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What do I do if my father thinks I hate him even after I told him I don't?

205 Answers
Last Updated: 03/18/2021 at 5:57pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Melissa Strauss, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am client focused and believe everyone has a strength. I feel confident in seeing clients with generalized and social anxiety, depression and relational goals.

Top Rated Answers
dreamJoy41
July 1st, 2016 2:58am
Actions speaks louder than words. Don't just tell him that you love him, show him that through your gestures.:)
Anonymous
June 13th, 2017 10:12pm
Hey :) When words fail action speaks. Sweet little gestures to let him know that you care for him and love him will really help. For example, ask him if he needs some help with his work and show willingness to help him out and do it, offer him water/tea/coffee (might sound small but little things often occupy biggest part of our heart) , sit with him and spend quality time with him, be his friend. I'm sure your father will realize that you do love him :) Parents are grown up kids just like us. They need and deserve special attention, love and care. Everything will be okay :) Have a happy family time :)
OneMomentInHerPresence
April 28th, 2018 4:05pm
Keep telling him that you don’t hate him and maybe show that you don’t by doing something for him.
CassCollins15
July 1st, 2016 8:36pm
Try and spend some quality time with him, doing something you both enjoy. Act genuine so he knows you care. Make him feel valid and tell him that you love him. But try not to make it seem over exaggerated and like your faking it.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2016 2:25am
The best thing to do is sit your father down and ask him why does he think that you hate him and assure him that you don't hate him and maybe do things with him
SilentHelper1
July 5th, 2016 12:42am
I agree with the earlier comment. Show him how you feel... It may be difficult because you feel some distance between you both, But ultimately you both want the same thing. To be loved and understood by each other.....
ThaliaRaven
July 17th, 2016 5:45pm
Maybe he blames himself for something he did for what you may hate him and he can't imagine you wouldn't.
MarkD
July 5th, 2016 3:42am
I agree with dreamJoy41 in principle, but I think "quality" needs to be seriously discussed on both sides. Why does your father think you hate him? Has he told you so, directly? Do you feel a disconnect you can't explain? Communication is key in *all* relationships. I suggest you think on your relationship with your father for a day or so, and pay special attention to the thought process you have that makes you want to cry. "I feel like I'm disappointing you." "I feel like you don't listen to me." "I feel like things have changed between us, and I'm confused about why." Finding the root cause of the feeling is usually the hard part. Once you've found it, the rest gets easy. You simply need to think about the best way to explain your feeling to him. Communicate it in a way that he would understand, without snuffing the feeling that makes you want to say it.
SilentSerenityy
July 6th, 2016 8:43pm
There's not much you can do to change his mind. Some people can be very stubborn. All you can do is show your love for him and show him respect. Show it through your actions.
Anonymous
July 10th, 2016 9:26pm
You could try to figure out why your father thinks you hate him and see if it is possible to show him rather than tell him that you love him.
Anonymous
July 13th, 2016 6:30pm
Try hanging out with him more and show love and support. Invite him to events and do fun activities.
Textingpals
October 31st, 2020 5:44am
Small ups and downs are normal in any relationship. What I believe is, where there is love and care, there is hatred and anger as well. Maybe due to some recent arguments, your father thinks you dislike him. That's not true, is what I gather from your question. In such case, how about you try to show them that you care and love them? Small and tender acts of showing affection helps smooth out things. Try to appreciate their efforts with a 'thank you' and 'you are great' more often. Try to compliment them once in a while. Try to replenish your relationship. Cook their favourite dish or bake something they like, if you can. Since, it is said that the path of the heart goes right through the stomach. Impress the stomach, gain the heart. You can also do tiny acts-which shows you care- here and there.
Anonymous
July 6th, 2016 10:29pm
If your father believes you hate him but you don't, not only should you reassure him that you love him but show him that you love him. Show him by randomly spending time and bonding with him, do a random act of kindness for him to show your appreciation etc.
Flawlessinsanity21
July 10th, 2016 6:50pm
Words and actions are two very different things that have very different meanings. You can't just tell him that you don't hate him and expect him to believe you. Your best chance at improving his thoughts on how you feel about him would be to show him. Do things that help him really see and believe that you don't hate him.
shaquilleoatmeal
July 29th, 2018 12:09am
Actions speak louder than words. Find out why he thinks you hate him, and try to figure out how you can change that behavior.
motioninpositivedirection
February 9th, 2020 6:30pm
in my opinion, I find that the best way to prove anything is proving it by actions. find what he loves and do it or give it to him. giving him presents also is something to be noticed. there are some ppl have low self-worth and think that everyone hates them. and they most look at most details, so if there would be any small change in your actions, they will think you don't like them.so you would also need to be careful, and sometimes some explanations would help.so in summary : show love and care and prove them by actions.
