals.

Top Rated Answers
dreamJoy41
July 1st, 2016 2:58am
Actions speaks louder than words. Don't just tell him that you love him, show him that through your gestures.:)
PacifierAngelofHearts
June 13th, 2017 10:12pm
Hey :) When words fail action speaks. Sweet little gestures to let him know that you care for him and love him will really help. For example, ask him if he needs some help with his work and show willingness to help him out and do it, offer him water/tea/coffee (might sound small but little things often occupy biggest part of our heart) , sit with him and spend quality time with him, be his friend. I'm sure your father will realize that you do love him :) Parents are grown up kids just like us. They need and deserve special attention, love and care. Everything will be okay :) Have a happy family time :)
CassCollins15
July 1st, 2016 8:36pm
Try and spend some quality time with him, doing something you both enjoy. Act genuine so he knows you care. Make him feel valid and tell him that you love him. But try not to make it seem over exaggerated and like your faking it.
OneMomentInHerPresence
April 28th, 2018 4:05pm
Keep telling him that you don’t hate him and maybe show that you don’t by doing something for him.
ThaliaRaven
July 17th, 2016 5:45pm
Maybe he blames himself for something he did for what you may hate him and he can't imagine you wouldn't.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2016 2:25am
The best thing to do is sit your father down and ask him why does he think that you hate him and assure him that you don't hate him and maybe do things with him
SilentHelper1
July 5th, 2016 12:42am
I agree with the earlier comment. Show him how you feel... It may be difficult because you feel some distance between you both, But ultimately you both want the same thing. To be loved and understood by each other.....
Textingpals
October 31st, 2020 5:44am
Small ups and downs are normal in any relationship. What I believe is, where there is love and care, there is hatred and anger as well. Maybe due to some recent arguments, your father thinks you dislike him. That's not true, is what I gather from your question. In such case, how about you try to show them that you care and love them? Small and tender acts of showing affection helps smooth out things. Try to appreciate their efforts with a 'thank you' and 'you are great' more often. Try to compliment them once in a while. Try to replenish your relationship. Cook their favourite dish or bake something they like, if you can. Since, it is said that the path of the heart goes right through the stomach. Impress the stomach, gain the heart. You can also do tiny acts-which shows you care- here and there.
shaquilleoatmeal
July 29th, 2018 12:09am
Actions speak louder than words. Find out why he thinks you hate him, and try to figure out how you can change that behavior.
MouseS
April 2nd, 2020 3:43pm
This is a very subjective situation, and as I have not experienced it I cannot give you advice on what to do. But it may be in your best interest (seeing as he isn't convinced through you telling him) to try alternative methods of convincing him. Maybe try helping him out with something, or asking to spend time with him - not for any objective, but just enjoy each other's company. SHOW him you love him (or at least don't hate him). It may also be worth looking back at your interactions/experiences with him to see if there's any particular reason he's so inclined to believe you hate him. It could just be a misunderstanding, you know? Either way, I wish you the best of luck!
HopieRemi
July 10th, 2016 9:26pm
You could try to figure out why your father thinks you hate him and see if it is possible to show him rather than tell him that you love him.
Anonymous
July 13th, 2016 6:30pm
Try hanging out with him more and show love and support. Invite him to events and do fun activities.
MarkD
July 5th, 2016 3:42am
I agree with dreamJoy41 in principle, but I think "quality" needs to be seriously discussed on both sides. Why does your father think you hate him? Has he told you so, directly? Do you feel a disconnect you can't explain? Communication is key in *all* relationships. I suggest you think on your relationship with your father for a day or so, and pay special attention to the thought process you have that makes you want to cry. "I feel like I'm disappointing you." "I feel like you don't listen to me." "I feel like things have changed between us, and I'm confused about why." Finding the root cause of the feeling is usually the hard part. Once you've found it, the rest gets easy. You simply need to think about the best way to explain your feeling to him. Communicate it in a way that he would understand, without snuffing the feeling that makes you want to say it.
SilentSerenityy
July 6th, 2016 8:43pm
There's not much you can do to change his mind. Some people can be very stubborn. All you can do is show your love for him and show him respect. Show it through your actions.
Flawlessinsanity21
July 10th, 2016 6:50pm
Words and actions are two very different things that have very different meanings. You can't just tell him that you don't hate him and expect him to believe you. Your best chance at improving his thoughts on how you feel about him would be to show him. Do things that help him really see and believe that you don't hate him.
Anonymous
January 13th, 2021 3:48pm
There's clearly been a misunderstanding, perhaps you could sit down and talk to him about how you feel, and listen to what he feels. If telling him doesn't work, maybe you could try showing him that you love and care from him. I think the best thing for you to do is be open and honest on a day-to-day basis; hopefully he'll understand that you do love him. Maybe your dad is afraid and paranoid that he isn't being the best dad for you. If you try to see it from his point of view, maybe that could help you understand a bit better. Try also considering why he thinks you hate him - is it what you say or do?
motioninpositivedirection
February 9th, 2020 6:30pm
in my opinion, I find that the best way to prove anything is proving it by actions. find what he loves and do it or give it to him. giving him presents also is something to be noticed. there are some ppl have low self-worth and think that everyone hates them. and they most look at most details, so if there would be any small change in your actions, they will think you don't like them.so you would also need to be careful, and sometimes some explanations would help.so in summary : show love and care and prove them by actions.
