How do I tell my parents I don't want to go to church?
Last Updated: 01/23/2021 at 1:31pm
Terrence Sawyer, MS Counseling Psychology
Drug & Alcohol Counselor
Social disorders counseling social psychology, substance use disorder counsel
Top Rated Answers
You can tell them that you feel much better just living your life and finding the truth for yourself instead of going to church and believing something that you do not know for sure if it's really true or not.
There are a couple of things to consider before approaching your parents about this. You may have to get information from your parents in order to know how to proceed. What do your parents get from going to church? Are they deeply spiritual and believe that church provides a path to self-awareness, closeness with God and well-being? Are they part of a culture that demands a presence in church and failure to attend brings on shame? What would they believe the consequences of not going to church would be? The next thing to consider carefully is why you no longer want to go to church. Do you not believe in the specific faith of your parents, but you do hold other important spiritual beliefs that you hope to pursue? Do you have no spiritual belief at all? Do you have spiritual beliefs that do match those of your parents, but something about going to church is very difficult and uncomfortable for you? I recommend sitting down with your parents to have a discussion that covers both topics.
If your family is a traditional christian family, there will be no easy way for you to tell them. What you have to do is sit them down and tell them why you don't wanna go to church and that you will go when u are ready/ if you want to go.
Religion is always a tricky topic. Especially when family truly believes they are creating the best life for you. When you think about speaking up, consider their reaction, and if it's worth it. Sometimes, its great to speak up for yourself. Other times, your best bet is to wait until you're old enough and have the freedom to choose not to attend religious services. This is really a case where you have to decide what is best for you, and accept your answer, even if it is hard. I wish you all the best.
In a private moment, with nothing going on, say: "I'd like to talk to you. I don't want to go to church anymore because ___." Before having this conversation, ask yourself: Why don't you want to go to church anymore? If it's because church makes you feel a certain way - why does church make you feel that way? Continue to think in deeper levels about this subject. This may help you find additional solutions or compromises. Think of possible compromises you would be open to, in case the conversation goes sour. Negotations could be something like "I would be okay going to church only for special holidays," or "I would be okay going to church only once a month," or "I would be okay going to church if I can dress casual." &c. During the conversation, try to remain calm, open-minded, and honest, regardless of their reactions throughout. (One day you will have the freedom to choose not to go to church, but it's possible depending on where you live that your parents may be able to force you until a certain age or circumstance.)
It does depend how old you are and how long you have been going. Also on your reasons for not wanting to go now. If you have been going for a while and the reason you don't want to go is because you have no faith tell your parents and that you feel like a hypocrite going if you don't believe.
Be honest to them about your beliefs and give them reasons as to why you prefer to not go. Religion is a personal choice and shouldn't be influenced by others around you; that includes parents.
Mom/Dad I don't want to go to church because (reason why). I don't mean to offend you or anything. I just don't to cause (summary of reason why.)
You sit down calmly and relaxed you think before you talk and you make sure you tell them from the heart. Because no one should be made to do anything they don't want to do.
This can be a delicate situation depending on your reasons and how your parents are. You want to be respectful but at the same time you want them to respect you. The best way to tell them that you don't want to go to church is to be direct, no cutting around the bush. Assert but no aggression.
It can be difficult, right. We look up to our parents and don't want to disappoint them. But we also have to live our own lives. Why is it that you don't want to go to church anymore?
There is never an easy way to tell your parents that you don't want to go to church, especially if it is a big thing in your family and you're from a religious household. Try sitting them down the day before the church service and explaining to them why you don't and how you are feeling. They might not agree or understand at first, but at least you can say that you communicated with them instead of lying to them and yourself
Perhaps you could just mention that it's not something you feel like doing. I don't know how seriously your family takes their faith or how they will react, but they should respect your desire to not do something you don't feel comfortable with.
You explain to them it doesn't interest you or that you don't understand and it just won't make anything of it taking you there if it won't change you.
I've been there! I would be straight up with them. Tell them how you feel about it and let them know that you mean no disrespect to them or to the church but that it's just not something that you want to do. I'm not sure of your reasoning (whether you just don't enjoy it, you don't feel like you believe the same as them, etc.) but just put things gently so that they know how you really feel and don't think you just wanna back out of it for no reason.
Just be honest with them. Personally I'm agnostic. I don't go to church because I don't believe in anything in particular. I told my mom about 3 years ago I didn't want to participate in church activities anymore. She said that was completely fine. It was my decision and she supported me.
Strongly, firmly, and swiftly. As the muggles say, truth will out. Hold your ground, and don't be too upset if they don't react the way you want them to.
Tell them that you want to explore the world and find out more about faith by not going to church for a while
I think it's important to remember that they will see your personal choice and feelings as a reflection on them and their values ( no matter if that is wrong ) so try to be as calm as you can when breaking the news. It's going to be hard on them to hear and the more calm and respectful you are the more open (hopefully) they will be to listening. Remind them that this is your personal choice and this is a journey you need to make of discovery on your own and you don't think you're going to find it in a Christian church. Remind them that you still need their love and guidance but that you need to find your spiritual needs filled somewhere else and would like their support in finding wherever that might be.
Communicate in a reasonable and logical manner why you don't want to go to church, try not to be overly aggressive and be careful about your tone of voice because that itself can lead to another argument that could snowball into potentially hazardous problems.
Politely and nicely. Try to find as many good reasons as you can and tell them all of them when they're in good mood.
You are free to your own religion, you should just come out and tell them how you feel about it, they should understand
Just speak honestly! You're your own person, and should be allowed to have your own beliefs and values
This can be a tricky one because your parents may want you to keep going to church for a number of different reasons. In my opinion it is best to bring these things up in a calm way rather than during an argument. I would carefully plan out what I would say first, and explain my reasons for not wanting to go. Hopefully your parents will discuss this reasonably with you, and maybe you can compromise on it if they don't outright agree, for example going once a month rather than every week. Good luck :)
You have the right to choose for yourself. Try to explain to them why you don't want to go to church anymore.
Nicely explain it to them. Don’t disrespect there opinions or beliefs. At the same time though don’t sound ashamed. Just explain to them your reasons
It's important to remember that they will see your personal choice and feelings as a reflection on them and their values ( no matter if that is wrong ) so try to be as calm as you can when breaking the news. It's going to be hard on them to hear and the more calm and respectful you are the more open (hopefully) they will be to listening. Remind them that this is your personal choice and this is a journey you need to make of discovery on your own and you don't think you're going to find it in a church. Remind them that you still need their love and guidance but that you need to find your needs filled somewhere else and would like their support in finding wherever that might be.
Tell them calmly and explain to them exactly why it doesn't interest you or why you don't want to go :)
This can be tough if you're coming from a very religious family, but if you're grown enough to make your own choices and make up your mind when it comes to religion, you might consider explaining them that this is not the way you want to experience faith.
It's often very difficult to approach parents about religious differences, but it's also very important to let them know how you're feeling. If you don't risk major repercussions, such as being kicked out of the house and/or shunned by your family/community, it's a good idea to just tell your parents that you don't want to go to church. Otherwise, it might be a good idea to seek the help of another adult you trust in confronting your parents.
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