MouseS
April 2nd, 2020 3:43pm
This is a very subjective situation, and as I have not experienced it I cannot give you advice on what to do. But it may be in your best interest (seeing as he isn't convinced through you telling him) to try alternative methods of convincing him. Maybe try helping him out with something, or asking to spend time with him - not for any objective, but just enjoy each other's company. SHOW him you love him (or at least don't hate him). It may also be worth looking back at your interactions/experiences with him to see if there's any particular reason he's so inclined to believe you hate him. It could just be a misunderstanding, you know? Either way, I wish you the best of luck!
Anonymous
December 2nd, 2020 10:00pm
On some situations we don't consider the weight or the impact our words have in someone when we speak out of anger. I would say that we speak in those moments without considering the consequences and we say things we regret later on because at the moment it seemed as the right thing to say to make us feel better, but in reality it's not. Even if you apologized to others, that other person is still tasting the bitter of those spoken words. If your father thinks you have that kind of feelings toward him you could do something nice for him, something that could show him how much you want your relationship to be in good terms with him. I don't know how his personality it's or the kind of things he likes but I think you know that better, thus you could do something that could make him happy. Think what you could do to make him feel better, sometimes the key to things it's in the little details. Do something nice where you can show to him how much you love him. Actions speak louder than words!
Anonymous
January 13th, 2021 3:48pm
There's clearly been a misunderstanding, perhaps you could sit down and talk to him about how you feel, and listen to what he feels. If telling him doesn't work, maybe you could try showing him that you love and care from him. I think the best thing for you to do is be open and honest on a day-to-day basis; hopefully he'll understand that you do love him. Maybe your dad is afraid and paranoid that he isn't being the best dad for you. If you try to see it from his point of view, maybe that could help you understand a bit better. Try also considering why he thinks you hate him - is it what you say or do?
ColoredPerspective
July 14th, 2016 3:49pm
I think the saying actions speak louder than words truly applies here. Just try spending more time with him and go above and beyond with the little things.
Anonymous
July 17th, 2016 6:12pm
Try to show him that you don't hate him, things you do may convince him more than words did. If that fails, try to confront him and have a conversation. He is your father, and it seems like something between you two happened, so he thinks you hate him. He wouldn't act badly, or say something wrong while you two talk, especially if it's something personal. So i believe that if you try to do something like this, he can realise that you don't hate him. Good luck :)
Anonymous
July 22nd, 2016 3:18am
I would say actions speak louder than words and to show him that you would enjoy spending time with him and being around him.
JustJosphine
July 22nd, 2016 11:17pm
Try to show him that you love and communicate more and keep telling him you love him until he understands perhaps just asking why he feels like he does
Anonymous
July 23rd, 2016 3:34pm
Never told him you love him or hate him. Just show it. If he still think you hate him, then maybe you didn't care about him too much
charlieparlie
July 28th, 2016 12:44am
You should show him you love him, take him out to his favourite diner, buy him a present, take him to see his favourite sports team play live, something that shows you care
ListeningEar924
July 28th, 2016 1:56am
I went through the same situation with my father. I asked him to go to lunch with me one day just to sit down and talk, which ended up turning into an unplanned road trip for the weekend. I would call it a father/daughter weekend. It was fun and made it into a more common thing. Sometimes all that needs to happen is a good, long talk and some bonding time. :)
ItsAlyssa
July 28th, 2016 10:42pm
Well then tell him reason why you dont hate him and show him eays you care for your Dad hopefully he undersands then
Anonymous
July 29th, 2016 2:12pm
It sounds like there is some miscommunication between you and your father. Have you considered asking him why he thinks you hate him?
Anonymous
August 2nd, 2016 5:01am
Spend more time with him. Do things with him that people would never do with someone they hate. Show him how much you care for him.
miraculousBeauty49
August 4th, 2016 7:21pm
Try your best to show him instead. It sounds cliché but actions do speak louder than words sometimes.