Anonymous
December 2nd, 2020 10:00pm
On some situations we don't consider the weight or the impact our words have in someone when we speak out of anger. I would say that we speak in those moments without considering the consequences and we say things we regret later on because at the moment it seemed as the right thing to say to make us feel better, but in reality it's not. Even if you apologized to others, that other person is still tasting the bitter of those spoken words. If your father thinks you have that kind of feelings toward him you could do something nice for him, something that could show him how much you want your relationship to be in good terms with him. I don't know how his personality it's or the kind of things he likes but I think you know that better, thus you could do something that could make him happy. Think what you could do to make him feel better, sometimes the key to things it's in the little details. Do something nice where you can show to him how much you love him. Actions speak louder than words!
Anonymous
July 29th, 2016 2:12pm
It sounds like there is some miscommunication between you and your father. Have you considered asking him why he thinks you hate him?
Anonymous
July 6th, 2016 10:29pm
If your father believes you hate him but you don't, not only should you reassure him that you love him but show him that you love him. Show him by randomly spending time and bonding with him, do a random act of kindness for him to show your appreciation etc.
TheCup5893
April 27th, 2018 10:54pm
I'm so sorry your father thinks that about you. It must be so painful for the both of you. And my heart goes out to you and your family. In my opinion, a pacient conversation works like nothing else. Please ask him for his reasons. And give him your opinions. I really hope it works. :) Good luck. :)
Anonymous
December 15th, 2018 9:12pm
Try to bond more with your father. It is important to try to see each other more find a reason to see him. Try to make him feel that he means to you alot. Take him out for a walk and keep talking about anything makes you both happy. Or about the issue that is making the trouble. With some activities and bonding some how it might work. You have to keep on trying.. sometimes things in life happens fpr a reason but we have to always try to know whtat going on amd reasons behind it and i hope all will be fine.
Anonymous
July 13th, 2019 5:19am
Maybe do something to really show that you love him, something that would make him feel really loved and encouraged. You could also apologize for doing anything that could have hurt him and made him feel this way towards you. It's always hard trying to change a family member's opinions or emotions remember that he is hurting right now and can be sensitive about it. This will be a process and you have to remember that it will all be worth it when he realizes how much you actually love him. I really hope that this helps a little bit!
FawkesCare12
June 15th, 2019 1:01pm
Well, there are things within your control and some are not. You have told him you don't hate him anymore but until he realizes that's true and feels it for himself, he is not going to believe it. And the thing is, how he feels and what he chooses to believe, is outside your control. Because maybe if he was the one in the wrong, it's not just about you saying you don't hate him. He needs to forgive himself and let go of the guilt. Sometimes, we tend to punish our own selves. Now from your side, you need to ask whether you truly have forgiven him or do not hate him anymore. Because while your words say so maybe your actions and the way you behave with him are not in sync. And speaking of actions, that is something you can do from your part. Show him that you like him now.
Anonymous
May 25th, 2019 2:03pm
Actions do more than words. I think you need to show your father that you love him with small meaningful repetitive actions. Learn what he likes and cares for and show that you care about it. Small gestures will become more powerful than words because he might think you dislike him from years accumulation of everything that happened before. So try to find out why he might think you dislike him. If you have no idea, ask him why he thinks you dislike him, communication and honesty can come a long way. Be honest and genuine and he will tell, talk to him and also do something to show him you care.
Anonymous
January 25th, 2019 12:02am
This is a situation where it would help to show him your love instead of only telling him. Telling him was a good start but I think you should do something to show him how true what you said is. Find out what he loves and work with that. He loves food? - cook him a new recipe He likes 80s movies? - Take him to a film festival or do a movie evening Still tell him you love him, words are worth a lot but if you see he has trouble to trust you, show your love. If you stay by his side and support him he will notice.
Anonymous
April 8th, 2020 7:55am
i feel this is causing you great sadness.. asked why your father thinks you hate you? why do you think your father thinks of you? do you think you can talk to your dad about this question? I hear that this causes difficulty for you. what do you think, how your father says it why this? you can formulate it? should he want us to test what it would say to his father if he would talk with him about this problem?what would ask from his father? what would say to his father as an answer? what it desires his father? what it would like to attain in connection with his father?
UWantTheScoop
December 22nd, 2018 12:28am
If I was in the same situation, rather than telling him this I'd show him through actions. Sometimes words are not enough to satisfy and there are many other ways to show your true feelings towards someone. Maybe your father is insecure and is seeking for extra reassurance, sometimes all someone needs to feel better is acknowledgement and to know that they are not alone. It's helpful to tell someone who thinks you hate them that you don't, but if the feeling lingers I'd try other possible ways and see how it goes from there. Hope for the absolute best.
tonimaccaroni
May 15th, 2019 9:16am
You could ask him why he thinks that way and what kind of behavior made him come to this conclusion. I’ve been in similar situations where I’ve felt unloved even though the other person kept saying I was wrong about that, and specifying what kind of actions or statements made me feel the way they did really gave the other person the opportunity to understand my feelings and change their behavior accordingly, even though it was never meant to hurt me in the first place. After that, my relationship with that person greatly improved, communicating your feelings really does help.
Anonymous
January 27th, 2019 12:36pm
Show him that you don't hate him! If you know that you don't hate your father, so don't let that comments make you sad or anxious. You love your father! Show him how much you love him, give him some hugs, tell him more that you love him, and that kind of stuffs! Give him some gifts, make him a letter saying how much you love him (That kind of stuffs make the parents feel better), ask him how was his day, try to help him when he's doing something in the house, or something like that! Good luck!